Women should keep their men happy 'in the bedroom' or face being cheated on.

[minimariah]

Women who have been cheated on, be honest how was your sex life with that man beforehand?

 

amazing.

 

not even joking, our sex life was amazing. we had a... hm... how do i say this, a very special kind of sex, lead a very special kind of lifestyle. we had sex DAILY, like every single day... we f@cked all the damn time.

 

problem? we had so much fantastic sex that we somehow forgot to actually talk & work on the intellectual and emotional connection.

 

so yeah -- having an amazing sex won't save you, you gotta work ON ALL aspects of your relationship.

[Taramere]

Women who have been cheated on, be honest how was your sex life with that man beforehand?

 

Rampant when we were together - but he was working abroad, so let's face it. The chances of cheating are high.

 

In response to Davina McColl's advice on cheating...I would say second to the "have a good sex life" rule would probably come "don't yap on about your sex life and your underwear in the press alongside a picture of you and hubby together. It's almost a cert that after you've done that, some attractive young woman who wants an easy ride (quite literally) to short term fame is going to make seducing your husband her goal.

 

And since you're half French, you should already know that a sexy young thing who has set her mind on doing that will almost certainly succeed. Then you'll end up looking like a clown in the media on account of your previous smug married's advice. But on the bright side, there will be some opportunities for journo gigs along the lines of "the devastation of being cheated on - and having people blame you for writing smug articles about your marriage.""

[Toodaloo]

Women who have been cheated on, be honest how was your sex life with that man beforehand?

 

I was wanting more... he was complaining it was too much and he couldn't keep up. Mind you its not unusual for me to get that - only one man that I have dated has ever had as high a sex drive as I have...

 

No less than twice a day at the time he was shagging four other women...

[Taramere]

I was wanting more... he was complaining it was too much and he couldn't keep up. Mind you its not unusual for me to get that - only one man that I have dated has ever had as high a sex drive as I have...

 

No less than twice a day at the time he was shagging four other women...

 

That's not him in the avatar, is it Toots?

[Arieswoman]

Revolver,

The answer to your question in my experience is "utterly crap" because he was a Two-Pump-Chump.

 

He blamed it on being tired from shift work, but it didn't improve when he went on to permanent days.

 

The marriage fell apart because he was lazy and selfish both in and out of bed, and I was no longer prepared to put up with it. As long as I was happy being used as an aid to masturbation he stayed. As soon as I complained, he strayed.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

Intimacy & sex is a basic need for most people. Relationships should be about doing your best to fulfill your partner's needs & to make them happy. If one partner decides to abandon those responsibilities, they shouldn't expect the other to stay. Cheating is morally wrong & only people with a lack of integrity will do that. A decent person will give their partner an opportunity to correct their behavior. If that doesn't work, they have a duty to leave. It's disrespectful to both themselves & their partner to stay.

[minimariah]

If you neglect your partners needs and don't lift a finger to do anything about it, there is a great risk they will eventually seek getting their needs me elsewhere.

 

absolutely. if you deny your partner sex or just hanging out, dates... over and over and over again... the rejection (especially sexual rejection coming from your own spouse) is REALLY hard to get over, when it's happening over many years -- the rejected spouse becomes angry & starts to hate their partner, relationsnips like those are filled with resentment.

 

i remember reading a thread about a dude who decided to divorce over his W denying him sex -- and i remember how full of resentment he was, anger, bitterness. and you really cannot blame the dude, i was actually in awe because he DIDN'T have an A.

 

you can do what's in your power to prevent your relationship from going south, but if your partner wants to cheat - they'll cheat. not a damn thing you can do about it because it's a matter of THEIR character.

[minimariah]

Should women wear matching lingerie and do the old "lie back and think of England" to avoid men having affairs?

 

also, this irks me - you gotta enjoy sex. like, ENJOY it. be passionate about it, enjoy your orgasms and the intimacy, the passion, the closeness... no one enjoys having sex with someone who lies like a dead fish because they're "doing their duty".

 

i personally don't want a man who'll have sex with me JUST because he's afraid i'll have an A on him -- like, have sex with me because f@cking me is all you can think about, not because it'll prevent an affair.

[Arieswoman]

CB,

A decent person will give their partner an opportunity to correct their behavior. If that doesn't work, they have a duty to leave. It's disrespectful to both themselves & their partner to stay.

 

I agree totally. With hindsight (which is always 20/20 vision) I should have have been more assertive about getting my needs met sooner, and not wasted so much time in a marriage that was going nowhere.

 

It's ironic that I was the one who was dissatisfied and yet he was the one who cheated

[Taramere]

you can do what's in your power to prevent your relationship from going south, but if your partner wants to cheat - they'll cheat. not a damn thing you can do about it because it's a matter of THEIR character.

 

Right. Encouraging people to stress out about their partner cheating on them if they don't go all out to please is really just about encouraging people who are already insecure to expose themselves to greater manipulation by others.

 

That said. The last time I watched Davina McColl on tv, she was on Big Brother, rummaging through a discarded (and, from what I remember, very emotionally troubled) house inmate's suitcase and grinningly showing their various personal bits and pieces to the camera - at which point I switched channels. Good underwear or not, she isn't exactly the nicest nor the classiest person to ever grace our tv screens.

[waterwoman]

I would suggest that a husband not being an over-entitled twat would be a pretty good recipe for a healthy marriage.

[No Limit]

Sadly, this is a common mindset regarding relationships and cheater excuse #1. But I highly doubt one person alone is capable of satisfying a serial cheaters' issues.

[TrustedthenBusted]

I didn't read the article, but I do think that keeping your man happy in the sack would reduce the risk of him cheating. I don't think it's rocket surgery, or some sort of ridiculously outdated notion.

 

I can also tell you that just laying there going heels up while you think of something else....that is almost WORSE than not doing it at all. I don't think it's the physical act of sex that men need as much as they need the enthusiasm and closeness of some good lovemaking. We need to feel like we are GIVING something good and desired, as much as we are GETTING something. At least that's how I feel.

 

I've gone through some dry spells with the wife, where I never thought of someone else.

 

But I've had some spells where there was sex, but it was passionless, boring, robotic, obligatory etc.... and those sessions actually left me feeling far more empty and dissatisfied than getting nothing at all.

 

I've even told my wife ( because she asked ) that if I cheated on her, it wouldn't be for sex, it would be for enthusiasm.

[jen1447]

I didn't read the article, but I do think that keeping your man happy in the sack would reduce the risk of him cheating. I don't think it's rocket surgery, or some sort of ridiculously outdated notion.

 

Is that as opposed to brain science?

 

I think the presumption that a man or woman would be ethically justified in cheating if their partner didn't provide daily sex is an obvious logical fallacy. And without the ethical part, the misdeed clearly falls to the cheater.

[TrustedthenBusted]

Is that as opposed to brain science?

 

I think the presumption that a man or woman would be ethically justified in cheating if their partner didn't provide daily sex is an obvious logical fallacy. And without the ethical part, the misdeed clearly falls to the cheater.

 

Agreed. There are no valid excuses for cheating. At least none that I've ever heard. ( and like many on here...I've heard a ton of them )

 

And I also don't think anyone should be forced, or reasonably expected to "provide daily sex" either. If someone wants to get their rocks off daily well... look at that...would you believe our creator put everything we need play with right within arms reach!

 

But the topic at hand seemed to be how to reduce a husbands desire to get it on with someone else. And while I can't say that giving him a wonderful sex life will prevent him from cheating, I can say with absolute certainty that denying him one will definitely increase his chances.

 

I'm not one who believes that all cheaters are bad, and all faithful people are good. I believe we are all human, and experience life through our own perceptions. We get one life to live, and must choose daily what we are willing to work for, and what we are willing to forego.

 

I had a friend who had NO interest in sex with her husband. None whatsoever, and she expected him to live a life of celibacy that was most definitely NOT what he signed up for. They talked, he pleaded, nothing changed for years. He remained a good provider, a good father, and actually a pretty good husband by all accounts. But he also eventually started seeing a prostitute regularly.

 

Is he a lying cheating *******? I honestly have a hard time saying yes to that, as he tried for YEARS to do the right thing with no change.

 

Should he have left his wife and children? I have a hard time saying yes to that, as he loves them all dearly and provides a wonderful, loving atmosphere and an intact family. He's not in love with this prostitute ( he's got some other word for her that escapes me right now, but it's been years, and she is the only one he sees ) and he doesn't want out of his marriage. He just doesn't want to be celibate either.

 

In their case, I simply cannot absolve the betrayed spouse of some accountability here. Not for his choices, mind you...but for the situation created by her unwillingness to take his feelings into account.

[jen1447]

There are definitely mitigating circumstances, yeah, and a wide variety of them. The only thing I really object to is the premise that, all things being equal, it's a woman's basic duty to have very regular sex with her partner so as to guard against the possibility that he'll (presumably justifiably, based on the context) cheat.

[Robert Z]

Davina McCall (TV presenter) said in the Telegraph: 'You must keep your husband satisfied in the bedroom department, even if you’re absolutely exhausted. Otherwise he will go somewhere else.'

"Wearing nice lingerie and keeping your husband satisfied in the bedroom are the keys to a happy marriage".

 

A huge social media storm has ensued (Read more: ) with Davina trying to dispel the public anger fired up against her, by posting here.

 

Does she have a point?

Should women wear matching lingerie and do the old "lie back and think of England" to avoid men having affairs?

Does it even work?

Will men who are not "getting it" at home, go elsewhere?

 

Is "satisfying your man" a bit like taking out an insurance policy against being cheated on, having a bad relationship or even getting a divorce?

 

Or is it merely another way of putting the blame on BWs for their man cheating on them? A form of victim blaming maybe?

 

Yes, she has a point.

 

I can tell you this, living a sexless life was as good as dead. If a woman doesn't want to have sex with her husband, she should just divorce him and save him the misery. Don't pretend like you have a marriage when you don't.

 

And men should just leave if it comes to this. Don't expect things to get better. Either leave or put a padlock on your zipper and live like a monk. And good luck with that!

 

From my point of view, about the worst thing a woman can do to a man is to cut him off while pretending to love him. And if you love him you won't do this to him. It is a living hell - one that took me within a few moments of committing suicide.

 

Thank God for prostitutes! They were there when I needed them. And according to them, most of their clients are men who aren't getting any at home.

 

 

Another option would be an open marriage. If you don't want to have sex, let him find someone who does.

Edited June 1, 2015 by Robert Z

[waterwoman]

Sex is an important part of a relationship. As is affection, trust, respect, companionship etc.

 

Any of those things missing are likely to make a marriage less than happy. I don't argue with any of the assertion that sex matters. Where I take issue is that failure to provide any of these things is deserving of infidelity. It is not a solution - a solution would be fixing or leaving. And no, I know it isn't as simple as that, but cheating is a pathetic, cowardly and cruel non-solution.

[hotpotato]

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

 

 

That's the funniest thing i've heard all day. if ole girl thinks a litlte frou frou and vjay is gonna stop a man from cheating, she's about to have another thing coming.

 

Plenty of men who cheat are happy at home. Yep. Sometimes men just want to bang another woman. We should be real about this instead of blaming the woman for a man's extramarital dalliances. This woman is about to have another thing coming, for real.

[hotpotato]

Sadly, this is a common mindset regarding relationships and cheater excuse #1. But I highly doubt one person alone is capable of satisfying a serial cheaters' issues.

 

The only way a woman can sexually satisfy a man is to turn magically morph into a different woman on a regular basis. Good luck. A lot of men just want to screw someone else. Lettuce be real.

 

IA, pretty much every man isn't gonna say he 'dint get nun' for his wife so he "has to" cheat. How many men are gonna say, "Yes, that woman has sex with me 3x a week and takes care of our progeny and works but I just wanna bang someone else real quick." Puuhhleeeasseee.

[hotpotato]

Women who have been cheated on, be honest how was your sex life with that man beforehand?

 

*raises hand*

I gave him sex when and however he wanted it. I said no to him maybe once, and I was just out of the hospital, sick or something. Just once. In almost 3 years. Also, he rejected me much of the time when I wanted to have sex after the 6 month mark.

[Got it]

There is nothing one party can do to guarantee another party from cheating. It is a lovely thought but sadly not going to happen.

 

So if you were to make sure you prioritize sex you will hopefully have a deeper intimacy between the two.

 

You will will show you are prioritizing their needs/wants which will hopefully make them feel appreciative and they will reciprocate as well.

 

You are showing your interest to connect via sex to show you are wanting a deepening in the relationship.

 

But one can have sex 3x a day and have little intimacy. It isn't just the sexual acts that does it. There needs to be a connection or the train will derail.

 

But even doing all of that, one can cheat for a multitude of reasons. It is their choice and their decision. Nothing can be done to stop them. They must stop themselves.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Oh Davina please stop. Not only is your advice naive and terribly one-sided, it ignores so many important factors.

 

First of all, people who say things like this annoy me because they seem to have some really misguided/outdated ideas about affairs, how many of them come about and the people who have them. As if men have affairs ONLY when they aren't getting sex at home. My god, if that were the case, far fewer affairs would be happening.

 

The definition of "satisfied" can mean many different things to many different people. A man could be getting all the sex he can handle from his wife but still crave "more" or simply "different". Or he could just need the additional ego boost and validation an OW can potentially provide.

 

For many men, the draw of an affair isn't just the sex; it's the constant ego stroking that comes along with it. Not to mention the power/control aspect. It's having a relationship that exists almost completely on their terms - especially if they have a complaint OW - in which they can be selfish and seek only to get their needs met and with minimal effort.

 

Look at some of the OW on here, who place most of their needs on the backburner for the sake of MM. Who contort themselves into unrecognizable shapes in order to please him and make sure HE is satisfied while asking for very little in return save for maybe his time. Who go out of their way to demonstrate how good they are at sneaking around and taking scraps when offered. A wife can't compete with that no matter how much sex she's throwing his way.

 

Second, while there's something to be said for taking care of your partner's needs in the bedroom, and obviously a sexually satisfied partner is never a bad thing, there has to be a give and take. Running yourself ragged, bending over backwards and jumping through hoops etc to please your mate can leave a person feeling empty, resentful and under-appreciated if the effort isn't reciprocated or even acknowledged. Hell, if I'm doing everything around the house AND still making sure I remain physically attractive and active in the sack yet HE'S not pulling his weight or doing likewise for me, I might be tempted to go out and get a boy-toy my damn self.

[WasOtherWoman]

Its just that chaps tend to be far more physical than women. For men its a way of showing them you care and that you want to be with them... Blokes are not so good at the whole emotional talking stuff as women on the whole.

 

I am just trying to think outside the box...

 

The above, exactly. Men feel loved by physical touch, affection, sex. Any woman who does not understand that is headed for trouble. Most marriages that do not entail physical touch, affection and sex will be in trouble.

 

Yes, the cheating is the responsibility of the cheater, and no one "makes" their spouse cheat. But, in my very humble opinion, any spouse (man or woman) who withholds intimacy and sex from their spouse (barring medical issues) should NOT be surprised if the consequence of that choice is that their spouse either strays or comes close.

 

The above does not apply if you are dealing with a serial cheater....

[ladydesigner]

The above, exactly. Men feel loved by physical touch, affection, sex. Any woman who does not understand that is headed for trouble. Most marriages that do not entail physical touch, affection and sex will be in trouble.

 

Yes, the cheating is the responsibility of the cheater, and no one "makes" their spouse cheat. But, in my very humble opinion, any spouse (man or woman) who withholds intimacy and sex from their spouse (barring medical issues) should NOT be surprised if the consequence of that choice is that their spouse either strays or comes close.

 

The above does not apply if you are dealing with a serial cheater....

 

Well our sex life did get to a point where it felt like a chore to me. My WH seemed insatiable wanted sex every ****ing day and I honestly did not have it in me by the time of day he would get home and I was in charge of ALL household duties and child rearing. **** him, **** his MOW and all his other OW's and to all the people who need to cheat because of high libidos!