heartshappedglasses Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Hello yall I have been using online dating for a few days now. Not sure if its something for me but i will see. But this morning, a man messaged me, asking if I was a golddigger. I replied no, since I am not a golddigger lol, and asked why he asked that, He said that my profile text made me look like one. I was totally surprised I mean... in my eyes it really didnt. I asked him what part, and he said that this part made me look like a golddigger: ''I love eating out, fashion, luxury pretty items, romantic everything and dogs & adorable kids'' I just cant seem the understand why.. He said that its weird how I first name material stuff and then 'romantic everything', in the same sentence. He even said that probably most guys on OLD would think I am a golddigger?!! What do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 If I saw your profile, I wouldn't come to that conclusion. You would only be a gold digger if you expected a man to provide those items for you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 I think that sentence just sounds very young, immature, fantasy-land type of teenage stuff. I mean it really depends on the rest of your profile...is there more substance there? Or is that flighty description it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartshappedglasses Posted June 1, 2015 Author Share Posted June 1, 2015 yes I have a lot of more text, a bit about what I do in life, my personality, hobbies and such. And that's less teenage-ish than that haha. Link to post Share on other sites
whirl3daway Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 if you were like "I like fancy things and dogs and I want my man to buy them for me", I could see how he would think that. maybe this "gentleman" is trying to neg you. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 He said that its weird how I first name material stuff and then 'romantic everything', in the same sentence. He even said that probably most guys on OLD would think I am a golddigger?!! Totally concur with this sentiment; the first things you love all involve a lot of money. It subliminally indicates what is most important to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 I think that possibly it could (if a guy chooses to have an issue with it and there are a lot of angry men on OLD I'm afraid ) but this is coming from me who has been called high maintenance on several occasions - the given reason for this when I asked was because I have longish curly hair.... ???!!! People can and will assume allsorts of things. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 "I love eating out, fashion, luxury pretty items, romantic everything... " Ah, your list of lifestyle upgrade expectation is showing. The clever ones practice delayed gratification in the early stages, only concerning themselves with whether he's making sufficient bank. There's plenty of time for getting explicit after the point where he has any say in the matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartshappedglasses Posted June 2, 2015 Author Share Posted June 2, 2015 oh wow, didnt realize how loving to go eat at new places with my friends, collecting shoes and bags, loving cute luxury items to collect and loving romantic evenings and romance in general makes me a golddigger! Never knew this! i guess I shouldnt name anything which includes spending a little money. Because apparantly a lot of people seem to think that I cant have money from myself and cant pay for myself. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 i guess I shouldnt name anything which includes spending a little money. Because apparantly a lot of people seem to think that I cant have money from myself and cant pay for myself. You have to think of the converse; can a guy your age afford to take YOU to a dinner that you might be able to afford yourself? Even if you can spend that kind of money on yourself, you might be immediately dismissing a "league" of guy who can't afford your lifestyle and it then equates that you only want to date those who can afford a similar lifestyle. Link to post Share on other sites
devilish innocent Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I think mentioning luxury items in your profile makes you sound materialistic. A lot of guys could be turned off by that and equate it with also being a gold digger. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 oh wow, didnt realize how loving to go eat at new places with my friends, collecting shoes and bags, loving cute luxury items to collect and loving romantic evenings and romance in general makes me a golddigger! Never knew this! i guess I shouldnt name anything which includes spending a little money. Because apparantly a lot of people seem to think that I cant have money from myself and cant pay for myself. People read between the lines in dating profiles. When you say, "eating out, fashion, luxury pretty items, romantic everything," no man is going to read that as "always insists on paying," and I don't think they'd be wrong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 it just means he doesn't have money. if he's concerned about that statement he won't be able to provide and already knows it. you can at least delete him right away. i think your statement could be a turn-off though, because men will see "luxury" and equate that with high-maintenance and woman who wants them to spend on her. just say you like the "finer things" in life, that sounds less... materialistic. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 ''I love eating out, fashion, luxury pretty items, romantic everything and dogs & adorable kids'' Nothing wrong with it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartshappedglasses Posted June 2, 2015 Author Share Posted June 2, 2015 Well my hobbies have nothing to do with other people or men I date. Weird that they assume I would expect them to pay for my hobbies. A lot of guys have hobbies/interests which requirs A LOT of money, and then they dare to assume I am materialistic? The guy who thought I was a golddigger wrote that he likes ''brand new cars, fancy food, hotels and traveling.'' oh how ironic. I even write about how I can take care of myself. The only thing they should assume when reading my profile is that I probably would like to go out for lunch/dinner when we are dating. And well, if you can't pay that atleast one time then you arent my type anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
scorpiogirl Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 As long as you can provide all those for yourself ( which you say you can) then it's nobody's business what you spend your money on. It will usually be someone I insecure or controlling who will pay attention to these things. If your profile shows different sides to you then bugger what some guy decides to call you out on. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 ''I love eating out, fashion, luxury pretty items, romantic everything and dogs & adorable kids'' What do you guys think? A materialistic person values many of things you name above people. Since you put people last on your list someone reading your profile may conclude as this guy did that the list was written in order of priority. That does not make you a golddigger. A golddigger is a person who wants all that stuff but wants somebody else to pay for it. If you buy yourself nice things you may be "high maintenance" but if that is the style you have worked to achieve for yourself don't apologize for being true to you just because somebody else thinks you should want lesser quality simply because that is all they aspire to. As for the guy who asked you that don't even bother with him. He's a reverse snob, trying to knock you down for your tastes & preferences simply because he doesn't share them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
impatiently_patient Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 Well my hobbies have nothing to do with other people or men I date. Weird that they assume I would expect them to pay for my hobbies. A lot of guys have hobbies/interests which requirs A LOT of money, and then they dare to assume I am materialistic? The guy who thought I was a golddigger wrote that he likes ''brand new cars, fancy food, hotels and traveling.'' oh how ironic. I even write about how I can take care of myself. The only thing they should assume when reading my profile is that I probably would like to go out for lunch/dinner when we are dating. And well, if you can't pay that atleast one time then you arent my type anyway. It's in the syntax. The way you said it seems materialistic, the fashion and luxury items in particular. Saying you're interested in fashion or talking about your sense of style would come across better, IMO... and "luxury" is a suspect term altogether. With the way it's been used in marketing over the years, it's pretty much lost it's value. Besides the fact that we all like nice things, it's a bit like "I love to laugh." I'd say talk about specific things you appreciate, or leave it out. For instance, I enjoy Islay single malt scotches, and I own an Italian built, commercial grade espresso machine. None of that stuff is cheap, but being specific about it sounds way better than saying "I like expensive booze/coffee" like I'm interested in those indulgences BECAUSE they're expensive, which is not true. The espresso machine has probably saved me money in the long run despite the $700 price. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 the list tells me you have a comfortable lifestyle, or grew up with a well-off family, i would only worry if you keep getting blown off as a gold-digger you just sound like you are used to a high standard of living, and feminine, which might be why the guy was crappy to you, he had nobody to date so he took it out on you Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 Hello yall I have been using online dating for a few days now. Not sure if its something for me but i will see. But this morning, a man messaged me, asking if I was a golddigger. I replied no, since I am not a golddigger lol, and asked why he asked that, He said that my profile text made me look like one. I was totally surprised I mean... in my eyes it really didnt. I asked him what part, and he said that this part made me look like a golddigger: ''I love eating out, fashion, luxury pretty items, romantic everything and dogs & adorable kids'' I just cant seem the understand why.. He said that its weird how I first name material stuff and then 'romantic everything', in the same sentence. He even said that probably most guys on OLD would think I am a golddigger?!! What do you guys think? I wouldn't have even answered him to be honest...who asks someone that with no preamble and if someone was a gold digger would they say, why yes I am? That's the first thing. I don't answer ridiculous, presumptuous or rude messages online. The next thing is, I realize some men are confused about what gold digging is. I guess technically some would consider your interests "high maintenance" which is also something that irks me. I also like to go to nice restaurants, I don't need luxury everything but I do enjoy SOME luxurious things, I probably wouldn't put that on my profile...I'm laughing because your sentence sounds like a Tumblr profile of people who post pictures of luxury cars, Chanel bags, Louboutins, 7 dozen roses, dogs, and children in Burberry...I mean for me that's a little bit cliched and that's what I think of all those Tumblr pages that do that...BUT that's besides the point...point is, for some it may be high maintenance but at the end of the day if you can provide those things for yourself nothing is wrong with liking them and it's not gold digging unless you prey on men who are wealthy so they can furnish that lifestyle for you with no other interest in them besides what they can give you. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 Totally concur with this sentiment; the first things you love all involve a lot of money. It subliminally indicates what is most important to you. That may make her materialistic but gold digging and materialistic aren't synonymous. Materialistic means you value material things, it doesn't mean you expect men to buy them for you or that's your purpose for dating. One can be materialistic and amass material luxuries solely on your own dime. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 You have to think of the converse; can a guy your age afford to take YOU to a dinner that you might be able to afford yourself? Even if you can spend that kind of money on yourself, you might be immediately dismissing a "league" of guy who can't afford your lifestyle and it then equates that you only want to date those who can afford a similar lifestyle. I think this is normal in dating. That's not gold digging. That's dating men who are comparable to you in lifestyle. If say I'm a millionaire, and I'm used to $300 dinners, that I pay for myself and traveling first class, it stands to reason that I may be more compatible with a man who is on that level versus a man who 1) feels intimidated and 2) can't do the things I enjoy. It just means we're not compatible in terms of lifestyle. How is dating people who can afford a similar lifestyle as you gold digging? It's just like dating someone with similar education or religion or things of that nature as the reason you do it is because there is less friction if you have similar backgrounds, values, worldviews, lifestyles, ideas about money etc. A woman with a PhD for example will often have a wide chasm between her and a man with a high school education likewise a woman for example who grew up wealthy and/or currently is a high earner dating a man who makes $11 an hour will likely cause a lot of friction. It's not a matter of it only being about money or status but that money and status change the type of world you live in and what you consider normal and there will be so many little and big incompatibilities because of this. Even celebrities, while many of them date ordinary people, many don't, not because they are gold digging or don't want to, but because their idea of normal is now very different, they are around more people who are celebrities, and the understanding of that lifestyle that comes with someone who knows firsthand what it is is probably less friction than dating an "ordinary person." Gold digging refers to women who are predatory and often who are looking for an upgrade where they aspire to wealth and don't have it themselves so want to attach themselves to a man who does...not women who say are wealthy themselves who want to date men who are in a similar bracket and who more importantly their idea of normal is similar theirs. Have you ever tried dating someone where your normal everyday activities always came as a shock to them or they didn't see their value? It's not fun. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I think this is normal in dating. That's not gold digging. That's dating men who are comparable to you in lifestyle. If say I'm a millionaire, and I'm used to $300 dinners, that I pay for myself and traveling first class, it stands to reason that I may be more compatible with a man who is on that level versus a man who 1) feels intimidated and 2) can't do the things I enjoy. It just means we're not compatible in terms of lifestyle. How is dating people who can afford a similar lifestyle as you gold digging? It's just like dating someone with similar education or religion or things of that nature as the reason you do it is because there is less friction if you have similar backgrounds, values, worldviews, lifestyles, ideas about money etc. A woman with a PhD for example will often have a wide chasm between her and a man with a high school education likewise a woman for example who grew up wealthy and/or currently is a high earner dating a man who makes $11 an hour will likely cause a lot of friction. It's not a matter of it only being about money or status but that money and status change the type of world you live in and what you consider normal and there will be so many little and big incompatibilities because of this. Even celebrities, while many of them date ordinary people, many don't, not because they are gold digging or don't want to, but because their idea of normal is now very different, they are around more people who are celebrities, and the understanding of that lifestyle that comes with someone who knows firsthand what it is is probably less friction than dating an "ordinary person." Gold digging refers to women who are predatory and often who are looking for an upgrade where they aspire to wealth and don't have it themselves so want to attach themselves to a man who does...not women who say are wealthy themselves who want to date men who are in a similar bracket and who more importantly their idea of normal is similar theirs. Have you ever tried dating someone where your normal everyday activities always came as a shock to them or they didn't see their value? It's not fun. Exactly! Why are women berated and judged for having their own personal standards and expectations when it come to seeking a partner? Men talk about their preferences all the time but when a woman states hers she is suddenly attributed with a variety negative traits, such as being shallow, high maintenance, self centred, etc.. It's like young women are just supposed to swoon for any guy that comes along and pays attention to them. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
impatiently_patient Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 Exactly! Why are women berated and judged for having their own personal standards and expectations when it come to seeking a partner? Men talk about their preferences all the time but when a woman states hers she is suddenly attributed with a variety negative traits, such as being shallow, high maintenance, self centred, etc.. It's like young women are just supposed to swoon for any guy that comes along and pays attention to them. I don't see what this argument has to do with anything. Weather you are or you aren't, whether it's right or wrong, the question was about how she will likely be perceived. Personally, as a guy who makes decent money, I'd avoid her based on how it's written. I think it could be better expressed or left out to focus on other things. Ultimately, it's in her court to chose to date people in a certain income bracket or not. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 If the text was "I expect you to provide me this: eating out, luxury pretty items" then yes, you'd be a gold digger. I don't really see something wrong with your profile text though; if that guy who messaged you considers every woman who wants more in life then old bread and old rags then he better go back to the middle ages. Or maybe he just watched too much misogyny stuff. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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