What is going on with us?

[amkxoxo]

So a few weeks ago a guy friend and I crossed the friendship barrier after a few drinks and being in close contact with each other. We were both sober enough to know what was going on, and consent to whatever was happening. We didn't have sexx but it was one of the most fun and exciting nights for me, and he agreed for him. We heavily made out almost all night in my bed with some heavy touching and clothes coming off. He stayed all night.

 

We went back and forth for days afterwards whether or not we would continue to be friends only, or friends with some benefits. I was open with him about not wanting to just give sexx away to someone I don't know for a long period of time and who isn't in a relationship with me.

 

I kept changing my mind. He told me he wanted friends with some benefits. He told me he liked me but he didn't think we would be good in a serious relationship because we inevitably wanted different things out of life. I think its a cover up because he does like me and he knows I just don't like him as much. I told him I liked him, but I like other men too and will probably never like him enough to be in a relationship with him. He was fine with my answers and overall we were open and honest with each other. I think it was so easy for us to talk to each other about personal stuff because we trusted each other as friends. After a lot of mind changing, mostly on my part, I agreed that we could be friends with some benefits.

 

We enjoy each others company as friends, and each other bodies. Why not do it for a while. He and I would sometimes send flirty texts and it was fun. He seemed to want to do it again and we both agreed with liked kissing each other a lot. I was the one that seemed to be going back and forth about what we were. A week after our first encounter, he and I were hanging out at my apartment and he finally broke the ice and kissed me again. This went on for a while and some heavy touching occurred, but he left to go home before it got any further.

 

After this second time I realized how much I liked doing that with him and that I did want a friends with some benefits relationship with him for sure. No more wavering. I started sending him flirty text messages during the week and tried to make it known that I was interested and no longer changing my mind. I let him know I was shy and it is a main reason I don't jump all over him, but that I really wanted to. He would flirt back and I kept trying to make plans with him during the week. Finally on a thursday night, he and I made plans with him to get some ice cream. I figured we would have fun and then he would come back to my place after and we would have some more personal fun, like usual. When we got back to my place he insisted he needed to go home. I kept begging him to come in, but he kept saying no. He went home. Then an hour later we were texting and he said he regretted not coming in. I told him he had his chance and I didn't understand why he didn't want to come in. He said he didn't know if I wanted to kiss and stuff. I told him I really did. He then drove over knocked on my door and we spent the night like our first in my bed, doing everything besides sexx. I was vulnerable and we were so trusting with each other. He seemed to like to see me open up more to my inner sexual side. It was amazing. He and I had a great time. We stayed up almost all night. I loved it. He seemed to as well. In the morning we both had work so he got his stuff, kissed me a few times goodbye, and left. I texted him throughout the day and we chatted per usual.

 

He suggested we keep our friends with benefits for the weekends only, and regular friendship for the weekdays, so we don't stay up all night for our day jobs sake, and so we don't get too attached. I was already getting attached, but I didn't see the big deal in doing stuff on the weekdays either. I suggested we set a time limit, where if it gets too late, we have to stop and he needs to go home on the weekdays. He still insisted on the weekends, weekdays thing. I told him I didn't know how long I could wait without kissing him, he said the same. He told me he thinks I could do it. This weekend I went on a family getaway so we weren't able to do anything. He kept asking me why I had to go and led me to believe he didn't like it that I was gone. I told him we would have to make up for lost time when I got back. Then he got all distant, like "well its a weekday remember? We agreed we couldn't do stuff then."

 

I told him I didn't care and we would be responsible and he would leave early. He didn't seem to agree.

 

He had suggested a while back that we cuddle and watch movies some time, we just never have. I suggested when I got back that we cuddle and watch a movie. I told him it was his idea and since it was a weekday we could just do that. He said yes to the movie and maybe to the cuddling. I reminded him it was his idea and he told me "well we'll just see how it goes." I just don't get it. I don't understand why he doesn't want to do it.

 

It was supposed to be tonight, and he just texted me to cancel. I was disappointed. He told me he forgot a sports game was on a he promised his dad they could watch it. I believe him. He does love sports and he watches them all the time. I asked him about any other days this week. He responded with all these different sports games on every single night. I looked them up and he was telling the truth and they are his favorite teams. I guess I'm just sad he doesn't want to see me. Maybe I am seeing way to much into this. Maybe he is afraid I won't stick to the weekend thing. Maybe he doesn't know if he can control himself. I just don't understand after all he said when we make out and kiss and he tells me he likes it so much like I do. He seems so happy. Why wouldn't he want to do it more? Isn't that what a casual open relationship is? Just doing it randomly and using each other?

[AGoodFriend]

He may not want to get blue balls from just making out all the time.

 

In all seriousness, I really don't understand what you guys have going on. I can see if you aren't ready to have sex. I think maybe he isn't, and is also getting cold feet. There are times when friends aren't really meant to be FWB, and times when they are. I have messed around before with good friends, and honestly it never felt right. We usually aborted any attempt at progressing towards sex and left it as a friendship. No harm done.

 

Also, in a FWB relationship, there is a good chance of at least one of you getting attached. I am in a similar situation where my 3-year friendship with a wonderful lady recently became romantic. She suggested not labeling the relationship after our first sexual experience, but after a few more nights of passionate lovemaking, we both fell down the rabbit hole. Not so easy to try and contain things with agreements and schedules when sex is involved. Also, keep in mind that because you were friends, you already have a a high degree of feelings for each other that basically eliminate the casual sex element.

[amkxoxo]

He has had sex before. He loves sex. I am a virgin. He knows this. I'm the one who labeled the no sex thing. He is okay with it. He said he was fine with us not having sex and just making out and some touching here and there. He seems happy with what we do. I would do it all the time with him if I could. He seems to want to do it all the time and then he tries to keep things so casual that he says he'll see me in a week. A week is a long time for me. He keeps saying we shouldn't hold hands, but we always end up doing so. It just happens naturally. He keeps saying we shouldn't get attached. I am, but I'm fine. He says he isn't attached, but he keep breaking his own rules. But then he will stick to them and preach them to me. But then break them a week later. Right now I keep asking him to come over and he keeps preaching that he can't and we talked about this etc etc...But we have such a fun time when we are together, why not just do it casually and randomly whenever. I don't get it.

[AGoodFriend]

You know what amkxoxo, I don't get it either!

 

I think he respects your virginity, and may not want to tamper with it. He probably sees you as long-term relationship material (even marriage!). However, in the times he is gone he may be having sex with someone else to satisfy his needs. This is the only thing I can think of at this point.

 

He also probably enjoys playing with your head a little and preaching to you.

[amkxoxo]

The night went a lot different that what I expected. I mentioned how he texted me to cancel our plans. I was fine with it. We ended up texting throughout the night while he was at home. I got really flirty. I ended up jokingly coming clean to him that I was trying to lure him over to my place. He was hesitant because it was a monday night and I worked early the next day, but I assured him I was not tired. Then suddenly he was all eager and driving to my place. I was shocked. As soon as I opened the door he was all over me kissing me. We chilled out for a while talking and then about an hour in we were all over each other. He kept insisting he needed to leave but when I would give him a little space to do so he would say he didn't want to. I would make little flirty sad faces and beg him to stay. We ended up in my bed going at it pretty hot and heavy. Her knew I wasn't going to have sex with him and he is okay with it. He teasingly touches me a lot and it drives me crazy. He asked at one point if he could take his pants off and I told him as much as I would like that, I wouldn't want things to get out of hand. We were probably in my bed doing stuff for a good 8 hours, all night long. It was one of the best nights ever. He even revealed to me that he missed me while I was gone for the weekend and he wished I had been there so we could have been together. He seems so genuine to me when we are cuddled together half naked in my bed. He told me he thought about kissing me all weekend.

 

He is still so wierd about it though. He will say something sweet like that, making it seem like he missed me, and then days later when I invite him over he is too tired or he pulls the weekday crap with me again. The next morning we both got up. He got dressed and he kissed me goodbye. We both seemed so happy. I know I was. He had brought up the night before that we should take cute cuddling naps together. So I suggested we do just that when I was done working for the day. He was down for it and came over after work.

 

We kissed a little in my bed and dozed off a few times together until he had to go after two hours. I was sad and begged him not to but we both had lives to live.

 

The next day was Wednesday and I didn't really have much going on. I made plans with a friend earlier in the day after I worked and then I was free. I asked him if he wanted to maybe go for a walk or come over. He said maybe and that he would let me know. We texted during the day and ended up talking briefly about us. It started flirty, but then he told me he kind of holds out on me because I hold out on him. I thought for a while what that meant, and then I realized he was talking sexually. He didn't do a lot of stuff to me because I didn't touch him super sexually. I apologized and told him I would never want to disappoint anyone. He told me I was crazy and that he liked what we did and was not disappointed at all. He just meant that he couldn't do more things to me in bed because I didn't reciprocate. I understood where he was coming from and I guess I had been somewhat of a taker and not a giver. He told me not to worry about it and it wasn't a a big deal. It was just a fact.

 

Then he was distant for the rest of the day. I waited until late at night to hear if he was coming to see me. He finally texted me with a very simple "Yeah so no walking for me tonight"

 

I responded that it was too late at night anyway and he needed his sleep. I haven't heard from him since. Today is thursday and I feel like maybe I am seeing too much into it, but at the same time, he seemed to awesome on Monday when we were together, to today when he is MIA.