Women should keep their men happy 'in the bedroom' or face being cheated on.

[preraph]

I do agree that if the relationship has fallen apart to the point where one doesn't want sex, it's time to get out of the relationship. It's NOT time to cheat and use that for an excuse. It's not easy to maintain sexual desire if anything is off, like if either spouse is controlling or acting like the other's parent, which isn't sexy, or either spouse is just a lazy jackass or a rude one who doesn't think about the other's feelings. But you get a divorce or make a clean break. You don't say, Oh, this gives me license to screw around.

[Phoe]

I've never in my life turned down sex. I actually can never get enough...

 

In the past being cheated on wasn't a matter of them getting something I wasn't providing... no, they were getting whatever they wanted.

 

It was simply a matter of them having an opportunity put in front of them, so they took it. Literally no thought behind it, a hot girl was available and interested so... why not?

 

"Sure I can go see my girlfriend today or tomorrow and have sex. Or I can have sex with the chick that's right here in front of me."

 

Way easier to just choose the lazy option and have sex with the chick that's right in front of them. Just totally selfish and unable to give two craps about it.

[empresario]

"Everything in life is about sex. Except sex. Sex is about power".

 

In most cases...

 

People don't cheat because their significant other isn't putting out enough. People cheat because it makes them feel good about themselves. That's all it is. A 100% purely selfish act used as a blanket to their own insecurities and inability to work on their own relationship.

[truncated]

If the theory mentioned in the op is correct, then it flies in the face of what so many ow/om and ws say.

 

I could maybe accept the explanation if it was one single one night stand by someone who was desperate for physical contact, but I highly suspect that if most people who got involved in an affair were asked, they would say the standard line of "it wasn't about sex".

 

So which is it? Did they cheat because their spouse isn't meeting their sexual needs, or did they cheat because they wanted to and want to find a reason to excuse their own behavior?

 

Also,there are many bs who who report that they are indeed having a lot of sex with their spouses. If this is true, and their husband or wife still cheats, then it would hazard a guess that no matter how much sex they were offered by the bs, it wouldn't be enough. The cheating is about something in them, and the bs could be giving them sex that would make the greatest porn star jealous, but if the opportunity presented itself, they would still cheat. It's just who they are.

[xxoo]

I can think of a lot if really great reasons to have sex with your spouse.

 

This is a terrible reason. Why not have sex for the good reasons?

[salparadise]

I can't help but chuckle at how simplistically and moralistically some people try to perceive everything. If this, then that... pfffft!

 

A more accurate way to look at it would be, meeting each other's physical and emotional needs, together with passion and dedication are the components of a healthy relationship... but marital bliss, sorry, no guarantees.

 

I've always thought it interesting that sex is the only thing on Maslow's hierarchy that appears twice, on levels one and three. Even the pyramid is an oversimplification, but it does serve to illustrate how we all have layers of needs and that they are prioritized.

 

As for the simple, moralistic perspective... yea, of course cheating is bad, but it's never quite that simple either. Looking at it in black|white doesn't solve the problem, it just absolves people from having to deal with any of that uncomfortable gray matter. People like taking the moral high ground but that's not the route to deeper understanding.

[WasOtherWoman]

Well our sex life did get to a point where it felt like a chore to me. My WH seemed insatiable wanted sex every ****ing day and I honestly did not have it in me by the time of day he would get home and I was in charge of ALL household duties and child rearing. **** him, **** his MOW and all his other OW's and to all the people who need to cheat because of high libidos!

 

Oh believe me, some days it is a chore for me as well. I think anyone who says that occasionally it isn't is not being truthful. That said... every day in a long term marriage would be too much for me... that's just crazy.

 

I totally get how the above situation can happen. I just think that folks need to try to figure out a solution to it, otherwise there will be consequences.

 

Please don't think that I am in any way advocating women need to be sex goddesses at their man's beck and call.

[WasOtherWoman]

 

People don't cheat because their significant other isn't putting out enough. People cheat because it makes them feel good about themselves. That's all it is. A 100% purely selfish act used as a blanket to their own insecurities and inability to work on their own relationship.

 

Here's another way to maybe try to look at this. When I tell my husband he is sexy, or pinch his butt when he walks by or flirt with him, it makes him feel good about himself. I am hoping that much "good about himself" is enough.

 

Just something to think about.....

[Giggle]

Women who have been cheated on, be honest how was your sex life with that man beforehand?

 

 

Exactly what he seemed to want it to be. He turned /me/ down.

[Phoe]

Exactly what he seemed to want it to be. He turned /me/ down.

 

Same.

 

I've never turned down sex, but have been turned down in my attempts to initiate, have had to practically beg for intimacy, and have been made to feel bad about wanting it so much, as if something is wrong with me. My exes could not keep up with my sex drive and did not want to.

 

But when a hot chick was put in front of them, why not, right? Take that opportunity.

[Els]

I can't help but chuckle at how simplistically and moralistically some people try to perceive everything. If this, then that... pfffft!

 

A more accurate way to look at it would be, meeting each other's physical and emotional needs, together with passion and dedication are the components of a healthy relationship... but marital bliss, sorry, no guarantees.

 

I've always thought it interesting that sex is the only thing on Maslow's hierarchy that appears twice, on levels one and three. Even the pyramid is an oversimplification, but it does serve to illustrate how we all have layers of needs and that they are prioritized.

 

As for the simple, moralistic perspective... yea, of course cheating is bad, but it's never quite that simple either. Looking at it in black|white doesn't solve the problem, it just absolves people from having to deal with any of that uncomfortable gray matter. People like taking the moral high ground but that's not the route to deeper understanding.

 

Aside from the fact that Maslow's hierarchy IS a grossly oversimplified version of human psychology and has attracted a lot of academic criticism, the reason sex appears on the base level is not really the pleasure component of sex but rather sex as a reproductive necessity for the species.

 

Anyway, all that aside... Honest question. Do you people WANT your partner to be having sex with you just because they are afraid that you would leave or stray due to lack thereof? Does 'duty sex' REALLY make you happy, your partner viewing sex with you as a chore, as something that needs to be done for 'the sake of the relationship'? Because I personally can think of very few things less sexy than that, and I would rather not have sex at all than have sex with someone who's not enjoying it and just doing it to appease me. Based on his actions, my SO appears to be similar.

 

I do agree that people should try and meet each others' needs in a relationship, but IMO there needs to be more in it than just 'meeting your partner's needs' for sex to have any meaning at all. Also, cheating should be treated as a separate entity entirely - IMO cheating says much more about the cheater than it does about the relationship.