Still Struggling

[turnera]

Come up with some things you can do well. Bake? Gather a list of bakeries, go see them, and let them know you can step in when they need a sub.

 

Stuff and lick envelopes? There are companies that hire people to work from home at that.

 

Shop at garage sales and then sell the items online?

 

Knit? Make stuff and sell it online.

 

Clean your house? Post your cleaning services online and in your neighborhood.

 

Like pets? Become a pet sitter.

 

Like to try out restaurants? Become a Secret Shopper, and work at your own pace.

 

There are many many nontraditional jobs. You just have to start looking for them.

[Brigit]

Ok. I understand that, better than most probably would. My son is 17 and diagnosed with bipolar disorder, major depressive disorder, anxiety and fibromyalgia. I often wonder what he will be able to do. He is on medication, but even with that, can only attend school half days mostly because of the fibro. He is in constant pain. So far the medication is only helping his depression and pain slightly. I may be supporting him the rest of his life. He does like musical theater and is doing a show this summer. I am hoping he will go to college, since that is much more flexible as far as scheduling things, after that, I don't know.

 

So I do understand people dealing with mental illness. I thought I understood it before my son started having symptoms, but I really had no clue. I don't think anyone can fully understand it unless they have it or live with it. That being said, your husbands way of dealing with you is not helping. You mentioned seeing a psychiatrist, that is good, what does he/she have to say about your marriage and you finding work? Is a part time job, doing something low stress possible? Is there something you could do from home? I don't know what your diagnosis is, if you have major social anxiety, having a job could be difficult. Maybe you could work with animals. They don't complain so much! By the way, when this happened, we got my son a dog and he has been the best thing for him.

 

I will probably get a part-time reception job again but in my experience this doesn't lead to financial independence.

 

I have a dog too she's amazing!

[turnera]

You're not ready to leave yet, so if you were to get a part-time job now and SAVE that money instead of spending it, by the time you leave you would be able to live comfortably.

[Babs22]

I will probably get a part-time reception job again but in my experience this doesn't lead to financial independence.

 

I have a dog too she's amazing!

 

I think a part-time job sounds like a start. You may find yourself able to slowly increase your time and if not, just keep doing what you can handle. Put it in a savings account just for you.

 

I just took his dog on a long, hot, sweaty walk. I do a lot of the walking of the dog because of my son's fibro. He is a sweet dog, a 50 pound mutt, that we rescued from the pound a year ago.

[autumnnight]

In some states, you can still work part time with SSI if you do not work too many hours. It's worth looking into.

[Brigit]

In some states, you can still work part time with SSI if you do not work too many hours. It's worth looking into.

 

I don't have SSI and I've looked into it before. I don't qualify. I'd need at least one inpatient under my belt and I've never gotten that bad. So I'm insane enough to struggle with employment but too sane for help.

[turnera]

Well, that's good then! Nothing stopping you from looking for ways to make money.

[autumnnight]

I don't have SSI and I've looked into it before. I don't qualify. I'd need at least one inpatient under my belt and I've never gotten that bad. So I'm insane enough to struggle with employment but too sane for help.

 

Yeah, it can be a catch 22.

 

The first thing I would do is do the math and see how much you would need to make per month/week to make it.

 

That will do a few things:

 

Give you a goal

Help you know what kind of work you will need

Make it tangibly clear that while you CAN begin making changes, you cannot move out tomorrow

 

Unless of course you have a generous benefactor who plans to finance your escape

[understand50]

Yeah, it can be a catch 22.

 

The first thing I would do is do the math and see how much you would need to make per month/week to make it.

 

That will do a few things:

 

Give you a goal

Help you know what kind of work you will need

Make it tangibly clear that while you CAN begin making changes, you cannot move out tomorrow

 

Unless of course you have a generous benefactor who plans to finance your escape

 

Brigit,

 

It all comes down to your plan. What is your plan for your marriage, and also for your life in general. There are many things you can get into that pay well and let you set your hours. IT Project Management, if you are good at math, IT network, VOIP engineering will also work. Writing, editing, Look in to them all. As you gain and have independence, I think your Husband will respect you more, as you will be able to back up leaving.

 

In my own case, I would never want my wife to think she has to stay married to me because she could not support herself. She is disabled, but we are working to try and find something she can do and make a living if needed.

 

 

10421044

[Brigit]

Brigit,

 

It all comes down to your plan. What is your plan for your marriage, and also for your life in general.

 

 

My plan is to be mentally stable. After my husband yells at me it takes me a while to get my emotions back on track. I'm feeling less depressed today and I'm a bit more productive than yesterday.

 

Also, I thought about checking the OM's twitter account but realized it was generated by boredom and not desire. I do think the "affair fog" is dissipating. I've come a long way in this area. I'm not going to get into this situation again. Affairs are a soul sucking waste of time and everyone loses. I have to admit there were times when contacting the OM might have saved my life. It's hard for me to judge. Right now, I just want to be OK.

[Babs22]

My plan is to be mentally stable. After my husband yells at me it takes me a while to get my emotions back on track. I'm feeling less depressed today and I'm a bit more productive than yesterday.

 

Also, I thought about checking the OM's twitter account but realized it was generated by boredom and not desire. I do think the "affair fog" is dissipating. I've come a long way in this area. I'm not going to get into this situation again. Affairs are a soul sucking waste of time and everyone loses. I have to admit there were times when contacting the OM might have saved my life. It's hard for me to judge. Right now, I just want to be OK.

 

Good job Brigit. One day at a time! You will have set backs, but then you just keep moving forward. Glad to hear you are feeling less like you need to contact the OM. I am glad you had a good day and felt motivated. Keep trying to build on that. If you need feedback from someone or just to vent about something, come write it down here. Obviously, someone is always listening.

[understand50]

I'm fine with mediocre. Right now, I'm going thru a depressive state so mediocre sounds pretty good.

 

Brigit,

 

It will take time, but you will get there. Keep to your plain.

 

Good luck

[Brigit]

Good job Brigit. One day at a time! You will have set backs, but then you just keep moving forward. Glad to hear you are feeling less like you need to contact the OM. I am glad you had a good day and felt motivated. Keep trying to build on that. If you need feedback from someone or just to vent about something, come write it down here. Obviously, someone is always listening.

 

That is so sweet Babs and I really appreciate your kindness. TBH I am feeling depressed due to the fight with my husband. There is still tension between us and I'd like it to go away so I'm pushing myself to act friendly. When he asks "Do you love me?" I say yes but it feels like I'm lying. I have PMS right now so that's affecting my mood as well.

[turnera]

That is so sweet Babs and I really appreciate your kindness. TBH I am feeling depressed due to the fight with my husband. There is still tension between us and I'd like it to go away so I'm pushing myself to act friendly. When he asks "Do you love me?" I say yes but it feels like I'm lying. I have PMS right now so that's affecting my mood as well.

So tell him the truth.

 

Why can't you tell him the truth?'

 

"I fee loving until you hurt me. Then, all I feel is pain."

[Babs22]

That is so sweet Babs and I really appreciate your kindness. TBH I am feeling depressed due to the fight with my husband. There is still tension between us and I'd like it to go away so I'm pushing myself to act friendly. When he asks "Do you love me?" I say yes but it feels like I'm lying. I have PMS right now so that's affecting my mood as well.

 

I understand both things. Anytime I have a fight with my H, there is tension. I never know what to say. And it is hard to have feelings of love for someone you just had a fight with so I can understand why you feel like you are lying when you respond to his question. I can also attest to it all being more difficult when PMS is involved. I don't suffer from depression but those PMS days I am often more down. I so don't tend to get bitchy, I tend to get feel more negative about things. I hope that tomorrow is a better day and that somehow you and your husband can move past the fight you had today.

[Brigit]

I understand both things. Anytime I have a fight with my H, there is tension. I never know what to say. And it is hard to have feelings of love for someone you just had a fight with so I can understand why you feel like you are lying when you respond to his question. I can also attest to it all being more difficult when PMS is involved. I don't suffer from depression but those PMS days I am often more down. I so don't tend to get bitchy, I tend to get feel more negative about things. I hope that tomorrow is a better day and that somehow you and your husband can move past the fight you had today.

 

I'm feeling better today. Got my period last night so PMS should be dissipating soon.

 

Right now I'm getting ready to pack lunch and breakfast for my husband. I feel myself disengaging from the "affair" and that feels like an accomplishment. I did google the name of my account that I had on the fitness site a couple of months back. Even though I closed my account in March and pulled all the pictures I could three still show up in the google search so that still haunts me a bit. I'm trying to put all this behavior behind me and move forward.

[Babs22]

I'm feeling better today. Got my period last night so PMS should be dissipating soon.

 

Right now I'm getting ready to pack lunch and breakfast for my husband. I feel myself disengaging from the "affair" and that feels like an accomplishment. I did google the name of my account that I had on the fitness site a couple of months back. Even though I closed my account in March and pulled all the pictures I could three still show up in the google search so that still haunts me a bit. I'm trying to put all this behavior behind me and move forward.

 

Awesome. Each new day is a new opportunity to try and get it right. They all won't be right, no one is perfect, but every day is a new opportunity. I know that when we wake up, we might not feel like it is going to be a great day, on those days just do your best to be kind to yourself. I'm glad you took steps today to put the past behind you and move forward in a positive way. . Thankfully that darn PMS will be out of the way for the next 28 days or so. Lol. It is a pain, however menopause is around the corner any year for me, I'm afraid that might be worse. . Hope the rest of your day goes well.

[Brigit]

Awesome. Each new day is a new opportunity to try and get it right. They all won't be right, no one is perfect, but every day is a new opportunity. I know that when we wake up, we might not feel like it is going to be a great day, on those days just do your best to be kind to yourself. I'm glad you took steps today to put the past behind you and move forward in a positive way. . Thankfully that darn PMS will be out of the way for the next 28 days or so. Lol. It is a pain, however menopause is around the corner any year for me, I'm afraid that might be worse. . Hope the rest of your day goes well.

 

Thank you Babs. Hugs for the support!

[Brigit]

Thank you Babs. Hugs for the support!

 

I want to check his twitter account today but I KNOW it's out of boredom and curiosity. Checking his account leads to contacting him. He needs to be put in the past. Completely.

 

Today, I'm going to work in the garden and do housework to keep myself busy. Hopefully, there'll be some entertaining threads on LS.

 

[Babs22]

I want to check his twitter account today but I KNOW it's out of boredom and curiosity. Checking his account leads to contacting him. He needs to be put in the past. Completely.

 

Today, I'm going to work in the garden and do housework to keep myself busy. Hopefully, there'll be some entertaining threads on LS.

 

 

Working in the garden and doing housework sounds like a much better idea to deal with boredom. Also reading threads on LS will help keep your mind on other things. I plan to go to work for a bit to try to finish some things up. It's going to be a rainy day here so not much going on outside for me.

 

Stay strong Brigit. Live in your present. Enjoy your day.

[Haydn]

I want to check his twitter account today but I KNOW it's out of boredom and curiosity. Checking his account leads to contacting him. He needs to be put in the past. Completely.

 

Today, I'm going to work in the garden and do housework to keep myself busy. Hopefully, there'll be some entertaining threads on LS.

 

 

Don`t check!

 

Did i tell you about my worrying rash?

[autumnnight]

Don`t check!

 

Did i tell you about my worrying rash?

 

That is quite irrashional....don't do anything rash....maybe you should rashion your posting today.....

 

Tada!

[understand50]

I want to check his twitter account today but I KNOW it's out of boredom and curiosity. Checking his account leads to contacting him. He needs to be put in the past. Completely.

 

Today, I'm going to work in the garden and do housework to keep myself busy. Hopefully, there'll be some entertaining threads on LS.

 

 

Brigit,

 

Stay strong, one day at a time.

 

To keep busy, you could start a post on LS about "porn".

 

That should keep you occupied.

 

Good Luck......

[Brigit]

Brigit,

 

Stay strong, one day at a time.

 

To keep busy, you could start a post on LS about "porn".

 

That should keep you occupied.

 

Good Luck......

 

LOL! Another one? Isn't the other one good enough?

 

I did a post on BPD traits but not too many people like to disclose these behaviors.

[Brigit]

I'm going to treat this thread as real time therapy. I was doing fine. Engaging in back breaking work in the garden. Decided to take a break. Thought it might be fun to check the fitness site I used to be on. First thing I do is look at the pictures of the females 40 and up. I'm ashamed to say I feel good when I see pictures of women who I look more attractive than. Yeah...I know that sounds horrible but I'm not going to get better if I lie. Then of course I can't stop at that. So I take a peak at the 20 something crowd...never a good idea. And of course they look fab. So then I start to feel a bit sad...

 

and here is where the problem is...

 

For a second...just for a second I think about opening a new account on the site and posting bathing suit shots. Just for the attention...(I know I have issues please try not to judge too harshly) But I stop myself and remind myself that even when I had my pictures posted and received lots of male attention it didn't make me feel better. It actually made me feel worse. I'm not sure why?

 

If I really wanted men to look at me and make me feel good about how I look why would getting compliments get me depressed? Maybe it's the high low thing. You get the "like" and the comment which gives your brain that kick. But it's a sugar kick and then you crash after the likes stop or don't come as much which makes you want to post another picture and the whole cycle starts again. YUCK.

 

I didn't open an account. Yay! (But I did check out OM's tweets.) I've figured out what the relationship with OM might be. He was addicted to me as a web cam girl, always hot and ready and I was addicted to the attention. Being sexually provocative was a way for me to get a narcissistic need met.

 

I guess the way to solve this problem is to not value sexual attention.