Women should keep their men happy 'in the bedroom' or face being cheated on.

[elaine567]

Davina McCall (TV presenter) said in the Telegraph: 'You must keep your husband satisfied in the bedroom department, even if you’re absolutely exhausted. Otherwise he will go somewhere else.'

"Wearing nice lingerie and keeping your husband satisfied in the bedroom are the keys to a happy marriage".

 

A huge social media storm has ensued (Read more: ) with Davina trying to dispel the public anger fired up against her, by posting here.

 

Does she have a point?

Should women wear matching lingerie and do the old "lie back and think of England" to avoid men having affairs?

Does it even work?

Will men who are not "getting it" at home, go elsewhere?

 

Is "satisfying your man" a bit like taking out an insurance policy against being cheated on, having a bad relationship or even getting a divorce?

 

Or is it merely another way of putting the blame on BWs for their man cheating on them? A form of victim blaming maybe?

[gettingstronger]

Not from where I sit- it was not the bedroom but the ego stroke that my husband was looking for- he was selfish in that he needed too much in his "buckets" than any one person could give-there is no way I could have been the Mother to our boys he desired, running the house, working full time and stroke his ego the way it needed stroking-

 

OW was willing to follow him on the road, taking time away from her own kids to do so-she was also willing to sit at her kids sporting events texting with my husband- lie to her family about having a "client" in one town and then hopping a plane to a totally different town to meet him-

 

In therapy, when I asked him how he felt attraction to someone whose priorities were so different than the ones we valued as a family, he said simply- attraction has nothing to do with it, it was about power and ego-

 

Realigning where he draws his power, where he gets his ego has been a big part of therapy- finding fulfillment in what he considers the right thing was easy, coming to terms with the shift he had mentally to do what he did has proven much more difficult-

Edited June 1, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[fellini]

So everyone else has to perform in the bedroom, but she only has to "stay intimate".

 

 

Got it.

[Els]

Her argument reeks of a ridiculously old-fashioned, patriarchical mindset in which women are solely responsible for anything that happens to the family.

 

That being said, I do think that everyone (male and female) has the responsibility to do what they can within reason to try and make their partner happy, both in and out of the bedroom. Lack thereof does not excuse cheating, but it does usually lead to a deteriorating relationship. A strong partner will eventually choose to leave whereas a weaker-willed one might instead cheat, but either way the R will die if no effort is made.

[Morro72]

At times when my wife is too exhausted for, uh, bedroom entertainment, I've generally taken that as an indication that she could use some help in some other areas. Pitching in and cutting her a little slack, along with taking care of whatever she's irritated at me for not having done yet, has generally gotten pretty good results with a lot less effort than finding and maintaining another GF. Although by all accounts a lot of married guys don't devote much effort to their APs so maybe I'm overestimating.

[autumnnight]

Ridiculous and cruel!!

 

If your spouse is freezing you out, talk about it, get counseling, and if all else fails, divorce.

 

Do not cheat. It just adds a horrible, dishonest betraying act on top of a clueless and cruel one. How is that supposed to HELP the marriage?????

[Haydn]

Well it is the Telegraph.....

 

And Davina darling does like a lot of attention.....

[toscaroscura]

Most of the cheaters (or wannabe cheaters) that I know might complain about their wives/girlfriends, but who even knows if it's true? Cheaters are liars. And, in my experience, of the wives/girlfriends that I've happened to meet, to a ONE they are all lovely women who very clearly dote on their men, none the wiser.

 

So anytime a wannabe cheater hits me with the old "oh my gf/wife is soooo frigid, she doesn't have sex with me, etc", I think YEAH RIGHT.

 

How many threads have I read on here from BS wives who find their WH's emails telling the OW outright lies about their supposed lack of sex/love/attention? It's a lot!

 

So I think the very premise of this article (cheating men exist because their women fail in their bedroom duties) to be flawed and untrue. Cheaters cheat because they are CHEATERS.

[BetrayedH]

I do believe women (and men) could use some encouragement to keep their sex life active and fresh.

 

I do think she should have left out the "or they'll stray" business. That just shows her ignorance about the real causes of infidelity.

[Arieswoman]

Since when has Ms McCall been a relationship expert?

 

What a load of tosh !

 

So according to her crackpot philosophy - a woman who has recently given birth, is sore, exhausted, stitched, chafed raw by huge maternity pads, has mastitis and a screaming baby to deal with, should heave on her French knickers and be available for regular sex? Give me a break!

 

I suspect she said this just to be controversial and get a reaction

[gettingstronger]

At times when my wife is too exhausted for, uh, bedroom entertainment, I've generally taken that as an indication that she could use some help in some other areas. Pitching in and cutting her a little slack, along with taking care of whatever she's irritated at me for not having done yet, has generally gotten pretty good results with a lot less effort than finding and maintaining another GF. Although by all accounts a lot of married guys don't devote much effort to their APs so maybe I'm overestimating.

 

 

Exactly- I can imagine the draw of a relationship where you set the tone and pace, where you can communicate when and how you want because the other person assumes its because you are with that "miserable family of yours" would be strong- of course that is the issue- at least in our case- we, as a couple, decided a two income family with kids is what we wanted, we got to where we are together and by choice-the fact that he was too selfish to deal with the "downside" or even see a downside was the issue-His issue-

[carhill]

Davina McCall (TV presenter) said in the Telegraph: 'You must keep your husband satisfied in the bedroom department, even if you’re absolutely exhausted. Otherwise he will go somewhere else.'

I would see that as emotional blackmail of the woman in question.

"Wearing nice lingerie and keeping your husband satisfied in the bedroom are the keys to a happy marriage".

IMO, this is a healthier way to approach the interaction, and in a positive tone.

 

 

Should women wear matching lingerie and do the old "lie back and think of England" to avoid men having affairs?

Does it even work?

Will men who are not "getting it" at home, go elsewhere?

There is always an affair and divorce risk, regardless of laying back or thinking happy thoughts or rigging a garage door opener in the bedroom for sex. If a man is going to cheat or have affairs, he's going to. It's his choice.

 

Is "satisfying your man" a bit like taking out an insurance policy against being cheated on, having a bad relationship or even getting a divorce?

While satisfying sex can put a smile on one's face and inspire a more cooperative and collaborative feeling, it's no guarantee or insurance IMO.

 

Or is it merely another way of putting the blame on BWs for their man cheating on them? A form of victim blaming maybe?

Combination of deflecting and abdicating responsibility. The partners are jointly and severally responsible for their roles in the marriage. The partner who cheats or otherwise betrays the marital contract and trust is responsible for that choice. Cheating and affairs, in most marriages, is considered a betrayal of the contract and trust. There can be other similarly betraying acts and they vary from marriage to marriage.

[preraph]

If a man is going to cheat, he will cheat no matter if you try to keep him happy in the bedroom or not. They cheat for ego gratification because they need assurance they are attractive and they cheat for variety. You have no control over whether someone cheats, so don't start making yourself uncomfortable about it.

[darkmoon]

what of the wife/girlf who never screws? i have known three wives who refuse, one was outraged at being dumped, still, one day she sneered out "i was not interested in all that" by way of explanation to me, and her hissy fit me to an interest in male issues, she seemed so brat-like

 

is opening the legs for twenty minutes so terrible? straight question

Edited June 1, 2015 by darkmoon

[Toodaloo]

Well it is the Telegraph.....

 

And Davina darling does like a lot of attention.....

 

Perhaps she has a point though...

 

The only times I have ever said no is when I am seriously ill or the relationship is in serious trouble...

 

Perhaps I should start saying no more often instead...

[SammySammy]

I do think it is my responsibility to make love to my woman whenever she wants it. Yes, I have done so when tired and even when sick. Many times.

 

I would like to be in a relationship with a woman who feels the same way. Hopefully, I'm observant and considerate enough not to ask her when she's tired or sick. But, what's the point of a relationship if you're not willing to sexually satisfy each other?

 

Do I think it keeps either of us from cheating? Not necessarily, but it doesn't hurt.

[understand50]

Davina McCall (TV presenter) said in the Telegraph: 'You must keep your husband satisfied in the bedroom department, even if you’re absolutely exhausted. Otherwise he will go somewhere else.'

"Wearing nice lingerie and keeping your husband satisfied in the bedroom are the keys to a happy marriage".

 

A huge social media storm has ensued (Read more: ) with Davina trying to dispel the public anger fired up against her, by posting here.

 

Does she have a point?

Should women wear matching lingerie and do the old "lie back and think of England" to avoid men having affairs?

Does it even work?

Will men who are not "getting it" at home, go elsewhere?

 

Is "satisfying your man" a bit like taking out an insurance policy against being cheated on, having a bad relationship or even getting a divorce?

 

Or is it merely another way of putting the blame on BWs for their man cheating on them? A form of victim blaming maybe?

 

BOTH Husband and wife have "duties" in the bedroom, and need to keep each other happy. Plenty of threads showing women and men not getting any sex, or "bad" sex. So not see why some try, make this a man Vs woman issue.

 

Bad or no sex will lead to a divorce, or cheating. Both must work at sex, as in a long term relationship, at some point you can and mostly do fall into ruts. The first thing is to have sex, lots of sex, when you go to bed, there should always be the chance of sex. It can be long, passion fulled, or quick and dirty, or just, lets because we have nothing else to do.

 

 

 

11381140

[frogs88]

Some men (or women, the argument works fine in reverse) cheat regardless of the quality of their sex lives while others stick it out even if they have no sex life at all. There are of course those that do cheat and have a bad sex life but afaik there's no evidence that they're a much more substantial group than the others. So the point is bogus based on deductive reasoning.

[Haydn]

Perhaps she has a point though...

 

The only times I have ever said no is when I am seriously ill or the relationship is in serious trouble...

 

Perhaps I should start saying no more often instead...

 

Maybe if it was written by Victoria Coren.....

 

I believe everything she says......

 

Oh and she was born in Hammersmith....(Double Brucie B)

[carhill]

I do think it is my responsibility to make love to my woman whenever she wants it. Yes, I have done so when tired and even when sick. Many times.

 

I would like to be in a relationship with a woman who feels the same way. Hopefully, I'm observant and considerate enough not to ask her when she's tired or sick. But, what's the point of a relationship if you're not willing to sexually satisfy each other?

 

Do I think it keeps either of us from cheating? Not necessarily, but it doesn't hurt.

Yes, I felt the same way when married.

 

However, I separate out the actions and responsibilities. If one or the other marital partner abdicates their responsibility and agreement regarding the sexual and/or emotional intimacy in the marriage, they have made that choice and are responsible for it. If one or the other party in the marriage chooses to seek or act on sexual and/or emotional intimacy outside of the marriage, they have made that choice and are responsible for it. If the couple has made an agreement of monogamy, then that agreement has been broken in a unilateral manner.

 

What often occurs in such situations is the 'chicken and the egg' arguments ramp up, where each partner blames the other for their actions abdicating their personal responsibility instead of each partner examining their own role and responsibility. This personal responsibility aspect was a key one worked in MC, separating out discrete actions and assigning responsibility rather than blame or fault. An example would be partners being jointly responsible for issues in the marriage which weakened it or caused it to fail and the unfaithful partner being responsible for their choice to go outside the marriage and triangulate. Arguments of 'he/she made me do it because xxxx' were invalidated and the mirror was held up in front of each person and each person looked at themselves and their own choices.

 

In this example, presuming the wife has no interest in sex with her husband and chooses not to engage in sex or to deny her husband his requests for sexual intimacy, she is responsible for that choice. If the husband chooses to engage in sexual relations with another, he is responsible for that choice. His wife didn't make him do it or cause him to do it. He had free will and made his choices. Each partner could choose to examine their intimacy and communication issues in the marriage and work on them. Again, more choices.

[Toodaloo]

Maybe if it was written by Victoria Coren.....

 

I believe everything she says......

 

Oh and she was born in Hammersmith....(Double Brucie B)

 

Its just that chaps tend to be far more physical than women. For men its a way of showing them you care and that you want to be with them... Blokes are not so good at the whole emotional talking stuff as women on the whole.

 

I am just trying to think outside the box...

[Revolver]

Women who have been cheated on, be honest how was your sex life with that man beforehand?

[newmoon]

i kind of agree with her. perhaps you don't have to keep him satisfied in the bedroom per se, but you have to take care of his greatest need, whatever that might be. for some men it will be sex, for some men it'll be maintaining your looks through body weight/makeup/hair, and for others it might be enjoying his hobby together, fulfilling his desire to emote and talk, encouraging him in work, etc. it's when a woman fails to meet her man's basic need that he'll look elsewhere and to someone else. it's often because of (lack of) sex, but it could also be something else that leads him astray. same deal with women though, everyone needs their most basic need met, whatever that is for them. and for many men, it is sex and variety. when you (as a woman) are doing the sex and variety act and he still strays, it's something else he needs that you're not providing. imo.

[minimariah]

Does she have a point?

Should women wear matching lingerie and do the old "lie back and think of England" to avoid men having affairs?

Does it even work?

Will men who are not "getting it" at home, go elsewhere?

 

well... you should most definitely have a healthy, rich & versatile sex life that makes you satisfied and happy - both you AND your partner.

 

HOWEVER - lingerie, kinky sex, having sex 10 times a day... none of that will prevent an affair and none of that will keep you safe from getting cheated on.

 

it's funny, i had the same opinion when i was younger ("as long as he's super happy with sex, i won't get cheated on") -- i grew up + while working with couples i learned that 90% of those A had NOTHING to do with sex, everything to do with emotional connection. i remember all of those couples, they all had amazing sex life & their partners would have heavy EAs (meaning, they didn't even f@ck the other person and they were ready to divorce).

 

you can work on your relationship and nurture your love, closeness, intimacy and connection -- but the truth is, nothing can prevent your partner from cheating on you.

[oldshirt]

If you neglect your partners needs and don't lift a finger to do anything about it, there is a great risk they will eventually seek getting their needs me elsewhere.

 

They may or may not break things off cleanly with you before getting it elsewhere.

 

That's the risk. It may not be pretty and it may not make people feel good to think about, but it is the reality.

 

Now I'm talking about instances where the denying party does not want to have sex with their partner and only begrudgingly puts out duty sex or starfish sex a couple times a year or so and is fully aware of their partners dissatisfaction