Awkward situation with 'friend'

[kem92]

So moving to a new country the only people I know are my bf’s friends. There is one girl (when I say girl, she’s late 30s) who I’ve been hanging out with a lot. However she constantly makes inappropriate comments.

 

She is single and has mentioned dating a few times but every time she does she brings up about my bf dating in the past. The other day was the worst. She was talking about how the city has a bigger ratio of single girls, than single men. She then started talking about my bf dating in the past. She said how he would find it easy to get loads of girls to go on dates and that he “could have had a different date every night of the week.” She made him sound like a serial dater – thankfully I know he isn’t.

It doesn’t annoy me that my bf dated in the past. We both know details of past relationships. However, I just find it so awkward when she speaks about it. It is like she has no filter and forgets who she is talking to. What does she really expect me to say in that situation? I would never say that to someone’s gf/bf. Obv it would be different if I was asking about him dating before but I am not. I know she doesn’t do it in a malicious manner – I think she just doesn’t think before she speaks.

I spoke to my bf about it (what she said, not about him dating obv) and he was quite confused about why she was saying that stuff. He didn’t need to justify dating to me. I told him that I am glad we are in a long term relationship because if we had only been together a few months what the friend said would have put me off but I know he is such a great guy. I should add that he was in an 8 year relationship prior to us and after they broke up he did date for a bit which is completely normal...

 

Also she’s made a lot of weird comments aside from that. There’s an age gap between my bf & I and she told me that her reaction to him when she found out my age was: “what the hell are you thinking?!” I told my bf this and he said that wasn’t true. She also told me she had met his ex gf when she hasn’t. And she made comments like “if anything were to happen between D and I, it would have years ago.” Who the hell says that. My bf and her never had anything going on so it’s absolutely not appropriate. I have actually come to the conclusion that she fancies my bf.

 

 

I don't want people to get the wrong impression of my SO because of her. He wouldn’t be paying $6,000+ for my immigration if he was a douche. I just don’t know how to handle her bizarre behaviour.

 

My SO offered to tell the friend to stop bringing up past dating but I don’t want to cause any tension and want to handle it myself. Anyone have any tips?

[MM1234]

It sounds like she has the hots for your man whether she is willing to admit it or not. I do think your BF should say something to her about ensuring she uses a mouth filter when she is spewing half truths to you (because that is what she is doing; exagerrating your BF's dating habits, etc.).

[sandylee1]

I think she has her eyes on your man. She's trying to scare you away with these stories.

 

She's trouble. I would make some new friends. You can meet people at the gym, taking up an evening class, hobby. ..anything.

Avoid hanging around with her, except when your BF is there.

 

Always be confident around her. Some would call her a nasty bi***. She wants you to think your BF is a player.

[Vercetti]

Sabotage relationship was the only thing that came to mind.

[kem92]

I think she has her eyes on your man. She's trying to scare you away with these stories.

 

She's trouble. I would make some new friends. You can meet people at the gym, taking up an evening class, hobby. ..anything.

Avoid hanging around with her, except when your BF is there.

 

Always be confident around her. Some would call her a nasty bi***. She wants you to think your BF is a player.

 

That's what I thought too. Luckily my SO seems really put off by her behaviour and I don't think will be hanging out with her anytime soon. We went out for dinner altogether before but my SO other and I decided we won't be doing it again as it will be too awkward after everything she has said.

 

I definitely know he isn't a 'player' thankfully. He was in a relationship for 8 years prior to me, then they broke up and he went out dating. Of course he went out dating/had a life before me so I don't understand why she tries to act like it is a big deal. It isn't. I am confident around her and have given her no reason to think that what she's said so far has bothered me.

[sandylee1]

That's what I thought too. Luckily my SO seems really put off by her behaviour and I don't think will be hanging out with her anytime soon. We went out for dinner altogether before but my SO other and I decided we won't be doing it again as it will be too awkward after everything she has said.

 

I definitely know he isn't a 'player' thankfully. He was in a relationship for 8 years prior to me, then they broke up and he went out dating. Of course he went out dating/had a life before me so I don't understand why she tries to act like it is a big deal. It isn't. I am confident around her and have given her no reason to think that what she's said so far has bothered me.

 

Smart move. She's jealous of you and trying to stir it.

 

She's probably flabbergasted that she was there all along and now you've come over from another country to be with the guy she's fancied.

 

Your boyfriend sounds like a good guy.

[writergal]

Glad that you and your boyfriend decided to avoid this woman from now on. She told you all of those things because she wants to intimidate you and make you feel insecure.

 

Basically, she was letting you know in her inappropriate (and very direct) way that she plans (or had planned) to sabotage your relationship with your boyfriend so that she could date him.

 

Why does your boyfriend need to be friends with her? She sounds like the type who likes to play people against each other, so that she can get what she wants from people. She sounds like trouble.

 

Sounds like the crisis was averted though, since your boyfriend and you will avoid socializing with her anymore.

[kem92]

Glad that you and your boyfriend decided to avoid this woman from now on. She told you all of those things because she wants to intimidate you and make you feel insecure.

 

Basically, she was letting you know in her inappropriate (and very direct) way that she plans (or had planned) to sabotage your relationship with your boyfriend so that she could date him.

 

Why does your boyfriend need to be friends with her? She sounds like the type who likes to play people against each other, so that she can get what she wants from people. She sounds like trouble.

 

Sounds like the crisis was averted though, since your boyfriend and you will avoid socializing with her anymore.

 

 

My bf was surprised because she's never acted like this before. Maybe she thought that when he came back from the UK she could try date him so she's jealous?

 

@Sandylee "

She's probably flabbergasted that she was there all along and now you've come over from another country to be with the guy she's fancied. "

 

She actually told me that she said to my bf when he went away "you better not bring a Scottish girl back." Also she told me when he was going over he said he was just going to "have fun. My bf laughed a lot when I told him that. He was going over for a serious job promo and she asked if he would be dating and he answered it with something along the lines of "we'll see" to which she put into her own words as "just wanna have fun." Plus he was single then so he could do whatever he wanted.

 

She seems so bitchy. I am delighted it hasn't caused any arguments between my bf and I though.

[writergal]

My bf was surprised because she's never acted like this before. Maybe she thought that when he came back from the UK she could try date him so she's jealous?

 

@Sandylee "

She's probably flabbergasted that she was there all along and now you've come over from another country to be with the guy she's fancied. "

 

She actually told me that she said to my bf when he went away "you better not bring a Scottish girl back." Also she told me when he was going over he said he was just going to "have fun. My bf laughed a lot when I told him that. He was going over for a serious job promo and she asked if he would be dating and he answered it with something along the lines of "we'll see" to which she put into her own words as "just wanna have fun." Plus he was single then so he could do whatever he wanted.

 

She seems so bitchy. I am delighted it hasn't caused any arguments between my bf and I though.

 

She totally is being jealous and bitchy because she wants to date your boyfriend, or at least have his attention away from you. So in effect, she's jealous of you and wants to make you feel bad about yourself, so she can swoop in and steal away your boyfriend. Women can be very catty bitches.

 

Can you and your boyfriend socially avoid her? Is he close friends with her? Or are they just social acquaintances? I don't see any reason why you should spend anymore time socially with her. If you have any hobbies, maybe you can meet people that way in your boyfriend's city. Just don't count on that horrible woman as a social connection. Yuck.

[kem92]

She totally is being jealous and bitchy because she wants to date your boyfriend, or at least have his attention away from you. So in effect, she's jealous of you and wants to make you feel bad about yourself, so she can swoop in and steal away your boyfriend. Women can be very catty bitches.

 

Can you and your boyfriend socially avoid her? Is he close friends with her? Or are they just social acquaintances? I don't see any reason why you should spend anymore time socially with her. If you have any hobbies, maybe you can meet people that way in your boyfriend's city. Just don't count on that horrible woman as a social connection. Yuck.

 

Luckily she's not in his core group of friends who are all awesome people and married. She is just someone he worked with, who he kept in contact with so she is easy to avoid.

[writergal]

Luckily she's not in his core group of friends who are all awesome people and married. She is just someone he worked with, who he kept in contact with so she is easy to avoid.

 

Oh thank goodness! Yes, definitely continue to avoid her. Blech!

[kem92]

Oh thank goodness! Yes, definitely continue to avoid her. Blech!

 

So glad you agree with me because when I first thought she may fancy him, I thought I was being paranoid. When we all went out for dinner once, the way she was gazing at him creeped me out haha.

[writergal]

So glad you agree with me because when I first thought she may fancy him, I thought I was being paranoid. When we all went out for dinner once, the way she was gazing at him creeped me out haha.

 

Haha her behavior reminds me of actress Glenn Close's character from the movie

minus the boiling rabbit, child kidnapping, and attempted murder. Just her obsession with your boyfriend. She was gazing at him during your group dinner? No, you were definitely not paranoid. Your woman's intuition was warning you that she wanted to encroach on your relationship and luckily your boyfriend is a great guy who respects you and sees her for what she is.

[kem92]

Haha her behavior reminds me of actress Glenn Close's character from the movie

minus the boiling rabbit, child kidnapping, and attempted murder. Just her obsession with your boyfriend. She was gazing at him during your group dinner? No, you were definitely not paranoid. Your woman's intuition was warning you that she wanted to encroach on your relationship and luckily your boyfriend is a great guy who respects you and sees her for what she is.

 

Haven't seen that film but haha! You know that look you get when you fancy someone? She had that going on.

 

Edit: just read about the film and my bf is called Dan...creepy

[writergal]

Haven't seen that film but haha! You know that look you get when you fancy someone? She had that going on.

 

Edit: just read about the film and my bf is called Dan...creepy

 

Your boyfriend's name is the same as Michael Douglas' character in that movie Fatal Attraction? Ok, that's funny! Yes, I know that 'look'. Your boyfriend was Glen-Closed. Let's just catch-phrase it for what it was. And you both survived!

[kem92]

Your boyfriend's name is the same as Michael Douglas' character in that movie Fatal Attraction? Ok, that's funny! Yes, I know that 'look'. Your boyfriend was Glen-Closed. Let's just catch-phrase it for what it was. And you both survived!

 

Funny. Anyway thanks for the advice!

[sandylee1]

My bf was surprised because she's never acted like this before. Maybe she thought that when he came back from the UK she could try date him so she's jealous?

 

@Sandylee "

She's probably flabbergasted that she was there all along and now you've come over from another country to be with the guy she's fancied. "

 

She actually told me that she said to my bf when he went away "you better not bring a Scottish girl back." Also she told me when he was going over he said he was just going to "have fun. My bf laughed a lot when I told him that. He was going over for a serious job promo and she asked if he would be dating and he answered it with something along the lines of "we'll see" to which she put into her own words as "just wanna have fun." Plus he was single then so he could do whatever he wanted.

 

She seems so bitchy. I am delighted it hasn't caused any arguments between my bf and I though.

 

She's obviously liked him for some time, but got friendzoned and once he had you, she realises he's not available .

 

Women can indeed be bitchy and nasty like this. Very conniving.

 

She needs to find herself an available man and stop her nonsense.

[kem92]

She's obviously liked him for some time, but got friendzoned and once he had you, she realises he's not available .

 

Women can indeed be bitchy and nasty like this. Very conniving.

 

She needs to find herself an available man and stop her nonsense.

 

My SO was like 'Who can I set her up with.' lol. She is almost 40 and divorced so she might be feeling bitter.

[sandylee1]

My SO was like 'Who can I set her up with.' lol. She is almost 40 and divorced so she might be feeling bitter.

 

Are you younger than your BF? You said there was an age gap?

 

Her behaviour is way off and disrespectful to you both.

 

That's probably why she's divorced and single. She's not behaving nicely or as my brother says, she's desperate for a man and will do anything, despite the fact the man she's after is in a relationship.

[kem92]

Are you younger than your BF? You said there was an age gap?

 

Her behaviour is way off and disrespectful to you both.

 

That's probably why she's divorced and single. She's not behaving nicely or as my brother says, she's desperate for a man and will do anything, despite the fact the man she's after is in a relationship.

 

Yes. There is 11 years between him and I. But it has never been an issue for us, his family or his other friends. Plus there is 15 years between his mum and dad so I guess they don't need to question it. Everyone is really respectful.

 

I never felt threatened by her and I still don't, her comments just raised red flags that something is off with her.

[kem92]

Sooo an update...Bf told me tonight that he came back the first Christmas him and I started dating, met his friend for coffee & when he mentioned me she was really off about it. He spoke to his friend that he was staying with at the time and he said "maybe she fancies you."

 

This basically confirms to me that she fancied/s him and maybe she thought that when he came back from the UK something could happen, then I came along.

[writergal]

Sooo an update...Bf told me tonight that he came back the first Christmas him and I started dating, met his friend for coffee & when he mentioned me she was really off about it. He spoke to his friend that he was staying with at the time and he said "maybe she fancies you."

 

This basically confirms to me that she fancied/s him and maybe she thought that when he came back from the UK something could happen, then I came along.

 

A-ha! See? Now you have confirmation that this weird, divorced, 40 year old woman fancied/s your boyfriend. Well, if you ever run into her again, now you know the reason for her strange behavior and that you have nothing to worry about with your boyfriend where she is concerned.

[kem92]

A-ha! See? Now you have confirmation that this weird, divorced, 40 year old woman fancied/s your boyfriend. Well, if you ever run into her again, now you know the reason for her strange behavior and that you have nothing to worry about with your boyfriend where she is concerned.

 

Exactly.

Still confused as to why she agreed to going out for dinner with my bf and I. I know if I fancied a guy, the last thing I would want to do is be a third wheel with them at dinner.

[Lois_Griffin]

I cant help but wonder if there isn't a little bit of back history to these two that he hasn't told you about. A drunken night together or something like that.

 

I think there was.

[kem92]

I cant help but wonder if there isn't a little bit of back history to these two that he hasn't told you about. A drunken night together or something like that.

 

I think there was.

 

I really don't think there was. I pressed him about that and he said nothing happened. I just don't have the gut feeling like anything has, that I would maybe get in a similar situation.

He was with his ex gf for 8 yrs, they broke up, he then had to go to the UK for work for around 3 yrs and he dated a bit but I don't think she was involved because she was all the way on the other side of the world. If she was, he wouldn't have suggested that her and I hang out as if I was to find out they ever did he knows I wouldn't be comfortable.