Girl sleeps over, but sleeps on the floor (both of us in relationships)

[Spectre]

A guy with a gf doesn't invite women over to his place to watch a movie ON HIS BED unless he had something else in mind.

Your own words - "I'm a scumbag, but haven't really (only emotionally) cheated yet."

 

As you said she is shy, Christian and conservative AND she brought a sleeping bag.

She may never have considered that the movie watching was going to be on the bed.

As someone else said, many of us who are shy, have also put up with a degree of unwanted touching, when we felt uncomfortable standing up for ourselves in certain situations.

 

Seems to me the spider had the fly in his web, but the fly somehow managed to cleverly extricate herself.

The spider is left with a rumbling tum and is left wondering what went wrong with his plan for dinner...

 

I find this post utterly absurd. You LAMBAST the guy, but make lame excuses for the girl. She willingly came to spend the night with this guy, drank wine with him, got into his bed with him to watch movies. But you lambast him, but blame her transgressions on what, shyness? Un frickin believable.

 

So he is acting the way he is because he wants to screw her, but she is just a poor shy Christian girl? Riiight.

Edited June 1, 2015 by Spectre

[gaius]

I don't think you misjudged her at all to be honest. But there are a lot of women who are very submissive and won't touch you back until you make a real solid move.

 

One of my ex's, the first time we kissed was in a movie theater and she wasn't touching me back. But when I would lean in to whisper something in her ear she'd turn her head to look at me and I wouldn't pull back much. Was totally comfortable with that kind of closeness. Which means she was ready for it.

 

I'd say she gave you that window to make a move and you didn't, so off to the sleeping bag she went. Most girls never forgive and never forget you not taking action if they give you an opening.

[smackie9]

I don't think you misjudged her at all to be honest. But there are a lot of women who are very submissive and won't touch you back until you make a real solid move.

 

One of my ex's, the first time we kissed was in a movie theater and she wasn't touching me back. But when I would lean in to whisper something in her ear she'd turn her head to look at me and I wouldn't pull back much. Was totally comfortable with that kind of closeness. Which means she was ready for it.

 

I'd say she gave you that window to make a move and you didn't, so off to the sleeping bag she went. Most girls never forgive and never forget you not taking action if they give you an opening.

 

yes but her actually going for it is suspect. There are those who go along with the cuddling so far, and when it comes to the obligation, they say "I don't see you that way, I only see you as a close friend." There can be more than one ending.....

[barcode88]

Something strange happened to me recently and I'd love to hear some opinions on this as I can't quite wrap my head around it.

 

Me:

I'm in a relationship (the girl who slept over knew that), pretty happy with my gf, but sometimes I meet other women and can't help but develop feelings for them, too. I'm a scumbag, but haven't really (only emotionally) cheated yet.

 

The girl who slept over:

She's a few years younger than me, also in a relationship (I knew that). Somewhat Christian, conservative, dresses that way as well. She's fairly shy as well.

 

Our relationship until the sleeping over:

Met a few months ago, went out in a group, some physical touching and flirting, but no sex nor kissing. Since the girl lives hours away, we haven't seen each other in weeks and have only had more or less loose text contact. We are not best buddies or anything.

She barely mentioned her bf to me as well.

 

Before her coming over:

I had asked her to come visit my town via text, she was up for it but looking for a good reason (probably because of her bf). She also wanted to meet other friends in my town, too.

She ultimately decided to come and asked me if she could stay at my place for a night. I said yes but told her I didnt have any additional couches or so (hint hint).

She also suggested we could go out in the evening together, or just watch a movie together (hint hint - that's what I thought at least).

 

The evening:

She comes over, we have a good time, have dinner together, a bottle of wine etc., talk for a bit. Eventually, she suggests (again) to watch a movie and we do just that in my bed. Really on top of the bed, fully clothed.

Note that she hasn't mentioned her boyfriend ONCE nor my girlfriend.

 

We watch the movie, sit pretty closely, our sides and arms touch. Eventually, I put my arm around her, my hand caressing her shoulder/side/back. She doesn't mind, move away, make up any excuses or anything. She seems comfortable and we also chat during the movie, have some wine etc. Again, atmosphere is good.

 

Since she doesn't touch me with her hands (nor directly snuggle up to me) or so, I don't want to scare her and don't kiss her or anything. I thought it'd be better to just cuddle a bit at first in bed.

 

But once the movie is over, she unwraps a sleeping bag and insists on sleeping on the floor. No mat or anything. I offered her the bed etc., but she (nicely) insisted. Eventually, she gets changed for sleeping (bathroom) and "casually" (haha) brings up her boyfriend for the first time that evening. We talk quite a bit more while lying down, same in the morning, but nothing happens and she leaves the next day.

 

 

---------------------------

 

 

Can someone riddle me this? How does something like this even happen?

 

Was this girl really "innocent" enough to think that with both of us in relationships she could just normally sleep over as if it was nothing? Did she think I'm just her best buddy, despite us not knowing each other that well?

 

Why was she okay with watching a movie (even suggested it), my arm around her, yet wouldn't even sleep in the same bed when I (eventually) even promised I would "behave" myself?

 

Did nothing happen because I messed up? Did I move too slowly? Was she never intending to "do" anything with me?

 

OP based on your "Hint Hint" I'm guessing you really DId want to have sex.

 

My honest opinion, she was ready to go when you were cuddling watching the movie, I would have made a move on her there and kissed her. She was probably nervous cheating on her boyfriend, and when you didn't take action, eventually she decided not to go any further.

 

If you would have just kissed her you probably could have had sex with her (possibly, hard to tell with the sleeping bag being brought) like you wanted (don't lie to us) lol.

 

Can't believe I'm giving advice on how to cheat... Terrible.

Edited June 1, 2015 by barcode88

[LifeExperiences]

thanks a lot for the advice guys.

 

still a bit strange that she brought the sleeping bag in the first place, but perhaps she just wanted to have that in case I failed (and so I did) or as an excuse to herself/her bf/her consciousness or whatever.

 

That's all I wanted to know really, just some reassurance that I wasn't totally off in my assessment of the situation.

 

Now I'll just have to live with the "could have been", but at least I know there was something between us and I am not just a delusional idiot who got friendzoned.

 

Time to move on!

 

But truth is, I WAS too chicken to make a proper move myself. After the "cuddling", I thought it might just come together normally even w/o too much extra effort, but it seems I was wrong haha. I'm not too sad about it, she wasn't the love of my life nor really my type in the first place. She's a cool girl, no doubt, but if I had been head over heels when I saw her at my place I probably would have been a bit more decisive about it.

 

I do have my problem with shy girls, though. They always seem very willing to accept my "moves" when I actually go for it, but they never do much themselves, so I'm wary to go further because I definitely do NOT want to make anyone feel uncomfortable around me. If only they were a bit more open about it!

Edited June 1, 2015 by LifeExperiences

[barcode88]

thanks a lot for the advice guys.

 

still a bit strange that she brought the sleeping bag in the first place, but perhaps she just wanted to have that in case I failed (and so I did) or as an excuse to herself/her bf/her consciousness or whatever.

 

That's all I wanted to know really, just some reassurance that I wasn't totally off in my assessment of the situation.

 

Now I'll just have to live with the "could have been", but at least I know there was something between us and I am not just a delusional idiot who got friendzoned.

 

Time to move on!

 

But truth is, I WAS too chicken to make a proper move myself. After the "cuddling", I thought it might just come together normally even w/o too much extra effort, but it seems I was wrong haha. I'm not too sad about it, she wasn't the love of my life nor really my type in the first place. She's a cool girl, no doubt, but if I had been head over heels when I saw her at my place I probably would have been a bit more decisive about it.

 

I do have my problem with shy girls, though. They always seem very willing to accept my "moves" when I actually go for it, but they never do much themselves, so I'm wary to go further because I definitely do NOT want to make anyone feel uncomfortable around me. If only they were a bit more open about it!

 

Don't worry, when I was 22 I was with a girl I worked with at her house, and we were DRINKING together and cuddling/watching movies, and I DIDN'T MAKE A MOVE ON HER!!! It was a sure thing too, I think she just wanted casual fun with someone she trusted since we had good rapport.

 

I'm still mad about it sometimes to this day (ok ok not REALLY)

 

Every guy has probably botched something similar.

[Spectre]

My honest opinion, she was ready to go when you were cuddling watching the movie, I would have made a move on her there and kissed her. She was probably nervous cheating on her boyfriend, and when you didn't take action, eventually she decided not to go any further.

 

EXACTLY. People acting like she was some poor shy victim who is just a good Christian girl are blind. Girls with boyfriends should not be cuddling with other men, period. The only males other then their boyfriend who they should be in bed with should be..if they have a dog that happens to be male. That is it, the end. Or I guess a cat who is male? That works too.

 

Chick didn't feel safe enough to say no? Blah, no, if that was the case she wouldn't of went to stay there in the first place. Let's call a spade a spade here guys. They were both in the wrong and both should not be in relationships.

[smackie9]

Who cares about that.....the fact is nothing happened, everyone is safe for another day. Whatever the OP learns here is what he wanted to hear.

 

We don't need to bash it continually into the ground that they are both guilty of stepping over boundaries....we already know that....does it need to be repeated to death?

[Ophelia27]

Break up with your gf please, your behaviour can seriously hurt her. All the things you did with your "friend" is considered cheating. How would you feel if your gf stayed over at some guy's house, lay in his arm and had expectations of getting kissed. I dont even understand why you post this. You are obviously not dating material.

 

I usually would be a lot nicer in my posts but the way you disregard your gf and just worry about your emotional affair....

[Trimmer]

Who cares about that.....the fact is nothing happened, everyone is safe for another day. Whatever the OP learns here is what he wanted to hear.

 

We don't need to bash it continually into the ground that they are both guilty of stepping over boundaries....we already know that....does it need to be repeated to death?

Perhaps not... if the OP gave any indication that he realized or cared that they were both guilty of stepping over boundaries.

[smackie9]

Perhaps not... if the OP gave any indication that he realized or cared that they were both guilty of stepping over boundaries.

 

 

I know he doesn't care, and 100 more posts about it isn't going to change that. Broken record.

[LifeExperiences]

So far in my life I've made the experience that I always regret the things I didn't do more than the things I did do.

 

Also, life is short. I love my girlfriend, but attraction, affection and love are complicated things. I'll always be attracted to new people, there's no helping that. Why let yourself be held back by man-made morals? The worst that could come out of this is emotional pain, which is the price I'm willing to pay.

 

Eventually, everyone will die anyway.

[Trimmer]

So far in my life I've made the experience that I always regret the things I didn't do more than the things I did do.

 

Also, life is short. I love my girlfriend, but attraction, affection and love are complicated things. I'll always be attracted to new people, there's no helping that. Why let yourself be held back by man-made morals? The worst that could come out of this is emotional pain, which is the price I'm willing to pay.

 

Eventually, everyone will die anyway.

Hey, as long as you are being clear and transparent with your girlfriend, and she knows where you stand, then more power to you. If, on the other hand, you are deceiving her as to the status or structure of your relationship, then the emotional pain is not ONLY yours, but you are bringing it to her as well.

 

I'm a big fan of "as long as we all agree, then go for it", but in the casting aside of "traditional morals", I find a critical element of this is the informed consent of all parties involved. If you are waving the flag of "not adhering to traditional morals", but then you don't make an effort to ensure informed consent of the others that you involve in your drama, I don't align with that philosophy.

 

Boiled down: in a relationship, it is your responsibility to contribute honestly to a meeting of the minds. Deception is wrong. If you are going to deceive, you should instead leave the relationship.

[minime13]

So far in my life I've made the experience that I always regret the things I didn't do more than the things I did do.

 

Also, life is short. I love my girlfriend, but attraction, affection and love are complicated things. I'll always be attracted to new people, there's no helping that. Why let yourself be held back by man-made morals? The worst that could come out of this is emotional pain, which is the price I'm willing to pay.

 

Eventually, everyone will die anyway.

 

Unless you guys have an open relationship, the whole "man-made morals" line is pure bs meant to make you feel better about what you are doing - which is immoral, period.

 

If you want to have your cake and eat it too, don't have a girlfriend. Date.

 

Or, adversely, find another woman who is fine with an open relationship. Then you can worry about why or why not this other girl you are trying to hook up with won't do it.

[Spectre]

Who cares about that.....the fact is nothing happened, everyone is safe for another day. Whatever the OP learns here is what he wanted to hear.

 

We don't need to bash it continually into the ground that they are both guilty of stepping over boundaries....we already know that....does it need to be repeated to death?

 

Nearly every thread has things repeated. I can't even count how many times I've seen someone post about a huge betrayal, only to see a multitude of replies that can be summed up with "this person is awful for doing this to you, dump them".

 

I've seen you post in various threads on here where this occurred. I did not see you getting on people for repeating stuff. Why is that? See because I see you do this here, and not in other places, it almost seems you are doing it because the girl is being blasted right along with the guy. It almost gives the impression that if the OP was the only one getting repeatedly bashed you wouldn't of said anything. I hope I'm wrong.

Edited June 4, 2015 by Spectre

[Trimmer]

I know he doesn't care, and 100 more posts about it isn't going to change that. Broken record.

Well, I suppose the control over the thread that any one of us has as an individual is to make the choices to (a) post/not post, and/or (b) read/not read. You're choosing to both read and post, so you could always make a different choice...

[minime13]

I know he doesn't care, and 100 more posts about it isn't going to change that. Broken record.

 

People are giving him the advice he needs to hear, which is the most important kind of advice.

 

He wants to hear how to effectively cheat on his girlfriend, and those of us posting, "don't, break up with her" simply don't agree with giving him advice on how to effectively cheat on his girlfriend.

[barcode88]

Long story short, the OP cheated and could have gotten laid, but chickened out and didn't get laid ^_~

[smackie9]

People are giving him the advice he needs to hear, which is the most important kind of advice.

 

He wants to hear how to effectively cheat on his girlfriend, and those of us posting, "don't, break up with her" simply don't agree with giving him advice on how to effectively cheat on his girlfriend.

 

That wasn't my point. MY point IS, there is no need to have 40 posts of the same thing "You need to breakup, you shouldn't cheat".

 

Nor did he asked on how to cheat, he just wanted to know what was going on with this girl's behavior.

[Spectre]

Long story short, the OP cheated and could have gotten laid, but chickened out and didn't get laid ^_~

 

I'd say more like "Long story short, both parties involved cheated and neither should be involved in a relationship at present time".

[minime13]

That wasn't my point. MY point IS, there is no need to have 40 posts of the same thing "You need to breakup, you shouldn't cheat".

 

Nor did he asked on how to cheat, he just wanted to know what was going on with this girl's behavior.

 

I understand what your point is. Some of us (I know I am in this boat) want to drive it in that he shouldn't be doing this to his girlfriend because we've had it done to us. And, 40 different people saying, stop cheating, probably has more of an impact than 1 person saying it.

 

There isn't a limit on number of posts, and there isn't really a huge array of opinions on how relationships should be dealt with. There's going to be some repeat, especially when something is obvious.

[LifeExperiences]

It is admirable, yet futile to try to convince a stranger on the internet of your own morals.

 

I made this topic in order to get input on how to interpret the behaviour of that girl. Not in order to get advice on how to cheat, but to satisfy my own curiosity. I'm most likely not going to see this particular girl again anyway, considering that she lives far away.

 

I'm not a little child nor teen, I have lived on this planet for a bit. Trying to lecture me doesn't do or change anything. We can try to live what we consider "righteous" and "morally impeccable" lives. Perhaps we can then feel superior and proud of ourselves. But at the end of the day, we are still tiny, insignificant life forms with a quite limited life span, drifted in the endless eternity of the universe.

[Spectre]

I understand what your point is. Some of us (I know I am in this boat) want to drive it in that he shouldn't be doing this to his girlfriend because we've had it done to us. And, 40 different people saying, stop cheating, probably has more of an impact than 1 person saying it.

 

There isn't a limit on number of posts, and there isn't really a huge array of opinions on how relationships should be dealt with. There's going to be some repeat, especially when something is obvious.

 

Exactly, and if there is anyone that needs stuff repeated to them..it is cheaters or potential cheaters, because sometimes one or two or even three people saying it..just isn't enough. Not to mention some people read the original post and then just respond to that without reading any of the other responses.

[Spectre]

It is admirable, yet futile to try to convince a stranger on the internet of your own morals.

 

I made this topic in order to get input on how to interpret the behaviour of that girl. Not in order to get advice on how to cheat, but to satisfy my own curiosity. I'm most likely not going to see this particular girl again anyway, considering that she lives far away.

 

I'm not a little child nor teen, I have lived on this planet for a bit. Trying to lecture me doesn't do or change anything. We can try to live what we consider "righteous" and "morally impeccable" lives. Perhaps we can then feel superior and proud of ourselves. But at the end of the day, we are still tiny, insignificant life forms with a quite limited life span, drifted in the endless eternity of the universe.

 

I'm going to be honest, I don't think you need advice on how to cheat because you already kind of did. You had a girl over at your house, alone, sipping wine with her..watching movies with her in your bed. I don't know what to classify that as since apparently nothing physical happened. I hesitate to call it emotional cheating, but some kind of line was crossed by you(and the other girl who is also in a relationship).

 

Surely you don't think people in relationships should be watching movies in bed with a member of the opposite sex? I'm guessing you'd be mad if your girl was sipping wine and watching movies with some other guy while in bed with him.

[Robert]

Hopefully the OP has gotten what they needed from this thread as it's run it's course, thread closed.. thanks all who participated