Husband won't put me on title of our home

[Babs22]

Maybe I'm out too lunch here, maybe I'm extremely naive or maybe I'm too trusting, but I don't think this is a huge deal. It would not be a huge deal to me especially if my marriage was solid. I told you I married my husband and he bought the house before I married him. I was not on the deed, I wasn't worried about it and never gave it much thought. Years later he refinanced and I was put on the new deed. I would have been ok if I wasn't, but I think he had to put me on it. We have never had a joint bank account or even a joint credit card. I have never had a problem with that. To me it gives me a feeling of freedom.

Is your marriage solid? Do you love each other? Do you like each other? Do you respect and trust each other? I know these things can change, but right now, do you feel secure in your relationship? My husband was always very tight with money. He was 38 when we got married and was used to his own financial stuff. I don't think your husband doesn't trust you or is thinking of a future divorce. He might not think it's as big of a deal as you do. If he isn't thinking its a big deal then he might not feel any urgency.

 

I also wonder how you divorced a man you didn't like or trust and didn't try to get anything out of the divorce for you or your children, but now you are married to someone who you love, trust and want to stay married to, but having your name on an asset is this important? I don't get it. He gave you advice during the divorce that would have insured some financial security for you and your kids, but you didn't want that security. Were you already planning on marrying this husband during your divorce so that is why you didn't want financial security then? Now financial security is enough to rock an otherwise solid relationship? It is that important?

 

If your husband loves you and plans to stay married to you and has no one else he plans to leave things to when he dies, it seems as though your financial future and those of your children are solid. I'm afraid if you make this a big deal he will wonder if you trust him and wonder if you are planning on staying married or not.

 

I'm assuming since you have children, the two of you have drawn up wills. What does that say? If you don't have wills, I would get on that first. Maybe that would lead into a discussion about the deed to the house.

[ElinK]

I didn't like nor trust my former husband after finding out he lied during our entire marriage about his history, family, education, military past, financials, he had not paid IRS in years and owed a huge amount of money. He was also very interested in guns the last few years of our marriage and became quite angry and abusive. That is why I left, and as fast as I could. Not all the money in the world was worth trying to half our assets in that case. With that said....

 

In my new relationship that let to marriage, we were engaged when we found this house and promised to title me after we were married. He wanted me to feel it was "our" house and wanted me to have ownership in the home. So this was all discussed before he bought the house. My contribution was helping his business, finding new clients to increase his revenue. I was not receiving a paycheck. Aside all that, which was really no matter to me other than I felt I was contributing to the family unit... he didn't follow through a promise he made to me. It's not the money part, it's the promise part, the partnership of our marriage part which I feel has not held up.

 

So no, maybe I don't have a right being titled to the house since he bought it a year before we married. But again, we began looking for a home together with the promise of once we were married, it would be ours. Maybe I'd feel differently if we didn't have this discussion before looking for the house together. My ex did this same thing to me and my husband said he would never do this to me that our house is our house together regardless. It's the feeling of the togetherness and oneness and not separateness in a marriage. Maybe I'm old school?

[ElinK]

If your husband loves you and plans to stay married to you and has no one else he plans to leave things to when he dies, it seems as though your financial future and those of your children are solid. I'm afraid if you make this a big deal he will wonder if you trust him and wonder if you are planning on staying married or not.

.

 

I have to be smarter that this. It didn't work in my first marriage. Things happen (ie: death, divorce). Especially in the case of divorce, people get angry, change their mind, retaliate, become aggressive, whatever. Emotions are a funny thing in divorce. There is never a solid financial future or guarantee on a person's word. My husband once told me upon his demise, he plans on splitting his assets to siblings and their children and me. If that is what he wants... well, it's his choice.

 

The titling of the home is a different situation though....

[elaine567]

My husband once told me upon his demise, he plans on splitting his assets to siblings and their children and me. If that is what he wants... well, it's his choice.

 

The titling of the home is a different situation though....

 

Yes, that is awkward situation, because there are too many involved for you to keep the house, if he ends up leaving all his assets jointly to all his family and you are not on the title.

Strange a man would leave his marital assets to his siblings, is there a reason for that?

Siblings usually get lump sums or gifts, why is he going to split his assets with them and potentially leave you with very little?

[ElinK]

He would leave his premarital assets to his siblings and their children. The house as it is not would be split between all. Well, as his marital assets would probably be split as well, because distributions go into his personal premarital account rather than a marital account. It is hard to determine what is premarital and what is marital when the funds are co-mingled. We were supposed to get joint financial accounts together too. (Also in the prenup).

[sandylee1]

He would leave his premarital assets to his siblings and their children. The house as it is not would be split between all. Well, as his marital assets would probably be split as well, because distributions go into his personal premarital account rather than a marital account. It is hard to determine what is premarital and what is marital when the funds are co-mingled. We were supposed to get joint financial accounts together too. (Also in the prenup).

 

Your H splitting his assets among siblings and their kids would worry me. Unless he's super rich, that's a lot of people to split the money with and the house could be part of the split.

 

It's one thing to leave them all something in his will, but an equal split indicates you're on the same level as them. You're his wife and I would feel very insecure with this arrangement. Everything I have goes to my H and kids in the event of my demise.

 

If I was to remain in this marriage and be happy, I'd have to buy a house (in my own name) and rent it out. That way, we each have a house and if he asked why I was doing it, I'd explain that my reasoning. I'd be sure to add my kids as owners and see an attorney to ensure he can't get any portion of it , if we get divorced as it was acquired during the marriage.

 

I wouldn't contribute to the mortgage of his house, unless I'm on the deed. Don't be taken for a ride.

 

If he's protecting himself, you need to protect yourself and at least have something for your kids future.

 

It's definetly about the broken promise and him protecting himself. The not going through with the agreement would make me feel, he only said it to be sure you'd marry him. He's wrong on every level for not honouring this and it's not about having a good marriage, being loved etc.. It's trust pure and simple.

 

People have displayed loving qualities before and shown their true colours later.

 

Many a woman have left marriages penniless because they trusted their H and he was on a mission all along.

 

Do you both have life insurance?

If so who are the beneficiaries?

[Art_Critic]

I'd have to buy a house (in my own name) and rent it out.

 

I wouldn't contribute to the mortgage of his house, unless I'm on the deed. Don't be taken for a ride.

 

The problem with her buying a house now is that it would be marital property, bought during the marriage.

 

She can't be taken for a ride on the mortgage side of his house, while he owns the house and the premarital worth, she owns half of the gain since the marriage and half of any equity gained during the marriage.. he is paying for mortgage with marital assets.

 

She really needs to call her husband out about this, she also could benefit from seeking some legal advice, he can't just leave all his assets (premarital) to his family, if any is real estate or a business then she is entitled to half of the gain during the marriage and I could be wrong about this but I believe she is entitled to all his personal property at death that is being used in the marriage.

 

In my business there is a buy/sell agreement that kicks in an protects my stock and the company from being run by my wife, an insurance policy is activated and buys the stock from my estate and gives her the money instead...

 

I hired lawyers when we did our will, and honestly she should be upset if he isn't leaving everything to her.. geez... that is what a husband does when he passes on.. takes care of his loved one...

 

I say she call him out on his selfish BS and work from there and if he won;t budge hire an attorney to see if it can be worked through and if it can't then leave him to his assets

[sandylee1]

The problem with her buying a house now is that it would be marital property, bought during the marriage.

 

She can't be taken for a ride on the mortgage side of his house, while he owns the house and the premarital worth, she owns half of the gain since the marriage and half of any equity gained during the marriage.. he is paying for mortgage with marital assets.

 

She really needs to call her husband out about this, she also could benefit from seeking some legal advice, he can't just leave all his assets (premarital) to his family, if any is real estate or a business then she is entitled to half of the gain during the marriage and I could be wrong about this but I believe she is entitled to all his personal property at death that is being used in the marriage.

 

In my business there is a buy/sell agreement that kicks in an protects my stock and the company from being run by my wife, an insurance policy is activated and buys the stock from my estate and gives her the money instead...

 

I hired lawyers when we did our will, and honestly she should be upset if he isn't leaving everything to her.. geez... that is what a husband does when he passes on.. takes care of his loved one...

 

I say she call him out on his selfish BS and work from there and if he won;t budge hire an attorney to see if it can be worked through and if it can't then leave him to his assets

 

That's why I said she should put the kids on the deed and see an attorney about it.

 

I agree, if he doesn't budge, I'd personally leave him to his assets. Money doesn't buy happiness.

 

I really wonder why your H got married, as it seems he'd prefer a life partner, but not a wife. His actions with leaving premarital assets to his siblings and their kin is strange.

 

He clearly has a fear of divorce and being fleeced.

[ElinK]

 

he is paying for mortgage with marital assets.

 

he can't just leave all his assets (premarital) to his family, if any is real estate or a business then she is entitled to half of the gain during the marriage and I could be wrong about this but I believe she is entitled to all his personal property at death that is being used in the marriage.

 

 

 

 

He is paying mortgage with marital assets.

 

And, he wrote up the prenup stating that I waive all my rights as a spouse. Stupid me, I signed it! It was two weeks before our wedding and there was so much stress and hurt feelings over what was in the prenup, I just signed it so we could move on. The thing is, those feelings don't go away, they surface every now and then.

[ElinK]

 

I really wonder why your H got married, as it seems he'd prefer a life partner, but not a wife. His actions with leaving premarital assets to his siblings and their kin is strange.

 

 

I question the same at times. Why not remain as live in lovers?

[autumnnight]

How about this? Wait until you finish your degree and let's talk again? Don't focus on this for a few months. Finish what is really important, and then you have all the time in the world to argue this.

 

I am sure this is exactly what her husband would say if he were here

 

Classic deflection strategy.

 

He needs to honor his agreement and quit stalling.

[sandylee1]

He is paying mortgage with marital assets.

 

And, he wrote up the prenup stating that I waive all my rights as a spouse. Stupid me, I signed it! It was two weeks before our wedding and there was so much stress and hurt feelings over what was in the prenup, I just signed it so we could move on. The thing is, those feelings don't go away, they surface every now and then.

 

You waive ALL your rights as a spouse? Wow. He got you at a time you almost had to sign it. It's manipulative and sneaky for him to do it so close to the wedding.

 

I mean no disrespect, how well, do you really know your husband?

How long did you know him before you got married?

 

Does the prenup mean you don't get half the marital assets If you divorce?

 

If I were you I'd ensure you put your children as beneficiaries to whatever assets you have.

 

Put your children's name on your savings account so any money goes to them on your death.

 

If you have life insurance make your children the sole beneficiaries

 

When you start working and earning, be sure set up trusts and savings accounts for your children. I don't know how active their own father is but you can't rely on your H to look after them.

 

I'm thinking he just wanted a wife to look after him and for social status. His actions in ensuring you leave this marriage empty handed speak volumes.

 

I can't stress enough that you need your OWN savings.

[Auspecial]

Lazy for 5 years? I don't believe so. I wish that's all it was. He's very organized. We house searched and furnished the house together. He put the down-payment on the house.

 

To me what is disheartening is that this is important to me, he understands it is important to me. I've told him yet he is not fulfilling his promise after 5 years.

 

 

I am not saying that your marriage is doomed, but I think there are some things you may not be opening your eyes to. No one wants to think they have chosen a bad or wrong person to marry. And we all have blind-sides to ourselves.

 

Another poster suggested you consult with an attorney. I very much agree with this, and this way you will have all facts before confronting him again. I feel like he is going to "keep forgetting" until he is literally forced to make a move, and because of the degree of how he feels he has to control everything, its not likely that is going to happen.

 

Along with quietly consulting an attorney about the property issues, I would also be quietly gathering for more information. I feel like there is probably more out there you don't know about.

 

This one seems pretty slippery, to me.

[Morro72]

... he wrote up the prenup stating that I waive all my rights as a spouse. Stupid me, I signed it! It was two weeks before our wedding and there was so much stress and hurt feelings over what was in the prenup, I just signed it so we could move on.

This is just plain bizarre. If I were you I would get a lawyer, yesterday. A good one.

[rester]

I also think an attorney needs to be consulted with ASAP. It can't hurt to get a free consultation with someone that will better understand the details of the prenup and be more suited to advise next steps.

[CarrieT]

And, he wrote up the prenup stating that I waive all my rights as a spouse. Stupid me, I signed it! It was two weeks before our wedding and there was so much stress and hurt feelings over what was in the prenup, I just signed it so we could move on. The thing is, those feelings don't go away, they surface every now and then.

 

I'm impressed. Knowing this, those thoughts would not only surface now and then, they would EAT ME ALIVE.

 

Elin, I feel so wholeheartedly that you have been duped on so many levels, I wonder how you feel about your marriage as a whole? How do you feel about staying in a marriage where you will ultimately end up with nothing when/if something happens to him?

[Auspecial]

I'm impressed. Knowing this, those thoughts would not only surface now and then, they would EAT ME ALIVE.

 

Elin, I feel so wholeheartedly that you have been duped on so many levels, I wonder how you feel about your marriage as a whole? How do you feel about staying in a marriage where you will ultimately end up with nothing when/if something happens to him?

 

 

Yes, Elin, don't allow him to use up your youth.

[GorillaTheater]

He is paying mortgage with marital assets.

 

And, he wrote up the prenup stating that I waive all my rights as a spouse. Stupid me, I signed it! It was two weeks before our wedding and there was so much stress and hurt feelings over what was in the prenup, I just signed it so we could move on. The thing is, those feelings don't go away, they surface every now and then.

 

Elin, the courts generally don't like pre-nups. They're generally seen as inequitable, and my understanding is that unless written up "just so", it's usually not terribly difficult to have then set aside. Especially if he's in breach of the terms of the pre-nup.

 

Go see a lawyer. Determine what your options are.

[d0nnivain]

He is paying mortgage with marital assets.

 

And, he wrote up the prenup stating that I waive all my rights as a spouse. Stupid me, I signed it! It was two weeks before our wedding and there was so much stress and hurt feelings over what was in the prenup, I just signed it so we could move on. The thing is, those feelings don't go away, they surface every now and then.

 

Unless he IS a lawyer, I'm not sure how binding this pre-nup is. You seem to be now claiming that you signed it under duress to get it over with. If you didn't have legal counsel & he did or you weren't given sufficient time to review it, it may not be worth the paper it's written on.

 

Please go see a lawyer & talk about the issues in your marriage. It's very inequitable and from a financial perspective, it appears to me that your husband doesn't trust you.

 

When DH & I got married, we created a pre-nup. The process of completing the financial disclosures & discussing / negotiating what was in it & how we would handle certain issues brought us closer together. There were no hurt feelings & minimal pressure. There was only one thing that was not negotiable in my book & DH had no problem with that: the dog I adopted before I met him was mine in the event of a divorce, period. Dogs are treated like property (i.e. a toaster) by the courts & I wasn't about to let somebody use my beloved pet as a bargaining chip. Anyway, my point is, the process of creating this document strengthened our bond. It did not diminish it.

 

You & your DH need to have a heart to heart. He's still not "all in" on your partnership & that is very scary. Money is the leading cause of divorce so treat carefully but do get these issues addressed.

[Morro72]

When DH & I got married, we created a pre-nup. The process of completing the financial disclosures & discussing / negotiating what was in it & how we would handle certain issues brought us closer together. There were no hurt feelings & minimal pressure.

This point - that negotiations over financial issues should bring a couple together - is critically important. My wife and I don't have a prenup but we did go through an estate planning process a while ago, the results of which felt uncomfortably like a divorce. If I had felt like one of us had imposed it on the other it would have seriously rattled the marriage.

[Arieswoman]

Elin,

I agree with what other posters say about seeing a solicitor/lawyer for advice.

 

From what little bit I know, it sounds like your pre-nup isn't valid, see ;-

 

The common pitfalls in pre-nups and how to avoid them - The Justice Gap | The Justice Gap

 

but please check this out and do it quickly.

 

I have a very bad feeling about all this - I'm sorry. x

[nittygritty]

Is there a mortgage on the home? Are you on it? If so, there is absolutely no good reason for you not to be on the title. If there isn't a mortgage than did your husband pay for the home? If there is a mortgage and you are not on the loan have the two of you considered refinancing the loan, once you have an income to contribute towards the loan?

 

If there is a mortgage and he is the one on the loan, then legally he is the only one responsible for repaying the loan. It does not make sense for him to put you on the title of the house unless you are also on the loan for the home. Would you qualify to be on a home loan? If not, than consider it like it's a rent payment you would be paying to live anyway if you weren't living with him.

 

If the two of you stay married, once you start earning a living (not working for him) and have saved up your portion of a down payment towards the purchase of a another home that you both like and can afford, do you think he would be willing to sell the house and move to another house that you both could own?

The two of you really need to talk.

[sandylee1]

 

If the two of you stay married, once you start earning a living (not working for him) and have saved up your portion of a down payment towards the purchase of a another home that you both like and can afford, do you think he would be willing to sell the house and move to another house that you both could own?

The two of you really need to talk.

 

 

The more the OP says more , I realise it's more than just the house issue . The fact that you waive all rights in the event of the marriage ending is an unfair arrangement.

 

She works free for her husband's business yet would have to fight this prenup to get any share of it.

 

He wants you to continue working for him rather than get a proper job?..........Do you not see how controlling this is?

 

 

If you work for him and the marriage ends he can kick you and your kids out of the house......then to crown it all.....you waived rights as a spouse......mmmmm......Where is your security?

You could be homeless and jobless in an instant if you did what he wanted.

 

You may well be able to fight him on these things but, at the point he potentially turfs you out it's HIS house.

 

It's like part of him wants to be married for convenience but not for you to have any financial benefits of being a wife .

 

I'll say it again................lawyer up.

[nittygritty]

The more the OP says more , I realise it's more than just the house issue . The fact that you waive all rights in the event of the marriage ending is an unfair arrangement.

 

She works free for her husband's business yet would have to fight this prenup to get any share of it.

 

He wants you to continue working for him rather than get a proper job?..........Do you not see how controlling this is?

 

 

If you work for him and the marriage ends he can kick you and your kids out of the house......then to crown it all.....you waived rights as a spouse......mmmmm......Where is your security?

You could be homeless and jobless in an instant if you did what he wanted.

 

You may well be able to fight him on these things but, at the point he potentially turfs you out it's HIS house.

 

It's like part of him wants to be married for convenience but not for you to have any financial benefits of being a wife .

 

I'll say it again................lawyer up.

 

It depends. Who is paying for her school? How much debt did each bring to the marriage and how much debt has been accumulated since the marriage?

If these were too young twenty something with no prior assets or debt, I could understand why she would be mad and yes, it would be extremely controlling behavior on the husband's part. But that is not case. She has been working on her Master degree rather than working full time. She benefits from that if she doesn't have a significant amount of student loans. She could have said no to working for his business but didn't. He would have to be paying the bulk of the mortgage, bills and expenses while she completes her degree. Would she have been able to afford to do that if she was not married to him? I don't know.

[nittygritty]

I didn't like nor trust my former husband after finding out he lied during our entire marriage about his history, family, education, military past, financials, he had not paid IRS in years and owed a huge amount of money. He was also very interested in guns the last few years of our marriage and became quite angry and abusive. That is why I left, and as fast as I could. Not all the money in the world was worth trying to half our assets in that case. With that said....

 

In my new relationship that let to marriage, we were engaged when we found this house and promised to title me after we were married. He wanted me to feel it was "our" house and wanted me to have ownership in the home. So this was all discussed before he bought the house. My contribution was helping his business, finding new clients to increase his revenue. I was not receiving a paycheck. Aside all that, which was really no matter to me other than I felt I was contributing to the family unit... he didn't follow through a promise he made to me. It's not the money part, it's the promise part, the partnership of our marriage part which I feel has not held up.

 

So no, maybe I don't have a right being titled to the house since he bought it a year before we married. But again, we began looking for a home together with the promise of once we were married, it would be ours. Maybe I'd feel differently if we didn't have this discussion before looking for the house together. My ex did this same thing to me and my husband said he would never do this to me that our house is our house together regardless. It's the feeling of the togetherness and oneness and not separateness in a marriage. Maybe I'm old school?

 

So did you owe the IRS too? Did you bring a lot of debt to the second marriage?