tic404 Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 Okay here is my situation..my ex girlfriend and i were together for over 2 years. I was in love with this girl, she was my heart, my everything. Then all of a sudden she started being very mean to me, we were constantly arguing. Then she decided to cheat so we broke up. Moving on to a month after we broke up, her sister passed suddenly. I was there for her through the entire process right after it happened. Moving on later on to a couple weeks ago after losing contact with her, she got in contact with one of my friends saying that she misses me and she wants me back. A week ago she took me to dinner and basically told me how she felt about me and that she realizes that there is no one out there for her but me. She did tell me that she have been intimate with another guy, but i have been intimate with other women as well, so i cant get mad at her. But here is the real deal, There is the girl who is VERY interested in me, she treats me better than my ex ever did, but my ex for some reason still has my heart though. I dont know if she wants to come back because she really misses me, or she knows i have someone else, or she wants me to spoil her like i used to and she misses that. I may try to test her and see if this is real but i dont know what to do yet. HELLLP Link to post Share on other sites
snoop_dawg22 Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 It will not be a good idea to get with the new girl knowing that your ex still has your heart and wondering what if. I do believe in second chances and if you're willing to risk getting hurt again then I'd say go for it. The reasons for her wanting you back are unclear to you but I wouldn't recommend playing games. You should honestly open up to her and let her know where you stand. I wouldn't mention the other girl to her though. It should be about you and her and no one else. Just my 2 pennies. Link to post Share on other sites
60sdreamgirl Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 just curious tic, but suppose ya did get together with this new girl, started getting real involved with her, and then suddenly your ex comes back wanting you. what would u do then? i like the what ifs, makes life more interestin Link to post Share on other sites
Author tic404 Posted April 26, 2005 Author Share Posted April 26, 2005 thats actually the situation now...me and the new girl has been hanging out...she's falling in love with me faster than i am with her because my ex still has a little piece of my heart...that is exactly the situation..now here she comes wanting to come back now. Link to post Share on other sites
Ty Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 In a situation like that there is really no advice anyone can give you. Follow your heart and use your head. Do what is going to make you happy. I'm sure you will do the right thing. If you do decide to get back with the ex, don't take her back immediately, take it slow to make sure that it is what you want. Also, atleast she was honest with you and told you she has been intimate with another person. Link to post Share on other sites
60sdreamgirl Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 Ty, whaddya mean take it slow? if u take it too slow u risk having her think u are over her. and although she'll be hurt her friends will tell her to move on and such.... at least that's what i think, lol Link to post Share on other sites
60sdreamgirl Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 hey tic one more thing, how are ya gonna test her? if she keeps coming back to u wont it make her look desperate? or atleast she might feel like she's being desperate and may pull away at first! so how's the ex supposed to act to show she still really cares and pass the "test"? she may be wondering what's goin through your head now! were you thinking even of NC too? ahhh these situations... Link to post Share on other sites
Ty Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 I mean take it slow as in don't take her back right away. Because if he does then she knows she can just go do this again. Link to post Share on other sites
sunlight Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 The fact that you can even think of leaving a girl that treats you good, for your ex. I would definitly break it off with her. Its not fair to her at all. Plus, think of what she would do if her ex came back, how would you feel to have lost her. Also think, your ex could break your heart, you realize you do love this new girl, but now she is gone and probably wont be back. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 Originally posted by tic404 A week ago she took me to dinner and basically told me how she felt about me and that she realizes that there is no one out there for her but me. No s.h.i.t... because no one else wants her. Think about it. Stick with the new girl -- she treats you better. The ex got what she deserved. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tic404 Posted April 26, 2005 Author Share Posted April 26, 2005 thats what i was going to do IF i am to take her back...she would not get the things that she used to get when we were together especiallly after what happened. But at the same time...the new girl is really in love with me. I am starting to like her also but I just dont know yet about her but I do know that I still do love my ex though..I dont know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 I recommend you check out this thread... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t61421/ Don't do anything stupid until you check it out. This one too... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=61363 Link to post Share on other sites
60sdreamgirl Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 u got two options: give this new girl a chance, and risk losing your ex for good; go back to your ex and give that a second chance, and risk losing the new girl (for good). it's all about taking chances here and assessing what u value most. what traits did you like in your ex? in the new girl? compare em. ps- i'm just curious tic, but what would ur ex have to do to prove she's for real to you? to make u feel like "oh man i actually DO want to get back with her"? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tic404 Posted April 27, 2005 Author Share Posted April 27, 2005 not really sure about that yet. Link to post Share on other sites
gulliver7 Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 i know how you feel man. except i cheated on my ex. i wanted her back badly, but eventually got another girl. now my ex wants me back and i don't know how to deal. you love her, but you also love the new girl who cares for you a lot. it's a tough call. i know it would be real brave to just go back to my ex and see if things work out instead of take the comfortable route and stick with the new girl. because my ex and i really connected. i don't know how much of a connection you had with your ex.. Link to post Share on other sites
wishfulthinking76 Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Personally if she dumped you in the first place it was because she thought she could do better (aka she took you for granted). Now that she is alone she can't find anyone who treats her as well. Trust me ... one of my girlfriends did this to a guy ... he took her back and after 2 months she again found someone else and left him. She just didn't appreciate what a great guy she had. Although your ex regrets hurting you now whose to say that she won't take you for granted again in a couple of months and again break your heart. Change takes time and if it is meant to be then you'll run into her again in a few years when she really has had time to realize how great you really were and learns how to appreciate people. My advice is to move on knowing that she was an idiot for not seeing your true worth! Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 ok heres my 2 cents. let your old g/f know that yes, there is new girl. let her know the gravity of what has happened between you. (the ex and yourself) tell her calmly that she left your heart and mind open to protect itself and to cope and be open to new love. but that she still has a piece of your heart but that she will lose you forever if she takes you for granted again. that you dont want her to walk on eggshells, but that you have been affected by all this. be honest with the new girl and let her know you have unfinished or settled feelings for your ex and it wont be fair to her till you see what that is all about. that before things go further, you want to fully understand what remains between the ex and yourself. the reason why i would suggest this is that . then only if you can really be open to it without too much resentment going on..or perhaps any (that would be best)...give it all you have between you for a certain time period. let your ex know that there are core things you wont tolerate and be upfront about what they are. cheating..etc. let her know outright you are giving her this chance and that there may be a time limit on how long you will wait to see if this can be fixed. (this is all if you decide you really want to give it one more try) if not... go on with the new girl, and still tell her you are not fully healed and you dont want her to be a rebound. and that you cant totally commit and keep the relationship as light as you can. IF there is anything to remain or worth in being friends with the ex..then try starting new and tell her you want to be real friends but that youre not perfect and may not be able to see it through till you understand your own feelings. and let her know that if you get further involved with the new girl there may not be a friendship left to carry on either if that becomes a problem that bleeds over into furture successful romantic relationships. i think your ex really appreciated the support she got from you during her loss. i also think she may be realizing what she has. you may be more attractive to her based on those 2 things. sometimes it takes stepping back and being humbled to know what we have. if that is the case, why not have another chance? its risky to your heart yes. but you dont sound like youre really ready to jump into new found love yet..are you? you are questioning it...so..you dont sound sure. but maybe you are just leary about leaving the old comfort zone behind and starting anew. the idea is to really take a breath, step back and ask yourself who you to be with?i know this is a tough decision. but really think about it..... sometimes they say................ advise is something we ask for when we already know the answer and wish we didnt (erica jong) oh PS. very important. call me crazy but...............Go with your heart, not your head. pps. in the end the best thing to do might be to not date either of these girls (really i think that is the best) and take time out and let them both know thats what you are doing to get your head together. sometimes alone time makes us hear an inner voice thats the wisest. and if no one waits for you duruing these tough times that youre going through, while you are NOT daing anyone, then you will know...who feels for you the most. because you are not cheating or stringing people along till you figure it out. so no one can resent you. and you get time out to think. and do what is best for YOU. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author tic404 Posted May 1, 2005 Author Share Posted May 1, 2005 i really appreciate that advice..that was very deep....the new girl is madly in love with me...she would do anything for me...but the ex still have a lil piece of my heart though.. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 Originally posted by tic404 Okay here is my situation..my ex girlfriend and i were together for over 2 years. I was in love with this girl, she was my heart, my everything. Then all of a sudden she started being very mean to me, we were constantly arguing. Then she decided to cheat so we broke up. Moving on to a month after we broke up, her sister passed suddenly. I was there for her through the entire process right after it happened. Moving on later on to a couple weeks ago after losing contact with her, she got in contact with one of my friends saying that she misses me and she wants me back. A week ago she took me to dinner and basically told me how she felt about me and that she realizes that there is no one out there for her but me. She did tell me that she have been intimate with another guy, but i have been intimate with other women as well, so i cant get mad at her. But here is the real deal, There is the girl who is VERY interested in me, she treats me better than my ex ever did, but my ex for some reason still has my heart though. I dont know if she wants to come back because she really misses me, or she knows i have someone else, or she wants me to spoil her like i used to and she misses that. I may try to test her and see if this is real but i dont know what to do yet. HELLLP RUN, don't walk, as far away from her as possible! She is a game-player, and she cheated on you. Plus you have what seems like a better prospect available, are you nuts? I would break off all contact immediately with your ex, and go for this other woman. Nothing like meeting a new woman to get over an old one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tic404 Posted May 11, 2005 Author Share Posted May 11, 2005 hey guys just to give you an update..im am going to follow most of you guys advice and stick with the new girl..my ex and i got into an argument today which proves basically that she has not changed at all. She seems to be very childish but yet she claims that she missed me and she has changed. But i really dont think that this is the case. I realize that i have someone much better in my life and I am going to enjoy her. Link to post Share on other sites
fundamental Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by tic404 thats what i was going to do IF i am to take her back...she would not get the things that she used to get when we were together especiallly after what happened. But at the same time...the new girl is really in love with me. I am starting to like her also but I just dont know yet about her but I do know that I still do love my ex though..I dont know what to do. Simple: Tell your ex, you would like some time to sort out your head, just like she did. Have no contact with the ex for say weeks or a couple months. Spend time with this new girl. If the new girl is for you, you will like her more and you won't need your ex. If you don't like the new girl in a few months, or if she ends up being something you don't want, then end it. Your ex may or may not be waiting. But I say give the new girl a chance and have no contact with your ex or else you are going to like both women and then end up with none when it's all over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tic404 Posted May 16, 2005 Author Share Posted May 16, 2005 another update guys...how about my ex graduated from college but she didnt tell me about it..i had to find out from someone else that she was graduating..so when i asked her about not letting me know that she says "why should she let me know" so I said "okay" and hung up the phone...so I was having a good day with me new friend and i get a voice message on her phone it was th ex upset because i didnt call to congratulate her on her graduation...this girl is strange...she didnt invite me to the graduation but she was upset that i didnt call her to congratulate her..thats why i am giving the new girl a chance..and things are working out between us so well..we are so much alike..we have went to dave and busters 5 times..i couldnt get my ex to go even once...so i dont know what to say about the ex..but i am happy with the new girl Link to post Share on other sites
iwishiknewthen Posted May 20, 2005 Share Posted May 20, 2005 good luck with the new girl. sounds like you are happy. just a little note here: lots of times, females THINK you should just simply KNOW EVERYTHING. your ex probably thinks you should have known or heard about her graduation if you were "really" interested in her. please dont make the mistake that she is the only female who thinks like this. she probably felt you why didnt you magically know about the graduation and contact her? sometimes us woman feel if you care you will find out. i know this isnt logical and i have matured and learned men dont just know everything (lol). everyone has their side. i am glad you are happy! but i will bet my bottom dollar your ex really does miss u. just too immature to express it..properly. Link to post Share on other sites
ron Posted June 2, 2005 Share Posted June 2, 2005 please run, from this human hell she will never change. keep the new one please Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyandnonexistant Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 Originally posted by tic404 She did tell me that she have been intimate with another guy. well this is happening with me right now. she met this new guy and cheated on you. things didn't work out between the two of them so now she is using you as a puppet to fall back on. good choice on staying with the new girl, because your ex would have used you like a puppet. if your partnerl meets a new partner, dont ever let them know you have feelings for them still because they think if things dont work out with the new person then they can fall back on you. thats my opinion and my parents told me the same thing in the last week cuz my ex is tryign to do this to me right now. also it happened to my friends and ive seen it. and they use u until they find a new person. Link to post Share on other sites
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