Thecondor1991 Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 In the same boat. I wanted to get some other perspectives because even though it's been only a few weeks, I cannot even guess how long this is going to take. I think this is one of the biggest mistakes we make after a break up. Don't worry about the future. Live in the now. Before you realize it, you'll have moved on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hunk Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 Dated little under 2 years, it continued because we never had real NC and had to (still do) see eachother frequently and i really, really, really loved her. I don't think I will ever completely be over it, she was definitely the one who got away for me. I've learned to live with it and essentially move on but yeah, I don't think it's going to go away any time soon. Link to post Share on other sites
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 It took about 6 months, but I literally moved across the country to get away from him and that is what made the process so much faster. Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowgoo Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 I dated my first love from when I was 16-17 (just over a year) it has been 8 months since he ended things and I'm still not over him. I never see him around anymore since we've both left college, I only see him through social media (Instagram) the most, which is stopping me from getting over him as I constantly see what he's doing, so I strongly advise you to block them off everything (even if you ended on good terms) just so you're able to get over them faster! Link to post Share on other sites
highfidelity Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 Two months and counting... Link to post Share on other sites
imbax Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 6 weeks and counting :( Link to post Share on other sites
john1992 Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 1 month now and still going... First time ever i really felt in love with a girl. No matter what everyone else keeps telling me about her, how she lied to me last few weeks and i would be better off without her. I even know they are right but i can't seem to get rid of that love feeling i have for her... Link to post Share on other sites
Seeker12 Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 To be honest im out of a 6/7 year relationship which ended late last year, hit proper NC from Jan this year and ever since then its been up. Im on my 5th month now, have had the odd hiccup which has sent me back abit, but as they say 2 steps back 3 steps forward, ive met someone (which i did ask about on this forum) and am taking it slow. But regardless if this girl chooses to stay in my life, im feeling confident with myself, have regained my selfworth, im not invested in anyone for my own validation, and just damn think im a pretty good catch!! Im out enjoying my life with my mates and have more focussed understanding of my career! Basically i can sense the positive growth from this experience, hardly talk of my ex, and hey it didnt end the best way/on good terms, but i couldnt really care any less! Link to post Share on other sites
Author na27 Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 I think this is one of the biggest mistakes we make after a break up. Don't worry about the future. Live in the now. Before you realize it, you'll have moved on. This is very helpful - thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author na27 Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 Dated little under 2 years, it continued because we never had real NC and had to (still do) see eachother frequently and i really, really, really loved her. I don't think I will ever completely be over it, she was definitely the one who got away for me. I've learned to live with it and essentially move on but yeah, I don't think it's going to go away any time soon. I think that would be a lot more difficult with frequent contact to get over someone for sure. I'm working on NC the best I can to try and quicken the process. Have you been able to date other people since this person left? Or is it still difficult to do that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author na27 Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 It took about 6 months, but I literally moved across the country to get away from him and that is what made the process so much faster. I'm moving away at the end of the summer so hopefully that will help me move on quicker too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na27 Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 I dated my first love from when I was 16-17 (just over a year) it has been 8 months since he ended things and I'm still not over him. I never see him around anymore since we've both left college, I only see him through social media (Instagram) the most, which is stopping me from getting over him as I constantly see what he's doing, so I strongly advise you to block them off everything (even if you ended on good terms) just so you're able to get over them faster! The one thing that I am lucky about in this breakup is that my ex never had any form of social media. He has a Facebook account but hasn't been on in years and never updates. He's never had Twitter or Instagram, either. The only social network he uses is Snapchat, and those are still infrequent updates. I think that makes it easier for me because I don't have to feel like I'm stalking an ex, because I know if he updated sites then I would definitely be "that ex". Link to post Share on other sites
Author na27 Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 Two months and counting... I hope it gets easier for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author na27 Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 6 weeks and counting :( I hope it starts to get easier for you - these beginning stages are pretty rough. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na27 Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 1 month now and still going... First time ever i really felt in love with a girl. No matter what everyone else keeps telling me about her, how she lied to me last few weeks and i would be better off without her. I even know they are right but i can't seem to get rid of that love feeling i have for her... I understand completely. I think we all know that we are saving ourselves from future heartache with these people and that we deserve better but it's still pretty difficult to not love them madly, even after everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na27 Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 To be honest im out of a 6/7 year relationship which ended late last year, hit proper NC from Jan this year and ever since then its been up. Im on my 5th month now, have had the odd hiccup which has sent me back abit, but as they say 2 steps back 3 steps forward, ive met someone (which i did ask about on this forum) and am taking it slow. But regardless if this girl chooses to stay in my life, im feeling confident with myself, have regained my selfworth, im not invested in anyone for my own validation, and just damn think im a pretty good catch!! Im out enjoying my life with my mates and have more focussed understanding of my career! Basically i can sense the positive growth from this experience, hardly talk of my ex, and hey it didnt end the best way/on good terms, but i couldnt really care any less! This is awesome - you've gotten very far! This is a pretty uplifting post and gives me hope that it can get better. I'm glad to hear that it went up for you after everything and that you were able to move on. Good luck with this next girl - I hope it works out for you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
misspond Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 My first serious relationship was when I was 16 until I was 21. I think it took me a few months to get over him. My second serious relationship was from 28 - 30 and I was done with him by the time I finished things so it was only a few weeks of, "I'll never find anyone else!" before I was back on an even keel. And my third serious relationship was from 33 to 43. I was a proper mess for a couple of months but that was more about the anxiety of finding a home and work and having children to think about. By the time we split the relationship had been dead in the water for a long time. Link to post Share on other sites
FistOfTheNorthStar Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 Phew, well considering this led to my most recent ex, it took me about 3 years from when she cut me off completely. It was rocky mainly because it was the first time I came to have a taste of the drug known as love. I stayed with this girl through 8 years of mental abuse. I was so hooked though that things would work out, I was blind to see it was all lies created within my own mind. I did not concede to the NC rule so I kept trying to reach her, although she had moved to a different state which was my own home state. I kept trying to see her whenever I would go, hell I would work and save money specifically for those reasons, to buy her things and to spend time with her when the time came. Get my hits of the drug time to time. At one point she had completely cut me off and I went cold turkey, I cried and got angry, I thought I did everything wrong and fooled myself by keeping reminders of our relationship. Things that showed she loved me and i did not let go. Told myself that I bought her things and they will remind her of how good I was to her and she will come back. Then, she did for less than a month. All so she can have me buy her one last thing and then disappear. This time for good. This time I was angry and I hated her. She thinks she will find someone like me? I stalked her, on facebook, online, everywhere. Then little by little I started to let go. I still hated her but then she came back when her little brother graduated from high school. I saw her and in person I laughed and scolded her because she had changed. Next week, I get wasted and I end up punching a mirror, almost severing my finger. This was when I realized how truly envenoming the abuse had gotten to me. I had to physically hurt myself. Then I met my current ex, who helped me heal some of the wounds. To an extent. As the song goes, I am fine again. Link to post Share on other sites
Seeker12 Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 This is awesome - you've gotten very far! This is a pretty uplifting post and gives me hope that it can get better. I'm glad to hear that it went up for you after everything and that you were able to move on. Good luck with this next girl - I hope it works out for you! Thanks, but dont let my happiness shield whats underneath, there are a few scars/wounds, and getting to where i am now took a lot of pain, mostly mentally, but friends, socialising, work helped out a lot. Even now there are some doubts but they are fading, i do feel the moving on phase but like i said 2 steps back 3 steps forward. To say the least im alot stronger now than before, yup i hope so too, if not atleast this girl showed me that there are alot more girls that i click with, out there!! Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 ****ing years... I think because I was still in the illusory stages of love when her bubble had burst. I knew she wasn't perfect, but to this day, I couldn't tell you what her faults are. That's where my head was at, and that makes it pretty hard to move on when you've lost someone that your heart says was "perfect", regardless of what your head knows for a fact. That said, I was back in the trenches within a few months, giving it the old college try. Good times... Link to post Share on other sites
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 I'm moving away at the end of the summer so hopefully that will help me move on quicker too. It wasn't just him I moved away from. There were other reasons. I'm glad I did, because not only did it help me move on, but opened up more opportunities and exposed me to a better dating pool. It really helps not having to run into them. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 1.5 years and counting Link to post Share on other sites
Yummm Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 This is the 4th week post BU with my 'first love' Definitely wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy. It hurts, but as time goes by I have accepted the situation more and more. Things are slowly getting easier, but the initial pain is still there, and that's what I wish to go away! Doesn't help that I can't get her 'out of sight, out of mind' as she works 2 minutes from me and I see her car with all my belongings in almost daily... The pain comes in waves, sometimes i'll feel positive and then BAM a hard emotional state for a while. I hope everybody is having a positive day Link to post Share on other sites
imbax Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 I hope it starts to get easier for you - these beginning stages are pretty rough. Well I broke NC today and it ended in shatters. She raged at me the more we talked about the past, she said I ruined her day. I was just in shambles right now. I think I'll need another few months to recover from this blow. Someone help Link to post Share on other sites
Author na27 Posted June 1, 2015 Author Share Posted June 1, 2015 Phew, well considering this led to my most recent ex, it took me about 3 years from when she cut me off completely. It was rocky mainly because it was the first time I came to have a taste of the drug known as love. I stayed with this girl through 8 years of mental abuse. I was so hooked though that things would work out, I was blind to see it was all lies created within my own mind. I did not concede to the NC rule so I kept trying to reach her, although she had moved to a different state which was my own home state. I kept trying to see her whenever I would go, hell I would work and save money specifically for those reasons, to buy her things and to spend time with her when the time came. Get my hits of the drug time to time. At one point she had completely cut me off and I went cold turkey, I cried and got angry, I thought I did everything wrong and fooled myself by keeping reminders of our relationship. Things that showed she loved me and i did not let go. Told myself that I bought her things and they will remind her of how good I was to her and she will come back. Then, she did for less than a month. All so she can have me buy her one last thing and then disappear. This time for good. This time I was angry and I hated her. She thinks she will find someone like me? I stalked her, on facebook, online, everywhere. Then little by little I started to let go. I still hated her but then she came back when her little brother graduated from high school. I saw her and in person I laughed and scolded her because she had changed. Next week, I get wasted and I end up punching a mirror, almost severing my finger. This was when I realized how truly envenoming the abuse had gotten to me. I had to physically hurt myself. Then I met my current ex, who helped me heal some of the wounds. To an extent. As the song goes, I am fine again. Thank you for sharing your story - even if it's a not so happy one. I'm glad to know that even through all that, you were able to move on and mend. I am in that similar desperate state where I am willing to do anything to get him back, and just yesterday after having an argument and deciding on going full NC, I am changing my ways. It's hard not to feel manic when someone who used to love you so much just stops so I understand. I also held onto reminders that he used to love me. Messages, letters, gifts, pictures, all of it. It just makes it even harder to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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