lolablue17 Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 I think that's what Jeff's nightmare is about the Birthday Party English is not my language I understand i wrote something i didn't mean to. So, how do you say it right? (Please...) Link to post Share on other sites
madjac74 Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 They are too hard on her...no wait thats not good. They came down hard on her...nope thats bad too Anyhoo as a guy with a female bff I have to deal with it all the time. One of her main tests for new dates is to meet me and a lot of them usually assume we are banging and hit the road. It is frustrating for her but as least she can weed them out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 English is not my language I understand i wrote something i didn't mean to. So, how do you say it right? (Please...) It's ok, I knew what you meant. The way it came out was so literally right n the wheelhouse of what many of us have been trying to explain to Heer that I could not pass up the opportunity for levity in the situation. So my apologies to you. I just want to say that what my replies on this thread have been the result at my frustration at Heer's attitude about her predicament. It is a huge trigger for me as what I consider pretty much a common sense solution seems to be escaping her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 They are too hard on her...no wait thats not good. They came down hard on her...nope thats bad too Anyhoo as a guy with a female bff I have to deal with it all the time. One of her main tests for new dates is to meet me and a lot of them usually assume we are banging and hit the road. It is frustrating for her but as least she can weed them out. That must suck. Moline, Rock Island, Davenport, and Bettendorf are depressing enough without having to deal with that. I am originally from the area and it behooved me to run from it like I was running in the Bix Race...lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 English is not my language I understand i wrote something i didn't mean to. So, how do you say it right? (Please...) "I think everyone is coming down hard on her" it's akin to saying 'the rain is coming down hard right now" when it's pouring. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 The thread speaks to a "Hell no". Jeff is just the guy that happens to be there after Dan. I 100% guarantee, Dan is trying to get her in bed. I'd prefer Heer's actual answer to your 'informed speculation' if you don't mind. Link to post Share on other sites
kylle Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Sigh... Jeff is jealous because you're probably showing more effort to please Dan than him. If I'm wrong, then he's a jerk, dump him. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 It was only 3 days ago that he started asking questions about him and that made me feel uncomfortable so I didn't tell him about us cuddling. Thinking backwards I was at his place on Monday night and took a shower there because I just finished going to gym where I left my phone on his table. He started questioning me on Wednesday in a rather confrontational way, a side of him I've never seen before. I changed my password yesterday night on my phone and I have not told him anything about that yet. And yes, I was hurt that he might have looked through my private messages on my phone. I doubt this will matter, but I want to make sure I have the timeline of everything correct. You've known Dan since 4th grade, and while you have flirted with each other and you cuddled when you were 17, you two never dated and are still good friends. Dan has a girlfriend. You met your current boyfriend, liked him, told Dan about him, he was happy for you. You and your boyfriend date for 7 months, growing closer and closer. Meanwhile, you and your boyfriend are Facebook friends, but you have your friend list set to private (which a lot of people do - it's one of the settings people can choose). 3 days ago you left your phone unattended and took a shower at Dan's (or he was at your place). AFTER this, the boyfriend who had never been questioning or confrontational suddenly begins firing questions at you, specifically about THIS one guy. You have answered some but felt uncomfortable answering others. You have spent time with Dan with others, and while you did not list everyone's name, you did tell your boyfriend you were with friends, and Dan was one of those friends. So...3 days ago, your up to now just fine boyfriend started peppering you with questions, and while you have not told a lie, you have not in the last 72 hours told him you cuddled with Dan 2-3 years ago. Why again are so many people calling this poster some kind of cheating liar? Is it because her boyfriend snooped on the phone of a woman he has known less than a year who he is not even married to and now he is suspicious? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Let's just say that the lack of transparency is what is causing her problems. If she doesn't want to be transparent, then dont' be in a relationship with a guy who does and don't act like you don't know what the problems is when you've spelled out what the problem is in your first post. What is clear in her post is that he felt something was going on that drove him to check her phone. Snooping is bad, I don't condone it and don't have nice things to say about those who do, yet plenty of women snoop when they feel something is not right in their relationships. Why wouldn't a guy do the same if he's feeling that things aren't adding up and he can't get a straight answer? I'm not about to give her a pass on behavior that a guy would be excoriated over. If he is a priority to her, then she needs to act like it. If he's not, then she needs to tell him that he doesn't rank high enough for that kind of transparency--IOW: be upfront and honest about her intention so he can make an informed decision on whether it's worth his time to stay or leave. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 I think what some are saying is that he should trust her blindly even when her actions prove otherwise. From what she is telling us, he has nothing to worry about, and from her words I think we can mostly agree. However her actions don't match her words and its clear that he also see it that way thus the snooping. Heer simply doesn't get it. Its not like she is hanging out with the girls, she is hanging out with a guy in which there is (or has been) romantic interest and sexual tension. She knows its no 100% innocent which is why she omits information and is upset by the snooping. The fact that she is so unwilling to dial back the time and attention she gives this other guy feeds into her BF's insecurities about that relationship yet she sees herself as innocent and that not being part of the issue, it appears that in her mind the issue is that he isn't willing to accept the fact that she is doing it. What I don't understand is what's the point in staying in this relationship if she is unwilling to compromise enough to make him feel safe and comfortable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heer Posted August 29, 2015 Author Share Posted August 29, 2015 Hi everyone, I've been really depressed lately and feel really down:( Sorry for keeping you guy in the dark but I just told my bf that I needed some space and probably time for me to focus more on school, since the semester is starting soon. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Very sad for the BF Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Hi everyone, I've been really depressed lately and feel really down:( Sorry for keeping you guy in the dark but I just told my bf that I needed some space and probably time for me to focus more on school, since the semester is starting soon. Thanks Hang in there hon. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Hi everyone, I've been really depressed lately and feel really down:( Sorry for keeping you guy in the dark but I just told my bf that I needed some space and probably time for me to focus more on school, since the semester is starting soon. Thanks Heer, I know you have taken a beating on this thread, especially since your first recent update. Again I admit I was very harsh on you, and it was nothing personal. Frankly, your Thread was really triggery for me, as I think it may have been or a few others as well. So I apologise if what I was saying to you came across as awful, or uncaring. I was on the receiving end of an experience much like this by my fiance many years ago. The end result was a complete disaster that became a life changing event for 3 people. When many of us reply to these threads, we reply not only from a position of previous experience, but especially in this section of LS at times from a position of hurt. I do have to credit you for putting your life out on Front Street here. That is always a scary proposition, even on an anonymous internet board. It takes a lot of courage to do so. That being said, I think you probably did the right thing here by taking a break. I don't think the situation you found yourself in was even going to pan out any other way than this. Relationships take a lot of work. Constant work, and communication. Maybe in the end you 2 were simply looking for different things and had different priorities. I won't drone on about it other than to say, that even though I'm sure it was a difficult decision, that in the future, you will see you probably made the right one today. Best of luck in the future, and if you Really are from GTA please feel free to kill me all you want on GTA online...lol Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 (edited) Hi everyone, I've been really depressed lately and feel really down:( Sorry for keeping you guy in the dark but I just told my bf that I needed some space and probably time for me to focus more on school, since the semester is starting soon. Thanks Why don't you break up with him? You may not realise, but "space" is an unfair situation which you can check out from the relationship, but your bf cannot because he is waiting, hoping, expecting you to "find your focus". Release him, let him also checking out... set him free. Even when you feel depressed, you can think of him too, not only about you and your needs. Edited August 29, 2015 by lolablue17 4 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 Since you need some extra space and time to work on school, will you also be taking a break from Dan as well, or just your BF? My guess is Dan doesn't get the boot, just the BF. Do you see why the BF was jealous of him all along? A very well thought out question. Well where is the answer? Link to post Share on other sites
PaperCrane Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 (edited) I think everybody are going down on her too much... She has a friend (Not an Ex, they'd never had sex, or close to it... no kissing or making out), and her boyfriend is a little jealous. In another thread she's admitted that her cuddle times with Dan included "naked cuddles". This hasn't been disclosed 100% to Jeff AFAIK. The reason people are being hard on her is because she won't be honest with the one person in her life she should be fully honest with. Her bf has every right to be upset at how he's being treated. Giving space is probably good, and as far as I'm concerned...it's probably time to decide on a course of action because this isn't going to go away if you just ignore it. Well, I'll stand corrected, the relationship will go away if ignored. Best of luck. I know your intentions are good, but the road to hell is paved with them. Edited August 31, 2015 by PaperCrane Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Hi everyone, I've been really depressed lately and feel really down:( Sorry for keeping you guy in the dark but I just told my bf that I needed some space and probably time for me to focus more on school, since the semester is starting soon. Thanks You need some space... right. "To focus on school." Right. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
patentlyunique Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 I would be very understanding if my bf cuddled with another girl during high school even though it might bother me. Yes it might bother me but highschool was 2.5 years ago and I'm not going to search his phone or pull up history and confront him. He was a different person in highschool just like I was a different person in high school. We were teenagers and now we are adults. Everyone says that "they would understand" if the situations were reversed...but the fact is that they wouldn't. It is easy to say this. Link to post Share on other sites
kylle Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Good, you let the guy go. Now go cuddle with Dan for a few days and see how "platonic" it goes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Good, you let the guy go. Now go cuddle with Dan for a few days and see how "platonic" it goes. Not sure why everyone keeps saying/implying that ....Dan's a cuddle bitch, and cuddle bitches don't get laid. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 why do you have to keep your friends private whom you dont have in common from your bf of seven months.....deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kylle Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 (edited) Not sure why everyone keeps saying/implying that ....Dan's a cuddle bitch, and cuddle bitches don't get laid. Say that to his raging boner poking her from the back Neverthless, I didn't say he would get laid. Edited August 31, 2015 by kylle more info 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Not sure why everyone keeps saying/implying that ....Dan's a cuddle bitch, and cuddle bitches don't get laid. Because in another thread she stated that her cuddle times with Dan included "naked cuddles", making her Dan's ultimate prick tease if they really did not have full on intercourse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kenji_t Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 (edited) "Naked cuddles" sound like snu-snu for me... EDIT: I think Jeff dodged a cannon ball... Edited August 31, 2015 by kenji_t some 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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