Should I stay strong or quit this relationship?

[Samantha89]

Hey guys, 


I am writing this post because I just can’t seem to turn my mind off about the matter, maybe writing about it and getting some advice it will help me put my mind at ease.

 

A couple of months ago I wrote about this guy that I had been seeing. We met last January and since day one I knew at the end of May he would be going back to the US (I live in the UK). I kind of liked the idea of him leaving, it’s always been hard for me to open up to guys and let them in and also I find it hard to really like a guy (after a couple of dates in I just find them boring). Well this guy I liked a lot. We saw each other regularly for this months and everytime it was better and better. Last week he was in Europe we made a trip together to spain. 7 amazing days that I hope I can remember for the rest of my life.

 

On the trip we confessed we were in love with each other, and since that moment had some kind of compressed relationship, where we felt many things and lived them fully.

 

The day we was leaving we talked about what we would do. We both have one more year at Uni, him in the US and me in London. We don’t want to be in a long distance relationship where we end hating each other. We agreed we didnt want to be checking the phone all day waiting for a text from the other person. And that we didnt want to know if we were seeing other people unless it is something serious. It breaks my heart just thinking about this conversation. 

We agreed we would try to keep in touch as much as possible, and try to see each other soon. And from there see how it goes. The truth is that I dont know if there is a real prospect of a future together. Will I move to the US? What about the visa? Would he come to Europe?

 

I am afraid we are not going to make it through this year. Its been only two weeks since he left and I feel sad constantly. I feel sad he will forget he once had feelings for this girl across the ocean. I am scared. I have never felt this way for anyone in my 26 years of life. And I dont want to give up on it, but I dont want to cry every day either!!! 

I dont know how to proceed, can we still tell each other ‘I love you’ ot that I miss him like crazy, if we are supposedly not in a relationship?

We are not talking too much as we are both busy and with the time diference it makes it impossible. I know we said not to be too much with the whatsapp and texts but I just wish he was more present, I feel like he has already forgotten about me. 

I can’t keep living my life if I have this feelings for him. Should I end this? How can I make it to just see him as a friend and not suffer this much?? 

Please help!

[ExpatInItaly]

Hey guys, 


I am writing this post because I just can’t seem to turn my mind off about the matter, maybe writing about it and getting some advice it will help me put my mind at ease.

 

A couple of months ago I wrote about this guy that I had been seeing. We met last January and since day one I knew at the end of May he would be going back to the US (I live in the UK). I kind of liked the idea of him leaving, it’s always been hard for me to open up to guys and let them in and also I find it hard to really like a guy (after a couple of dates in I just find them boring). Well this guy I liked a lot. We saw each other regularly for this months and everytime it was better and better. Last week he was in Europe we made a trip together to spain. 7 amazing days that I hope I can remember for the rest of my life.

 

On the trip we confessed we were in love with each other, and since that moment had some kind of compressed relationship, where we felt many things and lived them fully.

 

The day we was leaving we talked about what we would do. We both have one more year at Uni, him in the US and me in London. We don’t want to be in a long distance relationship where we end hating each other. We agreed we didnt want to be checking the phone all day waiting for a text from the other person. And that we didnt want to know if we were seeing other people unless it is something serious. It breaks my heart just thinking about this conversation. 

We agreed we would try to keep in touch as much as possible, and try to see each other soon. And from there see how it goes. The truth is that I dont know if there is a real prospect of a future together. Will I move to the US? What about the visa? Would he come to Europe?

 

I am afraid we are not going to make it through this year. Its been only two weeks since he left and I feel sad constantly. I feel sad he will forget he once had feelings for this girl across the ocean. I am scared. I have never felt this way for anyone in my 26 years of life. And I dont want to give up on it, but I dont want to cry every day either!!! 

I dont know how to proceed, can we still tell each other ‘I love you’ ot that I miss him like crazy, if we are supposedly not in a relationship?

We are not talking too much as we are both busy and with the time diference it makes it impossible. I know we said not to be too much with the whatsapp and texts but I just wish he was more present, I feel like he has already forgotten about me. 

I can’t keep living my life if I have this feelings for him. Should I end this? How can I make it to just see him as a friend and not suffer this much?? 

Please help!

 

Honestly, I wouldn't tell him you love him. That takes the relationship to another level that you both agreed you couldn't sustain right now.

 

I also don't think there's something to "end", per se. You are not in a relationship, so I'm not sure what that end would involve, other than going no contact. Is that what you had in mind, or?

 

The future would be very difficult unless one of you decided to move. While it's possible, moving abroad isn't easy. (I myself am a Canadian who now lives in Rome, Italy) There are a lot of logistics to consider, ie. work permits, residency, financial sustenance, and so on. I wouldn't even consider this unless and until the relationship becomes closer.

 

It seems he's conducting himself according to the agreement you reached about keeping this as a friendship for now. I don't think he's trying to be distant, but he probably realizes a long-distance relationship isn't ideal for him right now. I get the sense he suggested not engaging in an official LDR..is that correct? What are your hopes for this?

[justwhoiam]

On the trip we confessed we were in love with each other

Who said it first?

 

We don’t want to be in a long distance relationship where we end hating each other. We agreed we didnt want to be checking the phone all day waiting for a text from the other person. And that we didnt want to know if we were seeing other people unless it is something serious. It breaks my heart just thinking about this conversation.

Was this all your idea? Did all that come out of your mouth?

Because with that, you signed up for not being in a relationship with him. And this after letting yourself go with him. Huge mistake.

 

I dont know if there is a real prospect of a future together. Will I move to the US? What about the visa? Would he come to Europe?

That should have been discussed during the months spent together. But then, you were kind of using each other for fun. So no real relationship was involved.

I guess the lesson for you is: when you play with fire, you can get burnt.

 

I am afraid we are not going to make it through this year.

It looks like you fell for him really bad.

 



can we still tell each other ‘I love you’

No. Didn't you agree to let him "free"? Now you must stick to it.

 

that I miss him like crazy

Hmm, do you want to gush all over him while he's seeing other girls? That might come across as pathetic and he might lose interest in you because of that.

 

I just wish he was more present, I feel like he has already forgotten about me.

Samantha, you were the one developing a thick skin, do you think he didn't get that? Also, if he had been that into you, do you really think he would have been OK with you dating anyone else? Or to put it in the crassest possible terms, do you think he'd be fine with you sleeping around if he really care for you a lot? I doubt that. I know there are practical sides, and believe me, most people getting into a LDR have dwelled on them.

I'm not saying you did the wrong thing. We can't know that.

 

I guess what you can do is wait for him to make contact with you. And then, when that time comes, try to make it as meaningful as possible. If it's just too short for it to be meaningful, try to arrange a quiet moment for you two to talk, when your attention for him would be total, with no distractions. Ask him when he might have one hour for you. That should be able to make you feel close again, somehow.