Ladies, The Smarter You Are, The More Likely You Are To Be Single

[elaine567]

Ladies, The Smarter You Are, The More Likely You Are To Be Single

That assertion is probably true

Reasons given in the article as to why that should be are:-

“successful men date less successful women not because they want ‘women to be dumb’ but rather because they want ‘someone who prioritizes their life in a way that’s compatible with how you prioritize yours.

Basically, they want someone who isn’t ever going to let her career come before making dinner and pleasing them first.’” Read more

A study conducted with 121 British participants reported findings that females with high intelligence in male/female relationships were seen as problematic.

Their intelligence were predicted to cause problems in the relationships. Whereas, high intelligence in the male partner was not seen as problematic, but desirable.

You may be sensitive, sweet and insecure, but your intelligence makes you threatening. You may not have muscles and a big d*ck, but men will look at you as competition.

You are intimidating and emasculating. While most intelligent women aren’t pompous or arrogant about it, many times men assume they are. They assume the woman is going to correct them, upstage them or, God-forbid, make them feel worthless.

Are those reasons essentially true?

Are highly intelligent women too "problematic" for most men?

OR

Are intelligent women just not settling for men who will treat her like she is his property?

Are those women in the position of wanting a man and not needing a man, so can afford to wait for the "right" man or can simply choose to stay single?

[todreaminblue]

I dont know if its true....i feel a confident intelligent man or men would want someone who he or they could talk to.....to dream with to hope with ...to discuss issues other than what he wants for dinner.....a confident man wouldn't feel emasculated by someone else's intelligence but be sure of his own intelligence to match theirs and have really good conversations....problem solve like you wouldnt beleive sort of attitude......a good person would respect a partners intelligence for what it is.....not only enjoy it......but seek to increase it.....in other areas they may not be so adept....like emotional intelligence for example....for there are different types of intelligence...some of them cant be measured...for there is no scale...other than personal growth.....and the bond you form growing together in every way....i like to feel that intelligence helps that growth...develops its own form of coupled intelligence.......intelligence shouldnt ever be considered as intimidating ...more a chance to learn from each other........no one person is perfect..but when two heads come together and spark on....its a beautiful thing.....deb

[Woggle]

It is a statistical fact that more educated women marry more often and divorce less so I don't see how being smart keeps women single.

[elaine567]

It is a statistical fact that more educated women marry more often and divorce less so I don't see how being smart keeps women single.

 

Not in all countries.

 

For China's Educated Single Ladies, Finding Love Is Often a Struggle - The Atlantic

The Chinese media has been buzzing with stories about urban single women like Wei, so-called sheng nu, which literally translates to "leftover women." In a country where the sex ratio at birth has increasingly skewed toward men since the 1980s, the numbers may seem to favor women; but there's another force working against this class of ladies.* The country's long-held tradition of marriage hypergamy, a practice in which women marry up in terms of income, education and age, means that the most highly-educated women often end up without partners. Under these conditions, "men at the bottom of society get left out of the marriage market, and that same pattern is coming to emerge for women at the top of society," says Yong Cai, a University of North Carolina demographer who studies China's gender imbalance.

[newmoon]

>>>Not in all countries.

 

this person posts without regard to accuracy.

 

most highly educated women have a very difficult time finding a partner (masters degree holders and up). it has been true for centuries now. the more educated a woman is the less marriageable she is. there are a lot of factors cited for it: career importance, greater earnings - so less reliance on a man, her age when she finally decides to marry (more advanced), the general desire to place importance on career over family, and the overall knowledge that the smarter you are the more you have choices for yourself and your life. men want an intelligent woman, but someone less intelligent than themselves (at least by their perception). the smarter a woman is, her choices dwindle because most won't go down to look for a man, but up, and the pool gets limited. i remember taking my doctorate degree and having a class in women's studies, and the instructor greeted the women during a portion of the class as being foolish because our chances of marriage were declining considerably by pursuing too much education.

[loveweary11]

Ladies, The Smarter You Are, The More Likely You Are To Be Single

That assertion is probably true

Reasons given in the article as to why that should be are:-

Are those reasons essentially true?

Are highly intelligent women too "problematic" for most men?

OR

Are intelligent women just not settling for men who will treat her like she is his property?

Are those women in the position of wanting a man and not needing a man, so can afford to wait for the "right" man or can simply choose to stay single?

 

 

I can't claim to understand men, but my own input is I may hook up with dingbats, but I never get into a relationship with one.

 

I need a combination of looks, a good heart and intelligence. Note intelligence is innate and has nothing to do with education... it is the ability to learn.

 

I couple only with very intelligent women because I form equal partnerships where I value and need the intelligent contribution of my partner to choose thing we do in life and to work on various projects together.

 

A less intelligent woman doesn't carry enough weight in my household.

 

An interesting side comment is that some of the most beautiful women are also the most intelligent. Because I'm drawn to that, I've seen a lot of that. Many very good looking women put all that work into looks because they have life figured out. They know they get ahead combining looks and brains better than just having one.

 

But as a data point, for serious relationships, brains and a good heart are more important than anything to me.

[loveweary11]

Send me all these "rejected" women, please!!

 

Rejected for: not getting custody of kids, not wanting kids, being too smart, not having a good career, being too "weird"

 

 

Good lord... everyone else's reject is my dream!

[hotpotato]

I'm glad newmoon and elaine said this. When I say this, peoples heads explode and a nasty debate ensues.

 

Truth to be told, a man can get really rich or really good at *insert cool activity here,* and he'll be sexy. It doesn't necessarily work that way for women.

 

Men look for other qualities in women other than smarts. I've definitely noticed in my area the girls with more average intelligence get married right away. Smarter girls get married relatively late. I remember reading that the perfect woman is pretty, vulnerable, and looks drowsy/dumb. Looking around, i can believe that.

 

Maybe average guy doesn't want to complete moron, but he sure as hell doesn't want to be outdone by a girl. That can hurt a man at a his core.

[candie13]

correction: women who are smart and parade it are more likely to be single.

 

nobody likes a smartarse, male or female.

[OpenBook]

In the most successful marriages I've witnessed, the wife tends to be more intelligent - or at least that's what the husband says: "My wife is smarter than me." He BRAGS about it.

 

And she always seems to have some kind of edge on him, not to diminish him but to build him up - she enables him to "come into his own" while inspiring him to be a better man. He's well taken care of, content and balanced. It's clear he's way better off with her than without her.

 

That's what I call an intelligent woman!!

[PrettyEmily77]

121 people is a very small data sample to base any study on so difficult to know how reliable those findings are.

 

 

Also, being smart = / = being educated = / = being intelligent.

 

 

 

 

Most of the female friends I have (late 30's to early 40's) aren't totally clueless, have very good jobs or a good career, all have a higher degree and nearly all are in relationships or dating. Probably depends on where you live.

[hotpotato]

correction: women who are smart and parade it are more likely to be single.

 

nobody likes a smartarse, male or female.

 

In other words, if you're smart woman don't talk about your interests. That's one of the reasons I don't date. I don't want to have to hide it. If I'm into zoology, I'd like to talk about it. If I like guns, can't talk about guns. Can't talk about this or that. Idk. I guess if I start dating again, I should talk about more interesting and important things like Kim K's butt or getting my nails done.

 

It's all true. There's a lot of value in pretending to be dumb. Women have made careers out of it.

[salparadise]

I just don't buy it. I can't sustain attraction unless they are smart. Three of the four women I've dated since my divorce either have been or could've been mensa members. The other one I'm not sure about, but she weren't no dummy either. This is the problem with the internet; people can publish anything. It's a mile wide and an inch deep. Now it's harder to cull the crap than it used to be to find relevant information.

[thefooloftheyear]

In the most successful marriages I've witnessed, the wife tends to be more intelligent - or at least that's what the husband says: "My wife is smarter than me." He BRAGS about it.

 

And she always seems to have some kind of edge on him, not to diminish him but to build him up - she enables him to "come into his own" while inspiring him to be a better man. He's well taken care of, content and balanced. It's clear he's way better off with her than without her.

 

That's what I call an intelligent woman!!

 

 

That sounds like the relationship I have with my dog....

 

 

TFY

[Toodaloo]

Holy crap I must be Einstein reincarnate...

 

All this time and I never knew...

[ascendotum]

Not in all countries.

 

For China's Educated Single Ladies, Finding Love Is Often a Struggle - The Atlantic

 

Well if you are going to be a single woman wanting favorable odds for landing a single man, China is a great country for that with their M:F imbalance. If they have a hard time there, its as the article suggests due to their hypergamy (which is not just unique to educated Chinese ladies), so the millions of excess men there who would love a wife, wont be feeling the least bit sorry for them.

 

I feel there is truth to the opening quotes (especially the first one), but this issue cuts both ways with the genders. Its not just a case of guys being intimidated by a smart (imo not necessarily equal to higher educated) woman. Despite the strides in equality many woman still want to date up. Many though are fine marrying what they consider their equal. A couple of the women on LS who have masters or phd, are not keen on even dating/marrying a man with 'just' a university degree. Well sorry but even at the basic tertiary education level there is not enough guys to go around for the women flocking to universities. All the nerdy, insecure, geeky, quiet, skinny, short, fat, boring, or 'nice guy' types with a degree and a good job wont be a good candidate for many of those women either.

Edited June 2, 2015 by ascendotum

[Eternal Sunshine]

To be honest, I find this is true mostly because I want a really smart man so I am only really interested in a small % of population.

 

As for men being intimidated, dunno. Men that just want sex are quickly turned off by it - my theory being that they know I will see though their "game". There are actually men out there that see "value" or "status" in smart, successful women. They even consider them a "catch". So it can go both ways.

[jen1447]

Holy crap I must be Einstein reincarnate...

 

All this time and I never knew...

 

And I must be pretty dumb.

[salparadise]

Men that just want sex are quickly turned off by it - my theory being that they know I will see though their "game".

 

My experience has been that the smart women have game of their own, and were a little put off if I wasn't trying to get their panties off fast enough

...the ones that wore panties, anyway.

[Phoe]

I've been told more than once that my intelligence contributed to my past inabilities to get dates or get men interested in me.

 

Whether that's true or not will remain a mystery, but it's an interesting theory.

 

The boys definitely teased and bullied me for my brains during school years, and now as an adult I am not bullied, and my intelligence is looked at as a good thing, but it may still be very intimidating. My ex used to get so mad at me if I would inadvertently use big words or start rambling about a subject he didn't understand. I got to the point where I had to walk an eggshells about every word that came out of my mouth, so as not to offend him.

 

He said I came off as a know-it-all snooty bitch and that it made him feel dumb.

 

I remember when I was younger my dad telling me I'd struggle to get boyfriends when I was older. I don't know how he could know that, how he could predict that, or what it is in me that he knew would be offputting, but damn, he was right...

 

Whatever it is, he knew I'd be a bit of an odd bird. Sometimes I still want to ask what he meant.

[shvrk]

'Cuz men don't want no girl they can't play games with, ya feeel me

[Toodaloo]

And I must be pretty dumb.

 

Show off...

 

Mind you I hate to point it out but it is women you are pulling not men... So that would suggest that you have it sussed out pretty well.

[Gloria25]

You know, I almost started a thread on this like a month ago when I was watching a 48 Hours of another "successful" woman who failed in the "loooooove" dept...(and who got killed by her husband/SO).

 

I think several things are going on here:

 

-Women don't get that while a guy appreciates and relies on a "smart" woman, at the end of the day, he needs someone who can satisfy his maternal needs (cooking, cleaning, nurturing) - not someone who can talk politics and/or has a PhD.

 

But unfortunately, the women's movement has taught women that the only value they have is their career, achievements, education, and earning potential...and, unfortunately, men also look for that now a days and then get stumped when he and his wifey turn into "roommates" rather than "lovers".

 

So, in sum, women need to get back to the basics - which is learning some homemaking skills and "treating" their man - rather than competing with him on how much they earn, whether or not they can carry a debate, etc.

 

On the intro of my fav podcaster, this woman called in who followed her advice and simply filled up a tub of water and put her husband's feet in it and massaged his feet at the end of his hard day. For one, he was surprised she got on her knees to even "do" this for him...two, he was suspicious, three, they got back to having sex like they did when they were first married/dating - cuz she did a labor of love.

 

So, at the end of the day, a guy doesn't wanna sit down and talk/debate. He wants his woman to help him to unwind and relax.

 

Men, no matter how they were given testosterone and can fight wars, battles, etc - when it comes to women, they have egos that can be crushed and are fragile. Men don't need their women to compete with them. They need their women to "support them".

 

This is not telling women to take a backseat to men....it's telling women to be "wiser" on how they exercise their power and intelligence. Like the 'Men love byaches' book calls it, they call it 'smart like a fox'...in other words, a woman doesn't score points in proving she is faster than her hunter, she proves it by being slicker than her hunter..

 

-Women who are smart (or who "think" they are) wear their degrees, jobs, achievements on their sleeve. They don't wanna just have a discussion with their SO about something on the news - they turn it into another opportunity to "prove" the only worth the women's movement told them to - which is their degrees, careers, etc.

 

-Women who are smart (well, really actually "educated") are more than likely gonna be ambitious, have their own stuff, and have no need for a man. So, they will likely end up single cuz while everyone wants to follow this crap about men and women are "partners" and "equality of the sexes" - at the end of the day, biology teaches us that men provide/protect. When you take that role away from men, what do they have next to do with themselves? Get pregnant?

 

So, that's a problem I face. I have to get off my "independent" horse and actually relax and let guys do things for me - which I at me approaching 40, just finally got used to with my last FWB a about 3 yrs ago. He offered to fix the mirror on my vehicle and I resisted, and he insisted and I relented. He also offered to re-design my closet and other stuff. Some of it I relented and he got done...

 

I'll tell you what? I did enjoy bringing him a nice coffee while in the cold he worked on my vehicle. It was nice for once to be a "woman" and let him be a "man". Maybe that's why it hurt so much when it ended for me

 

-Women who are smart (or better said "educated") cuz they put so much emphasis on their careers, RLs go on the back burner. So, by the time they are "ready" for a RL, they are too old to have kids and/or too old for guys. Guys usually prefer to date younger - regardless if they are ready for a family or not.

 

And, like the woman on 48 Hours, even "if" these women start to make time for a guy, it isn't long before their career takes precedence and he's left alone and goes and cheats. One of my past supervisors went through that. She was late 50's and still had ways to go to retire, her husband just retired and was like a decade older. She was always taking time off and was stressed. She ultimately requested a duty change so she could move back to the state where he wanted to be - cuz he was retired and wanted to be closer to his family. I wonder if they are still together?

 

-Lastly, women who are "smart" (or better said "educated"), cuz they have their own "stuff" no longer require on a man's income and/or status as a "wife" and "mother" - so, they are picker when they come to picking a mate. Again, a woman's biology teaches her to seek a man who can provide/protect. If she already got all that, then she needs someone at or above her level. Like Beyonce. She picked Jay-Z...and really, who else isn't at or above her level of income, status, and achievements than Jay-Z?

Edited June 2, 2015 by Gloria25

[WasOtherWoman]

I am thinking some of this may be by choice...

 

While I don't necessarily consider myself "smarter than the average bear" I am an extremely high earner. To me, that greatly limited my choice in spouses. I get that is not the case for everyone, but I am just being honest.

 

I needed a spouse that out-earned me and one who did not need me or my income. There is a very limited pool of men in the 1% bracket, hence I was single (save a brief marriage in my twenties) until I was 40.

 

I do think there is truth in the article, specifically when intelligence = earning potential.

[thefooloftheyear]

I am thinking some of this may be by choice...

While I don't necessarily consider myself "smarter than the average bear" I am an extremely high earner. To me, that greatly limited my choice in spouses. I get that is not the case for everyone, but I am just being honest.

 

I needed a spouse that out-earned me and one who did not need me or my income. There is a very limited pool of men in the 1% bracket, hence I was single (save a brief marriage in my twenties) until I was 40.

 

I do think there is truth in the article, specifically when intelligence = earning potential.

 

I've seen this a lot, and quite frankly, I can't understand it...especially when you consider all the talk of gender equality...Can you imagine if a typical guy said this?

 

I am a high earner...It wouldn't bother me if a woman made less, because quite frankly, they probably will..Guys have been carrying women, and still do, in many cases, since the dawn of creation....Heck, I know guys who are multi millionaires and have wives that are morons...And they are OK with it...But for some unknown reason, women feel like a guy isn't worthy if he doesn't make more than she does....Doesn't that fly in the face of all that is supposed to be about feminism and equality of the genders?

 

And so what if the guy made less? That doesn't immediately mean he will need a woman's income....Seems like in many cases, men treat it like its their money(wife/family) while women treat it like its her money....Again, just giving personal experiences here..

 

As for the original post...

 

An intelligent woman is no different than a dumbell in the eyes of most men...As long as she maintains some degree of "softness" and femininity most men wont care a bit..And strong guys aren't challenged by intelligent women, strong earners, or anything else related to women..

 

I think when they get overly analytical, some guys will see that as a boner killer...

 

TFY