Cheating

[Lozfc]

I've been with my bf for 18 months and generally speaking hes a nice enough guy. He was never my usual type as he is not particularly good looking and certainly not the best specimen of a guy body wise but I was fed up of players etc.

Anyway recently I have been getting closer to my gym instructor to the point that I know something would happen between us if I wanted.

He is so good looking and has an amazing body but I do not think he'd be a great boyfriend as he's too much of a player.

My boyfriend knows him too and Dan, the instructor ridicules my bf as he is a lot weaker and smaller than him etc.

Anyway my question is how can I prevent being attracted to him and is a one off really a bad thing?

Lauren

[CarrieT]

Anyway my question is how can I prevent being attracted to him

Get a different gym instructor.

 

is a one off really a bad thing?

You know it is so why ask the question?

[Lozfc]

You're right on both of course. It's just hard when you're in this situation.

[CarrieT]

You're right on both of course. It's just hard when you're in this situation.

 

Most of us have been there at one point or another. If you really want the gym teacher, then at least do the honorable thing and break up with your boyfriend.

 

But you know - deep down - the gym teacher is probably nothing more than a physical fling and wouldn't end up going anywhere.

 

That is why the best thing you can do is to distance yourself from the temptation. The more you spend time in its influence, the less likely you will be able to resist the desires and you will find yourself acting on it.

 

Read the Infidelity forum posts on people who have been hurt by infidelity and cheaters. Don't be one of those people...

[Lozfc]

Yeah I understand all the grief it can cause.

 

It's probably just the fantasy of the situation that appeals anyway.

 

It's good to speak about it here cos I don't want to be one of them people and wouldn't even discuss the thought of it with my friends cos of what they'd think

[CarrieT]

It's probably just the fantasy of the situation that appeals anyway.

That is a HUGE part of it.

 

What is going on in your head with the gym teacher is way more interesting and exciting that a) what you have with your boyfriend, and b) what would really happen if you actually fooled around with the gym teacher.

 

99% of the time, the fantasy is ALWAYS better. Remember, the mind is the biggest erogenous zone so you are feeding an endorphin by dwelling on it. The more you ponder it, the more exciting - and tangible! - it becomes.

 

That's why it is best to get a different instructor. If you think you can "handle it" and continue to see the gym teacher, the worse it will get. That's why nipping it in the butt and getting a different teacher is the best pro-active move you can make.

 

After a time, you won't be dwelling on the temptation nearly as much as you are now and you'll realize how foolish the whole thing was.

[No Limit]

Break up with your BF and fall for players like your instructor until you're truly fed up with them (since your instructor is just another player).

I don't see anything difficult at all in your situation to be honest. It was wrong of you to get into a relationship with someone you're not attracted to just as wrong it will be to cheat.

[rocketman122]

wow, I feel bad for the guy. poor guy doesnt know whats going on.

 

I have a few thoughts here

 

1-as a hardcore muscular bodybuilder I too was once in your BG shoes. attractive but not a great body to start with. you basically took him as a compromise to protect yourself and go "safe" till youre tired and then the shet hits the fan for him. not cool.

 

2-if you do really want to continue with your BF (im not sure its through though) I would tell him he needs to get fit. make a little jealous how you like the way insructor looks and convince him to get in shape. physical attraction is a big part of a relationship.

 

3-I only have bad words to say to you if you do go with the instructor just because you want to be ravished by a hunk. I think its disrespectful, disgusting and low class and you have no values.

 

I think you have no values anyways because you chose a guy whos safe. thats not cool. take into consideration that something like this might bring a lot of problems with your bf if he found out. many commit suicide, many go crazy, many probably went postal on people. you have to think it through.

 

the instructor too is a POS since if he had values he wouldnt touch you.

carrie is right. get another instructor

[jen1447]

If you're BF's not inspiring you then you really should cut him loose rather than keep him around for your convenience. Cheating seems inevitable in this scenario bc you obvs don't value the BF very much, and I'm assuming you're hot so opportunities will continue to arise. How long will you be able to talk yourself out of them?

 

I understand your disdain for players but that's really not a good reason to keep a 'second tier' guy around as a shield.

[writergal]

Yeah I understand all the grief it can cause.

 

It's probably just the fantasy of the situation that appeals anyway.

 

It's good to speak about it here cos I don't want to be one of them people and wouldn't even discuss the thought of it with my friends cos of what they'd think

 

But you are one of those people because you admit that you don't really care for your boyfriend that much, and are ready to cheat on him with your personal trainer.

 

I really don't understand why people settle, who then later complain about settling, so that they can justify cheating on the person they never wanted to be with in the first place.

[Lozfc]

Thanks for the comments I appreciate them.

 

Firstly I wouldn't want to hurt my bf and I do care about him. My question was how to avoid being tempted which changing my instructor seems by far the best idea.

 

In posting this I am just throwing out the thoughts that are in my mind and not neccessarily something I would do. I have never cheated on anyone and don't want to either. I was just looking for somebody to bounce some ideas off how to deal with feelings.

 

Thanks

[writergal]

Thanks for the comments I appreciate them.

 

Firstly I wouldn't want to hurt my bf and I do care about him. My question was how to avoid being tempted which changing my instructor seems by far the best idea.

 

In posting this I am just throwing out the thoughts that are in my mind and not neccessarily something I would do. I have never cheated on anyone and don't want to either. I was just looking for somebody to bounce some ideas off how to deal with feelings.

 

Thanks

 

The best way to deal with your feelings of wanting to cheat, is to stop settling on the type of men whom you choose to date. Pick men who are you attracted to, who you have things in common with. Stop dating men like your current boyfriend who is wrong for you. If he wasn't wrong for you, you wouldn't be attracted to and tempted by your sex personal trainers.

[rocketman122]

Thanks for the comments I appreciate them.

 

Firstly I wouldn't want to hurt my bf and I do care about him. My question was how to avoid being tempted which changing my instructor seems by far the best idea.

 

In posting this I am just throwing out the thoughts that are in my mind and not necessarily something I would do. I have never cheated on anyone and don't want to either. I was just looking for somebody to bounce some ideas off how to deal with feelings.

 

Thanks

 

the problem is that its in your head to cheat and it will happen often. I mean the thoughts. Im attracted to my lady extremely and I dont feel the need to cheat with others because I dont say wow, what a hunk that guy is and my BF is ugly and not a good speciman of a man. I look at those woman and I want my lady more.

you arent happy with the BF. youre not attracted to him and attraction is a big part for you. if you want to continue with your BF, get him to be this attractive guy you want. even an ugly guy can improve his appearance.

[Lozfc]

That best specimen line was an awful thing to say and I didn't mean he's that bad. Obviously I wouldn't be with someone I didn't fancy

[lolablue17]

I meet lots of girls and women, some of them frilrt with me, and i'm definitely attracted to some of them. Yet I don't sleep with them even if they wanted to. (Unless my wife approves )

 

What am I? An animal? Do you claim that you just can't control youself when you meet an attractive male? Don't you have an internal compass to guide you the way you choose to go?

 

It's nice to meet attractive people, like window shopping. But the problem is that this instructor makes jokes about your BF's weakness. I would stop taking his lesson because it's rude to make jokes about a weak man especially in front of his GF. He doesn't respect your BF + you.

Edited May 31, 2015 by lolablue17

[Lozfc]

That best specimen line was an awful thing to say and I didn't mean he's that bad. Obviously I wouldn't be with someone I didn't fancy

[No Limit]

the instructor ridicules my bf as he is a lot weaker and smaller than him etc.

 

If someone said this about my BF I'd slap them and give them a hundred reasons why BF is better than them.

Showing off with muscles to cover up an empty skull for example.

[rocketman122]

That best specimen line was an awful thing to say and I didn't mean he's that bad. Obviously I wouldn't be with someone I didn't fancy

 

Im sure when you came to write the post you were pumped, and the truth flowed from within. and im certain there is truth to what you wrote. after youve calmed down and read peoples posts youve come to realize the real picture. I still think you meant it. no need to downplay it.

 

you didnt hint it, you clearly said

 

-hes a nice enough guy

-He was never my usual type

-he is not particularly good looking

-certainly not the best specimen of a guy body wise

-I was fed up of players etc. (so you chose him as a "safe" choice)

-the instructor ridicules my bf as he is a lot weaker and smaller than him etc

 

 

if I was in the same situation (being the woman) and the trainer said a word about my BF, I would go ballistic on him. no way in hell anyone would talk shet about my partner. but you didnt say shet because you want to be on the trainers good side and not ruin a potential screw.

 

you should be ashamed. letting him go is not the answer as I think it will crush him. but pity love is worse.

[rocketman122]

If someone said this about my BF I'd slap them and give them a hundred reasons why BF is better than them.

Showing off with muscles to cover up an empty skull for example.

 

hey slow down...not everyone who is about muscles is using it as an excuse cause he has no brain power hahaha

[jen1447]

I do think OP was getting off on the power prospects.

 

(No offense OP, whatever floats your boat, but you have to wear it if you put it out there.)

[No Limit]

hey slow down...not everyone who is about muscles is using it as an excuse cause he has no brain power hahaha

 

Sure not everyone, but when they start off with "pfft he's smaller and weaker" then I doubt there's much brains behind it. At best he'll now come around with an old BMW or some other shallow stuff.

[Spectre]

You're right on both of course. It's just hard when you're in this situation.

 

If you loved and respected your boyfriend it wouldn't be hard. So it is time to set him free even if you don't get with this instructor.

 

I mean, this is why I think your bf needs to dump you: you are able to still want to bang a guy who RIDICULES your boyfriend to you. Which means you have zero respect for the guy you are with.

 

You also seriously asked if a "one off" was really a bad thing. You are not girlfriend material.

Edited June 1, 2015 by Spectre

[Heer]

Hello Lozfc. I understand your situation and I've been there before too. In my case it was my high school bus driver:love::love: and he was a really good looking man even though he was 25 years older than me. He could've been my father:eek: It was hard to resist temptation at first but I feel that time is your friend in a situation like this. I'm supposing that this is a spur of the moment thing where you are suddenly attracted to another person. I suggest you keep this attraction to yourself and give it sometime. I'm sure your bf loves you a lot and I'm sure that with time, the crush will simply become less intense. I hope that helped.

[Arieswoman]

Lozfc,

You said

 

Anyway my question is how can I prevent being attracted to him and is a one off really a bad thing?

 

There are to questions here ;-

 

Q1. How can I prevent being attracted to him?

A. You can't.

No-one can stop themselves being attracted to another. That's life. Being married doesn't stop you being attracted to someone else. The challenge is whether you are going to act on it or not.

 

Q2. is a one off really a bad thing?

A. That depends on which way your moral compass is aligned. Have a read of all the threads on here posted by people who cheated, and all the moral dilemmas they ended up in.

 

Good luck.

[a22g]

I've been with my bf for 18 months and generally speaking hes a nice enough guy. He was never my usual type as he is not particularly good looking and certainly not the best specimen of a guy body wise but I was fed up of players etc.

Anyway recently I have been getting closer to my gym instructor to the point that I know something would happen between us if I wanted.

He is so good looking and has an amazing body but I do not think he'd be a great boyfriend as he's too much of a player.

My boyfriend knows him too and Dan, the instructor ridicules my bf as he is a lot weaker and smaller than him etc.

Anyway my question is how can I prevent being attracted to him and is a one off really a bad thing?

Lauren

 

Yes, a one-off is out of the question. Break up with your boyfriend because you are doing him no service if you are even asking this question. You can't prevent attraction. It just happens. It is a very powerful emotional trigger that when activated will overpower any sense or logic. It is biological. You can't help that and it is normal. What you can help is if you are going to give in, then at least cut your bf loose so he doesn't look back on this and be tormented.

 

Also, for the love of god, if someone else is making fun of your SO, then defend them. If you don't then something is seriously wrong. If some chick were knocking my girl, I would put them in their place.