Ladies, The Smarter You Are, The More Likely You Are To Be Single

[serial muse]

Actually, in my humble opinion, they really are when it comes to their wants and needs. I think it gets easier once you are in a long term marriage. My husband wants me to be nice to him, be affectionate and treat him respectfully. Not unreasonable, I don't think.

 

When it comes to his career ambitions, definitely a different story, but as it relates to our relationship, his wants are pretty simple.

 

Men - weigh in here.... do you think you are simple creatures?

 

Put that way, women are simple creatures too. Of course, one could argue that part and parcel of having our partners be nice to us, be affectionate, and treat us respectfully is a basic respect for autonomy and intelligence. But I think those truths, which should be self-evident, have in fact been a bit more hard-won for the average woman in a marriage over the years. So it's a bit of a loaded question. Not so easy to compartmentalize as you did, separating out career and home life, historically speaking.

 

Anyway, IME the truth is, none of us really is all that simple. We all have baseline needs, and deeper emotional needs that we're less willing to cop to openly. And everyone has the impossible wish at times their partners could anticipate those needs without them having to be voiced. Men and women both.

[WasOtherWoman]

Put that way, women are simple creatures too. Of course, one could argue that part and parcel of having our partners be nice to us, be affectionate, and treat us respectfully is a basic respect for autonomy and intelligence. But I think those truths, which should be self-evident, have in fact been a bit more hard-won for the average woman in a marriage over the years. So it's a bit of a loaded question. Not so easy to compartmentalize as you did, separating out career and home life, historically speaking.

 

Anyway, IME the truth is, none of us really is all that simple. We all have baseline needs, and deeper emotional needs. And everyone has the impossible wish at times their partners could anticipate those needs without them having to be voiced. Men and women both.

 

Absolutely I want my husband to be nice, treat me with affection, etc. I admit to being a very simple creature with regard to my marriage. Thank you for pointing that out, though... I did not mean to come across that men and woman are that different.

 

For some reason, it is really easy for us to separate out career and home lives. Not sure why, but it sure does keep the marriage going on a nice even and fun keel.

 

edited: actually, now that I think about it, it is easy for us because our marriage has become kind of a sanctuary. A place where the demands of our careers take a back seat and it is just us. It really is kinda simple, at least thus far.

Edited June 4, 2015 by WasOtherWoman
added last paragraph

[misspond]

I've stayed out of this one until now but I'll weigh in here - my *smart" is about my common sense, my understanding of current affairs and my humour. I'm not University educated but I do a damn hard job. I don't get paid a lot but it meets my needs (both altruistically and finacially) and I've got me and two kids to sort out.

 

For me, I need someone who can match my dark/dry sense of humour. I'll cook and clean and work and see to the needs of the one I love, but they had better damn well give me something back. He'd best be able to discuss things with me, challenge me and be challenged by me, have differences of opinion, agree on some things, laugh with me and me him, and..... just be my foil. I can talk philosophy but I can't build a wall. Who's the smartest then?

[gaius]

In this capitalist world, success IS measured in terms of money.

Everyone tries to say success is about being healthy or having a great life, or being happy,

BUT the man needs to be making money and usually a lot of it, to be labelled "successful".

 

No-one living in a one bed rented apartment, with a crappy car or no car and no money, is ever labelled "successful" are they?

No matter how happy or healthy or how great their life is.

I've seen plenty of them get women though, get in the way where the woman is really into them, and not just low class ladies either.

 

This thread kind of reminds me of when guys get together and they all pretend they'd never be interested in a fat chick, but guess what. They've all been at least attracted to a fat chick at some point.

[RedRobin]

^^ exactly.

 

 

When I met my fiancée, he was bankrupt from a failed marriage. Just getting back on his feet again.

 

 

Within the time we were together, he won three Emmys and was doing more than fine. He was turning away work.

 

 

Those are the kinds of risks women with their own money and resources can make. Sure, I wasn't about to hand over the checkbook, combine finances, or anything like that without knowing him good and well... But if I'd just overlooked him because of his finances and education, I would have missed out on a man who loved me very much, was incredibly smart, curious... and clearly could bounce back from adversity. That's worth more than $$ to me.

Edited June 4, 2015 by RedRobin

[thefooloftheyear]

^^ exactly.

 

 

When I met my fiancée, he was bankrupt from a failed marriage. Just getting back on his feet again.

 

 

Within the time we were together, he won three Emmys and was doing more than fine. He was turning away work.

 

 

Those are the kinds of risks women with their own money and resources can make. Sure, I wasn't about to hand over the checkbook, combine finances, or anything like that without knowing him good and well... But if I'd just overlooked him because of his finances and education, I would have missed out on a man who loved me very much, was incredibly smart, curious... and clearly could bounce back from adversity. That's worth more than $$ to me.

 

 

Thats a plus for you, I suppose...

 

I think in some ways its even ethnic or cultural..Like, IME, Jewish and Italian women are usually very strong willed and opinionated..(think someone like Judge Judy)..They will not usually stand for a guy that's not on some steep trajectory for something significant...They arent the types that get google-eyed over flowers and cards.

 

 

Show them the money!.....

 

TFY

[TaraMaiden2]

Thats a plus for you, I suppose...

 

I think in some ways its even ethnic or cultural..Like, IME, Jewish and Italian women are usually very strong willed and opinionated..(think someone like Judge Judy)..They will not usually stand for a guy that's not on some steep trajectory for something significant...They arent the types that get google-eyed over flowers and cards.

 

Show them the money!.....

 

TFY

 

 

Personally, as a Jewish/Italian woman, that's a bit stereotypical for my liking....

 

but I can see where you're coming from....

[compulsivedancer]

What if it's not the dates but the actual relationships? I believe that's the issue here.

 

No issue with that either.

[TaraMaiden2]

Interesting article on unmarried famous female authors. The last paragraph begs a good question....

[GorillaTheater]

Personally, as a Jewish/Italian woman, that's a bit stereotypical for my liking....

 

A Jewish/Italian/Buddhist/English woman.

 

You're very complex.

[WasOtherWoman]

Interesting article on unmarried famous female authors. The last paragraph begs a good question....

 

Definitely an interesting article. Independence and freedom... maybe we truly have evolved. A good modern marriage can consist of a great degree of both of these things. But, in the days of these ladies in question, probably not much of either, for a woman at least, in a marriage. Can't really blame them for staying single.

[sportygirl89]

It's true if I ever do online dating I always have to put some college and say I'm still in college. Even though I'm on my second bachelors (parents are acting as a masters as it's a much higher paying job). I just don't do online dating for that reason if men are going to be that afraid of independent women .

[Elam]

Ladies, The Smarter You Are, The More Likely You Are To Be Single

That assertion is probably true

Reasons given in the article as to why that should be are:-

Are those reasons essentially true?

Are highly intelligent women too "problematic" for most men?

OR

Are intelligent women just not settling for men who will treat her like she is his property?

Are those women in the position of wanting a man and not needing a man, so can afford to wait for the "right" man or can simply choose to stay single?

 

I highly doubt that. I have many former classmates of mine who are smarter than the guys they are with and they're still paired-up. I don't care about a woman's college degree. I care about her looks. I have a friend of mine who was the smartest in our undergraduate degree by far and she's still single. The other cute girls in our class had low-grades and they're all married or in relationships with the men they wanted to be with.

 

Beautiful women who are intelligent get dates. Women with brains who are just average, probably don't?

 

 

UT the man needs to be making money and usually a lot of it, to be labelled "successful".

 

No-one living in a one bed rented apartment, with a crappy car or no car and no money, is ever labelled "successful" are they?

No matter how happy or healthy or how great their life is.

 

Men who are labelled successful are men who get laid a lot by many different women. I know of guys who've barely had a job for the past 10 years and they're held in high-esteem by their friends. On the other hand I know guys who at the age of 22 already had a phD in something useful and the guy's still dateless in his 50's.

Edited June 4, 2015 by Elam

[elaine567]

Men who are labelled successful are men who get laid a lot by many different women. I know of guys who've barely had a job for the past 10 years and they're held in high-esteem by their friends. On the other hand I know guys who at the age of 22 already had a phD in something useful and the guy's still dateless in his 50's.

 

I was referring to successful in life not successful in dating.

[preraph]

All that in the article was pretty common knowledge even back in the 1950s. Many men choose dependent compliant women for a myriad of ego reasons and for control reasons. And sometimes even so they can get away with cheating and she's too compliant to question things.

 

There are still many men who prefer a mild compliant woman without a mind of her own.

 

And yes, there are women who are too smart to want to get married unless there's a very good reason.

 

But there are some guys who love smart interesting women with varied interests. Those are the ones you want.

Edited June 5, 2015 by preraph

[minimariah]

I've seen plenty of them get women though, get in the way where the woman is really into them, and not just low class ladies either.

 

This thread kind of reminds me of when guys get together and they all pretend they'd never be interested in a fat chick, but guess what. They've all been at least attracted to a fat chick at some point.

 

ohhhhhhhh, yeah. the "fat" (i hate that word) women are getting men... like a bunch of men. contrary to the popular opinion, they don't have any troubles finding men. and just like that -- the "broke" dudes don't have any troubles finding ladies either.

 

i don't mind a broke dude. i get that people struggle financially, i get that. but i do mind a dude who is okay being broke, just like 90% of the women do.

 

i might f&ck a broke dude, with no car and no place -- but i won't go anywhere seriously with him unless i'm trying to play a sugar mommy. & i really think most women are like that -- especially if they plan to start a family. you're looking for someone who is able to take care of themselves and you and your future family when things get rough.

 

it isn't about the money, it is about the drive. people who are driven and WANT success -- eventually WILL be successful.

 

and then... success aside, you have a character. you have people who are passionate and love their jobs and you have those who absolutely hate it and look at it as another way to earn money. not every successful man or rich man is passionate and driven.

Edited June 5, 2015 by minimariah

[alphamale]

it isn't about the money, it is about the drive. people who are driven and WANT success -- eventually WILL be successful.

not necessarily, they may have bad luck

[ltjg45]

people who are driven and WANT success -- eventually WILL be successful.

 

I have to disagree. You make it sound like if a person has developed drive, they WILL be successful and in a good job within the next 5 years.

 

Nothing is guaranteed in life. When I think about that even more, I started to understand the phase "It is better to be lucky than good" even better now because it makes more sense.

 

You need luck to succeed in life. No one can do anything strictly off of sheer determination and skill, no matter how great you are. The opportunities still need to be there to take advantage of it.

 

All a person can do is do whatever they can to increase their luck and hope for the best.

 

You could make the best possible product on the market but if no one respectable can see it for what it is and help advertise it for you, it will remember unpopular and very little money will come of it.

[minimariah]

I have to disagree. You make it sound like if a person has developed drive, they WILL be successful and in a good job within the next 5 years.

 

but most will.

most WILL find at least a steady job, if not anything else.

 

Nothing is guaranteed in life. When I think about that even more, I started to understand the phase "It is better to be lucky than good" even better now because it makes more sense.

 

You need luck to succeed in life. No one can do anything strictly off of sheer determination and skill, no matter how great you are. The opportunities still need to be there to take advantage of it.

 

All a person can do is do whatever they can to increase their luck and hope for the best.

 

You could make the best possible product on the market but if no one respectable can see it for what it is and help advertise it for you, it will remember unpopular and very little money will come of it.

 

i actually agree.

 

but you know what else i learned in life?

the harder you work -- the luckier you get.

[TaraMaiden2]

A Jewish/Italian/Buddhist/English woman.

 

You're very complex.

 

You should know, darling......

[Got it]

So... it's like saying: "i've aced all the interviews at my job and they think I'm great, but they still pay me peanuts" type of thing?

 

or best critiqued booked who sold zero?

 

Or someone took a job that allowed them to stay home to care for their dying mother. Or they spend their time volunteering to help save animals and fight animal cruelty.

 

Is this hard to understand?

[Got it]

sorry, I understand you're point, but I believe you may be mistaking "accomplished" with "successful". Successful people show it off.

 

I think that is opinion and not actual fact.

[Got it]

He has devoted his life to his job, his family, his home. He commutes five days a week close to two hours. What do you expect of the man? His workplace is highly competitive. He probably makes more in one day than I make in three months. My sister told me that after the completion of this most recent state-of-the-art oil rig and its subsequent success, he received widespread company recognition and had posters appearing all over the workplace with his face on it. I don't expect the guy to come home and start banging out jazz chords on his Les Paul or break out Rosetta Stone Urdu. Mini wants someone who is going to "change the world." Well, how about oil for gas? It's not like the stuff seeps from coconuts, y'know...

 

So? Making a lot of money and being a dullard still doesn't work for me.

 

Why are you wanting to argue what one person wants in a dating/marriage partner? I have never stated it as fact for all women but what I look for and found.

 

So why are you wanting to beat a dead horse?

 

Making a lot of money does not mean much. Just means you make money. That doesn't necessarily mean you are smart, work hard, etc. I know some very high level people that I don't think are terribly smart, they got lucky and the right place at the right time. They are also skilled at not rocking the boat, kissing back side, and had parental connections in their starting years.

 

That doesn't make them this highly lauded person. Just means they keep a job that has a high paycheck.

 

Again, so what? Money does not solely define success for me.

[Got it]

I am thinking perhaps you have not ready any of my posts, which is fine, I don't expect that folks have.

 

As I said, my husband is smarter than the average bear, as am I. When two very high powered, high earning people are in a marriage, things tend to be a bit different in some respects than other marriages.

 

I only REALLY care about probably 5% of the decisions that need to be made in a marriage. My husband has his 5%. This means, that neither of us are interested in making 95% of the decisions, because in the scheme of things, they don't matter.

 

Is there some point you are trying to make? Perhaps I am just not understanding you....

 

Lol, I disagree. As another high earning couple we obviously do things very differently. I don't think that is the factor but the players involved.

 

And I know MANY low earning couples where the woman defers many of the decisions. Not something I understand but it isn't unique by any means.

 

What you have said is he makes 95% of the decisions. Not that he only cares for 5% and you only care for 5%. So a relationship where one party make the majority of the decisions is not unique and happens quite often.

 

My husband had that in his first marriage easily. He just hated it.

[Haydn]

My GF earns a tad more than me...(And well gifted in the brain dept)

 

But i`m pretty loaded as well (Quite a catch) Obviously....

 

But seriously I couldn`t be with someone whose life revolved around money though.

 

I know a few of these types and they bore me senseless.

 

Modesty is an attribute.