Missing Him Everyday

[sandylee1]

No one loses their children for having an affair. He doesn't want to lose his wife, money, or status. Men in affairs typically see their wife as security. She's the one who won't leave him. Other women, especially married other women, have already shown they will cheat or be the other woman. Sorry to say, those aren't typically wife material.

 

Actually, if your kids turn against you, you can loose them. It's happened before .

[RoseVille]

Actually, if your kids turn against you, you can loose them. It's happened before .

 

At the very least, they could be lost emotionally, the bond forever ruined by what their father did.

[loveboid]

I don't think you love him. If you did you would have let him go when he asked you to.

 

He broke up with you.

He doesn't want you.

He rejected you.

 

Yes, that happened. Your behavior is quite scary. If he ever wises up and gets an Order of Protection against you, the next time you bothered him would be a felony offense with a year in federal prison. When people break up they are serious. Keeping after an ex becomes harassment. When an ex brings up the word stalking that is your que to drop off the face of the earth where that person is concerned. The law agrees. Get on with your life, please, for your sake.

[sandylee1]

It's over until he is back again...there were real feelings there on both sides.

 

Is there any consideration for your husband and children here?

 

Sorry to say, but you are behaving in an obsessive manner and probably scaring the MM. He probably regrets the whole affair. It's a shame he hasn't learnt his lesson.

 

I suggest you consult a therapist to help work through your situation.

[loveandlight]

Be kind to yourself and look after yourself. If he really wants you he will come back. I don't think he's good enough for you to be honest. The best way to get over him is to get your hair done, buy yourself some new clothes and focus on looking really attractive again. Then you will attract male attention which will make you feel good. Don't go with other men to get over your MM. Your husband is not right for you. You know that deep down. In time you will find another man who excites you and who you will adore and your marriage will come to an end.It's easy for others to judge you because they are not you and they are probably harder and more cynical than you. If you don't find another man who you adore then stay on your own. You will be much happier. There is nothing worse than being in a loveless marriage longing for someone else.

[HappyAgain2014]

Actually, if your kids turn against you, you can loose them. It's happened before .

 

Well that's completely different than losing legal custody. If everyone feels s justified in why they are cheating, wouldn't their children understand, too?

 

Very telling how the real fear is the kids knowing their parent cheated. Kids are often the least likely to believe crap.

[mysterywoman]

His life from you! What he does on or offline is none of your concern. He doesn't want you poking in his business. He broke up with you, has ignored you, called you a stalker.

 

Your heart is hurt and jealous that he is possibly with other OW, but you get no say in what he does or how he chooses to live his life.

 

The man emotionally raped me. Look it up.I really believe he was a psychopath and I was his victim. I will not post here anymore because I need to go see a therapist about it.

[mysterywoman]

Is there any consideration for your husband and children here?

 

Sorry to say, but you are behaving in an obsessive manner and probably scaring the MM. He probably regrets the whole affair. It's a shame he hasn't learnt his lesson.

 

I suggest you consult a therapist to help work through your situation.

 

What HE did to me emotionally was unbelievable I'm done here.

[mysterywoman]

I don't think you love him. If you did you would have let him go when he asked you to.

 

He broke up with you.

He doesn't want you.

He rejected you.

 

Yes, that happened. Your behavior is quite scary. If he ever wises up and gets an Order of Protection against you, the next time you bothered him would be a felony offense with a year in federal prison. When people break up they are serious. Keeping after an ex becomes harassment. When an ex brings up the word stalking that is your que to drop off the face of the earth where that person is concerned. The law agrees. Get on with your life, please, for your sake.

 

You dont have a clue what he did to me. Look up emotional rape and see who really is the victim here.

[whatatangledweb]

Emotional rape can be defined as: Emotional abuse characterized by patterned and purposeful behavior which purpose is to undermine and control the victim. It is an attack on the victim's personality rather than their body. The term "emotional rape" implies a horrific crime, and that is exactly what the victim is going through. In sexual rape, the term "without consent" refer to the victim having not agreed to sex. Emotional rape is the abuse of someone's higher emotions -love, self-respect- without consent. Experts agree that emotional rape is far more complex than verbal abuse. While the latter tends to be erratic and direct response to specific situations, emotional rape is, quite simply, a systematic destruction of someone's personality.

 

With all you have written I don't see where this happened. Are you meaning by ending it , he was playing with your emotions or that he did it while the affair was ongoing? Why do you want a man back that you feel emotional raped you?

[mysterywoman]

Emotional rape can be defined as: Emotional abuse characterized by patterned and purposeful behavior which purpose is to undermine and control the victim. It is an attack on the victim's personality rather than their body. The term "emotional rape" implies a horrific crime, and that is exactly what the victim is going through. In sexual rape, the term "without consent" refer to the victim having not agreed to sex. Emotional rape is the abuse of someone's higher emotions -love, self-respect- without consent. Experts agree that emotional rape is far more complex than verbal abuse. While the latter tends to be erratic and direct response to specific situations, emotional rape is, quite simply, a systematic destruction of someone's personality.

 

With all you have written I don't see where this happened. Are you meaning by ending it , he was playing with your emotions or that he did it while the affair was ongoing? Why do you want a man back that you feel emotional raped you?

I didn't write all that happened to me. It's so unbelievable what he did to me. Read about it. They twist and turn everything around. It's real.Are you a psychiatrist? Do you know anything about sociopaths or psychopaths?

Edited June 2, 2015 by mysterywoman

[RoseVille]

I didn't write all that happened to me. It's so unbelievable what he did to me. Read about it. They twist and turn everything around. It's real.Are you a psychiatrist? Do you know anything about sociopaths or psychopaths?

 

You said you didn't write about it but then tell us to read it.

 

Are you under anyone's care?

[mysterywoman]

You said you didn't write about it but then tell us to read it.

 

Are you under anyone's care?

 

Read about emotional rape online. Seriously you can't follow a thread but then have to insult me?

[anika99]

I didn't write all that happened to me. It's so unbelievable what he did to me. Read about it. They twist and turn everything around. It's real.Are you a psychiatrist? Do you know anything about sociopaths or psychopaths?

 

Well if he is an emotionally raping psychopath then why are you pining and waiting for him to come back to you a year later?

 

 

If he is a psychopath then his feelings for you were not real and you need to accept that and move on.

[Lurkeraspect]

You've stated numerous times that there is "more to the story" which you don't share, and yet you get perturbed when people answer, try to help based on what you have shared. Yes, please. Do get help, of the the paid professional variety.

 

And as Anika said; if this man has "emotionally raped" you and you consider him a sociopath/psychopath, what's the attraction? You're potentially throwing your life away on an abuser? Yea, something isn't adding up.

[fellini]

OP you will do better paying a IC to help you through your crises than getting free advice from strangers who you do not wish to tell your story.

 

Telling your IC about the entire relationship you had will be your first step to healing. With personal healing you will not be asking about the MM, you will be glad to have him out of your mind. You will be free to make your own choices.

[sandylee1]

For MM reading this, please note what you can end up doing to someone who was presumably okay before she got into an affair. The perceived emotional rape by the OW, is having a devastating effect on her.

 

You leave someone 'comments' you , with risk of your wife finding out and hell breaking loose. It could spell nothing but trouble for you.

 

Mystery W, I hope you get the help you need to get through this. Maybe the love for your children will help.

[whichwayisup]

The man emotionally raped me. Look it up.I really believe he was a psychopath and I was his victim. I will not post here anymore because I need to go see a therapist about it.

 

Well if he is an emotionally raping psychopath then why are you pining and waiting for him to come back to you a year later?

 

 

If he is a psychopath then his feelings for you were not real and you need to accept that and move on.

 

I hope you do get to a therapist and get the help you need so you can rid of the pain and obsessed feelings that you have, and can get to a healthier and happy mind frame again.

 

Wish you the best.

[mysterywoman]

For MM reading this, please note what you can end up doing to someone who was presumably okay before she got into an affair. The perceived emotional rape by the OW, is having a devastating effect on her.

 

You leave someone 'comments' you , with risk of your wife finding out and hell breaking loose. It could spell nothing but trouble for you.

 

Mystery W, I hope you get the help you need to get through this. Maybe the love for your children will help.

 

I will seek IC.

What my lover did basically was make me feel safe enough to fall in love with him by sharing everyday things, personal things, etc.

 

In a nutshell: My husband found his phone number called him threatened him. Later on I told my lover probably too much info like how my husband took my cell and threatened to put a nail through it if I didn't give him the password and tell him who I was texting . This went on all night until 3 am when I called the police. Basically a very ugly night and I was scared.

 

In the beginning, before we were intimate, my lover basically told me it was, love, and then after all this other stuff had happened with my hub, it went to "we had nothing, what we had wasn't real, it was a fling, etc etc. From what I thought was incredible love to having him just dismiss me like that, broke my heart shattered it into a million pieces.

 

You tell me what happened what is your perspective. Part of me wants to think he was scared. The other part thinks he is a sociopath. A Jekyll and Hyde personality. I don't know how else to explain it. Just really really strange behavior.

 

 

Thinking fear of being exposed may have shaken him back to reality?? He kept telling me in later conversations I had to 'wake up' . Think maybe I was just lost in the heavy romantic fog. He was very romantic, and I'm a diehard romantic. The way he treated me afterwards was cold as ice. Just not a good feeling to get thrown under the bus...

Edited June 2, 2015 by mysterywoman

[mysterywoman]

I hope you do get to a therapist and get the help you need so you can rid of the pain and obsessed feelings that you have, and can get to a healthier and happy mind frame again.

 

Wish you the best.

 

Thank you.

[sandylee1]

I will seek IC.

What my lover did basically was make me feel safe enough to fall in love with him by sharing everyday things, personal things, etc.

 

In a nutshell: My husband found his phone number called him threatened him. Later on I told my lover probably too much info like how my husband took my cell and threatened to put a nail through it if I didn't give him the password and tell him who I was texting . This went on all night until 3 am when I called the police. Basically a very ugly night and I was scared.

 

In the beginning, before we were intimate, my lover basically told me it was, love, and then after all this other stuff had happened with my hub, it went to "we had nothing, what we had wasn't real, it was a fling, etc etc. From what I thought was incredible love to having him just dismiss me like that, broke my heart shattered it into a million pieces.

 

You tell me what happened what is your perspective. Part of me wants to think he was scared. The other part thinks he is a sociopath. A Jekyll and Hyde personality. I don't know how else to explain it. Just really really strange behavior.

 

 

Thinking fear of being exposed may have shaken him back to reality?? He kept telling me in later conversations I had to 'wake up' . Think maybe I was just lost in the heavy romantic fog. He was very romantic, and I'm a diehard romantic. The way he treated me afterwards was cold as ice. Just not a good feeling to get thrown under the bus...

 

I'm not sure how much experience you have with men, but they have been known to lie to get what they want. If it means they can get you to sleep with them, they have no problem saying what you want to hear.

 

If he said "I don't love you, I just want to use you for sex', you wouldn't really be interested, unless that's all you wanted. No strings attached is all he wanted. Women are much more emotional and get way more attached than guys. That's why there's so many OW here and more so single OW. Men usually don't attach as much emotion to sex as women.

 

Women are the ones who feel used when a guy doesn't call after sex. MM find it very easy to ditch their OW on dday, where many MW in an affair pine for their OM so much.

 

He's back on the dating site and that should tell you he's just after another AP to get down with.

 

His wife is the most important woman to him.

[whatatangledweb]

No, I am not a doctor or therapist . Is what you wrote above what you are calling emotional rape? What it seems to be is how most relationships start out. What he did after d-day I think was fear. He wanted you to stop contacting him so he told you it was a fling. He did not want your husband to see that you and him were still in contact and come after him.

[mysterywoman]

No, I am not a doctor or therapist . Is what you wrote above what you are calling emotional rape? What it seems to be is how most relationships start out. What he did after d-day I think was fear. He wanted you to stop contacting him so he told you it was a fling. He did not want your husband to see that you and him were still in contact and come after him.

 

If that is true then why not just say that? I know in my heart of hearts there was a connection.I know he felt something. The complete turning around and saying it was a fling hurt me. Maybe I'm not seeing it clearly. I really want to believe that what I felt in my gut was real. It's like he completely turned it around. I would like to think it was fear that made him say that, not happy that the situation turned out this way at all, just what I feel to be true WAS true and not doubting myself.

 

He told me and I know this is all out of context:Why are you doing this to yourself it's not healthy. (I was picking it apart, asking him if he was just using me -by text. The gut feelings that he cared for me that I felt with him in person and I should probably trust those feelings more than text.

 

 

After he made love with me for the first time as we were about to get in our cars and leave I went to kiss him and he kind of pulled back a little, not a good feeling. Later on he told me that what we did was wrong and not right. Guilt??

[Brigit]

If that is true then why not just say that? I know in my heart of hearts there was a connection.I know he felt something. The complete turning around and saying it was a fling hurt me. Maybe I'm not seeing it clearly. I really want to believe that what I felt in my gut was real. It's like he completely turned it around. I would like to think it was fear that made him say that, not happy that the situation turned out this way at all, just what I feel to be true WAS true and not doubting myself.

 

He told me and I know this is all out of context:Why are you doing this to yourself it's not healthy. (I was picking it apart, asking him if he was just using me -by text. The gut feelings that he cared for me that I felt with him in person and I should probably trust those feelings more than text.

 

 

After he made love with me for the first time as we were about to get in our cars and leave I went to kiss him and he kind of pulled back a little, not a good feeling. Later on he told me that what we did was wrong and not right. Guilt??

 

I think women go into affairs thinking "This is my soul mate...I've found the one I've been searching for.." We are filled with romance and desire and want that special yummy feeling that day-to-day life doesn't seem to offer.

 

The affair makes you feel like you're a beautiful a sex goddess just waiting for the right man to make you come into full blossom and reach sexual heights like you've never known before.

 

Unfortunately, none of the above is true. We aren't beautiful sex goddesses. We're just women who watched too much TV.

[mysterywoman]

I think women go into affairs thinking "This is my soul mate...I've found the one I've been searching for.." We are filled with romance and desire and want that special yummy feeling that day-to-day life doesn't seem to offer.

 

The affair makes you feel like you're a beautiful a sex goddess just waiting for the right man to make you come into full blossom and reach sexual heights like you've never known before.

 

Unfortunately, none of the above is true. We aren't beautiful sex goddesses. We're just women who watched too much TV.

 

Well I've been told I'm a very attractive woman, even by by now ex lover after the fact :-) Some of us are. ?