Asking ex out or let her come to me?

[CharlesV]

Hi all, I need your help.

 

I was with my ex GF for 3 years. We broke up 8 months ago, we were each others first love and she broke it off because I was basically acting very weak and not like a man at all (when I look back at my mistakes I know understand she had no attraction for me at all after those things). There were other reasons for the breakup like the difference in religion that we were really struggling with.

 

In the time after the breakup I was in hell.. So much heartache, it was very cruel. Untill I just moved on and walked away and met another girl 3 months later, we clicked and got into a new relationship. I was very happy the first months. After a couple months I realized she is not the kinda girl I want to spend my life with. She always was a very non- affectionate and cold person and I really need affection in a relationship (which is normal). So after 5,5 months of dating I broke it off, because I felt like my heart was really not into it and liked her less then in the beginning.

 

In the middle of the relationship with the new girl my ex (first love) texted me something like 'How are you, didn't speak to you in a long time blablabla'. I responded a day later with 'I'm good, thanks'. She responded in a angry manner, probably because I was already in a relationship and I thought.. **** you, you dumped me, live with it. I heard she wanted me back from mutual friends.

 

Now a few days back.. I heard that my first love ex was so freaking happy that I broke up with that girl because she regrets breaking up with me big time. She immediately hated the girl I was dating. A mutual friend of ours even said to me a day after the breakup; "Hey man you should ask her to hangout.. She really regrets breaking up. But she doesn't dare to text you because you actually blow her off last time. (When she asked how I was doing)."

 

I know she wants me back, and really deep down.. I want her back too. Should I wait for her to text me something and then make a date? I know that is the best way, but I really can't wait to see her again, would asking her out on a date all of the sudden lose the attraction for me that she has now? I really want her back. Should I just go with it or let her come to me? I need advice please. I wanted so long to be with her, Now I can, but don't know if I should take action, or let her come to me first. I miss my first love. It has been 2 days since the breakup with the girl I just dumped. PLEASE HELP

[Mrlonelyone]

Hi all, I need your help.

 

I was with my ex GF for 3 years. We broke up 8 months ago, we were each others first love and she broke it off because I was basically acting very weak and not like a man at all (when I look back at my mistakes I know understand she had no attraction for me at all after those things). There were other reasons for the breakup like the difference in religion that we were really struggling with.

 

The conventional wisdom says since she initiated the break up she needs to do all the work to get you back.

 

Relationships never work when only one person does the work.

 

In the time after the breakup I was in hell.. So much heartache, it was very cruel. Untill I just moved on and walked away and met another girl 3 months later, we clicked and got into a new relationship. I was very happy the first months. After a couple months I realized she is not the kinda girl I want to spend my life with. She always was a very non- affectionate and cold person and I really need affection in a relationship (which is normal). So after 5,5 months of dating I broke it off, because I felt like my heart was really not into it and liked her less then in the beginning.

 

In the middle of the relationship with the new girl my ex (first love) texted me something like 'How are you, didn't speak to you in a long time blablabla'. I responded a day later with 'I'm good, thanks'. She responded in a angry manner, probably because I was already in a relationship and I thought.. **** you, you dumped me, live with it. I heard she wanted me back from mutual friends.

 

So now in a way you are the dumper. You rejected her and the conventional wisdom says as a man it is your job to initiate at all times. etc.

 

Now a few days back.. I heard that my first love ex was so freaking happy that I broke up with that girl because she regrets breaking up with me big time. She immediately hated the girl I was dating. A mutual friend of ours even said to me a day after the breakup; "Hey man you should ask her to hangout.. She really regrets breaking up. But she doesn't dare to text you because you actually blow her off last time. (When she asked how I was doing)."

 

I know she wants me back, and really deep down.. I want her back too. Should I wait for her to text me something and then make a date? I know that is the best way, but I really can't wait to see her again, would asking her out on a date all of the sudden lose the attraction for me that she has now? I really want her back. Should I just go with it or let her come to me? I need advice please. I wanted so long to be with her, Now I can, but don't know if I should take action, or let her come to me first. I miss my first love. It has been 2 days since the breakup with the girl I just dumped. PLEASE HELP

 

Ask her to meet up and talk face to face by text, or you could use your phone to do this thing... I remember you could talk to people on the phone is that still possible? I think that would work pretty well too. When you talk to someone you know as long as they were holding the phone they heard what you said no games no BS.

 

Either way I think you both proved quite well you can do just fine without eachother. If it will work for you no more games just a face to face meet up for a drink or something. Start over because the old relationship doesn't earn you any points.

[SolidGoldTurd]

Hi all, I need your help.

 

I was with my ex GF for 3 years. We broke up 8 months ago, we were each others first love and she broke it off because I was basically acting very weak and not like a man at all (when I look back at my mistakes I know understand she had no attraction for me at all after those things). There were other reasons for the breakup like the difference in religion that we were really struggling with.

 

In the time after the breakup I was in hell.. So much heartache, it was very cruel. Untill I just moved on and walked away and met another girl 3 months later, we clicked and got into a new relationship. I was very happy the first months. After a couple months I realized she is not the kinda girl I want to spend my life with. She always was a very non- affectionate and cold person and I really need affection in a relationship (which is normal). So after 5,5 months of dating I broke it off, because I felt like my heart was really not into it and liked her less then in the beginning.

 

In the middle of the relationship with the new girl my ex (first love) texted me something like 'How are you, didn't speak to you in a long time blablabla'. I responded a day later with 'I'm good, thanks'. She responded in a angry manner, probably because I was already in a relationship and I thought.. **** you, you dumped me, live with it. I heard she wanted me back from mutual friends.

 

Now a few days back.. I heard that my first love ex was so freaking happy that I broke up with that girl because she regrets breaking up with me big time. She immediately hated the girl I was dating. A mutual friend of ours even said to me a day after the breakup; "Hey man you should ask her to hangout.. She really regrets breaking up. But she doesn't dare to text you because you actually blow her off last time. (When she asked how I was doing)."

 

I know she wants me back, and really deep down.. I want her back too. Should I wait for her to text me something and then make a date? I know that is the best way, but I really can't wait to see her again, would asking her out on a date all of the sudden lose the attraction for me that she has now? I really want her back. Should I just go with it or let her come to me? I need advice please. I wanted so long to be with her, Now I can, but don't know if I should take action, or let her come to me first. I miss my first love. It has been 2 days since the breakup with the girl I just dumped. PLEASE HELP

 

 

First of all I reckon your ex has still got the hots for yer.

 

 

She dumped you, you walked away, she started to have regrets and she put herself in your orbit.

 

 

I think the question you've got to ask yourself is: who do you feel best with, the new girl or your ex?

 

 

Whatever decision you make, you need to follow through with it. If you choose your ex, the new girl will be gone; if you choose your new girl, the ex will be gone. You can't lead people on.

 

 

If you want your ex back I'd respond with "Hey, it's great to hear from you. I'd love to see you. When are you free to meet up".

 

If you don't want to see your ex, be kind and just tell her that you've moved on.

 

 

 

Simple.

[CharlesV]

First of all I reckon your ex has still got the hots for yer.

 

 

She dumped you, you walked away, she started to have regrets and she put herself in your orbit.

 

 

I think the question you've got to ask yourself is: who do you feel best with, the new girl or your ex?

 

 

Whatever decision you make, you need to follow through with it. If you choose your ex, the new girl will be gone; if you choose your new girl, the ex will be gone. You can't lead people on.

 

 

If you want your ex back I'd respond with "Hey, it's great to hear from you. I'd love to see you. When are you free to meet up".

 

If you don't want to see your ex, be kind and just tell her that you've moved on.

 

 

 

Simple.

 

Hi thanks for the response! First of all I want my first love back, the one I dated for 3 years. I recently heard she still wants me back, but she doesnt dare to text me because I blew her off when she actually did text me (When I was still in the relationship with the newer girl). The actual question is... Should I begin contact to make a date or is that too needy and desperate after the breakup which just happen with the new ex? Because I blew my first love off last time months back, she is scared I will blow her off again, thats why she doesn't text me. I want to text her so bad but I am scared that she will think that she 'has me on a leash again' feeling when I do that you know? I want to be a challenge but still see her.

 

Greetings

[aloneinaz]

They always say relationship break up for a reason. Have you really thought through what would be different for you both this time around? What happens when all the excitement of the reconciliation dies down? Are the same problems going to reappear? I just think you need to really think back about that relationship and be honest with yourself. Do you want to risk her ending it a second time should be a thought as well.

 

 

If you want to try it again with her, you should let her chase you down. She dumped you and then contacted you after she learned you broke up with the other girl. Make her work for you. If you start chasing her, you might look all needy in her eyes and thus, less attractive. Again, she dumped you and you moved on which was perfect. It let her know that others want you as well. She's going to be concerned that you may be back on the prowl again, looking for the next girl which should make her be aggressive in asking to meet you or to go out for coffee.

 

 

Play it cool if you want another shot my man.

[SolidGoldTurd]

Hi thanks for the response! First of all I want my first love back, the one I dated for 3 years. I recently heard she still wants me back, but she doesnt dare to text me because I blew her off when she actually did text me (When I was still in the relationship with the newer girl). The actual question is... Should I begin contact to make a date or is that too needy and desperate after the breakup which just happen with the new ex? Because I blew my first love off last time months back, she is scared I will blow her off again, thats why she doesn't text me. I want to text her so bad but I am scared that she will think that she 'has me on a leash again' feeling when I do that you know? I want to be a challenge but still see her.

 

Greetings

 

My suggestion is that you DON'T contact your ex.

 

If she really wants you back, like everyone else is saying, she'll contact you (100% certain).

 

What a lot of guys don't understand in the flirting/dating/relationship world is that men are the ones who should be chased, not the other way round.

 

Media has twisted the image by claiming it should be the other way round.

 

Have you noticed that in most, if not all films the man is the one begging/pleading the girl back after wronging her.

 

These "fantasies" of women saying yes to a pleading man are based on the creator of the film itself, and have NOTHING to do with the real world.

 

 

 

So in terms of your scenario, this is what I'd do:

 

 

I would let my ex contact me, and when she does I'd assume she wants to see me.

 

I'd just say "Hey, it's great to hear from you. I'd love to meet up, when are you free?".

 

In your scenario I'm ready to bet she'll say yes. Make sure that the date is set during the evening, so 8pm onwards.

 

Have fun, cook dinner, have a drink and hook up..,

 

DON'T have any labels in mind ... she's the one who dumped you, so she should be the one to call it serious or not.

 

 

 

This is my own advice.

 

People on here have already disagreed with it, but chasing a woman never works.

[SolidGoldTurd]

They always say relationship break up for a reason. Have you really thought through what would be different for you both this time around? What happens when all the excitement of the reconciliation dies down? Are the same problems going to reappear? I just think you need to really think back about that relationship and be honest with yourself. Do you want to risk her ending it a second time should be a thought as well.

 

 

If you want to try it again with her, you should let her chase you down. She dumped you and then contacted you after she learned you broke up with the other girl. Make her work for you. If you start chasing her, you might look all needy in her eyes and thus, less attractive. Again, she dumped you and you moved on which was perfect. It let her know that others want you as well. She's going to be concerned that you may be back on the prowl again, looking for the next girl which should make her be aggressive in asking to meet you or to go out for coffee.

 

 

Play it cool if you want another shot my man.

 

 

Well at least this guy knows.

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

It seems you've learned from your past mistakes with this girl, and that's a plus. I would make sure that, on her end, this isn't just a case of "want what you can't have" since she became interested when you were with someone else. If that's the case, she could just want to get together, but quickly lose interest again once that appeal is gone.

 

You might wait a few days to see if she says anything, then bring up getting together for coffee or something casual. If she doesn't text or call after a few days, then you initiate it.

[CharlesV]

Thank you guys,

 

She texted me just an hour ago and we have a date in about 2 days.

 

Greetings for France!!

[garybayliss]

good for you man. have fun

[Mrlonelyone]

Thank you guys,

 

She texted me just an hour ago and we have a date in about 2 days.

 

Greetings for France!!

 

Please let us know how things work out for you. Have a great time.

[SolidGoldTurd]

Thank you guys,

 

She texted me just an hour ago and we have a date in about 2 days.

 

Greetings for France!!

 

 

Wait, is that a date with the ex?

 

 

Did you use my method by any chance?

 

 

Amusez-vous!

[CharlesV]

Hi, me and my first love had our date yesterday. It actaully went very well, we just talked about normal and fun things. At first we were like talking about our daily lives, then our good old memories etc... It was just fun. She offcourse asked me why I broke it off with the new girl, haha. It became a little bit awkward because we had nothing left to talk about near the end of the date, so that wasn't that cool, but hey, we're still Exes and the tension was apparantly still there a little bit, but that's normal I think.

 

I'm so damn confused right now. She didn't talk about reconciling or anything like that, but in the end she did give me a sexy kiss on the lips.. That means interest doesnt it? She also said things like I still have some of your clothes in my home, I want to wash them en bring them back at your place.. I immediatly thought of a hint for the next date, maybe she wants to hang out in my place? Who knows.

 

I just don't know what to do now. She doesn't text me or anything but gave me sings of interest by kissing me on the lips. Shall I ask her out for a date again? How would you guys approach this?

 

(And yes SolidGoldTurd I was using your method for setting the date )

 

Please share some advice with me! Greetings

[minime13]

I'd be careful about this girl. People that love should love selflessly. They should be happy for you and hope for the best when you break up. They shouldn't immediately hate your new girlfriend, and celebrate your break-up. They should respect you and your new relationships, and not interfere like she did. I don't know - she seems to love selfishly. Be careful with that.

 

Notice that she asked why you broke up with the other woman? I'd be willing to bet that she was hoping you'd say because of her. Did she date anyone while the two of you had broken up? If so, what was the timing of that ending and her wanting you back? And what has changed to where it will work this time?

 

If you want to proceed with this, do it with caution. I'd say you need to start over from scratch, and not jump back in to where you left off. And make her earn the relationship back. She dumped you, and wants you back. She needs to show you that. She needs to put in the effort. She needs to tell you why she wants you back.

 

Anything short of that wouldn't be worth it, in my opinion.

[dumbass2]

Hi, me and my first love had our date yesterday. It actaully went very well, we just talked about normal and fun things. At first we were like talking about our daily lives, then our good old memories etc... It was just fun. She offcourse asked me why I broke it off with the new girl, haha. It became a little bit awkward because we had nothing left to talk about near the end of the date, so that wasn't that cool, but hey, we're still Exes and the tension was apparantly still there a little bit, but that's normal I think.

 

I'm so damn confused right now. She didn't talk about reconciling or anything like that, but in the end she did give me a sexy kiss on the lips.. That means interest doesnt it? She also said things like I still have some of your clothes in my home, I want to wash them en bring them back at your place.. I immediatly thought of a hint for the next date, maybe she wants to hang out in my place? Who knows.

 

I just don't know what to do now. She doesn't text me or anything but gave me sings of interest by kissing me on the lips. Shall I ask her out for a date again? How would you guys approach this?

 

(And yes SolidGoldTurd I was using your method for setting the date )

 

Please share some advice with me! Greetings

 

What was the very last thing that you two said to each when you parted ways after the meeting?

 

I couldn't agree with minime any more, except for the part that your ex wants you back. Don't be so sure of that. Her actions will tell you.

 

I went through this when my ex that dumped me reached out months afterwards to me. I cannot stress enough about actions. Ex's get bored and lonely and look for attention. Please please please do not get caught up in words. My ex would run hot and cold during the reconnect and actions rarely matched the words. I had a very nice, similar first meet up like you did. Her kiss doesn't mean she is interested in you. It very well could, but it could also have been her testing the waters to see how you would react and to see if YOU were still interested. Try not to let that kiss mean too much to you. My ex gave me a long very tight passionate hug as we first met and after wards, told me how good I look etc. Reminiscenced about a lot of great times blah blah blah, but not mention about wanting me back.

 

Your ex mentioned about having cloths and wanting to get them back to you. Take those words to see if there is action behind it. You do not bring up the cloths at all. I would not jump on the phone right now and try to set another date. She told you something she wanted to do, so let's see how interested she is in doing just that. She knows she now has an opening from you. You should not do anything more right now. You've done as much or more than you needed when dealing with an ex. She knows you're interested.

 

Again, please let me know that last things you two said to each other as you left the meet up.

Edited June 5, 2015 by dumbass2

[CharlesV]

What was the very last thing that you two said to each when you parted ways after the meeting?

 

I couldn't agree with minime any more, except for the part that your ex wants you back. Don't be so sure of that. Her actions will tell you.

 

I went through this when my ex that dumped me reached out months afterwards to me. I cannot stress enough about actions. Ex's get bored and lonely and look for attention. Please please please do not get caught up in words. My ex would run hot and cold during the reconnect and actions rarely matched the words. I had a very nice, similar first meet up like you did. Her kiss doesn't mean she is interested in you. It very well could, but it could also have been her testing the waters to see how you would react and to see if YOU were still interested. Try not to let that kiss mean too much to you. My ex gave me a long very tight passionate hug as we first met and after wards, told me how good I look etc. Reminiscenced about a lot of great times blah blah blah, but not mention about wanting me back.

 

Your ex mentioned about having cloths and wanting to get them back to you. Take those words to see if there is action behind it. You do not bring up the cloths at all. I would not jump on the phone right now and try to set another date. She told you something she wanted to do, so let's see how interested she is in doing just that. She knows she now has an opening from you. You should not do anything more right now. You've done as much or more than you needed when dealing with an ex. She knows you're interested.

 

Again, please let me know that last things you two said to each other as you left the meet up.

 

Thanks for the long response. I was allmost texting her right now to ask for a new date next week but after your response I don't think it's such a good idea.

The last thing she said in person was: Talk to you soon, bye.

 

She even texted me the same night after the date something like: Are you home safe? I said: Yes you too? She: Yes a while. I: good, sleepwell x. She: You too x

 

After that last conversation by text, we never texted again. I still havent heard from her 2 days later. So asking for another date is not a good idea?

Appreciate the advice

[ZiggyZoo]

I think you're reading too much into this. Wanting to return some clothes doesn't mean that she's fishing for an excuse to go to your place. And a "sexy" kiss on the lips doesn't mean that much either, if she didn't bring up reconciliation at all. And I wouldn't wait two days to text someone I'm interested in. I'd at least send something the next day, a little flirty message.

 

Bottom line, if someone wants to be with you, they will be. She knows you're single. I'm sure she knows you're interested in her. The fact that you don't have a clear idea of what she's thinking says to me that she's probably going to string you along a bit. If you're fine with being a possible Plan B, then go ahead and carry on. But I don't think that any amount of trying to jumpstart it on your end is going to matter, it doesn't look to me like she's as interested as she needs to be.

[travelbug1996]

she broke it off because I was basically acting very weak and not like a man at all (when I look back at my mistakes I know understand she had no attraction for me at all after those things). There were other reasons for the breakup like the difference in religion that we were really struggling with.

 

 

This is what you two should talk about if there is any chance to reconcile

[kendahke]

Thank you guys,

 

She texted me just an hour ago and we have a date in about 2 days.

 

Greetings for France!!

 

Bon chance.

 

Don't forget to discuss with her why she dumped you and what she's learned in the interim that should convince you that throwing back in with her is a good idea.

[dumbass2]

"After that last conversation by text, we never texted again. I still havent heard from her 2 days later. So asking for another date is not a good idea?"

 

You asking for another date is not a good idea. I'm pretty certain she knows how you feel and are interested, now you have to see by her ACTIONS and not her words, if she is really that interested in you. I've been through this and know how much actions vs words means. It means everything. If she wants to be with you, she knows she can be and you will feel her interest level.