FB - leave xMM there, unfriend or block?

[C00kie]

Hi everyone, maybe many of you don't remember my story, but anyway, 2 years in an affair, went through hell, broke up with him february 2014. He kept sending messages, sometimes playing the victim or hinting things (while of course still living his normal life), I never replied, he stopped trying a month ago but I'm pretty sure he still "stalks" me and will eventually try again. I was reluctant to say why I "couldn't" block him when everyone asked but I have to be 100% honest so that you can get the idea and give me the best advice.

 

The reason he's still on my friend's list is we're related. We have about 50 friends in common (most of them family). Before anyone suggests that, I am NOT making excuses to not block him - really, I want him completely out of my life - but what I always fear is someone would notice and find it weird, because noone knows about us. Of course noone will be going through my friend's list, I suppose, but some of my (our) cousins are very sharp and what I fear is if I block him, he might think I deactivated facebook (and not blocked him) and will comment with someone "so she deactivated?" and the person will say "no she didn't" and will easily realise that I must have blocked him which will get people wondering. I am very sure he'll ask someone, he won't be able to control himself, I'm sure. I know it won't even cross is mind I blocked him.

I could simply unfriend him, but since we have so many friends in common I'd still see his likes and comments and he'd see mine, plus the temptation to still look at his profile would be bigger and I don't want that. I just don't want to refrain from commenting because he will see or give him any access to my life. All my posts are hidden from him.

 

And it's just unhealthy to have him there. He didn't respect me, he doesn't respect anyone and do I really have to see his hypocrite posts, his hints, his little games (he has posts that are clearly aimed at me, but of course only I know that), songs that we used to listen in the past and... women he adds? Lol. I guess I have made my mind up about blocking him and what I'm really asking is - if anyone asks (family I mean), what should I say? Or say nothing at all or something like "I have my reasons", I don't know? I don't want to expose myself to anyone, but I've had enough of this nonsense. Out of my life, out of my facebook, makes perfect sense! I thought it would be immature to delete him just because we broke up, but since he shows a lack of boundaries and can't respect me at all, I think this is for the best. Just want to move on, another second spent looking at anything related to him is a waste of life.

 

Or will I look immature if I block him, like I still care?

 

I'm really willing to do it.

 

Any advice is welcome thank you.

Edited June 2, 2015 by C00kie

[Whisper Quiet]

FB allows you to put friends on your Restricted list. By doing that they can only see posts that the Public can see. Not as preferable as blocking, but can be a useful tool.

 

You can also create a Groups on your profile that allow you to post to just those specific people.

 

Stay strong.

[Whisper Quiet]

Forgot to add...my personal vote is for blocking.

[Poppy47]

What's stopping you from blocking? You can use all kinds of excuses if you don't want to you know.

 

I go for blocking too.

 

Poppy.

[C00kie]

What's stopping you from blocking? You can use all kinds of excuses if you don't want to you know.

 

I go for blocking too.

 

Poppy.

 

Thank you. But what excuses? Any ideas? Something that would shut people up quickly without being unpolite, if that's possible...because I don't owe nobody an explanation, but at the same time I don't want to act all weird not to raise suspicions.

[C00kie]

FB allows you to put friends on your Restricted list. By doing that they can only see posts that the Public can see. Not as preferable as blocking, but can be a useful tool.

 

You can also create a Groups on your profile that allow you to post to just those specific people.

 

Stay strong.

 

Thank you. The problem with the restricted list is he can still message me and I can still see his stuff and everything he writes and posts in all our common friends (around 50) timeline. I'd rather not see him at all and I just don't see how I can do this and not having people asking me what happened. I'm sure someone is bound to realise I blocked him.

[C00kie]

Or maybe I could just say something like "really?? i had no idea. facebook's acting crazy. a friend of mine complained of the same."

 

[m4p]

Or maybe I could just say something like "really?? i had no idea. facebook's acting crazy. a friend of mine complained of the same."

 

 

You know, that might actually work. Thing is with technology we can always get away with blaming it for dysfunctioning etc.

 

Just block him and at most he'll ask around once but I don't think he'll be so silly as to draw attention to himself by asking around twice..

[Adoraxx]

Or maybe I could just say something like "really?? i had no idea. facebook's acting crazy. a friend of mine complained of the same."

 

 

That's what I wanted to suggest too!! Perhaps you could also add: "that's so weird" and look all confused

[circe221]

I have used the "Really? I didn't know that, that's weird..." excuse before.

Believe it or not, people will probably not notice.

[Josmatjes]

Just block him.... No one will know unless you tell..and If they ask, play dumb. You can do it!!.... Also you can block him and then delete him...

[C00kie]

Thanks everyone. I think I actually thought it would be harder than it seems now. As I detach more and more from him, it makes complete sense - specially because he's still playing games, behaving like a jerk and I am seeing things that really do nothing for me or my healing process.

 

I was too scared that someone would notice, but if they do, it's not like I have to justify. I can just make it seem like I hadn't noticed or something. People probably have more to think about than that. But since I'm so focused on this and fearing "getting caught", I'm probably overthinking - and overfearing.

[Sub]

I've unfriended family members for being social media a**holes. People that just post crap all the time. I don't see why you can't do the same. Is your family that on top of FB that they would notice or even care? (I'm assuming you're related through marriage.)

[whichwayisup]

Who cares what the others think!! Hide your friends list, make it visible so only YOU can see the list, then delete and block him. Nobody is going to notice and if they do by chance and have the nerve to ask you about it, say I have no idea, I've heard of weird stuff happening on fb, people deleted off lists by accident or a bug in the system.

 

Just delete him then block him, and stop worrying so much what the rest will think.

[RoseVille]

No one else can tell who you block? Just the person blocked. Even then, they might assume you left FB altogether.

[Josmatjes]

No one will know you blocked him and truthfully they probably wouldn't think of it anyway. And if he notices, he won't say anything because it would put the spotlight on him and then everyone would wonder why you blocked him. It would only make him look bad, not you!

[Mrs. New Wife]

Block him for your sanity and to ruin his day.

 

If anybody asks, and I'm sure they won't, you can do the "man, Facebook is weird, it must have happened when I put my phone in my purse... I found it unlocked and opened on FB and didn't think much of it. My friend at work said I unfriended them too" or you can just be honest... "I'm not a fan of his." Or you can say "his TL is so spammy and I was tired of all the notifications so I just unfriended him."

 

If he asks, tell him to pound sand and give him directions.

[starglider]

Just un-follow him. You have to go to his page and you are automatically "following" his feed by default, so click on following to unfollow. Then you won't see things from his newsfeed. And make yourself unavailable for chat - either him specifically or everyone.

[C00kie]

I have unfollowed him, but since we have many friends in common, when someone likes something he posts, it sometimes shows in my timeline. And of course, by not blocking him, there's still the temptation to look.

 

So yesterday he posted a few pictures. One of them was with his father, the other was taken by me on our holidays together, and he also posted a selfie he took with the hotel we stayed at behind him. He even tagged the hotel!! What a loser. I was there with him!!! Even if noone else knows, he knows and I do too. That should be enough. I find it so disrespectful, untasteful, but what could we expect from someone like that? It's just sick and twisted. His son and mother in law are liking his pictures for God's sake. They probably think he was there with family or at work! Because the wife surely wasn't there - I WAS! (and he never went there with her I'm sure - it was in another country).

 

Sick. Then posted a song which sounds very ambiguous to me. What a loser. I'm blocking him. Although I also feel like I'm curious to see what other stupid stuff he can come up with. Lol. But no, really, I'm blocking him. I loved the advice "Block him for your sanity and to ruin his day".

 

And I will let you know when I block him. I'm almost ready.

[TaraMaiden2]

You're ready already.

You just lack the courage.

[C00kie]

You're ready already.

You just lack the courage.

 

Good point. But I won't lack it for long.

[whichwayisup]

Just do it!! There's no reason to over think this. Delete and block.

[Matahari007]

You can block your friends list where only you can see it for starters. Number 2 stop worrying about what 'other people' think and do what is best for you. If you want to eliminate all the 'questions' just delete your entire account and if people ask say you are over the whole FB and don't have time for it. You are making it more complicated on yourself than it really is. Delete, block and move on.

[Mrs. New Wife]

I have unfollowed him, but since we have many friends in common, when someone likes something he posts, it sometimes shows in my timeline. And of course, by not blocking him, there's still the temptation to look.

 

So yesterday he posted a few pictures. One of them was with his father, the other was taken by me on our holidays together, and he also posted a selfie he took with the hotel we stayed at behind him. He even tagged the hotel!! What a loser. I was there with him!!! Even if noone else knows, he knows and I do too. That should be enough. I find it so disrespectful, untasteful, but what could we expect from someone like that? It's just sick and twisted. His son and mother in law are liking his pictures for God's sake. They probably think he was there with family or at work! Because the wife surely wasn't there - I WAS! (and he never went there with her I'm sure - it was in another country).

 

Sick. Then posted a song which sounds very ambiguous to me. What a loser. I'm blocking him. Although I also feel like I'm curious to see what other stupid stuff he can come up with. Lol. But no, really, I'm blocking him. I loved the advice "Block him for your sanity and to ruin his day".

 

And I will let you know when I block him. I'm almost ready.

 

If you really find what he's doing "sick" or distasteful, then block him.

 

If you find what he's doing "sick" and distasteful and don't block him, honestly, it says more about you than him and this whole thing stops being "he's a weirdo for what he does" and starts being "I play into the weird things he does because I secretly enjoy what I see."

 

Cut him loose, block him, or don't complain about the stuff he does. Trust me, I've got my own version of been there, done that and I used to not block and secretly look to see what was going on too. Then I realized the problem isn't this person and the lunatic stuff they're posting, it's me for going out of my way to find it, read it, and react to it.

[finally43]

He,lol Cookie.

 

I think you are worrying way too much. People don't go look through others friends list to see who their friends are, or at least I would guess most grown ups do not do that.

 

Stop worrying about "someone noticing". You are an adult. You do not have to explain anything to anyone regarding your social media. Be strong and stand firm.

 

Also, you are causing yourself more harm than good by checking out his Facebook. It's keeping you connected to him and his life.