Izzy00 Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 (edited) I'm new here and going through a painful time. I know MM for more than 8 years. We both have great jobs and families. We are not attracted to each other until after one party last year. We went out as a group for drinks one night. He drove me home and we kissed and got pretty close. He wanted more but I stopped him because I wasn't ready to do it. We connected after that but did not discuss the incident. We were honest that we both are attracted to each other. After a week, I asked him if I can text him. That was when he told me that it is best for both of us to take a break since the connection/attraction is really strong. We both have great marriages. I agreed.. 2 weeks later, I broke the agreement. I asked him out for drinks and he agreed. A couple days later, he sent me an email that he thought more about it and it would be best for both of us not to go alone. I knew that this the right thing to do. I was so embarrassed.. but he told me there was no judging. Since then we were careful with communications. I can tell we still like each other. We keep it professional. I haven't ask him out for drinks or lunch etc. I miss him greatly. He hasn't emailed me since then. It has been 3 months. I left him a thank you gift because he helped with a big presentation a while back and we received great results. I did not hear from him after he received it. I don't know if he likes it or not so I thought he is going to return the gift to me.. but he didn't. I saw nicely placed on his desk. The gift was meant to be a a closure for me. Ending it in a grateful and gentle way. He doesn't know it.. It just want to do it for myslef. I think of him everyday. I wondered if I have given in to him that night.. I started blaming myself for that. I'm not sure how much he miss me. I think of him everyday. I respect him alot. I'm scared that I'm not strong enough to do so. HELP! Edited June 1, 2015 by Izzy00 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 He likes you, thinks of you still, and likes the gift. But he doesn't want to ruin both your lives with an A and the mess it brings. Just accept this. You have been graceful thus far and because of that he still thinks highly of you. Leave it be. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Izzy00 Posted June 1, 2015 Author Share Posted June 1, 2015 Thanks! I did went by a couple of time to say hi to him. But nothing like inviting him out etc. I'm keeping it polite, friendly but I'm dying inside.. missing him so much. It seems so easy for him. I'm in therapy now and it helps me alot. I just wondered if I made a mistake of not giving in that night. Is that why he reject me? I don't know why I started thinking of all these stuff. especially I know if we had sex that night, it will be more painful for both us now. Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Put it this way... If you gave in that night, chances are extremely great that you'd be in the same exact position you are now, but you'd feel ten times worse because he slept with you and kicked you to the curb shortly thereafter. I know it hurts right now and these feelings are pretty confusing and overwhelming, but consider a large bullet dodged. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Izzy00 Posted June 1, 2015 Author Share Posted June 1, 2015 GoldieLox--Thank you for telling me that. I need to hear that ! I know I have to move on. My birthday is coming and he does not know it. I'm trying hard not to contact him on that day. Help me stay strong.. Link to post Share on other sites
KissofGrace Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 i agree with all the comments. You are better off keeping yourself away. It Hurts, but that is nothing compared to the pain of a full on PA with rejection...you will be ok. keep respecting yourself and him and above all your marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 When he gets older and looks back on his life I'm sure he'll have fond memories of you not only loving him but loving him enough to let him go. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 It's painfully clear you're MUCH more invested than he is. He was willing to take advantage of the opportunity of sex that had fallen in his lap that one night after the party, which you put a stop to. But clearly, after thinking it over with a more rational mind, he's decided not to pursue it. I think you're just going to embarrass yourself again if you flirt with him or tell him it's your birthday in the hopes of starting something up. He's not interested. There's really nothing to 'move on' from. It was a brief attraction in which he put the brakes on pretty quickly. It wasn't a great love affair or anything even remotely close to that so I'm not quite sure what you need to 'move on' from. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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