How should I do this?

[ZA Dater]

I am sitting here and wondering and thinking, reading and trying to understand.

 

 

Firstly I am not the sort of guy people naturally approach, probably because I don't smile often, I have a pretty serious demeanour but I am quite smart, in the sense I am good with politics and current affairs.

 

 

At 31 I have never had a gf, been on OLD for 7 years, never been kissed and never got laid.

 

 

My tastes in females are the intellectual smart, confident ones, the combination of physical attractiveness and intelligence is what appeals to me. Being able to have a conversation that doesn't revolve around clubs, drinking and who is with who is high on my list of likes.

 

 

At the moment I am being eaten inside, really, really hurting because even the rare person I do connect with isn't interested. I am accused of being negative by the few friends I do have.

 

 

An older friend of mine wants to help me, the same one who tried to set me up with people, encouraged me to try with this last one but everything he tells me to do ends in me feeling absolutely gutted.

 

 

The latest idea is he wants to take me out, the last idea was to take me to a strip club, that doesn't interest me in the slightest. The crowd he mixes with aren't my scene, its all club type people, I don't drink I don't club and neither activity interests me, have tried both.

 

 

I know if I go out with him its just going to be totally awkward and uncomfortable for me because he makes no secret of my inexperience and its not something I enjoy.

 

 

To the immensely intelligent and wise people here, should I go along with this even though I know its not going to net me anyone like me, I think its pointless to try and attempt to date people where there is such a gulf of likes and total fundamental differences. The people he generally hangs out with are not ones I get along with.

 

 

I wont lie at the moment I feel the worst I have ever felt and my main worry if I go along with this I would be setting myself up for a ton of awkwardness and ton of feeling like a total looser.

 

 

Nothing I type up here can truly convey how lost I feel at the moment so anything be it harsh critique, guidance and suggestions is greatly appreciated.

 

 

Am I better off throwing all my energy at something to distract me, something to try and take this immense pain I feel away or at least distract me from it? My inclination is to do this because I may at least feel a bit better for a week or so.

 

 

PS: the feedback I get from said friend is I need to try thing, for example I don't drink, maybe I should drink I must try things. Should I really need to change who I am to make myself attractive?

 

 

Thanks for reading the writing of a very sad feeling guy.

[madjac74]

I think it is hilarious that certain guy friends think they can fix everything with a strip club. He nor you will have any chance of getting laid at a strip club. You will get some boobies in your face for sure...but they have been tainted by every sweaty drunk in the place. Exciting!

 

I don't believe you need to get drunk but you seem to be a bit uptight and a cocktail would not hurt.

[ZA Dater]

I think it is hilarious that certain guy friends think they can fix everything with a strip club. He nor you will have any chance of getting laid at a strip club. You will get some boobies in your face for sure...but they have been tainted by every sweaty drunk in the place. Exciting!

 

I don't believe you need to get drunk but you seem to be a bit uptight and a cocktail would not hurt.

 

Had to weigh up the pro's and cons and fundamentally he seems to think I need to try things to make myself appear more attractive.

 

To me that seems quite false, pretending to be what I am not.

 

I am sure most guys would jump at the chance to have sex with a model but I think for me I am just looking for me, the realistic part of me realises they aren't in my league.

 

Anyway giving the idea a miss.

[ZA Dater]

OP: What sort of things do you enjoy? If you are going to be miserable the entire time, and by the sound of it you will be, then going out to the club is not going to help you. Very few women are attracted to the miserable, brooding guy. They want to have a good time, and a miserable person is a serious buzz kill Maybe you should stick with the things you like, and maybe find a girl that also likes them? Also, most women really aren't into politics. Being knowledgeable politics is not going to help your cause.

 

 

 

Strippers are people too. They still have sex. Many of them will have sex with a guy that has some extra cash.

 

Well I am into politics and world affairs, that is an interest of mine, as is writing, reading, travel and supercars.

 

Clubs as mentioned don't interest me, I am sure most people don't go to clubs because they want to more because society expects them to.

 

But yes, you hit the nail on the head, I am not fun so its no surprise I cant find anyone, even friends.

[ZA Dater]

Strippers are people too. They still have sex. Many of them will have sex with a guy that has some extra cash.

 

With the greatest of respect to strippers I don't want a first time to be with a stripper. I am hoping that would be with someone I intellectually click with.

[TaraMaiden2]

Your Mind-Set is your greatest enemy, because when you venture to try something, you are expecting it to fail.

You also mention no form of sense of humour.

Or hobbies.

 

What makes you laugh?

What puts a smile on your face?

 

What recreational activities do you enjoy, that bring out 'the best' in you?

 

What you cite as your interests, many people find utterly boring.

Simply because you hold them as a benchmark of your personality and character, does not elevate them above the traits of others who may not necessarily find them to THEIR liking.

 

What you are, and how you are, doesn't make you a better or superior person to the way others are.

 

I know a lady who parties, long hard and dedicated.

 

She works as an endocrinologist and senior consultant in a major British Hospital..

 

Just because people let their hair down and revel in a bit of fun and foolishness, doesn't make them worse than you.

 

You sound uptight and far too serious for your own good.

And I apologise if that seems cruel, but honestly, how far has being the way you are, got you?

 

You need to find an outlet for some recreational things you love doing, and laugh more.

 

Because otherwise, you will always expect to fail, and so you always will.

[kolleamm]

OP I'm confident you can get a girlfriend, get laid and all of that.

 

You just need to lower your standards until you can get one, that's the truth. Either that or drastically improve yourself somehow through grooming, bodybuilding, or something else similar to that.

 

Either way if you still can't get one there's always online porn.

[ZA Dater]

Your Mind-Set is your greatest enemy, because when you venture to try something, you are expecting it to fail.

You also mention no form of sense of humour.

Or hobbies.

 

What makes you laugh?

What puts a smile on your face?

 

What recreational activities do you enjoy, that bring out 'the best' in you?

 

What you cite as your interests, many people find utterly boring.

Simply because you hold them as a benchmark of your personality and character, does not elevate them above the traits of others who may not necessarily find them to THEIR liking.

 

What you are, and how you are, doesn't make you a better or superior person to the way others are.

 

I know a lady who parties, long hard and dedicated.

 

She works as an endocrinologist and senior consultant in a major British Hospital..

 

Just because people let their hair down and revel in a bit of fun and foolishness, doesn't make them worse than you.

 

You sound uptight and far too serious for your own good.

And I apologise if that seems cruel, but honestly, how far has being the way you are, got you?

 

You need to find an outlet for some recreational things you love doing, and laugh more.

 

Because otherwise, you will always expect to fail, and so you always will.

 

The way I am has got me nowhere at all. Its given me false hope and many disappointments.

 

I think I have learnt to try and hedge my bets on people where I think there is a chance it could work based on intellect and how well we communicate. If anyone ever considers doing this I would advise them not to.

 

Hobbies, I do have some, they just aren't the type that interests people in general.

 

Everyone is entitled to do as they please, I have no issue with people who club and party but its a life that holds not interest for me at all, been there and done that, I don't drink and when you go to a club and not drink people think you are insane.

 

To answer your other question, very little makes me laugh, what does is chatting to someone intelligent who has a great vocab and I can relate to. These people are rare.

 

The best in me is brought out when I am around supercars or sitting at a lovely wine farm or driving a fantastic road in the middle of nowhere.

[ZA Dater]

OP I'm confident you can get a girlfriend, get laid and all of that.

 

You just need to lower your standards until you can get one, that's the truth. Either that or drastically improve yourself somehow through grooming, bodybuilding, or something else similar to that.

 

Either way if you still can't get one there's always online porn.

 

Not prepared to lower my standards to someone I don't find either intellectually attractive or physically attractive. Sure, I could go on a OLD site and find any number of large people with 3 kids and who don't even know where London is.

 

I don't want that because I cannot take that person out to any event.

[TaraMaiden2]

The way I am has got me nowhere at all. Its given me false hope and many disappointments.

Then you need to address 'the way you are' and decide for yourself what needs modification.

No character, temperament or personality is set in stone. Not all of it, anyway.

If you scrutinise your temperament and attitudes, there may well be something you can, and should modify.

 

There is also the mitigating factor of depression, which I think may be an underlying issue.

You may be suffering from depression and not realise it.

Or you may realise it, but believe it's something personal and unique to you, that only you can handle intelligently or with competence.

Neither supposition is accurate.

If they are the case, that is....

 

.....

To answer your other question, very little makes me laugh, what does is chatting to someone intelligent who has a great vocab and I can relate to. These people are rare.

Every mammal has a sense of humour, particularly simian and homo sapiens.

Every mammal 'plays' and has some kind of outlet for their energy.

If this instinct or characteristic has been quashed, suppressed or de-constructed in you, something has occurred within you to take it away.

 

Did you not have fun, and laugh, as a child?

Simply because a child has immature emotions, doesn't make that a bad thing.

It's actually a gift, a talent, an asset, to be able to access the 'inner child' and enjoy impromptu, unforeseen moments of pleasure.

 

If you seek to know the man, know the child.

 

 

The best in me is brought out when I am around supercars or sitting at a lovely wine farm .....

Are these things within your budget? Are they part of your lifestyle, things you can afford? Or do you merely look upon them as dreams or treats within your mind?

 

You may baulk at the following suggestion, but one of the best ways to reach a state of inner personal joy and satisfaction, is to donate altruistically.

I'm not talking about money.

I'm also talking about time, knowledge, and physical assistance.

 

Doing Good Deeds brings out the best in us, and when you don't attach an agenda to it, and do it merely because it is in support of a fellow human being, it makes them feel good, wanted and appreciated, and does the same for you.

 

Do not judge others for the levels in life they have amounted to.

I personally know of some people with almost nothing to their name, who are among the most generous people of all.

[ZA Dater]

Then you need to address 'the way you are' and decide for yourself what needs modification.

No character, temperament or personality is set in stone. Not all of it, anyway.

If you scrutinise your temperament and attitudes, there may well be something you can, and should modify.

 

There is also the mitigating factor of depression, which I think may be an underlying issue.

You may be suffering from depression and not realise it.

Or you may realise it, but believe it's something personal and unique to you, that only you can handle intelligently or with competence.

Neither supposition is accurate.

If they are the case, that is....

 

 

Every mammal has a sense of humour, particularly simian and homo sapiens.

Every mammal 'plays' and has some kind of outlet for their energy.

If this instinct or characteristic has been quashed, suppressed or de-constructed in you, something has occurred within you to take it away.

 

Did you not have fun, and laugh, as a child?

Simply because a child has immature emotions, doesn't make that a bad thing.

It's actually a gift, a talent, an asset, to be able to access the 'inner child' and enjoy impromptu, unforeseen moments of pleasure.

 

If you seek to know the man, know the child.

 

 

 

Are these things within your budget? Are they part of your lifestyle, things you can afford? Or do you merely look upon them as dreams or treats within your mind?

 

You may baulk at the following suggestion, but one of the best ways to reach a state of inner personal joy and satisfaction, is to donate altruistically.

I'm not talking about money.

I'm also talking about time, knowledge, and physical assistance.

 

Doing Good Deeds brings out the best in us, and when you don't attach an agenda to it, and do it merely because it is in support of a fellow human being, it makes them feel good, wanted and appreciated, and does the same for you.

 

Do not judge others for the levels in life they have amounted to.

I personally know of some people with almost nothing to their name, who are among the most generous people of all.

 

I think for me I just think the recent happenings have perhaps driven home an unfortunate reality for me. As I say I really believed being a kind, nice guy, with good manner, fairly articulate, slim build was enough to attract the sort of person who by nature isn't a social butterfly, has different interests from most, doesn't party and club.

 

However I was wrong and that years of belief is gone.

 

I now find myself at 31 feeling like things have passed me by, yes I sacrificed a decade to study and with it I sacrificed a social life.

 

Must be honest my childhood was I think a normal one, albeit one almost totally devoid of friends, those I did have in the friend zone just moved away as I didn't go to church. Schooling, I had a handful of friends, all of which has moved on, two of which are married with kids.

 

Fortunately I do have a few albeit older friends and yes I do indulge in those nicer things in life reasonably often. Even they are not enough to draw a decent female companion.

 

I have spent years helping people, I have given money to strangers, I treat all as equal be it the CEO or the guy rummaging a few $ to buy bread.

 

In my mind everyone is essentially the same, however that doesn't hold true of dating where it seems you can be many good things but ultimately none count for very much.

 

My closest friend who suggested this going out idea accuses me of being negative, in my mind its being realistic, disappointment and rejection has taught me to be realistic and perhaps in some ways the fact all I attract are over weight, people who speak badly, ladies with kids, perhaps that really just speaks to what I call an "unfortunate reality".

 

I really don't think paying for sex or seeing strippers is what I need at all, a large part of me is just looking for that one person I can even just be friends with I can do things with, be it lunch, going to places and have conversation with.

 

It was really nice to take someone to an event last year, laugh, get them to smile and I don't know for once I actually felt like I fitted in, the fact to my eyes she was gorgeous also helped.

[ZA Dater]

Then you need to address 'the way you are' and decide for yourself what needs modification.

No character, temperament or personality is set in stone. Not all of it, anyway.

If you scrutinise your temperament and attitudes, there may well be something you can, and should modify.

 

How do you fundamentally change who you are, I am shy, always have been I do try and overcome this and have been moderately successful, give me someone I can relate to and the shyness goes away completely.

 

I wont lie most of the dating disappointment has resulted in me taking a fact based approach to everything concerning, I definitely don't make decisions based on emotion.

 

The very few friends I do have I am totally dedicated to, my motto being to give more than you take.

[johndoe2]

How do you fundamentally change who you are, I am shy, always have been I do try and overcome this and have been moderately successful, give me someone I can relate to and the shyness goes away completely.

The closest thing to a contribution to this discussion I can make (because I'm in more or less the same boat as the OP, but a few years younger and considerably lowered standards) is that the one of the more incisive pieces of advice I've come across is that one needs to deliberately put oneself in uncomfortable social situations and force yourself to adapt, become more natural at conversing with various types of people and become more 'socially attractive.' This expands the range off women you'll interact with while eventually improving you're ability to interact with them.

 

Of course, you mention your antipathy toward bars and clubs, a sentiment I share. I tried going to bars for a while, eventually got a little less awkward for me, but was never fruitful. So perhaps just sitting around reading a book at nearby coffee shops, libraries, parks, or what have you; going out of your way to initiate conversations with women and discern common interests with them, should they exist. Set a daily quota even. Of course, for a shy person this forced social interaction can often be humiliating, but this is one of those things in life where I think a certain measure of learned masochism is likely necessary for improvement.

 

OLD, in my opinion, is almost completely pointless for those of us who would need it most, and works best for those who need it least. The approach with the most potential, as I see it, is baptism by fire: force yourself to converse with lots of strangers on a daily basis no matter how much it discomforts you, ask women on coffee dates or whatever after talking with them, etc. This is what I have been trying to do recently.

 

Oh, and drinking helps, lowers your social inhibitions; of course, in moderation, as being drunk never makes anyone better at anything. I used to almost never drink. Now I almost always have a bottle of Moscato around.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

when it comes to confidence, what I hate about having confidence is the journey, pain of having to acquire it, not the end result though, because the result is worth it.

[ZA Dater]

The closest thing to a contribution to this discussion I can make (because I'm in more or less the same boat as the OP, but a few years younger and considerably lowered standards) is that the one of the more incisive pieces of advice I've come across is that one needs to deliberately put oneself in uncomfortable social situations and force yourself to adapt, become more natural at conversing with various types of people and become more 'socially attractive.' This expands the range off women you'll interact with while eventually improving you're ability to interact with them.

 

Of course, you mention your antipathy toward bars and clubs, a sentiment I share. I tried going to bars for a while, eventually got a little less awkward for me, but was never fruitful. So perhaps just sitting around reading a book at nearby coffee shops, libraries, parks, or what have you; going out of your way to initiate conversations with women and discern common interests with them, should they exist. Set a daily quota even. Of course, for a shy person this forced social interaction can often be humiliating, but this is one of those things in life where I think a certain measure of learned masochism is likely necessary for improvement.

 

OLD, in my opinion, is almost completely pointless for those of us who would need it most, and works best for those who need it least. The approach with the most potential, as I see it, is baptism by fire: force yourself to converse with lots of strangers on a daily basis no matter how much it discomforts you, ask women on coffee dates or whatever after talking with them, etc. This is what I have been trying to do recently.

 

Oh, and drinking helps, lowers your social inhibitions; of course, in moderation, as being drunk never makes anyone better at anything. I used to almost never drink. Now I almost always have a bottle of Moscato around.

 

Very useful advice thanks!

 

Must admit I have taken a day or two to think about everything, take a step back and assess.

 

I think said friend who suggested this idea has now realised its not a good one and has asked me if I have done OLD (its very taboo here, nobody admits to doing it). I think he was surprised I admitted to having done it.

 

I think in all probability my problem is 95% to do with what I am looking for, unfortunately or fortunately I place a huge premium on intellect and intelligence, combined with some looks and this seems to be a very difficult combination to find.

 

Its odd, people either appeal to me or they don't and I realised why, I think with my mind and anyone who stimulates my mind, has a pretty face and is intelligent goes to the top of the list.

 

A good example of this was someone a friend tried to set me up with, physically stunning but just wasn't possible to have a meaningful conversation with her.

 

Positive point is I feel better about most of this now, look there still aren't any prospects but perhaps I live in a world of utopia but the last experience I had was probably everything I wanted as far as a date goes that I can be reasonably happy, even if she doesn't like me.

[ZA Dater]

when it comes to confidence, what I hate about having confidence is the journey, pain of having to acquire it, not the end result though, because the result is worth it.

 

I think its not something one gets over time I think it just happens in certain circumstances around certain people.

 

Or perhaps I am confusing this with shyness.

[johndoe2]

I think in all probability my problem is 95% to do with what I am looking for, unfortunately or fortunately I place a huge premium on intellect and intelligence, combined with some looks and this seems to be a very difficult combination to find.

Well, Dr. House contended that people generally take the easiest route through life they can. In so far as intelligence is attained or honed through hard work, beautiful people will have less of a reason to pursue it, since they will more likely get by without it, whereas a person who can't coast through life on looks has to work hard and study and all that. Perhaps that's why (according to some at least, don't have any proof yet) the smartest and most interesting people are the homeliest ones.

[La.Primavera]

The best in me is brought out when I am around supercars or sitting at a lovely wine farm or driving a fantastic road in the middle of nowhere.

 

Is there a supercars club you could join? Surely there would be groups that socialise at these events or meet up to watch the action. That would be a great way to meet new people.

 

You said you like travel and driving fantastic roads in the middle of nowhere which is why I really think you would enjoy going on a group tour. Seriously consider it. You could go on a wine tasting tour, go see a new country and hang out with new people (women).

 

I sacrificed a decade to study and with it I sacrificed a social life.

 

Have you considered returning to university and concentrating on the more social aspects of university life, such as group activities and gatherings while pursuing another academic interest?

 

I know all these ideas cost money but you sound so sad I think it would be worth the investment to find some happiness.

[ZA Dater]

Is there a supercars club you could join? Surely there would be groups that socialise at these events or meet up to watch the action. That would be a great way to meet new people.

 

You said you like travel and driving fantastic roads in the middle of nowhere which is why I really think you would enjoy going on a group tour. Seriously consider it. You could go on a wine tasting tour, go see a new country and hang out with new people (women).

 

 

 

Have you considered returning to university and concentrating on the more social aspects of university life, such as group activities and gatherings while pursuing another academic interest?

 

I know all these ideas cost money but you sound so sad I think it would be worth the investment to find some happiness.

 

I actually do belong to a club already, in fact I am the club administrator. The issue here is the majority of people are not single, in fact all are married!

 

You make some good suggestions in respect of travel, I have pretty much resisted the idea (I have a very long standing female pen pal in California) because its pointless meeting someone fantastic from another country and then trying to make a super long distance relationship work(It wouldn't).

 

All the studies were done correspondence so I never actually attended a university in the conventional sense. Work precludes me from going back to study again.

 

As I say I had a good think about this whole scenario and what I am essentially doing now is filling my days with work and administration so I don't feel that profound loneliness as much. In reality this is akin to putting wall paper over a hole in the wall.

 

One thing that is perhaps more interesting is the fact that people who find dates easily battle to relate to people who struggle. Or they suggest you resort to people they themselves would not date, I find this fairly demeaning to be honest.

 

Philosophically I can look at things this way. I was lucky enough to meet someone fantastic, lucky enough to go have lunch with them, lucky enough to have them come with me to a dinner, lucky enough to be wowed by them. In short its probably the experience that counts, sure ultimately she didn't even like me enough to be friends with me but in many ways meeting someone who ticked all my boxes was in itself amazing.

[elaine567]

 

Philosophically I can look at things this way. I was lucky enough to meet someone fantastic, lucky enough to go have lunch with them, lucky enough to have them come with me to a dinner, lucky enough to be wowed by them. In short its probably the experience that counts, sure ultimately she didn't even like me enough to be friends with me but in many ways meeting someone who ticked all my boxes was in itself amazing.

 

YOU are suffering from oneitis and have put this girl on a pedestal. And until you knock her off of it, you are never going to get anywhere with women.

Do You Suffer From Oneitis?

[ZA Dater]

YOU are suffering from oneitis and have put this girl on a pedestal. And until you knock her off of it, you are never going to get anywhere with women.

Do You Suffer From Oneitis?

 

Not really because there have been so few I managed to connect with on any sort of level, even fewer who impressed me, fewer yet still who I felt attracted to physically and intellectually.

 

The personality was the huge draw.

 

Unfortunately for me, I am just very specific (read fussy) and I have a clear idea what I like, was just nice to actually meet it for the change as opposed to being disappointed.

 

Have one other person since and the intellectual and personality just wasn't there, though by most subjective criteria she was much prettier. The personality was the difference.

[ZA Dater]

And until you knock her off of it, you are never going to get anywhere with women.

Do You Suffer From Oneitis?

 

I have never really get anywhere anyway, she was the only person I saw more than once.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Now should the OP lie to a woman about his virginity and dating life?

[watsonyards]

I am sitting here and wondering and thinking, reading and trying to understand.

 

 

Firstly I am not the sort of guy people naturally approach, probably because I don't smile often, I have a pretty serious demeanour but I am quite smart, in the sense I am good with politics and current affairs.

 

 

At 31 I have never had a gf, been on OLD for 7 years, never been kissed and never got laid.

 

 

My tastes in females are the intellectual smart, confident ones, the combination of physical attractiveness and intelligence is what appeals to me. Being able to have a conversation that doesn't revolve around clubs, drinking and who is with who is high on my list of likes.

 

 

At the moment I am being eaten inside, really, really hurting because even the rare person I do connect with isn't interested. I am accused of being negative by the few friends I do have.

 

 

An older friend of mine wants to help me, the same one who tried to set me up with people, encouraged me to try with this last one but everything he tells me to do ends in me feeling absolutely gutted.

 

 

The latest idea is he wants to take me out, the last idea was to take me to a strip club, that doesn't interest me in the slightest. The crowd he mixes with aren't my scene, its all club type people, I don't drink I don't club and neither activity interests me, have tried both.

 

 

I know if I go out with him its just going to be totally awkward and uncomfortable for me because he makes no secret of my inexperience and its not something I enjoy.

 

 

To the immensely intelligent and wise people here, should I go along with this even though I know its not going to net me anyone like me, I think its pointless to try and attempt to date people where there is such a gulf of likes and total fundamental differences. The people he generally hangs out with are not ones I get along with.

 

 

I wont lie at the moment I feel the worst I have ever felt and my main worry if I go along with this I would be setting myself up for a ton of awkwardness and ton of feeling like a total looser.

 

 

Nothing I type up here can truly convey how lost I feel at the moment so anything be it harsh critique, guidance and suggestions is greatly appreciated.

 

 

Am I better off throwing all my energy at something to distract me, something to try and take this immense pain I feel away or at least distract me from it? My inclination is to do this because I may at least feel a bit better for a week or so.

 

 

PS: the feedback I get from said friend is I need to try thing, for example I don't drink, maybe I should drink I must try things. Should I really need to change who I am to make myself attractive?

 

 

Thanks for reading the writing of a very sad feeling guy.

 

You definitely need to get off OLD. It is definitely not a place for a guy that can't get girls IRL.

 

I recommend traveling.

[ZA Dater]

Friend is still determined to take me to a strip club, stated fairly categorically I am not going to go. All places like that do is they objectify females and for me that's isn't something I believe in. Perhaps because I choose to view people are people and not objects.

 

 

I think what many people don't often understand is not all guys are out there for the physical sexual aspect of it. Not all of us place an absolute premium on that and chase that as being the be all and end all.

 

 

Often and more so lately I put myself in the shoes of others, try to see things from their point of view and yes its sometimes a painful experience to look at oneself like that but you choose to look at the good or you choose to look at the bad.

 

 

At the beginning of the thread I mentioned I felt really bad and to some small extent I still do, mainly because one wants to try and rationalise and ask the inevitable question "why", fact if we never truly know why we get rejected, most people don't have the honestly to say so or wont say so lest that make us feel bad but by the same token its tough to improve if you don't know what you are doing wrong.

 

 

Perhaps though the biggest thing is to try and find some inner peace, its all too easy to run oneself down and feel terrible and totally worthless. I wont say I am at peace, no but I do realise I really don't appeal to females, or the ones I like.

 

 

People say travelling, well no because I don't want some one time hook up, as attractive as Eastern Europe does seem lol.

 

 

Do I worry life is passing me by, yes everyday I wake up with this thought, made worse when I see how many people I know are married, some have kids and then I look at myself who at 31 hasn't had a gf.

 

 

Does that make me desperate, I guess it does but not desperate to have something for the sake of it.

 

 

To give an example I spent 3 hours today on various OLD sites and found nobody of interest.

 

 

Thus ladies and gentleman, my advice for people who really struggle like I do, find that one special moment, even if it is fleeting, have that one incredible date because nobody can take that moment away from you and maybe it will restore some semblance of hope because even if the outcome is negative you still have that memory.

 

 

And memories are more valuable than many things.