mysterywoman Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 (edited) I had an affair with a man unlike any other man I met on Ashley Madison. It was a very strong emotional, mental and physical connection. My husband found his phone number and called him threatening him. My lover broke it off. We are both married with young children, neither of us wants to disrupt that, but why won't he see me? I am still in the fog I guess, the emotions of this were so strong. I think he is scared. I need advice. I want to see him again but only if it's safe. Think he will ever come back to me? I sent emails he actually called me a stalker then he said I'm a good person and he really means that. So confused... help!! He even told me to go find someone else, that it would make him happy if I could move on from this. What do you think? Oh by the way I stupidly tried to see someone else, it was nothing like what I had with him. I don't believe I can ever get physically intimate with another man after him. He has ruined me for any other man, I am serious!! Edited May 31, 2015 by mysterywoman Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 It seems that your AP has come to his senses. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 It seems that your AP has come to his senses. That's advice?? Link to post Share on other sites
Nolagirl1214 Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 "The fog" will certainly play with your head! Your husband contacting him probably did scare him. I'd leave him alone, if he wants to reach out he will. Try talking things out with your husband, see if the marriage is salvageable! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 That's advice?? My advice for you is to accept reality. The affair is over, and he sees you as a stalker. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 It seems that your AP has come to his senses. Hopefully he meant for her to divorce first and then find someone else, not to just find another AP... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 "The fog" will certainly play with your head! Your husband contacting him probably did scare him. I'd leave him alone, if he wants to reach out he will. Try talking things out with your husband, see if the marriage is salvageable! He doesn't know for sure I was having an affair. I never told him, he just guessed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 Hopefully he meant for her to divorce first and then find someone else, not to just find another AP... Really so flippant an answer.... Link to post Share on other sites
Nolagirl1214 Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 He doesn't know for sure I was having an affair. I never told him, he just guessed. If he's suspicious at all then you should either come clean or stsy away from the other man. I know it's hard and he's all you're thinking about right now but trying to find another AP will only make things worse.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 If he's suspicious at all then you should either come clean or stsy away from the other man. I know it's hard and he's all you're thinking about right now but trying to find another AP will only make things worse.. How will it make things worse? Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 Really so flippant an answer.... It's not. It's the more caring thing for him to suggest, rather than that you find another AP. If he suggested, given the situation, that you find another AP, then that would suggest to me that he is also just going to find another AP. Now that would be uncaring. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 My lover broke it off. We are both married with young children, neither of us wants to disrupt that, but why won't he see me? I am still in the fog I guess, the emotions of this were so strong. I think he is scared. I need advice. I want to see him again but only if it's safe. Think he will ever come back to me? I sent emails he actually called me a stalker then he said I'm a good person and he really means that. So confused... help!! He even told me to go find someone else, that it would make him happy if I could move on from this. What do you think? Oh by the way I stupidly tried to see someone else, it was nothing like what I had with him. I don't believe I can ever get physically intimate with another man after him. He has ruined me for any other man, I am serious!! Just bullet points here. He broke it offHe doesn't want to disrupt his marriageHe called you a stalkerHe told you to find someone elseHe told you it would make him happy if you'd move on What would you tell me if I posted that list? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 If he's suspicious at all then you should either come clean or stsy away from the other man. I know it's hard and he's all you're thinking about right now but trying to find another AP will only make things worse.. What I had with him was very special. I really miss him. It was far more than making love.. Link to post Share on other sites
Nolagirl1214 Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 How will it make things worse? Because then you're not just cheating with one person but with more than one. I know I feel/felt guilty enough just with one, I can't imagine cheating with multiple people. Also, it's going to confuse your feelings and make you feel worse. I promise, it's not worth it to chase that high. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 What I had with him was very special. I really miss him. It was far more than making love.. It would make things worse with your husband for sure.... Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 You've asked about this before. Your affair has been over for a year and MM is over it. I know it's hard but you are going to have to face reality that he doesn't want you or nothing would stop him from being with you. Why don't you try to get over it instead of continually dwelling on it? He isn't scared to be with you he is no longer interested in being with you. Spend time trying to refurbish your marriage or consider a divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 Just bullet points here. He broke it offHe doesn't want to disrupt his marriageHe called you a stalkerHe told you to find someone elseHe told you it would make him happy if you'd move on What would you tell me if I posted that list? Cry a river....!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 You've asked about this before. Your affair has been over for a year and MM is over it. I know it's hard but you are going to have to face reality that he doesn't want you or nothing would stop him from being with you. Why don't you try to get over it instead of continually dwelling on it? He isn't scared to be with you he is no longer interested in being with you. Spend time trying to refurbish your marriage or consider a divorce. He doesn't want me or he is scared of my husband? Big difference! Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 What I had with him was very special. I really miss him. It was far more than making love.. It was special to you but not so much to him or he'd want to continue with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 It was special to you but not so much to him or he'd want to continue with you. Even with threats not so sure... Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 He doesn't want me or he is scared of my husband? Big difference! We don't know the answer to that. We can't read his mind, but you would be kinder to yourself to think that he did still want you but is scared of your husband. It's perfectly ok for you to think that, but even if that's the case, you still have to accept that it's over (he wants it to be) and not ever contact the man again. Ever. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 We don't know the answer to that. We can't read his mind, but you would be kinder to yourself to think that he did still want you but is scared of your husband. It's perfectly ok for you to think that, but even if that's the case, you still have to accept that it's over (he wants it to be) and not ever contact the man again. Ever. Guessing you are either not married, really young and/ or never had an affair.... Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 Guessing you are either not married, really young and/ or never had an affair.... I am divorced, not young and a fOW. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 You've asked about this before. Your affair has been over for a year and MM is over it. I know it's hard but you are going to have to face reality that he doesn't want you or nothing would stop him from being with you. Why don't you try to get over it instead of continually dwelling on it? He isn't scared to be with you he is no longer interested in being with you. Spend time trying to refurbish your marriage or consider a divorce. This, absolutely. And a year? Gently, have you ever tried some outside intervention to try and get over this better? You seem stuck. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 Just bullet points here. He broke it offHe doesn't want to disrupt his marriageHe called you a stalkerHe told you to find someone elseHe told you it would make him happy if you'd move on What would you tell me if I posted that list? He called me a stalker because I made another profile on AM to see if he would talk to another woman!! How far he would go... Link to post Share on other sites
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