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Ladies, The Smarter You Are, The More Likely You Are To Be Single

elaine567

By elaine567,
in General Relationship Discussion

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Woggle

Woggle

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Deep down I can't respect a man that is less successful than I am. I can't help it. That's why I find most men undatable. My no 1 problem in being single has never been an inability to keep a relationship. It was finding a man that I want a relationship with in the first place.

 

This is not an uncommon. Most men have no issue at all with a woman who is more successful. All most of us want is a drama free relationship with a woman that treats us well and who we are attracted to. Women love to analyze men to death when most of us really are that simple so why is that men get the blame for not being into smart women. Maybe the hairdresser or the working class has the better personality which wins against status for most men any day of the week.

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candie13

candie13

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Some industries are relatively low paying. Nevertheless, if it's a person's passion, they can be rewarding in other ways. A lot of the "helping" professions are like this. And, of course, this may be where more nurturing people thrive.

 

Absolutely. But again, those are accomplishments. I'm taking accomplished over successful anytime and any moment of the day! I'm clear about my criteria.

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xxoo

xxoo

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I guess it is culture, women have not in the main taken the leap to view men, in the same way, as men view women.

Successful men can take a girl from anywhere, with any level of education including none, from any social background, from any country however backward, from any age group, and make her his wife and as long as she acts OK and looks OK and will look after him and his children, all is fine.

He is not usually burdened by wanting a top, successful or rich woman. He is "the star"after all

 

BUT women ARE bothered, they want top successful or rich men to compliment them and to underline their success.

As an educated and rich woman and with "a lot to offer", she is upset that the top men are marrying hairdressers and shop girls and passing her over.

She doesn't want to slum it and take a man "from the gutter" and make him her husband.

She as a top, alpha woman, wants a top man.

 

I guess it is still a basic insecurity amongst women in general.

Grabbing "the star" role, demands confidence and the ability to pull it off, and that is perhaps a leap many women, however successful they may be, do not want to take.

 

I agree with this analysis.

 

A woman, no matter what her success, still feels judged by her husband's success.

 

A man, no matter what his success, still feels judged by his wife's beauty.

 

It's kind of silly. It takes a strong (wo)man to choose a partner for love and love alone.

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Renton

Renton

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In this capitalist world, success IS measured in terms of money.

Everyone tries to say success is about being healthy or having a great life, or being happy,

BUT the man needs to be making money and usually a lot of it, to be labelled "successful".

 

No-one living in a one bed rented apartment, with a crappy car or no car and no money, is ever labelled "successful" are they?

No matter how happy or healthy or how great their life is.

 

Good grief, do people really go around labelling other people?

 

Labels are for clothes and things that sit on shelves, not people.

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hotpotato

hotpotato

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Then how have I managed to achieve it and my in laws too? The thing is that we don't even try to be equal and go around trumpeting how progressive we are. We are both adults so it is just assumed we both have equal power.

 

Are you sure everything is 50%? I havent seen a completely equal relationship, friendships included. Usually skmeone is a bit stronger or more of a leader than the other...

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Woggle

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Are you sure everything is 50%? I havent seen a completely equal relationship, friendships included. Usually skmeone is a bit stronger or more of a leader than the other...

 

We don't measure it like that. I just know that neither one is the other's lord and master.

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hotpotato

hotpotato

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It depends on the area. There are areas where I defer to my wife, others in which she defers to me. We both have our areas of expertise, and part of being an "alpha" as far as I'm concerned is building a team that works to the team members' strengths.

 

I could say the same with me and one of my exes. That being said, he was still had more power.

 

I dont think its a bad thing if one person is stronger or more alpha or whatever than the other.

Not even friendships are completely 50% all the time. Sometkmes one pereon is more of a leader than the others, thats just people.

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hotpotato

hotpotato

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We don't measure it like that. I just know that neither one is the other's lord and master.

 

Well, no, most people arent going to sit down and measure out every single thing or analyze every part of their relationships. That being said theres usually someone whos a bit stronger personality wise.

 

I honestly dont get the controversary. *shrug*

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TaraMaiden2

TaraMaiden2

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Well, no, most people arent going to sit down and measure out every single thing or analyze every part of their relationships. That being said theres usually someone whos a bit stronger personality wise.

 

I honestly dont get the controversary. *shrug*

 

(*controversy*.... :o )

 

Incidentally, most people - including me at one point - mis-pronounce it too...

 

It's not 'contro-versy', it's 'con-troversy'.....

 

here endeth the lesson. ;)

 

No offence.... :eek::o

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WasOtherWoman

WasOtherWoman

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Be very careful there.

As men get used to making "couple" decisions and women relinquish their seat at the decision-making table due to "other commitments" or a desire to "leave it to the man", it can be very difficult to reverse that process.

One day, you will find, you want to make that specific, important decision, and you will only then realise you are not even in the equation - your input is NOT required - you are irrelevant.

If, you then try and take the reins back and become relevant again, you will have a big fight on your hands.

 

I hear you there, but if you read a few posts prior.. I still get my 5% of the decisions that are important to me. My hubby's smarter than the average bear, he gets it. Been good this way for more than 15 years, thinking we will be ok.

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WasOtherWoman

WasOtherWoman

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This is not an uncommon. Most men have no issue at all with a woman who is more successful. All most of us want is a drama free relationship with a woman that treats us well and who we are attracted to. Women love to analyze men to death when most of us really are that simple so why is that men get the blame for not being into smart women. Maybe the hairdresser or the working class has the better personality which wins against status for most men any day of the week.

 

LOL, my husband's favorite thing to say when I am analyzing him is this "men are simple creatures... food, sleep and sex. Anything other than that and you are overthinking us."

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compulsivedancer

compulsivedancer

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I have no difficulty attracting men. Intelligence is my best feature, and I go for the type of men who appreciate it (it's so boring to be with stupid guys!). I've been told time and again that there aren't many girls like me out there (attractive AND intelligent). Guys are searching for this. If an intelligent woman can't get dates, she's either looking in the wrong places or has some other aspect of her personality that is turning men off. (Eg, she is intelligent, but really obnoxious about it, or she doesn't care what she looks like, or she's not giving off sexually available vibes).

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TaraMaiden2

TaraMaiden2

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That explains it all!

GOD why did you make me so intelligent? Why?

 

If you were really intelligent, you'd know asking "God" that question is really dumb....

 

(*Lights blue touchpaper and stands well back*..... :D )

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Emilia

Emilia

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I have no difficulty attracting men. Intelligence is my best feature, and I go for the type of men who appreciate it (it's so boring to be with stupid guys!). I've been told time and again that there aren't many girls like me out there (attractive AND intelligent). Guys are searching for this. If an intelligent woman can't get dates, she's either looking in the wrong places or has some other aspect of her personality that is turning men off. (Eg, she is intelligent, but really obnoxious about it, or she doesn't care what she looks like, or she's not giving off sexually available vibes).

 

What if it's not the dates but the actual relationships? I believe that's the issue here.

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regine_phalange

regine_phalange

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If you were really intelligent, you'd know asking "God" that question is really dumb....

 

(*Lights blue touchpaper and stands well back*..... :D )

 

Really? Then if it wasn't god it must have been Santa! :mad:

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alphamale

alphamale

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(Eg, she is intelligent, but really obnoxious about it, or she doesn't care what she looks like, or she's not giving off sexually available vibes).

or just plain butt-ugly

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SycamoreCircle

SycamoreCircle

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He is exactly what I described as a not passionate person. Fine for others but not fine for me.

 

Like you said a dullard. It has nothing to do with income, it has to do the lack of interest in doing more than punching a clock and real interest in other areas.

He has devoted his life to his job, his family, his home. He commutes five days a week close to two hours. What do you expect of the man? His workplace is highly competitive. He probably makes more in one day than I make in three months. My sister told me that after the completion of this most recent state-of-the-art oil rig and its subsequent success, he received widespread company recognition and had posters appearing all over the workplace with his face on it. I don't expect the guy to come home and start banging out jazz chords on his Les Paul or break out Rosetta Stone Urdu. Mini wants someone who is going to "change the world." Well, how about oil for gas? It's not like the stuff seeps from coconuts, y'know...
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elaine567

elaine567

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LOL, my husband's favorite thing to say when I am analyzing him is this "men are simple creatures... food, sleep and sex. Anything other than that and you are overthinking us."

This is the guy who has lulled you into thinking it is fine that he makes 95% of the decisions.

Yeah sure, he is just a simple creature...

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Taramere

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LOL, my husband's favorite thing to say when I am analyzing him is this "men are simple creatures... food, sleep and sex. Anything other than that and you are overthinking us."

 

Otherwise known as "my wife understands me a little too well for my liking at times."

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Emilia

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Otherwise known as "my wife understands me a little too well for my liking at times."

 

Absolutely. Men are not simple creatures at all.

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RedRobin

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Be very careful there.

As men get used to making "couple" decisions and women relinquish their seat at the decision-making table due to "other commitments" or a desire to "leave it to the man", it can be very difficult to reverse that process.

One day, you will find, you want to make that specific, important decision, and you will only then realise you are not even in the equation - your input is NOT required - you are irrelevant.

If, you then try and take the reins back and become relevant again, you will have a big fight on your hands.

 

 

That, and they may find that they don't have the skills or knowledge to do any of it in case something happens to their spouse.

 

 

When I was married, my now ex-H wanted to control the finances. I said no. Not because I didn't trust him. I did. It was because I wanted to make sure I built and kept sound financial and bookkeeping skills myself. I insisted that we split the duties.

 

 

He'd sometimes have a fit because I didn't do it like he did, but too bad. It still worked and it was still accurate. Truth is, he was a control freak anyway. Guy had hard time negotiating anything.

 

 

Some people just hand over everything because they fear conflict. Not because their spouse is terribly competent.

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WasOtherWoman

WasOtherWoman

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This is the guy who has lulled you into thinking it is fine that he makes 95% of the decisions.

Yeah sure, he is just a simple creature...

 

I am thinking perhaps you have not ready any of my posts, which is fine, I don't expect that folks have.

 

As I said, my husband is smarter than the average bear, as am I. When two very high powered, high earning people are in a marriage, things tend to be a bit different in some respects than other marriages.

 

I only REALLY care about probably 5% of the decisions that need to be made in a marriage. My husband has his 5%. This means, that neither of us are interested in making 95% of the decisions, because in the scheme of things, they don't matter.

 

Is there some point you are trying to make? Perhaps I am just not understanding you....

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WasOtherWoman

WasOtherWoman

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Absolutely. Men are not simple creatures at all.

 

Actually, in my humble opinion, they really are when it comes to their wants and needs. I think it gets easier once you are in a long term marriage. My husband wants me to be nice to him, be affectionate and treat him respectfully. Not unreasonable, I don't think.

 

When it comes to his career ambitions, definitely a different story, but as it relates to our relationship, his wants are pretty simple.

 

Men - weigh in here.... do you think you are simple creatures?

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WasOtherWoman

WasOtherWoman

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When I was married, my now ex-H wanted to control the finances. I said no. Not because I didn't trust him. I did. It was because I wanted to make sure I built and kept sound financial and bookkeeping skills myself. I insisted that we split the duties.

 

 

 

Any woman who does not understand the entire picture of their marital finances is a fool, in my opinion.

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