Author JennK Posted May 28, 2015 Author Share Posted May 28, 2015 Thanks everyone. I am helping him with his resume now, as he has a job interview later today. I guess whether he stays or go, he'll need money and so will I. Ugh this is so hard and yes, there are SOO many pieces involved 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 We had our last session on Tuesday and at that time he gave him a # to a PTSD counselor . Why does he have PTSD? Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 I kind of agree with the sex thing. You need to see a little more from him. It is important that he knows that you still want to, but your emotional needs are just as important. Cuddle and kiss but draw a line. Stay strong but be smart. Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Great job with the resume. But keep searching for opportunities. By the time he finishes the job interview perhaps you can have a few more for him to look at. Be a team on this. Trust me, if he can breathe a little on this front it will help. Also, once he starts working, he will have to work hard. it will be very nice to come home to a dinner and company. Th8s is not saying that your issues should not be addressed. But a job is REALLY important Link to post Share on other sites
Author JennK Posted May 28, 2015 Author Share Posted May 28, 2015 Why does he have PTSD? He was a police officer for 8 out of our 16 years together, as well as suffers from childhood abuse. He says that there are things that have happened to him in the past that I don't know or even wan't to know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 I am exMilitary and can identify with his childhood issues. I bet that he knew he would lose his job before it happened. Probaly around the time of your seperation. IMHO This man felt like he was losing his mind and his job. One thing that Military and Police value highly is the team. Security is also very important. He has skills, so hopefully the job hunt will be short. you are his security blanket now, even as he is lost. It is also unliky that he will step out on you at this time. He needs a job. Keeping busy is the first thing that one must do to fight PTSD. Stay strong. Best wishes on that interview and your marriage Link to post Share on other sites
Author JennK Posted May 28, 2015 Author Share Posted May 28, 2015 (edited) it will be very nice to come home to a dinner and company. t What did you mean by this sentence? He is not living at our house. Btw, he just came up to my work and I gave him copies of his resume that I fixed for him and he said "thank you for doing this. I really appreciate it"...(like I would have refused to help him?) He also said that he is waiting for the facility to call him back about making his 1st PTSD appt. I think that this is a positive step. Edited May 28, 2015 by JennK Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 I know he isnt living there, but after a hard days work, it may get old coming to a empty apartment and a microwave. Just a opinion. And of course you would have helped with the resume but him Showing you appreciation was a good thing. Small positive steps. Hope he gets the job. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JennK Posted May 29, 2015 Author Share Posted May 29, 2015 My EH text me this morning asking how my night was and of course I asked him the same. He replied that he got some sleep but was stressed about finding a job, stressed about our past, stressed about what's next, and stressed about anything else that I could think of. What are the best ways that I can be supportive to him? I fixed his resume yesterday and he showed appreciation but today is a new day. I stopped bringing "us" up because I know the last thing is wants to think about is what we are going thru right now. But I also want to show him what a great person I am, in hopes that he'll start to miss my companionship and love. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 I also want to show him what a great person I am, in hopes that he'll start to miss my companionship and love. The best way you can do this is to live a happy and independent life, without him. If he sees you happy and having a great life then he will want to be a part of it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 Nothing will make your ex notice you more when you stop paying attention to them. Going out and living a full life on your own is the most beneficial thing you can do for yourself. I hated when other people said it to me, but it was really when kept me going and helped me get over the hump. But here goes: Fake it 'till you make it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 You should do exactly what you are doing. Seperate his stresses and help with the ones that you can. Je/you cant solve everything in one day I don't agree with the kick him to the curb approach, however you do need to set boundries. Let him call/text you. Listen to some things but cut off the venting. Let him know you still love him and want him home. But you are not going to just wait forever and its all in or nothing. Tell him in the future you need to solve your issues together as a team, husband and wife or dont bother. All the issues do not need to be solved. But the agreement to work together needs to be mandatory before you move forwar with him. Start doing fun things that don't cost a lot of money. Let him know but don't invite him. If he ask. Then OK. You are right to not focus on the "us". Let him know that for now, you need to focus on happy tommorows, with him or without. He needs to stop stressing on yesterday's and make better to morrows as should you. IMHO 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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