Am I missing out on what life has to offer?

[redheaded-squirrel]

Hello everyone,

 

I hope I can explain my feelings clearly (athough it's hard) and that you can suggest how do I deal with them or just accept them as part of myself...My post will be long, because you have to know the background info to fully understand.

 

 

I have always been a wanderer, a traveler. Being from a small town and from a relatively wealthy family, I felt that the world had much more to offer and it was too big and too beautiful to just live in one place my whole life - and my parent's finances allowed me to go anywhere I wanted. So I moved away at 14 for a better high school, then abroad, then back again and now I am abroad again for undergrad. I happily "surrendered" to my wanderlust and now I feel much more grown up than my peers who stayed at home all those years.

 

But I did cry the whole first year in high school because I missed my family. My second stint abroad (a year) was fine. Now again at university, I feel like I am missing out on my family's life. I counted the days until I could go back to my home country (which I simultaneously hated). Now I will be moving back home to study for a few months to deal with my homesickeness. I wouldn't have had the strength to stay abroad for one more full year, although I will return next year to finish my studies.

 

Recently, my parents asked me where I want to continue grad school. I know I don't want to stay where I studied so far, but neither I want to return home. I found a relatively good grad school in Austria (Vienna, which, location-wise, is a compromise). It's also good content-wise, there is the UN Office, it's close to home and I already have my own apartment there. But the school is not GREAT. I feel and I have been told by professors that I can do better (eg. London or Geneva).

 

And this is the core of the problem. I am a perfectionist, I care about the prestige of the school and about the quality, so logically, I want to attend the best grad school I can get into. But that is not in Austria. But neither can I deal with 1-2 more years away from home at a better school (in London or Geneva).

 

My friend told me that I have my mind out there in the world, but my heart at home. And the (career/study) ambitions of my mind are impossible to reconcile with the wishes of my heart. I will regret that I went to the best school because I will be homesick, but so will I regret going to Vienna, because I can do better than that. I don't want to miss out on what the world has to offer (because I will be unhappy), but I don't want to move a long way away from home (because, too, I will be unhappy). I've tried to justify the move to Austria by the fact that I want to settle there and it will be easier to find an entry-level job after living there previously (as opposed to moving there after grad school from Geneva and starting from scratch).

 

What do I do? Is there a way to accept that I will always be torn between my mind and my heart? Is it just the way I will always be? (Luckily, I want to be a diplomat, so that is a way to reconcile it, since they alernate between postings at home and abroad...). But still, these two parts of me are fighting and in the end, whichever part wins, I am unhappy.

[StalwartMind]

Perhaps with time you can learn to master the challenge of balancing both your needs. On a realistic level you will always be "missing" out on something and it is your task to prioritize which are the most important. This may change as you age, so wherever you feel the strongest pull from, is where I would dedicate my attention to. As a perfectionist you realize you'll never perfect anything you do anyway. Everything is constantly moving and changing so the challenge of improving is never ending.

 

I hope you don't read that the wrong way or feel that your choice is more clouded than before. As with so many things in life it is indeed all about accepting and adjusting so that you can make the most of your passions. Many things are out of our control, even if we dedicate all our time to "perfect" one trait/aspect of life, so in that sense I would again strongly encourage you choose the path that you think would benefit you the most in the long run. We can't see the future, and there will be random elements in our life that can flip everything upside down, but even so I do believe one is most blessed by trying to imagine where you will be in X years from now. Listen to your heart but let it also be guided by your mind so you don't end up with any or too big of a regret. Life is too short for regrets, so commit to what you believe in.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

Isn't Geneva only a few hours from Austria via train? Seems like you could live & study in Switzerland, yet still be close to your home in Austria.

[PogoStick]

Can't you be like other students and enjoy being away from home during Uni yet visiting for a week or two during breaks?

 

Also, a better question is what are your plans after education? Or is your family so well off that you don't need to consider a career?

 

I learn for the love of knowledge. As a natural scholar I don't care where or how my education is obtained. I don't believe the actual education is any better at elite schools. Hell they all use the same textbooks. Big name schools are more about the networking and building contacts. I don't care much for elitist education, but I don't need my ego stroked from riding on yachts to feel good about myself and I have no desire for world domination.

[Minnie09]

Isn't Geneva only a few hours from Austria via train? Seems like you could live & study in Switzerland, yet still be close to your home in Austria.

 

Her profile says she's from Eastern Europe, so Austria, depending on where she's from in Eastern Europe, could be three to eight or even more hours away by train. Going East. Whereas Geneva is to the West. So that would add another eight hours of travel time into the opposite direction. However, those are relatively short distance flights, within Europe, and if her family is wealthy, I don't see why they wouldn't be able to afford flying her back and forth as frequently as possible.

[redheaded-squirrel]

Thank you all for advice. My worry about Geneva is really about the distance - Vienna is 60 km from home, Geneva is 1 300 km, so...quite a difference. But the more I think about it, it seems I would be stupid not to take the opportunity to settle down in Vienna. I want to live there permanently anyway and I will be paying for the apartment there anyway, so I might just as well live there, I guess.

[Justanaverageguy]

Thank you all for advice. My worry about Geneva is really about the distance - Vienna is 60 km from home, Geneva is 1 300 km, so...quite a difference. But the more I think about it, it seems I would be stupid not to take the opportunity to settle down in Vienna. I want to live there permanently anyway and I will be paying for the apartment there anyway, so I might just as well live there, I guess.

 

Not meaning to be rude here. I understand you are challenged by this decision. But from the outside looking in .... its kind of absurd to be complaining Never judge someone till you have walked in their shoes is my moto so I get this is hard for you. But you basically have an amazing opportunity. The choice to travel or not travel. The choice of numerous amazing universities. The choice to basically do what ever you want. Yet some how out of this amazing opportunity you have twisted it into a reason to be unhappy .... its a little strange.

 

Again not meaning to criticize just trying to maybe shine a light on how your perspective is a little out of wack.

 

Your unhappiness stems only from the fact you are focusing on what you stand to "lose" from either decision rather then what you gain from them. Try and switch your focus to what you gain. Make the choice by focusing on which is more positive rather then which is more negative. Try to remember and keep front of mind it is an opportunity - not a problem.

[Noproblem]

It's time for you to settle down somewhere

 

Moving around won't enable you to make many lasting relationships and friendships,. but you will get to make many connections which is good..

 

However, People don't invest in wanderers, they don't invest time and emotions in them, they know they will go away, so they don't even bother..

 

since you wanna live in Vienna, Vienna is the wisest choice..

 

You can do better of course!

 

You can always do better

 

but at what cost?

 

feeling miserable just to graduate from a great school!

 

You can do great at this school as well..

 

you can finish grad school here, then decide to finish another grad school somewhere else..

 

I would have advice you to finish your degree in the best college out there if it wasn't for you feeling bad and sad about it..

 

since you are not happy = this means you won't excel in these great schools..

 

 

But personally, as someone who sacrificed a good school for being with family

it's not a great choice!

I mean I can live on my own, I just can't leave them, they need me and they refuse to live with my other siblings, so I can't leave them alone!

 

I could do better and this mediocre school i am attending is not gonna get me anywhere good! that's how I feel and that's how upset I am.

 

so if you gonna feel like me after a month or so..

 

go to the best grad school out there,

if not

 

go to Vienna..

Edited July 5, 2015 by Noproblem