Caught me off guard

[m4p]

xMM called me at work suddenly and the whole conversation was so ridiculous and nerve wrecking i cant even.

 

He told me he changed his number which I didn't know obviously as we were on NC. He sounded wary and sad but at the same time was trying to be cheerful and acting like we are actually friends (we used to be friends before the A so he was trying to sound like how he sounded last time.)

 

Me? I was dumbstruck with shock at hearing his voice after so long.

 

Long story cut short. He told me he has been working things out with the W and trying to regain her trust again. And that from now on he is preventing any contact and platonic friendships with women. It sounds sleazy and weird for him to mention this but I know how his W is like and I know exactly what she will require him to do in their R. From what I know of him he just sounds bloody relieved to be making headway in having her forgiving him.

 

He said sorry again and again about everything and kept asking me how am I doing and that he had been trying hard to move on and it hadn't been easy for him at all but that is the right thing to do. and THEN, told me that he shouldn't even be calling me as he already promised not to hide anything from her.

 

Well good riddance to your long and arduous journey at attempting R.

 

I threw out a "poor you" dripping with sarcasm and he said "please don't be so negative. I really hope we can be friends if you would like to. It just has to be open and honest."

 

I said " yeah we could have lunch.. but wait, you are not allowed to have lunch with me alone right? i probably need to call an army of fellow friends so that it will be 'okay with the W'"

 

I am NOT going to have lunch with him, duh.

 

I think our A scared the hell out of him as he was really faced with almost losing his W. I know that I did meant something to him, but I also know that in the grand scheme of things, I never would have ever meant enough.

 

For the first time since Dday, I am so fking angry. Who is he to be fine and dandy and asking if we can be friends?!

 

It's hard to keep up the facade because we have many mutual friends (my colleagues).

 

I ended with "I don't think I can be friends with you at the moment but good luck and live your happy life happily."

 

I feel so spiteful and immature and frankly just humiliated. He probably thought that months had passed and it is okay to put things behind us. This phone call was a huge mistake.

 

After all the grief and one sided pain, this is the nail in the coffin. I was not holding out for anything, but this just seriously gave me clarity about getting my sh** together and JUST. STOP. WALLOWING.

 

I am crying in the office toilet and wishing that I never made the mistake of being with him in the first place.

 

I will be okay I guess. What an A-hole.

[Adoraxx]

((((((((((((((( M4p )))))))))))))))))) Hugs!!!!

Pfff this is such a typical MM thing what he did, it's totally something my xMM would do too. I think the wariness and sadness in his voice was totally fake whereas the cheerfulness was real. It's so so so annoying how he behaved!! Again, it sounds like something my xMM would do. I was laughing about your responses though, very good!! I especially liked where you said: "live your happy life happily" hahahaha!!!

 

I think you did very well. When was the last time before this time that you talked to him? It's very upsetting when they act like all is fine (in their world it probably is)

 

Hugs

 

 

xMM called me at work suddenly and the whole conversation was so ridiculous and nerve wrecking i cant even.

 

He told me he changed his number which I didn't know obviously as we were on NC. He sounded wary and sad but at the same time was trying to be cheerful and acting like we are actually friends (we used to be friends before the A so he was trying to sound like how he sounded last time.)

 

Me? I was dumbstruck with shock at hearing his voice after so long.

 

Long story cut short. He told me he has been working things out with the W and trying to regain her trust again. And that from now on he is preventing any contact and platonic friendships with women. It sounds sleazy and weird for him to mention this but I know how his W is like and I know exactly what she will require him to do in their R. From what I know of him he just sounds bloody relieved to be making headway in having her forgiving him.

 

He said sorry again and again about everything and kept asking me how am I doing and that he had been trying hard to move on and it hadn't been easy for him at all but that is the right thing to do. and THEN, told me that he shouldn't even be calling me as he already promised not to hide anything from her.

 

Well good riddance to your long and arduous journey at attempting R.

 

I threw out a "poor you" dripping with sarcasm and he said "please don't be so negative. I really hope we can be friends if you would like to. It just has to be open and honest."

 

I said " yeah we could have lunch.. but wait, you are not allowed to have lunch with me alone right? i probably need to call an army of fellow friends so that it will be 'okay with the W'"

 

I am NOT going to have lunch with him, duh.

 

I think our A scared the hell out of him as he was really faced with almost losing his W. I know that I did meant something to him, but I also know that in the grand scheme of things, I never would have ever meant enough.

 

For the first time since Dday, I am so fking angry. Who is he to be fine and dandy and asking if we can be friends?!

 

It's hard to keep up the facade because we have many mutual friends (my colleagues).

 

I ended with "I don't think I can be friends with you at the moment but good luck and live your happy life happily."

 

I feel so spiteful and immature and frankly just humiliated. He probably thought that months had passed and it is okay to put things behind us. This phone call was a huge mistake.

 

After all the grief and one sided pain, this is the nail in the coffin. I was not holding out for anything, but this just seriously gave me clarity about getting my sh** together and JUST. STOP. WALLOWING.

 

I am crying in the office toilet and wishing that I never made the mistake of being with him in the first place.

 

I will be okay I guess. What an A-hole.

[m4p]

((((((((((((((( M4p )))))))))))))))))) Hugs!!!!

Pfff this is such a typical MM thing what he did, it's totally something my xMM would do too. I think the wariness and sadness in his voice was totally fake whereas the cheerfulness was real. It's so so so annoying how he behaved!! Again, it sounds like something my xMM would do. I was laughing about your responses though, very good!! I especially liked where you said: "live your happy life happily" hahahaha!!!

 

I think you did very well. When was the last time before this time that you talked to him? It's very upsetting when they act like all is fine (in their world it probably is)

 

Hugs

 

Haha Adora, you are always so cute and chirpy. I am supposed to be all upset now but I actually feel better reading your reply. Thank you.

 

The last time we spoke was a few months ago where we agreed on NC. He was much more emotional then, and the whole conversation was much more melodramatic (it was only 1 month post Dday then).

 

I feel a marked difference in today's conversation vs 3 months ago.

 

His world is probably really okay now so it just makes me annoyed and angry instinctively.

 

We had always been sarcastic towards each other (lots of digs and puns) so he probably know that I do not appreciate his "full report update about R with the precious W".

 

So damn pissed off and I don't know why too. No pain no gain.

 

Hugs!!

[LovelyBrown]

xMM called me at work suddenly and the whole conversation was so ridiculous and nerve wrecking i cant even.

 

He told me he changed his number which I didn't know obviously as we were on NC. He sounded wary and sad but at the same time was trying to be cheerful and acting like we are actually friends (we used to be friends before the A so he was trying to sound like how he sounded last time.)

 

Me? I was dumbstruck with shock at hearing his voice after so long.

 

Long story cut short. He told me he has been working things out with the W and trying to regain her trust again. And that from now on he is preventing any contact and platonic friendships with women. It sounds sleazy and weird for him to mention this but I know how his W is like and I know exactly what she will require him to do in their R. From what I know of him he just sounds bloody relieved to be making headway in having her forgiving him.

 

He said sorry again and again about everything and kept asking me how am I doing and that he had been trying hard to move on and it hadn't been easy for him at all but that is the right thing to do. and THEN, told me that he shouldn't even be calling me as he already promised not to hide anything from her.

 

Well good riddance to your long and arduous journey at attempting R.

 

I threw out a "poor you" dripping with sarcasm and he said "please don't be so negative. I really hope we can be friends if you would like to. It just has to be open and honest."

 

I said " yeah we could have lunch.. but wait, you are not allowed to have lunch with me alone right? i probably need to call an army of fellow friends so that it will be 'okay with the W'"

 

I am NOT going to have lunch with him, duh.

 

I think our A scared the hell out of him as he was really faced with almost losing his W. I know that I did meant something to him, but I also know that in the grand scheme of things, I never would have ever meant enough.

 

For the first time since Dday, I am so fking angry. Who is he to be fine and dandy and asking if we can be friends?!

 

It's hard to keep up the facade because we have many mutual friends (my colleagues).

 

I ended with "I don't think I can be friends with you at the moment but good luck and live your happy life happily."

 

I feel so spiteful and immature and frankly just humiliated. He probably thought that months had passed and it is okay to put things behind us. This phone call was a huge mistake.

 

After all the grief and one sided pain, this is the nail in the coffin. I was not holding out for anything, but this just seriously gave me clarity about getting my sh** together and JUST. STOP. WALLOWING.

 

I am crying in the office toilet and wishing that I never made the mistake of being with him in the first place.

 

I will be okay I guess. What an A-hole.

 

Wahhhh!!! I think you did great! Good for you. I wish I had said something like this^^ to my MOM when he unexpectedly waltzed into my office. Stay strong, these men can be such jerks.

[m4p]

Wahhhh!!! I think you did great! Good for you. I wish I had said something like this^^ to my MOM when he unexpectedly waltzed into my office. Stay strong, these men can be such jerks.

 

Aww thanks.. that spurt of bravado was only because I was feeling so angry. I was actually shaking and kinda broke down after the call.. lol. Thought I was gonna have a panic attack. So much for being strong.

 

I truly feel just how selfish they are now. not gonna defend him anymore.

[LovelyBrown]

Aww thanks.. that spurt of bravado was only because I was feeling so angry. I was actually shaking and kinda broke down after the call.. lol. Thought I was gonna have a panic attack. So much for being strong.

 

I truly feel just how selfish they are now. not gonna defend him anymore.

 

I don't know why they have the need to dig the knife even further in!

Sorry you cried, he doesn't deserve any of your tears. I don't cry often/ever I have once since all this started, but I think I cried more out of cheer sadness than because of him (I know, confusing).

You were strong! He doesn't know you cried.

[gettingstronger]

I read your post several times and honestly, see nothing mean or immature on your part- at all

 

I find it mean and selfish for him to call out of the blue for what boils down to no reason at all- he had nothing new to offer you so disrupting your healing was uncalled for and mean-

[Adoraxx]

Haha Adora, you are always so cute and chirpy. I am supposed to be all upset now but I actually feel better reading your reply. Thank you.

 

The last time we spoke was a few months ago where we agreed on NC. He was much more emotional then, and the whole conversation was much more melodramatic (it was only 1 month post Dday then).

 

I feel a marked difference in today's conversation vs 3 months ago.

 

His world is probably really okay now so it just makes me annoyed and angry instinctively.

 

We had always been sarcastic towards each other (lots of digs and puns) so he probably know that I do not appreciate his "full report update about R with the precious W".

 

So damn pissed off and I don't know why too. No pain no gain.

 

Hugs!!

 

LOL Good to hear that you're feeling a little better .

 

These MM piss me off too!!!!! Of course it makes you annoyed and angry when you notice how great he's doing whereas you're still feeling sad about it all!

 

Who does he think he is with his 'full report update about R with the precious W' ???? As if you couldn't wait to hear about THAT!!

 

I had been 22 days NC with my MM (he is my neighbor) today, but I had to go outside this afternoon. Before I left, I made sure that I had seen him leave for work, and another ten minutes after that, I left the house myself . But guess who was waiting for a different ride (not the usual ride that leaves earlier) , hiding behind some bushes??? Yes, xMM!!

 

He waved at me and I had to wave back but then I purposely turned my back towards him and walked to my car (normally I would have gone to him for a little chat). And then I arrived at my car, and xMM had moved up to the street as well and had the nerve to ask me: "How are you?" while looking all happy and pleased! This is xMM who told me the last time we talked that he is 'crazy about W and loves her sooooooooo much'. I just mumbled something ( he was still a distance away and it was storming so he didn't really hear me) and then I busied myself with my car again and when I looked up again, he was gone because the guy from work had picked him up.

 

Anyways, just wanted to say that I hated seeing him and that I'm just as annoyed as you because of him acting like all is well in his little world!!!

 

hugs!!

[Popsicle]

xMM called me at work suddenly and the whole conversation was so ridiculous and nerve wrecking i cant even.

 

He told me he changed his number which I didn't know obviously as we were on NC. He sounded wary and sad but at the same time was trying to be cheerful and acting like we are actually friends (we used to be friends before the A so he was trying to sound like how he sounded last time.)

 

Me? I was dumbstruck with shock at hearing his voice after so long.

 

Long story cut short. He told me he has been working things out with the W and trying to regain her trust again. And that from now on he is preventing any contact and platonic friendships with women. It sounds sleazy and weird for him to mention this but I know how his W is like and I know exactly what she will require him to do in their R. From what I know of him he just sounds bloody relieved to be making headway in having her forgiving him.

 

He said sorry again and again about everything and kept asking me how am I doing and that he had been trying hard to move on and it hadn't been easy for him at all but that is the right thing to do. and THEN, told me that he shouldn't even be calling me as he already promised not to hide anything from her.

 

Well good riddance to your long and arduous journey at attempting R.

 

I threw out a "poor you" dripping with sarcasm and he said "please don't be so negative. I really hope we can be friends if you would like to. It just has to be open and honest."

 

I said " yeah we could have lunch.. but wait, you are not allowed to have lunch with me alone right? i probably need to call an army of fellow friends so that it will be 'okay with the W'"

 

I am NOT going to have lunch with him, duh.

 

I think our A scared the hell out of him as he was really faced with almost losing his W. I know that I did meant something to him, but I also know that in the grand scheme of things, I never would have ever meant enough.

 

For the first time since Dday, I am so fking angry. Who is he to be fine and dandy and asking if we can be friends?!

 

It's hard to keep up the facade because we have many mutual friends (my colleagues).

 

I ended with "I don't think I can be friends with you at the moment but good luck and live your happy life happily."

 

I feel so spiteful and immature and frankly just humiliated. He probably thought that months had passed and it is okay to put things behind us. This phone call was a huge mistake.

 

After all the grief and one sided pain, this is the nail in the coffin. I was not holding out for anything, but this just seriously gave me clarity about getting my sh** together and JUST. STOP. WALLOWING.

 

I am crying in the office toilet and wishing that I never made the mistake of being with him in the first place.

 

I will be okay I guess. What an A-hole.

 

Another one....who calls again after breaking it off, sounding all confused.

This sort of thing makes you feel every emotion under the sun, but it will help you ultimately.

I recommend resisting slipping back into a full fledge A (same for "friendship") and remains NC, or at the most, distant and very LC. Like acquaintances.

 

You're a hero in my world mp4.

Edited June 2, 2015 by Popsicle

[Southern Sun]

You know what?

 

He is a total jerk for calling you.

 

That was some sort of fishing attempt. Is she still there? Can I still get to her? Might we still have something?

 

Ugh. It comes down to this - he just must not consider your feelings AT ALL. Nor his wife's. He's like a toddler. He wanted to call, so he called.

 

I'm proud of you. It's nice to have validation that you are doing the right thing.

[the_artist_1970]

xMM called me at work suddenly and the whole conversation was so ridiculous and nerve wrecking i cant even.

 

He told me he changed his number which I didn't know obviously as we were on NC. He sounded wary and sad but at the same time was trying to be cheerful and acting like we are actually friends (we used to be friends before the A so he was trying to sound like how he sounded last time.)

 

Me? I was dumbstruck with shock at hearing his voice after so long.

 

Long story cut short. He told me he has been working things out with the W and trying to regain her trust again. And that from now on he is preventing any contact and platonic friendships with women. It sounds sleazy and weird for him to mention this but I know how his W is like and I know exactly what she will require him to do in their R. From what I know of him he just sounds bloody relieved to be making headway in having her forgiving him.

 

He said sorry again and again about everything and kept asking me how am I doing and that he had been trying hard to move on and it hadn't been easy for him at all but that is the right thing to do. and THEN, told me that he shouldn't even be calling me as he already promised not to hide anything from her.

 

Well good riddance to your long and arduous journey at attempting R.

 

I threw out a "poor you" dripping with sarcasm and he said "please don't be so negative. I really hope we can be friends if you would like to. It just has to be open and honest."

 

I said " yeah we could have lunch.. but wait, you are not allowed to have lunch with me alone right? i probably need to call an army of fellow friends so that it will be 'okay with the W'"

 

I am NOT going to have lunch with him, duh.

 

I think our A scared the hell out of him as he was really faced with almost losing his W. I know that I did meant something to him, but I also know that in the grand scheme of things, I never would have ever meant enough.

 

For the first time since Dday, I am so fking angry. Who is he to be fine and dandy and asking if we can be friends?!

 

It's hard to keep up the facade because we have many mutual friends (my colleagues).

 

I ended with "I don't think I can be friends with you at the moment but good luck and live your happy life happily."

 

I feel so spiteful and immature and frankly just humiliated. He probably thought that months had passed and it is okay to put things behind us. This phone call was a huge mistake.

 

After all the grief and one sided pain, this is the nail in the coffin. I was not holding out for anything, but this just seriously gave me clarity about getting my sh** together and JUST. STOP. WALLOWING.

 

I am crying in the office toilet and wishing that I never made the mistake of being with him in the first place.

 

I will be okay I guess. What an A-hole.

 

Why couldn't he just leave you alone and allow you to heal. What a selfish pig. You were way to nice to him. He didn't deserve that. Who the h3ll wants to hear about him and his W.

[jwi71]

You know what?

 

He is a total jerk for calling you.

 

That was some sort of fishing attempt. Is she still there? Can I still get to her? Might we still have something?

 

Ugh. It comes down to this - he just must not consider your feelings AT ALL. Nor his wife's. He's like a toddler. He wanted to call, so he called.

 

I'm proud of you. It's nice to have validation that you are doing the right thing.

 

How many people want to bet the new phone is a burner that the W has no clue of? And ditto for the call...unless one is prepared to believe he asked his W if he can call his xAP to ask her to lunch.

 

Fishing expedition.

 

And, as SS pointed out...MM's RARELY truly look after the AP. One need only examine who the MM truly protects with the secrecy (it isnt the AP - or even the W)

[Popsicle]

He is hurting and missing you but you can't give into this, not as a punishment, but because given that his decision is made, the healing has to keep moving forward for the both of you and in the right direction, and that is best done without being in each other's lives.

[goodgirlgonebad15]

How many people want to bet the new phone is a burner that the W has no clue of? And ditto for the call...unless one is prepared to believe he asked his W if he can call his xAP to ask her to lunch.

 

Fishing expedition.

 

And, as SS pointed out...MM's RARELY truly look after the AP. One need only examine who the MM truly protects with the secrecy (it isnt the AP - or even the W)

 

I agree 100%. Did he not say he shouldn't be hiding things from his wife during their R?? Well he is doing just that. Did he tell her he was planning to call you, apologize to you multiple times and then ask you out to lunch? Will she be invited to said lunch? If not, then this is not a true R and the sad part is the wife probably thinks different.

 

He is fishing but by letting you know that "good" status of his marriage, he wants you to expect less.

 

He has not changed or grown in the past 3 months...he basically waited until things simmered down at home and then wasted no time to reach out to you...this guy is just going to keep doing this. 3 months seems to be the usual "cool down, wait for the wife to calm down" time frame.

 

Do these men really have a playbook they go by???

[C2681]

Your threads caught me, and I had to create an account because I am going through this. A little over 8 months post D-Day, but I work in the same team... Literally two feet away. I feel for you and the fact that he called makes me angry for you. Why does he continue to try to pull you in? I thought after a few months it would be easier, but each day I have to get up to go to work, walk by him and hear his voice and see him watching me. I hope you can stay strong at work, I've been in the toilet as well trying to pull myself together... I just hope you can put this behind you and keep pushing forward. Honestly reading your threads are my hope that I can do it to.

[m4p]

I don't know why they have the need to dig the knife even further in!

Sorry you cried, he doesn't deserve any of your tears. I don't cry often/ever I have once since all this started, but I think I cried more out of cheer sadness than because of him (I know, confusing).

You were strong! He doesn't know you cried.

 

He doesn't know and he will never know anymore that I shed tears for him. What a waste of my tears and energy but I just couldn't help it. Thank you! (and I get the whole crying out of sheer sadness thing) *hugs*

[m4p]

I read your post several times and honestly, see nothing mean or immature on your part- at all

 

I find it mean and selfish for him to call out of the blue for what boils down to no reason at all- he had nothing new to offer you so disrupting your healing was uncalled for and mean-

 

I actually *forgot* to be angry that he broke NC to feed me a whole load of crap. Maybe he thinks that things are actually alright (eg. he and W reconciling, me recovering and okay to be FRIENDS).. I don't know what fantasy world is he living in.

 

I do know that he is often in denial and has a habit of pretending that I am okay whenever I show any negativity.

[m4p]

Another one....who calls again after breaking it off, sounding all confused.

This sort of thing makes you feel every emotion under the sun, but it will help you ultimately.

I recommend resisting slipping back into a full fledge A (same for "friendship") and remains NC, or at the most, distant and very LC. Like acquaintances.

 

You're a hero in my world mp4.

 

He is hurting and missing you but you can't give into this, not as a punishment, but because given that his decision is made, the healing has to keep moving forward for the both of you and in the right direction, and that is best done without being in each other's lives.

 

Popsicle... you've been here since D-day.. and you are very right. I am feeling every emotion under the sun. I am feeling very confused. I want to clear my head and not be clouded by my emotions for him anymore.

 

His phonecall was extremely destructive to the fragile wall I've managed to build up for the past few months. There is no way this will slip back into a full fledge A. Fishing or not, I am pretty sure he doesn't want me anymore.

 

We both maintained that we want to heal, and he supposedly told me that he will do anything to help me heal, if that means NC. So I have no idea why he broke it to tell me. Is he confused too?

 

I have been slowly transitioning from yearning and longing for him..... to now just hoping he will get out of my life and never appear again.

 

We could have been great friends, lots of specific common interests etc... but that's just never happening anymore.

 

I am so sick of all the sentiments and tip-toeing around dealing with him.

 

I am so sick of his selfishness. I had always been peaceful and supportive. that's just who I am to everyone. He really genuinely thinks that I am okay, and will be okay to hear about his W and him.

 

This hurts so bad. What am I?

[m4p]

You know what?

 

He is a total jerk for calling you.

 

That was some sort of fishing attempt. Is she still there? Can I still get to her? Might we still have something?

 

Ugh. It comes down to this - he just must not consider your feelings AT ALL. Nor his wife's. He's like a toddler. He wanted to call, so he called.

 

I'm proud of you. It's nice to have validation that you are doing the right thing.

 

Thanks SS, I have no idea what is his intention but it is disruptive to me. Now I can't even muster the strength to contact him and ask him to not contact me ever againn. Lol. what a lame situation.

 

Will an xMM fish even if he has zero intentions to revive the A ever again? Is it just an ego boost?

 

I did remark though,"am i your source of entertainment?"

 

I have never been more sure of what is the right thing to do.

 

 

How many people want to bet the new phone is a burner that the W has no clue of? And ditto for the call...unless one is prepared to believe he asked his W if he can call his xAP to ask her to lunch.

 

Fishing expedition.

 

And, as SS pointed out...MM's RARELY truly look after the AP. One need only examine who the MM truly protects with the secrecy (it isnt the AP - or even the W)

 

Thanks for the reminder. It all just boils down to how selfish he is. He forgot just how broken I was a few months ago. He is probably just in denial as usual, and hoping that I am okay so that he can move on without any guilt. Thanks but no thanks.

 

I dont think that it is a burner phone though. After the phone call he mass sent a text stating that he has changed his number, and a few of my colleagues commented on it- both guys and girls.

 

I just need to reiterate to myself that HE NEVER PROTECTED ME. Not from harm, hurt, exposure, pain or anything. Nothing was for my benefit even if he did not have any bad intentions.

 

God.

[m4p]

 

Anyways, just wanted to say that I hated seeing him and that I'm just as annoyed as you because of him acting like all is well in his little world!!!

 

hugs!!

 

Why couldn't he just leave you alone and allow you to heal. What a selfish pig. You were way to nice to him. He didn't deserve that. Who the h3ll wants to hear about him and his W.

 

Thanks ladies for being so indignant on my behalf. I wished I told him off. Instead I sat there and listened to him and felt like my heart was about to explode from beating so hard. I was honestly freaking out and feeling very scared.

 

I wished he left me alone. I do hope that he will not contact me again anymore. I want to leave behind all these nonsense and be happy again without his shadow looming over it.

 

Thank you so much!!

[m4p]

I agree 100%. Did he not say he shouldn't be hiding things from his wife during their R?? Well he is doing just that. Did he tell her he was planning to call you, apologize to you multiple times and then ask you out to lunch? Will she be invited to said lunch? If not, then this is not a true R and the sad part is the wife probably thinks different.

 

He is fishing but by letting you know that "good" status of his marriage, he wants you to expect less.

 

He has not changed or grown in the past 3 months...he basically waited until things simmered down at home and then wasted no time to reach out to you...this guy is just going to keep doing this. 3 months seems to be the usual "cool down, wait for the wife to calm down" time frame.

 

Do these men really have a playbook they go by???

 

I am in disgust. This might possibly be true. His words are just crazy contradictions. don't worry the irony was never lost on me- him calling me and asking to be friends when there is no way we should be talking like this or even having lunch alone together anymore. He made that clear that he wants to do the right thing. So why the f are you calling me? that's why I was being so sarcastic.

 

I am no longer expecting anything. I just feel sick.

[m4p]

Your threads caught me, and I had to create an account because I am going through this. A little over 8 months post D-Day, but I work in the same team... Literally two feet away. I feel for you and the fact that he called makes me angry for you. Why does he continue to try to pull you in? I thought after a few months it would be easier, but each day I have to get up to go to work, walk by him and hear his voice and see him watching me. I hope you can stay strong at work, I've been in the toilet as well trying to pull myself together... I just hope you can put this behind you and keep pushing forward. Honestly reading your threads are my hope that I can do it to.

 

 

Hello and welcome!

 

As you can see I had been wallowing happily for the past few months and am actually starting to heal- but he just had to do this.

 

We used to work together too until he changed jobs half a year ago. I simply cannot imagine working with xAP. Having everything ended but still needing to put up a false front and pretend that you didn't know him intimately. You know how things change the moment you touched each other? It leaves a mark on you and things will never be the same again.

 

I loathe to know that you have been doing this for the past 8 months. sheesh! Was there a D-Day? Is there a way to switch team/change jobs? You have to get out of his presence or else you'll never heal.. Either that or you'll have to wait for the stage of indifference which might take a looooooong while or maybe never.

 

Sending you lots of hugs and stay strong!!

[Ronnie33]

He was definitely fishing and wanted to see how you acted towards him. I'm sure he misses you and the friendship. Even though he is working on his marriage there is still a part if him that wishes he could have you there as well but he can't.

 

Trust me, I know how bad this hurts.

[m4p]

He was definitely fishing and wanted to see how you acted towards him. I'm sure he misses you and the friendship. Even though he is working on his marriage there is still a part if him that wishes he could have you there as well but he can't.

 

Trust me, I know how bad this hurts.

 

Selfish prick. I wish he no longer has this power to hurt me. It really does. I was thrown back into a whirlwind of confusion and emotions which I have been trying to block for the last few months

[m4p]

I really hate this situation so much.

 

I thought I was able to rise above emotions and I actually stopped obsessing and overanalyzing weeks ago.

 

Now I'm starting to question my sanity and going through what he said, what he meant, the nuances, the words used. Do I hate him? Do I pity him for his denial? Does he actually think he is in control of this and we all go happily riding into the sunset- separately?

 

I can't believe he downplayed all the pain I went through.

 

Granted, I've always said it takes 2 hands to clap and I too participated in the A knowing what to expect. But as a human being and if you call yourself a friend..... Why?

 

I am sorry guys for the senseless ramblings. I really have no one to speak to. It's hard pretending everything is okay. My IC sessions aren't getting anywhere because I have this compulsive need to analyze the A (or end of it) but the counsellor is always focusing on me and my psyche towards dealing with relationships in general. It's always so general and text book but I didn't have the mental clarity to protest or change direction.

 

It's just all so tiring.