Well, it finally happened... I'm ready.

[SycamoreCircle]

Life is really, really short. Can I afford to waste a year of it not enjoying it in order to search for an elusive, theoretical person, when there are real people right in front of me who want to enjoy each other's company?

 

I've already wasted a few years since divorce working my tail off. I feel like I need a break.

It sounds to me like you're restless. Becoming emotional over not having a serious, meaningful relationship in your life is not necessarily the healthiest condition for meeting someone serious and meaningful. You have a new strategy which you want to implement. Great. But do you chart your emotional place, your emotional well-being as you would your business? Can things be easily inventoried on an Excel spreadsheet? If you bagged three hot models who all were marriage material, does that project an estimated rise in hot marrying models with a gross net outcome of honeymoons in Ibiza, minus your yearly chiseling of abs?

 

Let go.

 

You're not wasting time. Life doesn't become more real when there's a flow chart. People who are elusive are real. People who are real are elusive. Let go. Stop trying to control yourself. Stop trying to control other people.

 

You have everything you need right now. If that means one more meaningful person, so be it. If it means one meaningless kiss, so be it. If it means watching t.v, so be it.

 

Let go.

[Robert Z]

He wants a beautiful woman who enjoys the same stuff he does which makes sense. Eventually, he'll find one that shares the same long term goals. Even party girls get tired of the party.

 

 

Yes, this entire notion that young and beautiful means unworthy is just jealously. Jeez, my mother was a party girl. When she was young she was a wild one.

 

As for dating in the 90s, I think someone has been living in a convent. People were having gratuitous sex in the 70s, and even the 20s. Ever hear of flappers? There is nothing new under the sun.

 

 

And a 10 year age difference is nothing. My grandfather was 18 years older than my grandmother and they were married for over 50 years.

Edited June 9, 2015 by Robert Z

[Brigit]

Yes, this entire notion that young and beautiful means unworthy is just jealously. Jeez, my mother was a party girl. When she was young she was a wild one.

 

As for dating in the 90s, I think someone has been living in a convent. People were having gratuitous sex in the 70s, and even the 20s. Ever hear of flappers? There is nothing new under the sun.

 

 

And a 10 year age difference is nothing. My grandfather was 18 years older than my grandmother and they were married for over 50 years.

 

IDK, when I was in my 20's I was both a party girl and a "Rules Girl." I didn't sleep around but I dated a lot. I worked in several clubs selling roses so I met lots of men. Most of them weren't all that interesting but some were nice. My crowd was pretty picky when it came to men and we were VERY selective with who got access to our bodies. Sex leads to bonding and it takes a specific female personality to be able to have causal sex. I was/am too emotional for anything casual.

[BlueIris]

Life is really, really short. Can I afford to waste a year of it not enjoying it in order to search for an elusive, theoretical person, when there are real people right in front of me who want to enjoy each other's company?

 

I've already wasted a few years since divorce working my tail off. I feel like I need a break.

 

Then keep dating the women you usually date using the criteria you usually use. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that and it sounds as though you still value it and find it enjoyable.

 

How you live and think now affects the way people view you now- rightly so, as you assess the seriousness of the party girls you date and enjoy but don’t view as serious prospects.

 

Ruby's candy vs healthy food analogy is a good one.

 

Saying that you’ll change when/if the right person comes along comes off as weak and ambivalent, as an admission that the change isn’t intrinsically valuable to you but only conditionally valuable IF you get something better… OR that you lack the desire or ability to live differently and give up things you enjoy unless someone else makes you do it or makes it worth your while. A fair number of women will write you off because they don’t want to be with a man who promises or hopes she triggers and sustains his change, who conditions what he does upon her. It’s a responsibility-shift that can feel like being a parent or caretaker.

 

That said, do and be what you want. It's not evil. If you want to change the way you live it will come from within and candy-eating won't even be enjoyable.

[Phoe]

Yes, this entire notion that young and beautiful means unworthy is just jealously. Jeez, my mother was a party girl. When she was young she was a wild one.

 

As for dating in the 90s, I think someone has been living in a convent. People were having gratuitous sex in the 70s, and even the 20s. Ever hear of flappers? There is nothing new under the sun.

 

 

And a 10 year age difference is nothing. My grandfather was 18 years older than my grandmother and they were married for over 50 years.

 

I don't think people are expecting him to go for an old frumpy woman and never party again...

 

But for him to expect to keep doing things the same way and that they will suddenly work, is silly.

 

What he's doing right now has gotten him a handful of women who keep him hanging by a string with no intentions of giving him anything more.

 

If he keeps doing what he's doing, he's probably gonna find plenty more of what he's already got and continue to feel emotionally frustrated.

[elaine567]

He wants a beautiful woman who enjoys the same stuff he does which makes sense. Eventually, he'll find one that shares the same long term goals. Even party girls get tired of the party.

 

I agree, but the party girls, will I guess, not want to settle down with some older party animal, that is still acting like he is 18, in his forties.

He will not be taken seriously as a long term prospect, as long as he is seen as the good time summer guy, that they phone up, life and soul, good for a f*ck, good for splashing the cash and good for a place to crash.

Who can take a man like that seriously, when you are 20 something, have loads of options, as a 10, and the world is your oyster.

Even if she is attracted to the cash, she is unlikely to put herself through the wringer competing with the next batch of girls, Loveweary11 may have his eye on.

 

On 31st May - "I realized I'm finally ready to jump in again for real", "Goal: Meet someone I can develop real feelings for again."

 

8 days later - Back to the harem...

 

LOL!

[DJOkawari]

So, I have the opposite situation where I'm just looking for less serious commitments and I keep running into girls (through OLD) who would like a serious relationship and i just got out of one so i cant handle that. They just stop talking to me if the situation is moving too slow or isn't clearly going that way (and when it ends they just 100% move on).

 

So I guess my starting point was where loveweary wants to end up and vice versa I am aiming for a situaton more like his. I talked to a friend and he said that "you need a deal breaker".

 

It's just some quality which prevents you from being relationship material. So, turning that around into advice for you: you're fun to be around but there is fundamentally an issue with the girls you are pursuing and dating you. Maybe it is the age difference or how you aren't in NY normally...I don't know you well enough, but whatever it is solve that and I think new girls will look at you differently. Because remember, these "party girls" you're seeing date people seriously too.

Edited June 9, 2015 by DJOkawari

[Brigit]

I agree, but the party girls, will I guess, not want to settle down with some older party animal, that is still acting like he is 18, in his forties.

He will not be taken seriously as a long term prospect, as long as he is seen as the good time summer guy, that they phone up, life and soul, good for a f*ck, good for splashing the cash and good for a place to crash.

Who can take a man like that seriously, when you are 20 something, have loads of options, as a 10, and the world is your oyster.

Even if she is attracted to the cash, she is unlikely to put herself through the wringer competing with the next batch of girls, Loveweary11 may have his eye on.

 

On 31st May - "I realized I'm finally ready to jump in again for real", "Goal: Meet someone I can develop real feelings for again."

 

8 days later - Back to the harem...

 

LOL!

 

True enough Elaine. From the ages of 17-22 I had a boyfriend and broke up with him because I wasn't ready for marriage. Between the ages of 22-26 were the ages I was a major party girl. TBH the only time I dated older men (meaning more than seven years older than me) is If they took me on dates that were appealing (Broadway Shows, Five Star Restaurants etc.) I had NO intention of even going on a second date with these men nor would I do more than give them a kiss goodnight. It was simply a way of getting out of the house to do something fun. I wanted to meet someone around my age (no more than four years older) to settle down with. The older guys didn't like my music or couldn't relate to movies I watched a million times like "The Breakfast Club." They were...y'know..old. LOL

 

But not every girl thinks like me. There are always exceptions.

[loveweary11]

The older guys didn't like my music or couldn't relate to movies I watched a million times like "The Breakfast Club." They were...y'know..old. LOL

 

.

 

This threads is awesome. Thank you all so much for posting in it. I'm listening to everyone.

 

I feel like every single post, no matter what camp you're in, has had something to make me stop and think.

 

The snippet above is exactly where I'm different.

 

I know more cooler music than just about anyone who is 19 and introduce them to new stuff that they start hearing months later.

 

I don't watch movies or TV really, and neither to similar people in that age group.

 

Even the guys treat me well in that demographic. I fit in better with them than my own because I've always been with younger people.

 

I'm probably nothing like you would imagine. Loaded with energy and can outlast 19 year olds dancing and stuff... which I always get a good laugh about.

 

Also, at least 2 of these girls want something more serious. I wasn't sure they were right. So... maybe on one of them.

 

I do not give money to any of these girls. They are around because I'm fun to be with, upbeat and enjoy life. I do things other people don't do. That draws them in, I suppose.

 

 

I feel like the least acknowledged post here may be the one I really need to read again.

 

Sycamore Circle is coming at it from a different direction. Not facts, not statistics, not even opinion.

 

I think I'll just try what he says this summer. Just stop thinking. Stop worrying. Let nature take its course...

 

Maybe it's not females. Maybe it's a spiritual deficit that needs some attention, which will then change other things in life, such as relationships and flings.

 

Time to spend the summer stopping to smell the roses, I think.... and meditating, staring at the sea, going to the islands, just getting balance back.

 

Interestingly, my future girlfriend (Jen), had advice that results in the same thing Sycamore said. Candy/dinner. A balanced approach.

 

Maybe it doesn't need to be one or the other...

[loveweary11]

If none of these hot girls actually want to be in a relationship with you, then you are wasting your time hanging out with them, unless you just want some casual sex and/or fun and/or friendship. Nothing wrong if that's what you want.

 

But, if you want a relationship, you need to spend your time elsewhere. I'm perplexed when you say you never meet women your age, yet you meet all these young women. Where do you hang out to meet these women? Maybe I can help you, since I am around your age. I can tell you where we congregate.

 

I meet girls through Instagram, Snapchat and through girls I already know.

[loveweary11]

With all due respect, your ex-wife candy turned out to be mentally unstable, a "different person" than you met, right? .

 

Small correction to make.

 

Ex wife, 12 years in, had an utter mental health breakdown. Her mind snapped. Was gone. Just like many other females in her family, including one that had a lobotomy.

 

We fought that for years together. It finally won.

 

She woke up one average morning with a 180 degree reversal in personality.

 

Different than I was with for 12 years, not "different than I'd met."

 

Please don't trivialize major mental health issues. They are horrible.

Edited June 9, 2015 by loveweary11

[Brigit]

This threads is awesome. Thank you all so much for posting in it. I'm listening to everyone.

 

I feel like every single post, no matter what camp you're in, has had something to make me stop and think.

 

The snippet above is exactly where I'm different.

 

I know more cooler music than just about anyone who is 19 and introduce them to new stuff that they start hearing months later.

 

I don't watch movies or TV really, and neither to similar people in that age group.

 

Even the guys treat me well in that demographic. I fit in better with them than my own because I've always been with younger people.

 

I'm probably nothing like you would imagine. Loaded with energy and can outlast 19 year olds dancing and stuff... which I always get a good laugh about.

 

Also, at least 2 of these girls want something more serious. I wasn't sure they were right. So... maybe on one of them.

 

I do not give money to any of these girls. They are around because I'm fun to be with, upbeat and enjoy life. I do things other people don't do. That draws them in, I suppose.

 

 

I feel like the least acknowledged post here may be the one I really need to read again.

 

Sycamore Circle is coming at it from a different direction. Not facts, not statistics, not even opinion.

 

I think I'll just try what he says this summer. Just stop thinking. Stop worrying. Let nature take its course...

 

Maybe it's not females. Maybe it's a spiritual deficit that needs some attention, which will then change other things in life, such as relationships and flings.

 

Time to spend the summer stopping to smell the roses, I think.... and meditating, staring at the sea, going to the islands, just getting balance back.

 

Interestingly, my future girlfriend (Jen), had advice that results in the same thing Sycamore said. Candy/dinner. A balanced approach.

 

Maybe it doesn't need to be one or the other...

 

I wasn't trying to insult you. I was discussing my experience. It sounds like you fit in fine with a younger age group. I didn't. I preferred people my age. It seems like you don't have a problem getting women to date. So no worries.

[loveweary11]

I wasn't trying to insult you. I was discussing my experience. It sounds like you fit in fine with a younger age group. I didn't. I preferred people my age. It seems like you don't have a problem getting women to date. So no worries.

 

Wasn't in the least bit insulted. No apology needed.

 

That part of your post really reminded me of some important information to add.

 

I'm not that weird old guy (not yet anyway!), I'm someone different, fun, exciting and cool to hang out with. That's important in this thread, i think.

 

These people actively seek me out. I don't go looking for them. I also have a lot of common interests with them. That's why I am where i am with this stuff, I supose.

[jen1447]

I do not give money to any of these girls. They are around because I'm fun to be with, upbeat and enjoy life. I do things other people don't do. That draws them in, I suppose.

Just to be clear, I didn't mean you were giving them money lol, just that you were providing the means for the good times. That's attractive to a lot of women.

 

Interestingly, my future girlfriend (Jen), had advice that results in the same thing Sycamore said. Candy/dinner. A balanced approach.

 

Maybe it doesn't need to be one or the other...

 

Yep. To each their own but I could never live w/out the candy.

[Robert Z]

IDK, when I was in my 20's I was both a party girl and a "Rules Girl." I didn't sleep around but I dated a lot. I worked in several clubs selling roses so I met lots of men. Most of them weren't all that interesting but some were nice. My crowd was pretty picky when it came to men and we were VERY selective with who got access to our bodies. Sex leads to bonding and it takes a specific female personality to be able to have causal sex. I was/am too emotional for anything casual.

 

 

It's not for everyone but casual sex is nothing new. And women comfortable with casual sex are no less worthy than anyone else. I now know I prefer a woman who sees sex as fair game for fun because even the best relationships go through their lows. If you need a strong emotional attachment to enjoy sex, good luck to the hubby because every time a women isn't happy, he ain't gettin any. And the longer the marriage lasts the worse it gets as the romance fades. OTOH, a woman who enjoys sex for the sake of sex is far more likely to want a regular sex life regardless of life's ups and downs.

 

A friend of mine's wife never has a problem with sex any time he wants it - literally! And he is the most happily married man I know.

[Robert Z]

I don't think people are expecting him to go for an old frumpy woman and never party again...

 

But for him to expect to keep doing things the same way and that they will suddenly work, is silly.

 

What he's doing right now has gotten him a handful of women who keep him hanging by a string with no intentions of giving him anything more.

 

If he keeps doing what he's doing, he's probably gonna find plenty more of what he's already got and continue to feel emotionally frustrated.

 

As opposed to all of the sexually fulfilled women here who do their little lists and put men under a microscope .

 

You can't make the right person come along. And he might meet the woman of his dreams having meaningless drunk sex on Saturday night. I know of people who have been "doing all the right things" for years and getting nowhere; with some constantly posting here about their latest disappointment.

 

 

Isn't ironic that I, for example, am probably far happier than half the people trying to tell me how to be happy!

Edited June 9, 2015 by Robert Z

[Robert Z]

I'm not that weird old guy (not yet anyway!),

 

At 36, sure you are! You just have a boat.

[Brigit]

It's not for everyone but casual sex is nothing new. And women comfortable with casual sex are no less worthy than anyone else. I now know I prefer a woman who sees sex as fair game for fun because even the best relationships go through their lows. If you need a strong emotional attachment to enjoy sex, good luck to the hubby because every time a women isn't happy, he ain't gettin any. And the longer the marriage lasts the worse it gets as the romance fades. OTOH, a woman who enjoys sex for the sake of sex is far more likely to want a regular sex life regardless of life's ups and downs.

 

A friend of mine's wife never has a problem with sex any time he wants it - literally! And he is the most happily married man I know.

 

I have so many answers for you but it would cause me to hijack a thread. I've been called names before but I REFUSE to be that horrible girl who always hijacks threads by gosh golly.

[Robert Z]

As opposed to all of the sexually fulfilled women here who do their little lists and put men under a microscope .

 

 

PS Phoe, I didn't mean you. You seem very nice.

[Robert Z]

I have so many answers for you but it would cause me to hijack a thread. I've been called names before but I REFUSE to be that horrible girl who always hijacks threads by gosh golly.

 

I don't mean it to be directed at you, I don't even know you. But this is my perspective in life. I have made a career out of making sure I don't marry the same woman twice. And what I have learned has completely changed my world view and perspective on relationships.

 

In short, I believe we have been a fed decades of hyper-feminized psychobabble slopped on centuries of religious mumbo jumbo. And that is making men miserable. So I argue the points that I believe saved my life.

[loveweary11]

At 36, sure you are! You just have a boat.

 

Actually, boats don't help you get girls AT ALL. I've had one since college.

 

You have to already have a girl. Then you enjoy the boat together.

 

But..no...for real. I am fully accepted by people half my age. Literally am not the *weird* old guy. Just the old guy.,

 

People constantly tell me how they like me at social events where I'm the oldest person by FAR in attendance. Guys and girls. Younger people really like me. Older people don't.

 

I wish I could wear a GoPro to show the way it goes.

[Brigit]

I don't mean it to be directed at you, I don't even know you. But this is my perspective in life. I have made a career out of making sure I don't marry the same woman twice. And what I have learned has completely changed my world view and perspective on relationships.

 

In short, I believe we have been a fed decades of hyper-feminized psychobabble slopped on centuries of religious mumbo jumbo. And that is making men miserable. So I argue the points that I believe saved my life.

 

If it makes you feel any better women are miserable too. Women have been taught and are STILL taught that the most important asset they have is their level of attractiveness. Being anything less than a "9" is being an inferior female. Women have been conditioned to think that without beauty they are useless and men have been conditioned to think a sign of success is a beautiful woman on your arm. These are the conditions: everyone is miserable.

[Brigit]

But..no...for real. I am fully accepted by people half my age. Literally am not the *weird* old guy. Just the old guy.,

 

 

Yep. I believe that's what they tell you when they're hanging out on your boat. I can hear them now:

 

"Yo dude you are mad Kool. I swear I would never think you were THAT old. You got mad skillz bit*h."

 

 

[loveweary11]

Yep. I believe that's what they tell you when they're hanging out on your boat. I can hear them now:

 

"Yo dude you are mad Kool. I swear I would never think you were THAT old. You got mad skillz bit*h."

 

 

 

Now this post *is* bordering on insulting.

 

Wrong.

 

I was living in a large Sprinter van I tricked out into a very comfortable mobile apartment for the last few years, up until a month ago when I sold it.

 

My new boat isn't even finished yet. It was started when I was still married, 3-4 years ago. . I'm feverishly trying to finish it now in complete social isolation in a very rural area with 2 employees. Everyone misses me and is awaiting my return. Yes... all late teens and early 20s people, all women, 1 guy, sort of, that's friends with a platonic female friend I think is cool.

 

 

So for the past few years since divorce, I offered them no place to crash (though several chicks have went on trips for a week or more in my van), no boat.

 

I go to electronic music festivals, hiking, to the beach, out to clubs and generally bounce around NY and Miami mostly and that's it. NY and Miami because I'm rebuilding my social and love life post divorce.

 

I went to see these girls at *their* places a lot of the time or had them over in some free Manhattan and South Beach housing I have access to related to one of my businesses.

 

So... what do you have to say now about me just being siome rich guy that wows girls with a boat?

 

I am on their turf. In their events, at their parties, at their houses. I am accepted and missed right now while I've been away for months working to get this boat in the water. Still another year to go getting he inside looking just right... but I am bringing it to NY for the summer to go island hopping and have my *existing* millennial friends, lovers and potential romantic interests out on it.

 

To share with them this life I've been living since 2005 and going on and on about that they only get through story. I'm showing them the beauty of travel by boat.

Edited June 10, 2015 by loveweary11

[Brigit]

Now this post *is* bordering on insulting.

 

Wrong.

 

I was living in a large Sprinter van I tricked out into a very comfortable mobile apartment for the last few years, up until a month ago when I sold it.

 

My new boat isn't even finished yet. It was started when I was still married, 3-4 years ago. . I'm feverishly trying to finish it now in complete social isolation in a very rural area with 2 employees. Everyone misses me and is awaiting my return. Yes... all late teens and early 20s people, all women, 1 guy, sort of, that's friends with a platonic female friend I think is cool.

 

 

So for the past few years since divorce, I offered them no place to crash (though several chicks have went on trips for a week or more in my van), no boat.

 

I go to electronic music festivals, hiking, to the beach, out to clubs and generally bounce around NY and Miami mostly and that's it. NY and Miami because I'm rebuilding my social and love life post divorce.

 

I went to see these girls at *their* places a lot of the time or had them over in some free Manhattan and South Beach housing I have access to related to one of my businesses.

 

So... what do you have to say now about me just being siome rich guy that wows girls with a boat?

 

I am on their turf. In their events, at their parties, at their houses. I am accepted and missed right now while I've been away for months working to get this boat in the water. Still another year to go getting he inside looking just right... but I am bringing it to NY for the summer to go island hopping and have my *existing* millennial friends, lovers and potential romantic interests out on it.

 

To share with them this life I've been living since 2005 and going on and on about that they only get through story. I'm showing them the beauty of travel by boat.

 

I forget sometimes that I'm on the internet and people don't know me. If I said it to you in person you would have thought it was funny. (I guess my impression of Jesse from Breaking Bad doesn't sound as hilarious in print.) Your life sounds like a lot of fun. I'm sure plenty of people would like to trade places with you.

 

(I'll leave your thread now. Hugs.)