Well, it finally happened... I'm ready.

[Brigit]

You don't have to feel sorry for me. It's a small problem, I'd say. Things could be a lot worse. It's just that hookup culture here is rampant and this is the result.

 

I'm too old and they are too young.

 

Big age gaps. I don't know or meet women in my age group. Gen X. I'm with all millennials. There are a lot of reasons for that, which I've mentioned here on other threads.

 

This summer I was going to try to find single Gen X women, but with all these millennials wanting to hang out, it's pretty distracting to say the least.

 

I guess I'll just enjoy the summer and see what happens... it's not like you can control hiw dating and stuff goes anyway.

 

(I believe that's what my "future girlfriend" said to do...

 

I'm Gen X too. I get what you're saying about the millennials being distracting and they have no sense of boundaries.

 

OK. Have fun and f*ck riotously dude.

[jen1447]

It is a whole diff set of sensibilities. I don't entirely understand where generations end and begin, but I think I'm on the edge between x and millennials, so I see some of the realities of both firsthand. It's very common for women in their 20s to view sexual relationships very casually and not get emotionally upset by them. In a way that's good bc they avoid the tripping points that so many other women have gone down over, but on the other hand I do wonder about their ability to form close relationships and how that might affect them when they're older.

 

LW - no offense but my guess is you offer them a nice package with no strings attached - coolness, good sex (I'm assuming) and money. What's not to like for a 25 year old who thinks she's living life and waiting to turn 30 to 'get serious?'

 

Your future GF does say have fun, yeah. I mean if the other thing's not presenting itself to you, why not? They're onboard, you're onbaord ....bang away. (Altho if you want I will hoard you too and forbid you from doing anything until a spot opens up on my list. I'm in my thirties so I'm the 'real deal.' )

[Timshel]

I'm older, 46, but I think women your age may be a bit turned off by the 'player' lifestyle that is likely apparent with all the youngun's about. If you are serious about settling into a LTR then you may need to forgo the easy, get rid of the peripheral.

If you don't want to do that, then I can't think you will attract quality women who want a committed, invested relationship. Jen excluded, naturally.

[loveweary11]

 

LW - no offense but my guess is you offer them a nice package with no strings attached - coolness, good sex (I'm assuming) and money. What's not to like for a 25 year old who thinks she's living life and waiting to turn 30 to 'get serious?'

 

Your future GF does say have fun, yeah. I mean if the other thing's not presenting itself to you, why not? They're onboard, you're onbaord ....bang away. (Altho if you want I will hoard you too and forbid you from doing anything until a spot opens up on my list. I'm in my thirties so I'm the 'real deal.' )

 

I can't see anything incorrect here. Agreed.

 

I don't provide any money, though. Just a pretty outrageous level of fun.

 

And yes... I tend not to start out with expectations, so not many strings.

[loveweary11]

I'm older, 46, but I think women your age may be a bit turned off by the 'player' lifestyle that is likely apparent with all the youngun's about. If you are serious about settling into a LTR then you may need to forgo the easy, get rid of the peripheral.

If you don't want to do that, then I can't think you will attract quality women who want a committed, invested relationship. Jen excluded, naturally.

 

I might agree with you if i knew or met any women my own age. Literally doesn't happen.

 

Even my ex wife was almost 10 years younger.

 

Those ones, 5-10 years younger, are nowhere to be found. All coupled up or home with kids or cats or something. Even in OLD. We area small blip between baby boomers and millennials, who both exist in huge numbers.

 

So ifI found one in that 5-10 year younger bracket, I'd be able to see if they are too boring to go have fun and travel.... or not. So far, that hasn't come up because I don't know any.

[Timshel]

You're super busy, get that and you get what you get. I know, your age bracket is 'strange' I guess. You will know when you meet a keeper no matter the age.

If you do meet a woman that you like, I would only suggest playing down and out the chicks on the side. That's all.

[Robert Z]

How does a guy resist girls in their early 20's who are insanely hot and want to go have fun this summer?

 

More importantly, why should he? lol

 

I'll let you know if I can think of anything.

 

Trying not to end up that 50 year old single guy eventually, but the hook up chicks apparently aren't done with me yet.

 

Soooo conflicted...

 

The worst thing you could do is get serious just for the sake of getting serious. Have fun and when someone blows your anchor off and you can't think of anyone else, day or night, for months, then get serious.

 

You know what is a hell of a lot worse than 50 and single? 50 and unhappily married! And even at 50, hot 20-something year olds are still hot! I've had the best sex of my life since turning 52. I may have gone longer and harder 30 years ago, but it is more fun now.

Edited June 8, 2015 by Robert Z

[Phoe]

I'd say you're just gonna have to buckle down and get serious about cutting off the ones you are casual with.

 

You're gonna have to learn to tell them no.

[loveweary11]

You're super busy, get that and you get what you get. I know, your age bracket is 'strange' I guess. You will know when you meet a keeper no matter the age.

If you do meet a woman that you like, I would only suggest playing down and out the chicks on the side. That's all.

 

Ha ha ha. I'm a 1 woman man, unless mine likes girls and wants to play.

 

I'd sy goodbye to others if "the one" materialized.

[Brigit]

I'm older, 46, but I think women your age may be a bit turned off by the 'player' lifestyle that is likely apparent with all the youngun's about. If you are serious about settling into a LTR then you may need to forgo the easy, get rid of the peripheral.

If you don't want to do that, then I can't think you will attract quality women who want a committed, invested relationship. Jen excluded, naturally.

 

I'm 46 also and the last time I was single I was 26. I do not get this new dating scene at all. If I was single again I'd be so lost...I'd probably just date myself. I'd open up the car doors (for myself) I'd go to a nice restaurant and I'd grab the check, leave a good tip. Then I kiss myself goodnight and I wouldn't have sex with myself on the first date. I'd wait till I got to know myself better.

 

[Timshel]

Ha ha ha. I'm a 1 woman man, unless mine likes girls and wants to play.

 

I'd sy goodbye to others if "the one" materialized.

 

Ha, ha....no you're not. I have held out for the right one, long time coming. Nothing in between.

 

Guys are different, I suppose but wouldn't make too much of it. You are cute in your avatar. How come not be still and wait for the 'right' one?

 

Everything you do comes back to you. Why not focus on the work that is in your life and not have any tail for a while? Too much?

 

Idk killer. Your choice and business. If I was you, focus would be the thing. Maybe it's a put on for ls or maybe you won't stop loving with dead end; what ev's.

 

You said that you were done with superficial but defend it, so good on you.

[Ruby Slippers]

Here's my read on your situation - and I'm going to use a food analogy.

 

You've been sustaining yourself emotionally, romantically, perhaps even spiritually on a diet of candy. Candy gives you a fast, fun sugar rush, and that can be addicting. But you're realizing that it's not truly nourishing you, only satisfying you on a surface level. You've been depriving yourself of complete nutrition for so long that it's even affecting your sexual function, so you can't get excited and function normally without artificial hormones.

 

The 7 varieties of candy rolled across your path because any time we make a commitment to try something new and healthier, such as switching from a candy diet to a balanced diet of fruits, vegetables, lean protein, etc., we will immediately be presented with tests. You call forth the tests that you need to determine whether your commitment is real or not. You step into the ring for a new fight or challenge, and you will be tested, quickly and decisively. If you're not ready for the fight, you'll get your butt whipped. If you are, you'll slug it out, win, and proceed to the next level.

 

You're not going to get to the point where you're feeding your soul at a deep level as long as you continue to give yourself the short-term sugar fix that candy provides. You can sustain yourself on candy for the rest of your life if you want, at the possible expense of more complete health and deeper satisfaction.

 

If you want that deep-level nourishment, you're gonna have to go cold turkey on the candy - or at least wean yourself off it gradually. Simple, healthy meals will probably taste bland and unsatisfying for a while. But even though they don't satisfy your taste buds at first, they will provide the multi-layered nutritional power you're missing. Eventually, all those healthy foods will start to taste amazing, and the candy will taste like the junk that it is.

[Phoe]

I'd sy goodbye to others if "the one" materialized.

 

It's not likely she'll materialize while the others are around.

 

Surely, somewhere in you, you know that, right?

[Ruby Slippers]

I do not get this new dating scene at all.

I see it as a bloated caricature of the instant gratification mentality that started a few decades ago. So many people in the U.S. in particular are now giving in completely to the same decadence and debauchery that characterized the Roman Empire before its fall. People who deep down know they're headed for destruction and desolation, so are indulging compulsively in every vice of short-term pleasure they can find to distract them from that truth. History repeating itself, a very strange spectacle to behold.

[loveweary11]

Ok.. i hear everyone... and being very into nutrition, Ruby's post was brilliant!!

 

One little question though...

 

Why would I have to sit by myself all summer having a lousy time to see if someone else pops up?

 

Couldn't I have a fun summer and see where that takes me?

 

I don't recall stopping seeing girls and living a boring life during any of the times I met my other LTR's or even my 12 year (10 married) wife.

 

In fact, through having good time, I met my most serious and memorable relationships.

 

Met my high school ltr by going snowboarding with friends.

 

Met my college ltr at a party I had at my house.

 

Met my ex wife in a hookah lounge in Manhattan.

 

When I met these ones, the others just faded away.

 

Isn't that normal?

[Phoe]

Ok.. i hear everyone... and being very into nutrition, Ruby's post was brilliant!!

 

One little question though...

 

Why would I have to sit by myself all summer having a lousy time to see if someone else pops up?

 

Couldn't I have a fun summer and see where that takes me?

 

I don't recall stopping seeing girls and living a boring life during any of the times I met my other LTR's or even my 12 year (10 married) wife.

 

In fact, through having good time, I met my most serious and memorable relationships.

 

Met my high school ltr by going snowboarding with friends.

 

Met my college ltr at a party I had at my house.

 

Met my ex wife in a hookah lounge in Manhattan.

 

When I met these ones, the others just faded away.

 

Isn't that normal?

 

Sure, you found opportunities during those times.

 

But they weren't "the one"... they all ended in one way or another.

 

And goodness, everyone here knows I'm no expert... for all I know, you really CAN do things your way and have it work. You certainly know yourself best.

 

But from a totally unbiased source, I'd ask why you wouldn't try a different route?

 

You say you're ready, but in my point of view, not being willing to give up the other girls you're seeing (who you know will never pan out further...) in order to get serious in pursuing someone you want to be with, it almost looks like you're sabotaging yourself.

 

Then again, you and I surely have different views on dating. I don't believe in multidating or having multiple sex partners, or even partaking in casual sex at all.

 

But by not doing so that doesn't mean you have to live a "boring life".

 

Why can't you still snowboard with friends, have a party, go to a hookah lounge? Why does choosing to move on from your current casual setups mean you can longer do anything fun?

 

Trying to move forward while holding onto these casual setups, that you've admitted have no future, and that you've also admitted have stung you a bit from having far more feelings than what they felt for you, will only hold you back.

[Ruby Slippers]

Why would I have to sit by myself all summer having a lousy time to see if someone else pops up?

 

Couldn't I have a fun summer and see where that takes me?

To continue my analogy, why can't you just keep guzzling candy and wait for that oh-so-tantalizing plate of spinach and chick peas to magically appear and entice you to sit down for a real meal? Because the mild scent and flavor of a healthy plate of food is never going to distract you from a bounty of blisspoint-engineered candy, as long as you keep cramming handfuls of it in your mouth.

 

You'll have to make the conscious (and not easy) decision to put down the candy and go looking for the healthy plate of food. Candy is everywhere, and it's cheap. A healthy meal isn't cheap, quick, or easy to find.

 

You can always go back to the candy later if you don't find a healthy diet that satisfies. Or are you really so addicted that you can't even stand to do a several-month cleanse so you have a normal sense of taste again?

 

When my eating has been lazy and off for a while, it's hard at first to go back to a healthy diet. It seems boring and bland. But once I re-establish healthy habits, the junk food doesn't even tempt me anymore. It just looks and feels like... junk food.

[loveweary11]

Ok... still listening. It's lot to absorb.

 

I'm not arguing, but do have another question...

 

What about the fact that every other ltr has been candy at first? In my life, I see candy turn into spinach and become something real.

 

High school girlfriend: Captain of varsity cheerleading, also snowboarded. Extremely hot, extremely cool, 2 years younger in high school (a big deal). Met snowboarding.

 

One college girlfriend: Probably my least visually attractive candy, but still decent, huge heart, extremely intelligent.. was art major until I introduced her to the art of math/science/computers. Graduated with BS Math minor Computer Science.

 

Other college girlfriend: Stupid hot, complete party animal. "Taming the shrew" I called it. Had my first FMF with her and her roommate. Had a lot of fun.. Was never thinking a future.

 

First job into second job girlfriend: Hottest chick in the entire company. The one all the women hate that all the guys want. Still the single best sexual experience I've had except a teenager/neighborhood girl thing. Wasn't forever, but 2 years and it was time well spent.?

 

Slew of people in nyc: Good lord... a blur. Tons of girls for years. Tried all races, all socio economic statuses, etc.

 

Ex wife: Literally some of the sweetest candy on Earth. Model, tv shows, miss teen ny. Met through friends... FEMALE friends I hooked up with. Married 10 years from that.

 

I never once tried to swear off having fun or candy to try and meet someone.

 

Life is really, really short. Can I afford to waste a year of it not enjoying it in order to search for an elusive, theoretical person, when there are real people right in front of me who want to enjoy each other's company?

 

I've already wasted a few years since divorce working my tail off. I feel like I need a break.

Edited June 9, 2015 by loveweary11

[clia]

If none of these hot girls actually want to be in a relationship with you, then you are wasting your time hanging out with them, unless you just want some casual sex and/or fun and/or friendship. Nothing wrong if that's what you want.

 

But, if you want a relationship, you need to spend your time elsewhere. I'm perplexed when you say you never meet women your age, yet you meet all these young women. Where do you hang out to meet these women? Maybe I can help you, since I am around your age. I can tell you where we congregate.

[jen1447]

I like the good meal *and* the candy.

[Ruby Slippers]

What about the fact that every other ltr has been candy at first? In my life, I see candy turn into spinach and become something real.

With all due respect, your ex-wife candy turned out to be mentally unstable, a "different person" than you met, right? And while your ego seems very satisfied by all the hot skin you're able to secure, it seems to me that at the soul level, you feel perpetually unfulfilled by these surface connections.

 

If what you're doing is working for you, then keep it up. But a lot of your recent ruminations here are about what's missing and why you're not fulfilled. My perception is that you're engaging in lots of ego gratification at the expense of deep fulfillment at the soul level. I get the impression you're ready to evolve beyond the fleeting pleasures of ego gratification to something deeper.

 

I have no skin in your game. I just have a vague sense that I like you, as much as you can like a stranger on a message board, and would be happy to see you ruminating here about the deep fulfillment you've found in seeking out and finding deeper connections.

 

jen, I like the good meal and the candy, too, and I think a reasonable dose of candy is perfectly healthy. But it sounds like loveweary is getting a very high dose of candy, a glut of it in fact, and missing out entirely on the good meals. He seems starved for anything truly nourishing.

[Robert Z]

I ate spinach and got E. coli poisoning. And you don't have to be candy to be crazy.

 

 

I can see trying to pursue more meaningful relationships. To me the danger is that you will look for a profile instead of true love. So knowing you are a nerd at heart, I think the key is, just don't think too much. Follow your heart. Don't get serious with someone because she seems like the person you SHOULD be dating.

 

 

And I think you are just as likely to find true love with a 25 year old as a 35 year old. If anything, my experience with my sb has taught me how very little age really matters. Also, being young and hot doesn't make a woman shallow. I have a sense that we have some stereotyping in play here.

Edited June 9, 2015 by Robert Z

[elaine567]

Loveweary11 is hoping that the hot, young, bed hopping, "10", party girl is suddenly going to turn into someone who loves ONLY him and they can ride off into the sunset together.

But he truth is, even if she did get some feelings for him, a few years later, being young and a 10 and with temptation all around, she is going to get GIGS or revert to her partying, bed hopping ways.

Women who want LTRs tend to not just nonchalantly call up guys for some summer fun or basically act like escorts.

 

To continue Ruby's food theme, he is looking to buy steak and greens in a candy store and we all know how nonsensical that would be.

[Brigit]

I see it as a bloated caricature of the instant gratification mentality that started a few decades ago. So many people in the U.S. in particular are now giving in completely to the same decadence and debauchery that characterized the Roman Empire before its fall. People who deep down know they're headed for destruction and desolation, so are indulging compulsively in every vice of short-term pleasure they can find to distract them from that truth. History repeating itself, a very strange spectacle to behold.

 

I can understand 20 something guys going wild because their hormone levels are high and screaming, plus, society tells them more conquests equal more alpha male traits equal more success. Why wouldn't they sleep around?

 

It's the 20 something females who's sexual "liberation" which makes me curious. Giving your body over to strangers sounds scary not sexy. I guess dating in the 90's was more like the 50's compared to what is happening in today's scene. I feel so old.

 

(But at least I never had a STD )

[Brigit]

Loveweary11 is hoping that the hot, young, bed hopping, "10", party girl is suddenly going to turn into someone who loves ONLY him and they can ride off into the sunset together.

But he truth is, even if she did get some feelings for him, a few years later, being young and a 10 and with temptation all around, she is going to get GIGS or revert to her partying, bed hopping ways.

Women who want LTRs tend to not just nonchalantly call up guys for some summer fun or basically act like escorts.

 

To continue Ruby's food theme, he is looking to buy steak and greens in a candy store and we all know how nonsensical that would be.

 

He wants a beautiful woman who enjoys the same stuff he does which makes sense. Eventually, he'll find one that shares the same long term goals. Even party girls get tired of the party.