Author mysterywoman Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 This, absolutely. And a year? Gently, have you ever tried some outside intervention to try and get over this better? You seem stuck. No but I know I need to. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 He doesn't want me or he is scared of my husband? Big difference! How big is your husband? Is he an intimidating type of guy? You can be 1000%sure many guys aren't going to risk getting their brains beat in over a sexual based fling derived from a hookup website... Im sure he'll probably just find calmer waters...Move on with your life.. TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted June 1, 2015 Author Share Posted June 1, 2015 How big is your husband? Is he an intimidating type of guy? You can be 1000%sure many guys aren't going to risk getting their brains beat in over a sexual based fling derived from a hookup website... Im sure he'll probably just find calmer waters...Move on with your life.. TFY It wasn't a hookup it was a romantic affair. That's it did you read what I wrote before.. don't assume. Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Cry a river....!!! I don't understand. You'd tell me to cry a river if I was posting the same thing you were? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted June 1, 2015 Author Share Posted June 1, 2015 I don't understand. You'd tell me to cry a river if I was posting the same thing you were? I would tell you to wise up like he has told me. I was so far into the fog I couldnt see straight. I think the affair and getting caught made me slightly mad. It was a crazy making situation. I didn't tell half of what transpired here. Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 I would tell you to wise up like he has told me. I was so far into the fog I couldnt see straight. I think the affair and getting caught made me slightly mad. It was a crazy making situation. I didn't tell half of what transpired here. And if that's true, and he's called you a stalker, and it's been a year since it ended... I think you might benefit from help outside of LS. Have you sought therapy/counseling? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Instead of looking/hoping for your XMM to re-engage in the affair or looking for another AP....how about dealing with your more pressing issue...your husband. If you want another or others...then get yourself free to do so. You wouldn't then be limited to affair dating sites and actually might find someone longer term. TBH, your posts come across as frantic. You might want to start IC to figure out why. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted June 1, 2015 Author Share Posted June 1, 2015 Instead of looking/hoping for your XMM to re-engage in the affair or looking for another AP....how about dealing with your more pressing issue...your husband. If you want another or others...then get yourself free to do so. You wouldn't then be limited to affair dating sites and actually might find someone longer term. TBH, your posts come across as frantic. You might want to start IC to figure out why. Going through a lot right now ... that is probably why. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 I had an affair with a man unlike any other man I met on Ashley Madison. It was a very strong emotional, mental and physical connection. My husband found his phone number and called him threatening him. My lover broke it off. We are both married with young children, neither of us wants to disrupt that, but why won't he see me? I am still in the fog I guess, the emotions of this were so strong. I think he is scared. I need advice. I want to see him again but only if it's safe. Think he will ever come back to me? I sent emails he actually called me a stalker then he said I'm a good person and he really means that. So confused... help!! He even told me to go find someone else, that it would make him happy if I could move on from this. What do you think? Oh by the way I stupidly tried to see someone else, it was nothing like what I had with him. I don't believe I can ever get physically intimate with another man after him. He has ruined me for any other man, I am serious!! I see you blaming others, when in fact, you created this by having an A. I say that respectfully and to get you to think this through. I get you're in pain and hurting, consumed by it all but you've not once seen the damage it's done to your loyal husband who loves you. Yes you're in a fog and it's time to take a step back and see things from a new angle. Get counseling to help you cope with this in a healthy way. Getting involved with someone else to help get over your MM while you're still married just shows how broken you are... The choices you're making are not healthy ones. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 He called me a stalker because I made another profile on AM to see if he would talk to another woman!! How far he would go... ' And you showed how far you'd go by stalking him. You're not married to him, he was never obligated to you. The jealously you have is off the scale and fact is, he ended it with you over a year ago and you're acting like it all happened yesterday and the wounds are fresh. Seek counseling because how you're coping and handling this is not good, it's damaging and messing you up. You may be doing things you never thought you were capable of... Before the A, you were a certain way, and now view how your life is now vs back then. You've changed and I'm betting before the A you never ever would have stalked someone and felt that kind of unhealthy jealously making you do stuff that you probably wouldn't ever do in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 What I had with him was very special. I really miss him. It was far more than making love.. To you, but maybe not to him. Just because you felt one way doesn't mean he did. You invested and fell hard, he didn't obviously which is why he ended the A and went NC, wanting you to leave him alone. If you truly care and love him, then wish him the best and leave him alone. Respect him and stop stalking him, emailing him and pestering him. If you don't stop you're gonna find yourself with an restraining order filed against you by him and his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain2014 Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 He won't see you because it's not fun anymore. Your husband threatening him created two problems for him.... He didn't want to get beat up and he didn't want his wife to find out. Whether people want to accept it or not, affairs are based on fantasy. It's why they are so intoxicating. You can dream and stroke each other's egos, thrive on desire and the thrill of the chase, but none of it is based on reality. Real is the mortgage, illnesses, milestones with your children, and everything else that comes with marriage. He ended it because his fun suddenly turned into reality and he has a wife for that. Apparently one he doesn't want to lose. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted June 1, 2015 Author Share Posted June 1, 2015 To you, but maybe not to him. Just because you felt one way doesn't mean he did. You invested and fell hard, he didn't obviously which is why he ended the A and went NC, wanting you to leave him alone. If you truly care and love him, then wish him the best and leave him alone. Respect him and stop stalking him, emailing him and pestering him. If you don't stop you're gonna find yourself with an restraining order filed against you by him and his wife. Stalking on Ashley Madison, I bet his wife would really get a kick out of that one... hardly considered stalking... Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted June 1, 2015 Author Share Posted June 1, 2015 He won't see you because it's not fun anymore. Your husband threatening him created two problems for him.... He didn't want to get beat up and he didn't want his wife to find out. Whether people want to accept it or not, affairs are based on fantasy. It's why they are so intoxicating. You can dream and stroke each other's egos, thrive on desire and the thrill of the chase, but none of it is based on reality. Real is the mortgage, illnesses, milestones with your children, and everything else that comes with marriage. He ended it because his fun suddenly turned into reality and he has a wife for that. Apparently one he doesn't want to lose. Actually he doesn't want to lose his son. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted June 1, 2015 Author Share Posted June 1, 2015 ' And you showed how far you'd go by stalking him. You're not married to him, he was never obligated to you. The jealously you have is off the scale and fact is, he ended it with you over a year ago and you're acting like it all happened yesterday and the wounds are fresh. Seek counseling because how you're coping and handling this is not good, it's damaging and messing you up. You may be doing things you never thought you were capable of... Before the A, you were a certain way, and now view how your life is now vs back then. You've changed and I'm betting before the A you never ever would have stalked someone and felt that kind of unhealthy jealously making you do stuff that you probably wouldn't ever do in the past. Well I never went so far as physically stalking just email and texting. Just wanted answers. Was it all lies etc... No it wasn t. He had also had a two year affair before me in which whilst he was traveling his lover went into the hospital for a routine operation and ended up dying leaving behind a young son and husband. He told me he thought he wanted an affair to replace what he lost but he couldn't. Not sure what to think of all this....I thought I would be the one to make him happy. Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain2014 Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Actually he doesn't want to lose his son. No one loses their children for having an affair. He doesn't want to lose his wife, money, or status. Men in affairs typically see their wife as security. She's the one who won't leave him. Other women, especially married other women, have already shown they will cheat or be the other woman. Sorry to say, those aren't typically wife material. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Stalking on Ashley Madison, I bet his wife would really get a kick out of that one... hardly considered stalking... Agreed, but he is the one who called you a stalker so obviously he feels like you're invading his life and snooping too much. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted June 1, 2015 Author Share Posted June 1, 2015 No one loses their children for having an affair. He doesn't want to lose his wife, money, or status. Men in affairs typically see their wife as security. She's the one who won't leave him. Other women, especially married other women, have already shown they will cheat or be the other woman. Sorry to say, those aren't typically wife material. Sorry to say but that is not always true, you don't know me. You are not a feminist I guess. What a outdated thing to imply. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted June 1, 2015 Author Share Posted June 1, 2015 Agreed, but he is the one who called you a stalker so obviously he feels like you're invading his life and snooping too much. Maybe, but what does he have to hide. Are you on his side? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Maybe, but what does he have to hide. Are you on his side? I'm on nobody's side. I'm an outsider looking in with no judgement or blinders on. You can't see what others see, so that's why if you took a giant step back maybe you'd see things more clearly and objectively. You're so caught up in it and seem very much into him, can't let go, you're stuck and not moving forward. He's over it and moved on. Don't you think it's time to stop wasting your energy on him? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 but what does he have to hide. His life from you! What he does on or offline is none of your concern. He doesn't want you poking in his business. He broke up with you, has ignored you, called you a stalker. Your heart is hurt and jealous that he is possibly with other OW, but you get no say in what he does or how he chooses to live his life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain2014 Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Sorry to say but that is not always true, you don't know me. You are not a feminist I guess. What a outdated thing to imply. I don't know you but your story has been told many times on this forum. It's all the same. Big connection, big dreams, big letdown. There's nothing outdated about saying a man will choose his lifestyle, which includes his wife, most of the time. Most of them don't set out looking for a replacement therefore most stay with their wives. They may moan and complain about being an ATM for their families, their sexless marriages, and how nobody understands them but they still feel proud of what they've worked for. Sorry but most men aren't willing to be known as a man who leaves his family, especially for another woman. That's extremely rare. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 He doesn't want me or he is scared of my husband? Big difference! Actually there is no difference. The outcome is the same either way. The affair is over and the MM know longer wants to hear from you. You have to get over this fairy tale. Fairy tales aren't real. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted June 1, 2015 Author Share Posted June 1, 2015 Actually there is no difference. The outcome is the same either way. The affair is over and the MM know longer wants to hear from you. You have to get over this fairy tale. Fairy tales aren't real. It's over until he is back again...there were real feelings there on both sides. Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 It's over until he is back again...there were real feelings there on both sides. It's been a year. He's not coming back. They cycle back much more quickly than that. You BOTH scared him, your H work threats, and you by stalking him. He asked you to move on. If you care about him, you'll do that. Link to post Share on other sites
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