Cheating

[Chi townD]

Does anyone else see it? This Gym instructor is a player. He'll screw up a good thing for you just to get what he wants and once he hit's it, he'll quit it.

 

 

And another thing that I find disturbing is that he'll sit there and bash on your boyfriend. Saying that he's smaller and weaker. And you didn't state that you defended your man. I mean, this guy is basically slapping you in the face saying that your choices suck.

 

 

I think that you're so caught up on this gym instructor, you're blinding yourself to what' real. You have a guy that treats you right and loves you (you never written anything different). So, he might be smaller, maybe a little messier than this gym guy, but there's a saying. A Diamond in the ruff. Because I'm guessing that before this gym instructor came on the scene, you were happy in your relationship.

[Spectre]

Hello Lozfc. I understand your situation and I've been there before too. In my case it was my high school bus driver:love::love: and he was a really good looking man even though he was 25 years older than me. He could've been my father:eek: It was hard to resist temptation at first but I feel that time is your friend in a situation like this. I'm supposing that this is a spur of the moment thing where you are suddenly attracted to another person. I suggest you keep this attraction to yourself and give it sometime. I'm sure your bf loves you a lot and I'm sure that with time, the crush will simply become less intense. I hope that helped.

 

Uh what? Your advice is to KEEP this to herself and keep it from her boyfriend? Why does the boyfriend not deserve to know his girl has no love or respect for him?

 

No offense to you, but I'm starting to get why YOUR boyfriend was so damn paranoid now if this is your attitude.

[jen1447]

Also, for the love of god, if someone else is making fun of your SO, then defend them. If you don't then something is seriously wrong. If some chick were knocking my girl, I would put them in their place.

I think that's the true indicator that OP was DTF. I don't blame her for not defending him tho, bc if he has little value for her, why should she? She should probably let him go tho in that case (unless he's ok with a secondary role like that).

[Chi townD]

I think that's the true indicator that OP was DTF. I don't blame her for not defending him tho, bc if he has little value for her, why should she? She should probably let him go tho in that case (unless he's ok with a secondary role like that).

 

LOL! You don't paint a pretty picture of a good woman's loyalties. It's as if you don't blame her for just kicking it with her current boyfriend until a REAL man comes along. Then, drop him and go with the hot guy.

[jen1447]

Moreso I'm just trying to look at it from OP's point of view and not stand in judgment. She didn't come here looking for an evaluation of her personal ethics, just advice on a couple questions. shrug.

[rocketman122]

Moreso I'm just trying to look at it from OP's point of view and not stand in judgment. She didn't come here looking for an evaluation of her personal ethics, just advice on a couple questions. shrug.

 

those are big questions that fires up peoples morals. if it doesnt bring out a reaction from you regarding her behaviour I wonder your level of morals.

 

its like saying this one specific guy annoys me and I want to kick his azz. is a one of a really bad thing?

 

I say treat others like you want to be treated. figure youre in his place. how would that feel.

 

btw, there will always be aszhwholes who will want to take advantage of any woman willing to sleep with them. married with a partner, whatever. we have to decide and control ourselves from not allowing it. I cant control others who have no morals. if the ******* trainer would sleep with her even though he knows her BF than we realize hes a POS. but shes no better for wantng even though shes in a committed relationship with the bf.

[Lozfc]

Thanks for all the replies.

 

I think people have to remember that these are just thoughts Id had and Id not actually acted upon any of these.

 

Yes the things dan said was a bit mean but they were only minor things and I guess it is his way of flirting. That being said people are right and I should not have allowed it no matter.

 

I think from reading replies that I realise I have a good thing and sometimes maybe that just needs to be reminded. Not just to me but others. I'm sure we've all looked at someone and thought you'd love to spend some fun time with them even though you never would out of respect for a partner or whatever.

 

For all the reasons I like Dan are also all the reasons I don't want to go out with someone like that and yes maybe I am slightly hypocritical but I'm only Young and also learning what I like and what decisions to make myself and I think if id have gone with Dan it would be a huge mistake Id regret for a long time.

 

Now rather than finish with my bf as many have suggested because I apparently have low morals for admitting I fancy another guy on a relationship forum I'm actually drawn more towards him as I do have a good thing and maybe have seen the grass isn't always greener sooner than I maybe would have.

[Redhead14]

I've been with my bf for 18 months and generally speaking hes a nice enough guy. He was never my usual type as he is not particularly good looking and certainly not the best specimen of a guy body wise but I was fed up of players etc.

Anyway recently I have been getting closer to my gym instructor to the point that I know something would happen between us if I wanted.

He is so good looking and has an amazing body but I do not think he'd be a great boyfriend as he's too much of a player.

My boyfriend knows him too and Dan, the instructor ridicules my bf as he is a lot weaker and smaller than him etc.

Anyway my question is how can I prevent being attracted to him and is a one off really a bad thing?

Lauren

 

Lauren, please. If things are off between you and your boyfriend of 18 MONTHS, you owe it to him to talk with him and try to work on the things that are causing you to look at and consider others and especially when you know they are players.

 

If there are problems between you and your boyfriend that can't be resolved, you end it with him. Take some time to get past that and then start dating again.

[Spectre]

Moreso I'm just trying to look at it from OP's point of view and not stand in judgment. She didn't come here looking for an evaluation of her personal ethics, just advice on a couple questions. shrug.

 

Irrelevant, people judge each other all the time for a variety of things, that is life. She came to a public forum and posted these details.

 

Looking at it from the "OP's point of view" doesn't make sense. The OP has tried to claim she DOES value the guy, so for you to be saying "oh why would she defend him if she doesn't value him?" means you feel she is flat out lying. Oh well all get what you were doing, she was being knocked for shady behavior(that she willingly posted about) and you felt you had to step in because..reasons.

 

I think people have to remember that these are just thoughts Id had and Id not actually acted upon any of these.

 

Lady, you are talking about how much you want to screw your gym instructor. This is not equivalent to you walking down the street, seeing a random good looking guy, and being attracted to him. This is you wanting to bang a guy you..totally could bang, since it's not like you just passed him once on the street, never to see him again.

 

Yes the things dan said was a bit mean but they were only minor things and I guess it is his way of flirting. That being said people are right and I should not have allowed it no matter.

 

You say you shouldn't of allowed it..only after defending the piece of crap. Again: what does it say about you if you want to screw a guy who does this? What does it say about your respect for your boyfriend?

 

I think from reading replies that I realise I have a good thing and sometimes maybe that just needs to be reminded. Not just to me but others. I'm sure we've all looked at someone and thought you'd love to spend some fun time with them even though you never would out of respect for a partner or whatever.

 

But you don't respect your partner, that is the problem.

 

For all the reasons I like Dan are also all the reasons I don't want to go out with someone like that and yes maybe I am slightly hypocritical but I'm only Young and also learning what I like and what decisions to make myself and I think if id have gone with Dan it would be a huge mistake Id regret for a long time.

 

The very fact you like this prick at all speaks volumes. Also, your first sentence speaks volumes. You did not say "all the reasons I like Dan". See, it should be "all the reasons I LIKED Dan", but it is not. You used "like" which means you still like the guy, unbelievable. Dump your bf.

 

Now rather than finish with my bf as many have suggested because I apparently have low morals for admitting I fancy another guy on a relationship forum I'm actually drawn more towards him as I do have a good thing and maybe have seen the grass isn't always greener sooner than I maybe would have.

 

I like how you glossed over all the major read flags. First off, people in relationships should not "fancy" others. Find someone of the opposite sex attractive? Sure, but crushing on them like you are talking about? No, not if they love their partner.

 

Also, you developed feelings for a man who talks trash about your bf. That says it all. The second he began to talk trash anything you felt for the guy should of vanished, but it didn't. So your boyfriend deserves better. Why do you not think your boyfriend deserves a gf who respects him? You do not. I don't care if you say now you should of done something, the fact of the matter is this happened and you still had feelings. So why stay with the guy, why steal possibly years of his life, wasting them with a girl who doesn't respect him?

 

Again though, it disturbs me how you tried to shrug this off. As you said, you came and posted about this on an internet forum. Which means it was NOT just some passing thought you had. So stop with all that.

Edited June 2, 2015 by Spectre

[Chi townD]

Okay, enough on the bashing for my part. Let's fix this.

 

 

It's pretty obvious to most people on this is that can make an assessment; that the gym guy is a player and you would have been a new toy to play with for a while until someone new comes into the gym that catches his fancy.

 

 

Now that YOU realize this, you totally need to distance yourself from this guy. He's nothing but trouble for you, He'll make you give up a good thing and throw you away and then you'll discover that your current boyfriend has moved on and you'll be left with nothing. Plus, it should speak volumes to you that he KNOWS you have a boyfriend and yet he'll openly flirt with you and bash on your boyfriend. All for his own selfish wants. He doesn't give a damn about your boyfriend; therefore, he doesn't give a damn about you or what's important in your life. He screw it up for his own selfish wants.

 

 

So, start NC on this guy. NO CONTACT! Hell, go to another gym! Shouldn't be hard for you. Start to focus on your boyfriend and what was it about him that made you fall in love with him. If you feel that things are lacking in your relationship, sit down and have a heart to heart with him. Relationship is a constant work in progress. If you stop working on it, then it falls apart. Sounds like your relationship is out of the honeymoon phase and needs to be worked on. Focus on that!

[Spectre]

But why focus on just the gym guy. He is a player, and it was obvious and he bashed the boyfriend and she still likes him. She even said it, "the reason I like Dan". Not liked, but like.

 

Here is my thing: if she stays she has to tell the boyfriend everything. All about how she wanted this other guy even though he'd trash talk him. It's not fair for her to continue with her boyfriend without letting him know the type of person he is dealing with.

 

So OP: practice what you preach. You truly care about your bf and want to be with him? Okay, be honest with him. Or better yet, show him this thread. Yeah, that is the better idea. Show him this thread, then let HIM decide. It should not be your choice whether this relationship continues, but his. So if you meant anything you said about caring for him, okie dokie..show him the thread or tell him every single thing you've told us.

Edited June 2, 2015 by Spectre

[jen1447]

Spectre, you seem to get waaaaaay too into these sorts of threads. I feel absolutely no need to explain or justify myself to you or debate you about elective ancillary values, I reject your moral denunciations as irrelevant, and I wish you'd just focus on the topic at hand, which isn't me no matter how much you seem to wish it was.

 

OP's looking for feedback, not me, and dissecting my character/motivations/whatever doesn't help her in the slightest.

[68_f100]

It's funny you say you are tired of players. Wtf do you think your doing to your BF? Its obvious you playing him. Do him a favor and dump him. Then he might find a decent girl to be with.

[minime13]

I don't mean to be rude, and apologize if it comes off this way, but do people not understand a basic concept of self control?

 

You can find people attractive. Most people find others attractive. However, finding someone attractive doesn't mean they have any redeeming qualities, nor does it mean that you should automatically ponder the question of whether or not you should pursue them.

 

People seem to put way too much emphasis on physical attraction, as if it is the only important quality in a relationship. It's actually one of the least important qualities. It's the first thing you notice, but it shouldn't be the only thing.

 

Granted, you're young, so I'll cut you some slack. These are things we find when we become involved in more quality, well-rounded relationships. Looks fade. Physical taste can sometimes change or evolve. That single quality is certainly not everything.

 

What can you do to control your attractions? Nothing. You can control how you react to them, though. If someone is good looking, just view them as being good looking. Stop the thought process there, because you are in a good relationship with a good man.

 

And, for this specific situation, find another gym instructor. You've let things become inappropriate because you have let him speak disparaging words about your boyfriend without taking up for him. It doesn't matter if you can control your urges or not - you are letting him flirt with you and show complete disrespect for your boyfriend and relationship. You should be happy about your relationship, and should want to defend it when someone tries to trash it.

 

You didn't, so you need to walk away from that situation now, out of respect for your boyfriend and relationship.

[Spectre]

Spectre, you seem to get waaaaaay too into these sorts of threads. I feel absolutely no need to explain or justify myself to you or debate you about elective ancillary values, I reject your moral denunciations as irrelevant, and I wish you'd just focus on the topic at hand, which isn't me no matter how much you seem to wish it was.

 

OP's looking for feedback, not me, and dissecting my character/motivations/whatever doesn't help her in the slightest.

 

Uh lady? Get over yourself. Nobody wishes the topic at hand was you trust me. But if you post a comment in a public forum, don't expect people to not comment on it. If I begin to call you out in threads you haven't even posted in? Then start talking crazy about how I "wish you were the focus".