Husband won't put me on title of our home

[ElinK]

We've been married five years. My husband and I bought our house a year before getting married and he said once we were married he'd put my name on the title. We've had several discussions about adding my name as a joint tenant on the house, he keeps promising but never follows through. He has his own business. I am working on my MS full time and working part time in business development for his company.

 

We have separate financial accounts, his choice. I have access to an account that enough money is deposited for monthly expenses.There is a lot of co-mingling of marital monies with his premarital properties. He continues to promise to open joint accounts so that marital earnings go are kept clean from our separate, premarital accounts. This also hasn't happened as of yet. Our prenup states that once we were married, we will open joint checking and investment accounts. It also states that we would make me joint tenant.

 

I graduate with my Master's in 3 mos and have just started looking for work. He keeps insisting that I continue working for his business and can earn a paycheck (no, I am not getting a paycheck currently for my work at his business but feel I am contributing financially). He rather I work for him than work for another. (Yes, he's type A).

 

This is his first marriage (he's 47yo) and my second (5 years younger than my husband). Again, we've had these conversations, he "forgets" to follow through.

 

I'm wondering where I should deposit paychecks once I start working. Do I match the 20% he puts into the account I have access to for the monthly bills and the rest go in to my premarital savings account? I could also start investing in my retirement again(because I'll be earning money to contribute to my IRA again), as he does every month.

Edited May 29, 2015 by ElinK

[CarrieT]

Oh, man... Are you ever in a world of trouble.

 

Do you live in a community property state? Because you might not have any rights to the house that you are helping contribute to...

 

Of course he would rather have you work for him - he essentially has an indentured slave if you are not getting a paycheck that you have access to.

 

If you have asked several times and he has agreed (but keeps forgetting), why don't you pull out your calendar and pen and say, "Gosh, honey, what's a good day to see an agent about putting my name on the house?" If he says - again - that he will take care of it, reply that five years is enough time to wait and you are just being proactive.

 

I don't see this ending well...

[ElinK]

My state IS NOT a “community property” state, but it does have a category called “marital property.” In my state, most assets acquired during a marriage are considered marital property, which is subject to division by the courts in a divorce. The court’s ability to divide marital property if a couple divorces does not impact a spouse’s ability to give away his share of marital property to someone other than his spouse in his will. However, limitations exist as to how much a deceased spouse can leave to persons other than his surviving spouse.

[CarrieT]

My state IS NOT a “community property” state, but it does have a category called “marital property.” In my state, most assets acquired during a marriage are considered marital property, which is subject to division by the courts in a divorce.

 

And you said you bought the house a year BEFORE getting married, so a good lawyer could argue that the asset was not acquired DURING the marriage and you would have no rights to that potential asset.

[ElinK]

We both signed a prenup stating I would be made joint tenant once married.

[WasOtherWoman]

So you put your money into an asset onto which you were not put on title. Why? Is that correct and if so, what was the reasoning there?

[CarrieT]

We both signed a prenup stating I would be made joint tenant once married.

 

Okay, so you have a legal document that he is not abiding to. You could sue him to comply...

 

Seriously, I wonder how biding your PreNup is if he is being so flagrant about this issue.

[GorillaTheater]

We both signed a prenup stating I would be made joint tenant once married.

 

And that would likely carry some weight, even to the point of a breach of contract claim. That would mean, of course, escalating this more than a marriage would likely survive.

 

How far are you willing to go with this? Is this a deal-breaker for you? I'd say it may not be unreasonable for it to be.

[berniev]

We've been married five years. My husband and I bought our house a year before getting married and he said once we were married he'd put my name on the title. We've had several discussions about adding my name as a joint tenant on the house, he keeps promising but never follows through. He has his own business. I am working on my MS full time and working part time in business development for his company.

 

We have separate financial accounts, his choice. I have access to an account that enough money is deposited for monthly expenses.There is a lot of co-mingling of marital monies with his premarital properties. He continues to promise to open joint accounts so that marital earnings go are kept clean from our separate, premarital accounts. This also hasn't happened as of yet. Our prenup states that once we were married, we will open joint checking and investment accounts. It also states that we would make me joint tenant.

 

I graduate with my Master's in 3 mos and have just started looking for work. He keeps insisting that I continue working for his business and can earn a paycheck (no, I am not getting a paycheck currently for my work at his business but feel I am contributing financially). He rather I work for him than work for another. (Yes, he's type A).

 

This is his first marriage (he's 47yo) and my second (5 years younger than my husband). Again, we've had these conversations, he "forgets" to follow through.

 

I'm wondering where I should deposit paychecks once I start working. Do I match the 20% he puts into the account I have access to for the monthly bills and the rest go in to my premarital savings account? I could also start investing in my retirement again(because I'll be earning money to contribute to my IRA again), as he does every month.

 

How about this? Wait until you finish your degree and let's talk again? Don't focus on this for a few months. Finish what is really important, and then you have all the time in the world to argue this.

[loveboid]

Your income is his income, same as his--his income is your income, since they're earned during the marriage. You should keep it separate from your pre-marriage money.

 

Also he may have messed up his pre-marital money if he's commingled. Even one dollar from a pre-marital account to pay for bills during the marriage makes the whole account marital. I'm not sure if putting marital money into pre-marital account commingles but it probably does. It's such a headache separating the money that courts just lump them into marital if they even touch other.

 

I would consult a lawyer to get all the rules straight then talk to him.

[d0nnivain]

You said you both bought the house. Do you have receipts showing your financial contribution to the purchase?

 

Is there a mortgage? Because if you are on one, it makes sense to be on both.

 

If there is not a mortgage & all you have is the prenup, I'm not sure how binding that is. Go back to the lawyer who represented you when you signed it.

 

Any chance your husband is just lazy? Can you do all the leg work to prepare the new deed & simply present it to him to sign? Talk to the lawyer who did your closing.

[ElinK]

Lazy for 5 years? I don't believe so. I wish that's all it was. He's very organized. We house searched and furnished the house together. He put the down-payment on the house.

 

To me what is disheartening is that this is important to me, he understands it is important to me. I've told him yet he is not fulfilling his promise after 5 years.

[Art_Critic]

If he isn't putting your name on the warranty deed then it's obvious to me why.. as someone who never put his first wife on the deed I didn't do it so the house never became marital property as I had the house 12 years before the marriage..

 

He is doing the same..he is trying to keep it from being co-mingled into the marital property laws...

 

Force the issue is the only option I see and if that doesn't work go hire an attorney to enforce the prenup contract.

 

BTW, if he put the down payment on the house then it is looking like it was his house going into the marriage

[d0nnivain]

If all of the down payment money was his, he lied to you when he promised to put you on the deed. He has major trust issues when it comes to money He's still hedging his bets & trying to keep the house as his premarital property.

 

 

I'd still try my suggestion, go have a new deed prepared. When he still won't sign, get him to talk about why. Be prepared for this to be a uphill battle.

 

 

Good luck.

[BlueIris]

Lazy for 5 years? I don't believe so. I wish that's all it was. He's very organized. We house searched and furnished the house together. He put the down-payment on the house.

 

To me what is disheartening is that this is important to me, he understands it is important to me. I've told him yet he is not fulfilling his promise after 5 years.

 

Just know you're not alone. This happens a lot, where one spouse takes advantage financially of the other spouse. Five years of refusing to comply with the prenup terms is no mistake. It's intentional. So...

 

Get a different job and stop working for his company. Just explain that you need to be making IRA contributions too and that you’ll put 20% into the joint account. If he is a respectful person, he'll understand. He protects himself financially, so of course he ought to see that you have to too.

 

I think you’re wanting him to demonstrate his good faith. But he’s not. So take care of this yourself. Have a deed drafted and when the two of you are out doing errands together, stop by the bank so you can have it signed and notarized AND to open the joint accounts. (Don't forget to have it recorded!) If he refuses, you have a very big problem. That's when I'd go to a lawyer.

[Trimmer]

To me what is disheartening is that this is important to me, he understands it is important to me. I've told him yet he is not fulfilling his promise after 5 years.

Oh, you answered the questions I was going to ask - both how long it has been and whether he understands that this is important to you. This is unfortunate.

 

I kinda lean in the direction of BlueIris' advice:do as much of the legwork as you can. On the assumption that the prenup represents a good faith intention to get it done, get the deed drafted and do the legwork to get the joint account opened up, just awaiting his signature. You don't even need to do this as a bog covert operation. If it comes up, go ahead and mention to him you are doing the legwork - as if you expect everything to proceed in good faith.

 

Then when it comes time to sign on the dotted line(s), either he will do so cheerfully, preserving the (barely) plausible case that he has acted in good faith (and always intended to...) or else he will balk or outright refuse, which will certainly be disappointing, but it will deliver clarity, in terms of his intentions.

[redtail]

Wow, I'm so sorry for you. I'm on my second marriage and I bought out my ex and took the house. When I remarried, that was one of the first things we did, I wanted her to feel like it's her house too. I don't really care that she didn't contribute monetarily, her name is on our house.

 

This is not right, he's not forgetting, he's just hoping you'll drop it. Best of luck to you!

[carhill]

Been down this path...

 

IMO, refrain from contributing to the asset and decide if this is the hill you want to die on.

 

His apparent abrogation of the pre-nup could serve as leverage in a divorce but I would think long and hard before taking legal action to enforce a pre-nup in an otherwise functional marriage. Of course, getting private legal advice regarding ignoring enforcement becoming tacit agreement would be worthwhile.

 

I'm wondering where I should deposit paychecks once I start working.

Agreed upon percentage of monthly bills, absent the house, into joint account and rest into separate account. Asset-related (house) bills would include mortgage, taxes, insurance, capital improvements, repairs, etc, essentially anything which preserves or improves the value of the asset.

 

I presume, since he bought the house prior to you being married, he took title as a single man and no changes to title have occurred since being married. An example of a title change would be, if he refinanced the house after you got married, but still kept title in his own name and without you on the title or mortgage, taking title as a married man as sole and separate property.

 

I used a real estate attorney and family law attorney to work my issues, since multiple properties and a trust were involved. Things worked out OK and my exW got a house we bought together while married (my lawyer worked that out) and everything ended well, as well as a divorce can end things. However, apparently, your goal is to have a long and fruitful marriage rather than things becoming an adversarial business negotiation so move forward with that in mind.

[oldshirt]

He's assuming you are going to divorce at some point and he is trying to hedge his bets on the assets. He's also exploiting your labor and intellectual assets for his gain.

 

 

If he were to file for divorce, you would have a lot of good ammunition for your fair share of the marital assets and would likely come out ok in the end, but the lawyer fees and court costs would eat up a lot of it because of all the legal wrangling you would have to do.

 

 

Where you will really have trouble though is if he does not have a will or if he has a will but doesn't have you listed in it and he were to die unexpectedly.

 

 

Again, you would eventually be able to work through everything and come out ok but the hourly lawyer fees would kill you.

 

 

He is clearly not all-in financially in this marriage and is conducting himself in a manner that suggests he is assuming a divorce. Do you have any idea why?

 

 

I am all for people being prepared financially and legally for a divorce and I am all for people not exposing themselves to their spouse taking off with everything.

 

 

But this seems like he is actively guarding himself against you and intentionally hamstringing your pre-nup. Any idea why?

 

 

Does he have reason to believe you are a gold digger or that you are up to something surreptitious?

[ElinK]

Not sure why he's not fully committed financially in our marriage. This is his first marriage (and he married late) and my second. He was there through my divorce. I just wanted out of the first marriage fast with 50% custody of my kids and the car I was driving. I didn't care much about gaining assets through the divorce, just wanted out from a very bad situation.

 

With that said, my current husband was very supportive. He also was very aware that I didn't care about financial gain through the divorce and he didn't agree much with it saying that I deserved half of everything. So for my current husband to think I'm a gold digger, I don't think that is the case. Although I do enjoy nice experiences, I am hardly materialistic.

 

I agree, it is as though he is expecting the inevitable divorce. I'm not sure why he feels he needs to guard himself so tightly financially.

 

In fact, he wrote up in the initial prenup that if we divorced, I would agree to forego maintenance and he would pay me a lump sum amount within the first 5 years of marriage, a slightly larger amount for 6-10 years and a bit more for time after 10 years. I was incredibly insulted and was clear that I was not entering this marriage for his money and asked that he take that verbiage out before I would agree to sign it.

 

To answer your question, I'm not sure why he is so self protecting. It is certainly not what I ever expected from a healthy marriage, and the signs were there (in the prenup)!

[sandylee1]

Is everything else in your marriage okay?

 

His attitude is that of someone who has been burnt before or knows of others who have been.

 

Do you have a joint savings account?

 

I agree that you should not work for him after your masters.

 

I'll be honest, if it were me I'd set a date to sort it out and if it's not done, I'd either file for D or emotionally detach . I say divorce, because for me, my trust would be gone and I'd wonder exactly what is going on in his mind. I'm very suspicious of such behaviour.

 

He's taking advantage and going back on his word, that would make me wonder what else he's capable of by disregarding your prenup 5 years later.

 

There could be a very good reason why he married late with this attitude /behaviour.

[Babs22]

I married someone about two years after he bought a house. He was 8 years older than me and he owned the previous house we lived in together. We were still living together when he bought a new house, but I was a college student and did not contribute to the purchase or pay the mortgage. Two years after we bought the house we got married, but I never even thought twice about my name not being on the deed. He always paid the mortgage and other home bills. Years later, he did refinance the house and I was actually surprised when he said I needed to go and sign for the mortgage. We have always kept our bank accounts separate. 20 years later and our accounts are still separate, we have never had a joint account. We don't even share credit cards. I have tended to pay for the kids and he pays for the home stuff.

We may have other issues, but we have never had a fight about money. He makes more than me, but will help me with bills for kids if I need it. When I was not on the deed, I did have a tendency to think of it as his house, since he bought and paid for it. That was odd, since we were married, but it never was an issue for me.

 

I can't counsel you on what to do. If I was paying half the mortgage, I guess I would want my name on it. If your marriage is solid, I don't think I would make a big deal about it. I would suggest getting your own job after you graduate. I would also suggest doing what you plan, keeping most of your pay check and depositing some in the the joint account. I think you should keep an account just for you, I like being able to do what I want with the money in my account.

 

Is this only an issue because he told you he would put your name on it or is it an issue because you help pay for the house?

[elaine567]

Not sure why he's not fully committed financially in our marriage. This is his first marriage (and he married late) and my second. He was there through my divorce. I just wanted out of the first marriage fast with 50% custody of my kids and the car I was driving. I didn't care much about gaining assets through the divorce, just wanted out from a very bad situation.

 

With that said, my current husband was very supportive. He also was very aware that I didn't care about financial gain through the divorce and he didn't agree much with it saying that I deserved half of everything. So for my current husband to think I'm a gold digger, I don't think that is the case. Although I do enjoy nice experiences, I am hardly materialistic.

 

I agree, it is as though he is expecting the inevitable divorce. I'm not sure why he feels he needs to guard himself so tightly financially.

 

In fact, he wrote up in the initial prenup that if we divorced, I would agree to forego maintenance and he would pay me a lump sum amount within the first 5 years of marriage, a slightly larger amount for 6-10 years and a bit more for time after 10 years. I was incredibly insulted and was clear that I was not entering this marriage for his money and asked that he take that verbiage out before I would agree to sign it.

 

To answer your question, I'm not sure why he is so self protecting. It is certainly not what I ever expected from a healthy marriage, and the signs were there (in the prenup)!

 

I guess what is his, is his, and as you left the last marriage with nothing but your kids and the car, I guess he sees that is what will happen if you divorce him. I guess he is thinking Why would you punish him more by taking away his house when you left your last husband with his assets intact? Why should he have to finance you and your kids, when it is his house and the kids aren't his?

I think you may have a big problem here.

[Babs22]

I guess what is his, is his, and as you left the last marriage with nothing but your kids and the car, I guess he sees that is what will happen if you divorce him. I guess he is thinking Why would you punish him more by taking away his house when you left your last husband with his assets intact? Why should he have to finance you and your kids, when it is his house and the kids aren't his?

I think you may have a big problem here.

 

I don't agree with the statement that you may have a big problem here. He has never been married before and has been independent his whole life. He has not had to think about things such as sharing assets. He knows she is not a gold digger because she did not stick it to her ex husband. I do not think he wants to keep his assets from her and her kids. I mean if something happens to him someday, he doesn't have anyone else to leave his stuff to. Is your marriage solid otherwise?

 

Is he kind, thoughtful, sharing, generous? Does he tell you he loves you, does he show you he loves you? If there are no other issues, I think all else will be fine. Why are you so insecure?

Edited May 30, 2015 by Babs22
Edit punctuation

[oldshirt]

I don't agree with the statement that you may have a big problem here. He has never been married before and has been independent his whole life. He has not had to think about things such as sharing assets. He knows she is not a gold digger because she did not stick it to her ex husband. I do not think he wants to keep his assets from her and her kids. I mean if something happens to him someday, he doesn't have anyone else to leave his stuff to. Is your marriage solid otherwise?

 

Is he kind, thoughtful, sharing, generous? Does he tell you he loves you, does he show you he loves you? If there are no other issues, I think all else will be fine. Why are you so insecure?

 

 

 

- I agree that the gold digger angle doesn't sound like it should be much of a factor unless there is more she's not telling us ( and I assume even the world's biggest gold diggers don't think of themselves as gold diggers)

 

 

- What does concern me is it sounds like inevitable divorce is part of his long term planning. While I think everyone should always have parachute packed and available, there is such a thing as taking it too far.

 

 

Having prenups and back up plans and such are wise, Expecting a divorce and governing your marriage with those expectations is concerning.

 

 

- and the fact that he seems to be intentionally trying to skirt around the prenups and agreed up legal tenets of agreements is downright creepy.

 

 

Any chance he is some kind of con man?

 

 

Do you have significant assets of your own that need protecting?