Yayo Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 It has been about a year and a half since I've logged onto this site. This time last year, I was stuck in a love triangle with a MM. He went back and forth between me and her, but ultimately always went back to her and only came to me when they had trouble. My self worth was at an all time low. I felt like I was worthless, like I wasn't good enough. Why wasn't I love-able, but she was? Why was I kept a secret and she was loved out in the open? The shame and self hate I had for myself was unbearable. I suffered from alcoholism for many years before that, but fell into opiates (specifically heroin) for the two years this was going on. To say I was miserable would be an understatement. I never left the house except to get drugs and stayed in the dark isolation of my room until he called me. Honestly, I woke up everyday wanting to die. Today, I am 10 and a half months clean and sober, and I haven't had contact with this man for over 6 months, and have absolutely no desire to ever again. About 2 months ago I made amends to the woman who I once hated. I told her I was sorry for all of the pain I had caused her, and I 100% meant it. She was receptive to the apology and wished me well. Most importantly, I have found a wonderful man who treats me better than I ever thought possible. We are literally from different sides of the country, but recovery from addiction brought us together. I just moved into his house, in which he pays the bills while I finish up my bachelors degree. He is the most caring and sweet person I have ever met, and I never thought I would be able to love someone the way that I love him ; selflessly and unconditionally. The point of this post is to let you all know that it DOES get better. I promise. It may take time and some seriously tragic circumstances to bring about the change that you need, but trust me, it will all be ok. And I do not regret the two years with the MM. I learned so much about myself. And without meeting him, I would have never met my current boyfriend. Please ladies (and men) stay strong. Take care of yourselves. And don't give up on yourselves. Trust me. xxx 13 Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Congratulations of your sobriety! That's fantastic. This is a great post for folks who are at the bottom right now. It's a strong reminder that everyone can pull themselves back up and find peace and happiness that we deserve! Thanks for sharing and congratulations again! Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I'm so happy for you! And you are thinking of it in such a healthy way, that you have no regrets and you learned a lot! That is what life is about, a series of experiences! I wish you the best always!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 What wonderful news. I am so glad that you have found a man who will love you and take care of you while you are educating yourself. Poppy. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 Well done and even better you acknowledged hurting her. That takes courage and recognition. I wish you well. Link to post Share on other sites
janetl Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Thanks for writing, OP. Congratulations and good luck. I wandered here today thinking why I can't stop crying when I think of my ex MM. We were in a long emotional affair and have been NC for over 3 months now. There was no DDay. Just mutual agreement to end it. I have had plenty of occupation and distraction since then but I can't stop thinking and missing him and I cry when I do. I snap back to deep thoughts of him when I have a few moments to myself. It hurts. I still wonder if I will ever get over that. So when I read your post, I feel better and more hopeful. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 It has been about a year and a half since I've logged onto this site. This time last year, I was stuck in a love triangle with a MM. He went back and forth between me and her, but ultimately always went back to her and only came to me when they had trouble. My self worth was at an all time low. I felt like I was worthless, like I wasn't good enough. Why wasn't I love-able, but she was? Why was I kept a secret and she was loved out in the open? The shame and self hate I had for myself was unbearable. I suffered from alcoholism for many years before that, but fell into opiates (specifically heroin) for the two years this was going on. To say I was miserable would be an understatement. I never left the house except to get drugs and stayed in the dark isolation of my room until he called me. Honestly, I woke up everyday wanting to die. Today, I am 10 and a half months clean and sober, and I haven't had contact with this man for over 6 months, and have absolutely no desire to ever again. About 2 months ago I made amends to the woman who I once hated. I told her I was sorry for all of the pain I had caused her, and I 100% meant it. She was receptive to the apology and wished me well. Most importantly, I have found a wonderful man who treats me better than I ever thought possible. We are literally from different sides of the country, but recovery from addiction brought us together. I just moved into his house, in which he pays the bills while I finish up my bachelors degree. He is the most caring and sweet person I have ever met, and I never thought I would be able to love someone the way that I love him ; selflessly and unconditionally. The point of this post is to let you all know that it DOES get better. I promise. It may take time and some seriously tragic circumstances to bring about the change that you need, but trust me, it will all be ok. And I do not regret the two years with the MM. I learned so much about myself. And without meeting him, I would have never met my current boyfriend. Please ladies (and men) stay strong. Take care of yourselves. And don't give up on yourselves. Trust me. xxx Yayo, What a great story and inspiration to all of us. Hope a lot of us can learn that life can be better and we can find love and happiness. I totally believe that one CAN do what you did, and CAN be successful and happy with a member of the opposite sex. I'm sure we are all very PROUD of you and thanks much for posting. Please keep us posted as to how things go. There will be roadblocks and problems in the future.... but you sound like the kind of person that will take them on with a strong motivation to solve them.... with your man beside you. Link to post Share on other sites
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