I'm seeing someone else, and now she misses me... im confusing myself

[BrotherAaron]

My ex and I broke up near the end of February because she cheated on me, and gave me all the classic 19-year-old girl reasons... she said "I need space", "I don't know what I want", and, worst of all, "I have feelings for him, and that's not fair for you" (and she's damn right it isn't). Well, **** predictably hit the fan in my world for a while. I did everything that people do to try and win a girl back... I kept treating her nice. That all changed when I found out she would only call me to sleep over when she wasn't sleeping in his room. That's when I pretty much dropped off of the face of the earth, as far as she's concerned. Sure, we live close, and see each other, but I never said another tender word to her.

 

Lately, I've been feeling a lot better about our breakup. Laughing, smiling, going out, and not thinking about the ex. The breakup stopped defining my life, and I started doing my homework again. I even met somebody, someone awesome, who I love to spend my time with. As of a few days ago, she's my new girlfriend, and I'm completely happy to be with her. I wasn't expecting to meet anybody, really, and it really just sort of worked out... with only 3 weeks left in school, I was amazed to realize that she's from my hometown, and even during the summer we'll both be in the same place. Emotions escalated pretty fast with her, and I found myself quickly in a relationship that seems to have fallen out of the blue, and I don't regret it at all.

 

Last night I got a call from my ex. I ignored it, and the voicemail she left (come to think of it, I haven't listened to it yet). She also wrote me an email, sent me a text message, sent me a message on AIM, and wrote me another email. I've ignored them all, so far, but a few minutes ago I did read the email. It says, in no uncertain terms, that she completely regrets everything and that she misses me. I don't know how to react.

 

I said I'd never take her back. She hurt me, and she was cruel like I never thought she could be. I had to deal with knowing that she was sleeping with this guy who I thought was my friend and with her telling people that she wanted to date him because she was over me, etc. I was not over her, not even a bit. I wanted to make things work, but she kept hurting me worse, and I had to give up. I didn't let her go easily.

 

The night we broke up, I held her my arms and looked into her eyes with tears swelling up and told her "I wish none of this ever happened, and none of these other people existed. The only person that matters to me is you, and I would give my life up to run away with you. I want to be with you forever." I meant it when I said it, and I've never felt stronger about anything in my life. But it wasn't enough for her... she still turned around and walked away, leaving me ruined and alone.

 

Now she says that she regrets not running away with me, but I'm moving on with my life. I have a new girlfriend now, and I like her a lot... and I think I made a mistake by reading the email my ex wrote me. It dug up some feelings that I'm not sure I want to have. I tried to prepare myself for the eventuality of my ex looking to have me back... like when her best friend told me "you know you can't ever take her back. she can't think that it's ok to do this to somebody." Is it dishonest to be dating somebody and feeling like this? The new girl knows all about my breakup, and my situation up to before I got this email... should I tell her about my confusion? I know this will pass, and I can just ignore the ex (as hard as that is) and move on to enjoy my life, and enjoy the company of this new girl. I've already started building a relationship with her, and we've only been exclusive for about a week, but I can't imagine just ending it now.

 

I haven't missed her like this since right after we broke up, before the anger set in... I haven't missed anyone like I miss her, but she hurt me... and I shouldn't take her back. And I wouldn't have started seeing somebody if I had realized how easy it was going to be for my ex to grab ahold of my attention again. Once again, my heart and my head are disagreeing... and what about the new girl? I don't even know how I feel about her at the moment... I'm lovesick... and I'm completely awash in emotions about my ex, it's like I don't have time at the moment to realize how I feel about the new girl. I know I like her, and we get along amazingly well, we talk for hours, make each other laugh, and can't keep our hands off each other. Thinking about it, I'm really excited about this new girl... but... I guess you could say that I'm confused as all hell. I may not know what I want, but I know that I'm not going to hurt somebody because I'm a little emotional all of a sudden. I don't want to break up with my new girl, I just don't want to feel this way about my ex. I would be a jerk to turn lukewarm on this new girl all of a sudden, and I know I'd regret it in the longrun. My question is... where do I go from here? Ignore the ex? Pretend like she never tried to talk to me? Tell the new girl that my ex emailed me, and I'm a little emotional, but that I'm not going anywhere? I guess responding to the ex would just be encouraging my feelings, and leading towards getting back with her... sometimes it seems like that would be so great... argh. What happened to hating her??

[laRubiaBonita]

well you will hopefully not hate her really, if you did feel soo much for her.

 

just tell her that you are not a point to see her...you do not have to mention seeing someone else right now...it is not really her business.

tell her you are the one needing time now. you are still sorting through and coming up with feelings, and you just need some space to figure out what you want, and to finish with school, you know, priorities in YOUR life.

[LucreziaBorgia]

1. Ignore the ex? Pretend like she never tried to talk to me?

2. Tell the new girl that my ex emailed me, and I'm a little emotional, but that I'm not going anywhere?

3. I guess responding to the ex would just be encouraging my feelings, and leading towards getting back with her... sometimes it seems like that would be so great... argh.

4. What happened to hating her??

 

1. That would be best, unless you want to set yourself up to be hurt again. Do you really think that she has had time to make the necessary changes that would eventually keep her from mangling you again?

2. Tell your ex, and be honest about how you feel.

3. Yes, it would. Hope can linger, no matter how tiny of a spark...

4. Which manifests itself in the form of hate for what you can't have.

 

Hate isn't the opposite of love. Indifference is. The day you are completely indifferent to her and what she does is the day you will be free from her. Until then, as long as you harbor hurt, hate and hope - your heart is still basically under her command. As soon as she is aware of that, she will take full advantage. Steer way, way clear of her.

[wishfulthinking76]

Sounds to me that if you go back to your ex your choosing to put yourself in a situation where you will get hurt again because she didn't value you for all that you were worth. Please give other people (like this girl your seeing) a chance to do this. Your friends is right, if you go back to your ex your teaching her it is okay to do this to people. At the same time (subconsiously) your telling yourself that it is okay for someone to treat you like this, which in the end isn't healthy for your selfesteem. My advice is to move on as much as it hurts and eventually you'll find the person who truly sees your worth and treats you like you need to be treated

[moon]

She hurt me, and she was cruel like I never thought she could be. I had to deal with knowing that she was sleeping with this guy who I thought was my friend and with her telling people that she wanted to date him because she was over me, etc.

 

I totally see where you're coming from. I know that feeling (with some disappointment) that you could never really return to your ex because of how much hurt they caused you---so purposely and full of malice. They were too cruel. You reached your limit.

 

I think you are very lucky to have found a new girlfriend that you like. It hasn't been that long since your break up, but hey some people hop into new relationships a week later----so maybe all you needed was a few months to get it into your head that your ex is not your type of girl anymore---when the chips were down, when you were at your lowest, she couldn't have cared less. She was too busy rubbing your nose in her new relationship.

 

So, although you might not totally be over your ex, you have obviously come to the hard and fast reality that she's cold hearted......Not much you can do with that. I say have a great time with your new girlfriend and totally ignore that ex of yours. She does not sound worth it in the slightest and that's obviously what you have come to reluctantly realize in these months of pain, hurt and agony.

 

Definately give this new girl a fair shot and continue total NC with the ex.....do not waver---NC and she'll go away eventually. Most of all, forget about your exes feelings. Did she give a damn when you were at your worst? Did she care at all? NO!!!.......so don't feel sorry for the girl ever again. She only wants what she can't have. She sounds very selfish. Anyway, contratulations you found a new girlfriend!!! Good for you! It shows real strength.

[westernxer]

Too late for apologies. She's sorry because you're finding happiness without her.

 

Cry me a rainstorm.

 

Poetic justice has been served.

[Ty]

wow situation sounds familiar.. maybe i can relate a bit.

 

ex broke up with me for a similar reason about a month and a half ago, space, time to figure things out, all that. but your case was alot worse because there was another guy... anyway, i was devastated when she broke up with me. i ended up feeling better after a bit and met this new girl. i dated her for about 2 weeks or so and the ex called. moral of the story is I ended up ending things between the new girl and I. I don't know if I ended them because I knew she wasn't the right girl, or because I still wanted to be with the ex. or even worse, I think I might have done it just because it gave me the confidence I needed to know that I too could hurt someone. Don't do that. If this new girl is cool and you love spending time with her, attacted to her then don't blow it because the ex is trying to weasel your way back into your life.

 

Your ex cheated on you. You should have your answer as to what you need to do. I have cheated on a girl and she took me back, I never had any respect for her after she took me back. I knew I could do it again, and I did. Pretty terrible thing to do. But do as you please. Hope I could be helpful.

[westernxer]

Originally posted by Ty

I have cheated on a girl and she took me back, I never had any respect for her after she took me back. I knew I could do it again, and I did. Pretty terrible thing to do. But do as you please. Hope I could be helpful.

 

Wow! You did it twice. She must really hate you. I don't know whether to bow or bust out laughing.

[amerikajin]

The new girl knows all about my breakup, and my situation up to before I got this email... should I tell her about my confusion? I know this will pass, and I can just ignore the ex (as hard as that is) and move on to enjoy my life, and enjoy the company of this new girl. I've already started building a relationship with her, and we've only been exclusive for about a week, but I can't imagine just ending it now.

 

NO!!! DO NOT TALK TO YOUR CURRENT GF ABOUT THIS!!! Just ignore your ex and move on. She had her chance. Now it's time to see if someone else can make you happy. The only way I'd even think about your ex is if you're no longer with your current gf, and even then, after what she did to you, I don't think she's really worth a second thought.

 

Western exer nailed it. She's contacting you because she's got nothing, and now that you're taken you've become more valuable in her eyes again.

[Ty]

Wow! You did it twice. She must really hate you. I don't know whether to bow or bust out laughing.

 

Actually sad to say, it was more like 5 times. But hell I was all of 17 years old... just didn't know any better. We are good friends to the day.

[sanne]

BrotherAaron you are normally one who gives sound advice, but right now you need to listen to all of us. Your ex wants what she can't have, you are desirable since you are now in a relationship, once she has you she will play the same games and screw you over like she did before. Cheaters never learn, they always cheat, there is something in the mindset of a cheater that differentiates them from us. You've found a new girl that treats you like you should be treated, why give this up for something you know is wrong? Cmon man, don't give in to this crazy ex of yours, ignore her!

[BrotherAaron]

I don't want to reply to her... I want to get on with my life.

 

I'm more in love with my memories of her than I am with the actual her. I see her, and I don't feel longing or regret. She's lost her beauty, it left with her honesty, loyalty, trustworthiness, and purity. Most the time she's just another girl, and one that didn't treat me so well.

 

It used to feel so great when she put her arms around me. That's what I miss.. it's like a drug I'm not letting myself have. But the drug is broken. She can't make me feel like that anymore, I just pretend like she can sometimes.

 

Meanwhile, all of this hidden drama is making things rough with my new girlfriend. Maybe it's all in my own head... but she can probably see that something's on my mind. I don't talk about it though. I don't tell my good friends "hey, [ex] sent me an email..." I tell them "[GF] did this/said that/is sooo this". I'm trying to push my ex away, and I know I'm doing right, I just wish that somebody else's feelings weren't at stake here, because I care about my new girl, and I feel guilty that I've even given the ex this much thought so far. Maybe she knows that she's trying to ruin something.

 

When it comes down to it, she found the right things to say. I can burst into tears reading that email, but I don't let myself. She found my strongest emotions and appealed to them... only too late, because I know better than to listen to such raw emotions. I don't love her how I used to, but I think I still love her some. It hurts to let her go, and it hurts even more to make the decision to do so. I wasn't ready to make that decision, I was just fine letting her fade slowly. She wouldn't have faded completely though... I guess this is better, to be the one walking away.

 

It's her birthday tomorrow. I had forgotten it was coming. She's going to spend it with that jackass. I had stopped caring. I'm mad that she'd write me an email like that if she's still with him. She's just f***ing with me, but I've given her no indication that it meant a single thing. I don't even mention her to anybody... and I don't linger on the subject of her if it's brought up. What can I say? It's over. It's what I want, I'm just forgetting that.

[westernxer]

Good job... the less she knows the better. She's waging psychological warfare because it's her only recourse.

 

Ever think about blocking her e-mail address?

[BrotherAaron]

Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia

Hate isn't the opposite of love. Indifference is. The day you are completely indifferent to her and what she does is the day you will be free from her. Until then, as long as you harbor hurt, hate and hope - your heart is still basically under her command. As soon as she is aware of that, she will take full advantage. Steer way, way clear of her.

 

 

I had reached indifference... but it's hard to ingore an email with such powerful words. She invoked a memory that will bring tears to my eyes until the day I die. Now I have to forget about her all over again... I fell right back into denial. It felt like we weren't over all of a sudden, it felt like ignoring her was breaking up with her.

[westernxer]

Originally posted by BrotherAaron

I had reached indifference... but it's hard to ingore an email with such powerful words. She invoked a memory that will bring tears to my eyes until the day I die. Now I have to forget about her all over again... I fell right back into denial. It felt like we weren't over all of a sudden, it felt like ignoring her was breaking up with her.

 

Those who know you best also know how to hurt you the most.

 

Julius Caesar can tell you all about it.

[BrotherAaron]

Originally posted by westernxer

Good job... the less she knows the better. She's waging psychological warfare because it's her only recourse.

 

Ever think about blocking her e-mail address?

 

I probably should, I just have to get up the gall to do it. It's hard to shut her out like that... I find myself wanting to know how she feels all of a sudden. I think I will block her email address, it might be the only way to avoid feeling like this again. It's hard enough to ignore her voicemails.

[westernxer]

Give me your user/pass and I'll do it for you...

[BrotherAaron]

My biggest pitfall is allowing myself to give her the benefit of the doubt... to believe that maybe she's sincere about missing me, and that she understands how bad she hurt me and full regrets it because now she's changed, etc.

 

It's hard to accept that she's just a heartless bitch

[westernxer]

Does she miss you and all that? Definitely a possibility, but then you'd have to accept the possibility that the earth is flat and resides at the center of the universe.

 

Nearly every girl I've been with has tried this on me, and I've grown smart enough to discern what their true intentions are... those tender words came a day too late. They always do.

[BrotherAaron]

Her roommate said she sits around for hours at a time, looking at pictures of me, listening to CD's I made her, and crying intermittently. That's what got me a bit. She also said that she'll suddenly stop and declare "I'm supposed to go meet (new BF) now!" She sounds, to me, just as confused as ever. I'd hate to be dating someone so freaking confused, myself.

 

I got over my confusion. It was short lived, and irrational (as these things always are).

[LucreziaBorgia]

Imagine that. Now she has TWO guys she gets to put through hell. If you ever wanted revenge on the 'new boyfriend' I can think of no better way of enjoying that revenge than knowing that he is now stuck with a girl who lies to his face while crying and carrying on about another guy behind his back.

[westernxer]

Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia

Imagine that. Now she has TWO guys she gets to put through hell.

 

Bingo. LOL

 

Crying is so overrated these days...

[BrotherAaron]

Haha, yeah... apparently he bought her a promise ring (with a diamond, her birthstone) for her birthday, and he's going to give it to her later (no I wasn't inquiring... people just feel comepelled to update me sometimes).

 

When my friend told me that, my response was "So?" (pause) "I guess that means that he doesn't know about the emails she's been writing me."

 

he says "So you're not mad?"

 

I say "No, I don't really care. They're making their own mistakes now, it's none of my concern"

 

Then I changed the subject, and we talked about politics instead. It was a nice lunch.

[westernxer]

Politics. That's a great way to kill off any subject.

[BrotherAaron]

Heh... a promise ring, for her birthday

 

I wonder if he knows that she was wearing the promise ring I had gotten her for her birthday when she cheated on me with him.

 

I wonder if he knows that she sits in her room and cries because I wont respond to her emails.

 

I wonder how long before he's staring at the empty spot on his bed wondering where the f*** she went...