norudder Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 (edited) How many of you confused feeling special with love? I did. Exmm said and did a lot of nice things but I realize a lot of it was about him and looking good, keeping me around, and some of the things weren't really all that out of the ordinary that he wouldn't do for anyone else just to be nice. I don't think "true" love is possible in an affair. If it is it won't be an A for long. I didn't realize men/mm can mean many things when they say they love you. It can mean I'm attracted to you, I enjoy your company, I'm having fun right now, lots of things other than what women usually mean and value love as. Is it unrealistic to want someone to be able to verbalize what they love about you? My exh said he loved that I was patient w him. Exmm said he loved that his wife learned to dance for him. He loved that I conversed with him. Seems its about them and what they get. Not about the women as individuals. Is this how it usually is or have I just not experienced differently? Should it matter why someone loves us as long as we feel loved? I think exmm spoke my love language but it stopped making sense because I realized it was from a selfish place. Make sense? Edited June 2, 2015 by norudder 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Adoraxx Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 My xMM told me he loves me, but I think he only said it because he thought that that's what I wanted to hear in order to make me have sex with him again........... I don't believe his 'I love you's' anymore, yet at the same time it hurts to think that it was all lies........ 2 Link to post Share on other sites
goodgirlgonebad15 Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 How many of you confused feeling special with love? I did. Exmm said and did a lot of nice things but I realize a lot of it was about him and looking good, keeping me around, and some of the things weren't really all that out of the ordinary that he wouldn't do for anyone else just to be nice. I don't think "true" love is possible in an affair. If it is it won't be an A for long. I didn't realize men/mm can mean many things when they say they love you. It can mean I'm attracted to you, I enjoy your company, I'm having fun right now, lots of things other than what women usually mean and value love as. Is it unrealistic to want someone to be able to verbalize what they love about you? My exh said he loved that I was patient w him. Exmm said he loved that his wife learned to dance for him. He loved that I conversed with him. Seems its about them and what they get. Not about the women as individuals. Is this how it usually is or have I just not experienced differently? Should it matter why someone loves us as long as we feel loved? I think exmm spoke my love language but it stopped making sense because I realized it was from a selfish place. Make sense? You got it right here. This is the mistake. I do believe that some MM do have love for the OW, but what form that loves takes can be very different than what the OW thinks of love. And then is that love enough? This has been the problem with the L word since the dawn of time...it can mean soooo many different things, to different people. Men know how caught up women get in that word. They know what they are doing when they use it and the impact it has... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain2014 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 My xMM told me he loved me. I believe he did but he loved himself more. Love is sacrifice. When push came to shove, I became the sacrificial lamb. Affairs are about cowardice and selfishness. Neither is part of love. Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Affairs are about cowardice and selfishness. Neither is part of love. Then does that mean he doesn't love his wife either? Since it's selfishness and cowardice on both sides. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GirlStillStrong Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 I've been in a lot of relationships. I don't last too long in them because once I get past the exciting, infatuation stage, I can't believe what the guy thinks a relationship is. Most of the time, being in a relationship with a man has meant me having to suppress my own wants and needs and supporting the man in his life, his responsibilities, and his endeavours. I've found men to be very self-centered. As if I was placed on earth to focus all my time, attention and resources on some guy. I'm rather sick of it. One very responsible, well-rounded, male friend of mine once told me that he loves his wife and children very much and would do anything for them, but he has to force himself and purposely think about and consider their needs everyday. It's just not automatic for them. So, I think you're right and no, I don't think it's that you haven't experienced enough. The MM I've been involved with always tells me he loves me and how very much in love with me he is, as if this cancels out the fact that he is married and he is not providing the kind of relationship I want. I just had this conversation with him today, when he expected me to act as his GF but I refused. He just doesn't get it. There's an old poem you reminded me of, not sure who wrote it but it goes like this: Love, to a man, is a feeling, no more, no less. But love to a woman is a matter of life or death. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain2014 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Then does that mean he doesn't love his wife either? Since it's selfishness and cowardice on both sides. His act of cheating shows his desires are paramount so I'd say no. The difference is he shares history, potentially children, and so much more with his wife. There was a reason he married his wife. He held her in high esteem at some point to marry her. That doesn't go away simply because he chose to sleep with someone else. Again, men compartmentalize better than women. Women think the sex and adoring words mean everything. In reality, they mean something for those moments in time and do not erase the feelings a man has for his wife. The bank accounts, 401K plans, retirements, homes, children, and everything else that defines his security and lifestyle usually means more. Yes, that includes his wife. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
RJays7 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 The key to happy relationship is to put the other person first. Love is about giving everything you have to give, to another person without expecting anything in return, love should be selfless. Have you ever heard of 1 Corinthians 13 in the Bible? It tells all about what love should be and what we should aim for. It might help to google it and it will give you a great example of what love really is. Blessings to you and remember, you are incredibly loved! RJays7 Link to post Share on other sites
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