Is it Love yet?

[Pickle]

Okay, we've been over this before -- but I need a review on the following: crush, infatuation, lust, love, in love...

 

I've been out of the dating scene for over 12 years and just started seeing someone recently. We've only been seeing each other for a couple of months now. We talk on the phone everyday and spend weekends together.

 

I know it was lust at first site (for both of us); we're both divorced; I'm 40, he's 50; and now we're acting like a couple of school kids. I know we're still in the "honeymoon" stage, but how long before this sillyness starts to fade and reality sets in? I think of him all the time but am afraid to get too involved too fast. Suggestions?

[Tony T]

1. crush: used interchangably with "smitten." When you are mentally preoccupied with someone who is in your proximity, physically attracted to them, but with whom you have not spent a lot of time.

 

2. infatuation: mental preoccupation with the possibility of getting something more serious going with someone. Lots of mental images of yourself with the other person. Usually occurs very early in the relationship and is often mistaken for being in love. However, at this stage there is not sufficient knowledge of the object of infatuation for it to be fully certified romantic love...but the feeling is similar.

 

3. lust: can occur in an instant with the proper visual stimulation. It can happen almost anywhere when a guy sees a very sexy lady but most often happens in the summertime at the beach, or at a park, or anywhere else a woman may wear clothing that is visually stimulating. Can also occur if the lady has a sexy voice or otherwise has unusual sex appeal. I suppose a nudist colony could be a great place for this to happen.

 

It happens the same way for a female...who is sexually aroused at the sight of or being around a certain male. Sometimes both sexes can lust after a sexy movie star or other public figure.

 

There is only sexual attraction here, although in some cases it could convert to a more serious love if there are other commonalities.

 

4. love: a closeness and warmth we feel for a friend, a parent, a sibling, a great dish at a favorite restaurant, etc. Love is generally a feeling of wellbeing at the thought or exposure to someone or something we have very high regard for.

 

5. in love: the incredible desire to be with the beloved. A deep desire for the welfare of the love object. Usually accompanied by preoccupation of thoughts of the beloved, a desire to speak with them often or be in their company. There is always a longing to be with them anytime you are apart. Usually accompanied by some tension from fear of loss of that person's affection. A longing to be with the person forever, at least if the feelings of being in love continue. Generally, there is a sexual component which is absent from other forms of love.

 

6. I know we're still in the "honeymoon" stage, but how long before this sillyness starts to fade and reality sets in?

 

Eight months, 16 days, 9 hours and 38 minutes. This calculation is subject to change without notice.

 

7. I think of him all the time but am afraid to get too involved too fast. Suggestions?

 

Yes...don't get involved with him too fast. When you get to know someone gradually and fall in love over time, it is likely to last much longer. This guy is 50 years old. He's been around the block, knows all the lines, etc. You're going to have to put him in his place...show him some stuff he hasn't seen before.

 

A 50 year old man is probably looking more for companionship that for all the crazy fireworks stuff that younger people put great value on. He most likely wants someone who is honest, reliable, and trustworthy. While that great loving feeling would be nice, he's probably mature enough to know the firworks won't last forever and it would be great to have a nice lady like you around to be with.

 

Don't kiss his butt, don't be totally available to him and say yes everytime he asks you out. Keep a life of your own, do things with friends, let him see you have other things going and most of all be a challenge. Men do not like women that fall right into their lap.

 

Also, a 50 year old man doesn't need a lady around 24/7 like some younger dudes with hormones pouring out of their back pockets. Give him some space, don't crowd him. Treat him kind but don't be too nice. Don't move into his space too rapidly. Watch for signals from him. Play this out well. You can do it.

 

Good luck!!!

[Ed]

Sounds to me like you are having a whole lot of fun! Just keep enjoying it.

 

This stage could last anywhere from, say, two months to, well, forever! It probably won't last forever, but wouldn't it be nice if it did?

 

You are probably feeling some anxiety about the relationship and you will probably feel it on a pretty regular basis for a while, so get used to it. This is due to the temporary, not serious, status of things. It's pretty normal.

 

Don't worry about the future right now. Just enjoy each time you have together. Isn't it great?

[Tony T]

I just read a report released today which said there are about 100 women for every 50 men in the age group 44 plus. This ratio may be similar in other countries. (Source: Associated Press)

 

So, you've got a rare guy here...50 years old and unmarried. But don't let him know he's so rare. Just treat him like you'd treat him if men were a dime a dozen...which they sortof are anyway...even if they aren't. You know what I mean.