Never speaking to them again?

[Jonp219]

Lately, I just been thinking about my ex (No I'm not about to break NC). But although she's the one that initiated the break up, I feel like she'll never reach out to me again. I don't want to be friends, I don't want to message or call her, but it just bothers me. If she's anything like her mom who hold a grudge forever (she kind of is), then I highly doubt she'll ever reach out. I've been NC for about 2 months now, slowly approaching 4 months since the break up, and so far no breadcrumbs.

 

Also, (I know I shouldn't be doing this) but me and her follow some of the same pages on Instagram. Sometimes I look though the likes on these pages to see if she liked any of them. Normally I would see her like a lot of the same pictures I like, but it seems she's been completely inactive on social media. I don't look at her page because I blocked it, but still, it's like she died and fell off the face of the earth.

 

I know I shouldn't care, but you know, sometimes you can't help it. How do I go about dealing with these feelings and fears?

 

**Once again**, I'm not looking at ANY of her social media pages. These are just some things I've noticed that's all.

Edited June 2, 2015 by Jonp219

[RedButton]

It was the same for me. It's genuinely a scary thought for me to break contact forever with anyone. Especially someone who was once so close to you.

 

I think it's normal, there's a frightening finality about the idea of never speaking to them again.

 

It's much worse early on, just keep going and you'll see more and more that things are okay. I don't know what the circumstances will be for you later in life, maybe things will change, but you don't have to think in terms of forever yet. Just think that you won't contact today, and you won't contact tomorrow, take it one day at a time. You don't need to be thinking 'never again' just yet.

[Itspointless]

Lately, I just been thinking about my ex (No I'm not about to break NC). But although she's the one that initiated the break up, I feel like she'll never reach out to me again.

My first girlfriend was like that too. Although she cheated on me - she never told me - I added her to my Facebook many years later. She was happy I did. For me it was good too. Now it is fine to sometimes see a snippet of her life with husband and kid and occasionally wish her a happy birthday. The feelings are long gone, so is the girl she was back then.

[Ariess10]

Just think like I do, her not contacting you is her doing you a favor , a very good one at that.. We all know once the breakup happens it really never does go back to the way things were, and that's good because you broke up for a REASON .. Take it as a blessing

[Jonp219]

It was the same for me. It's genuinely a scary thought for me to break contact forever with anyone. Especially someone who was once so close to you.

 

I think it's normal, there's a frightening finality about the idea of never speaking to them again.

 

It's much worse early on, just keep going and you'll see more and more that things are okay. I don't know what the circumstances will be for you later in life, maybe things will change, but you don't have to think in terms of forever yet. Just think that you won't contact today, and you won't contact tomorrow, take it one day at a time. You don't need to be thinking 'never again' just yet.

 

It is a scary thought.

 

I suppose it's that lingering hope that sticks around in my head. I do want to speak to her, but then again, I don't want to talk to her if all we're going to be is friends. Even if years pass I still wouldn't consider friendship ( I haven't consider it for my other ex before her).

 

I guess there's still a lot of hurt feelings from both sides. Although I feel bad, I don't think I'm ready to have a conversation with her yet.

[Jonp219]

Just think like I do, her not contacting you is her doing you a favor , a very good one at that.. We all know once the breakup happens it really never does go back to the way things were, and that's good because you broke up for a REASON .. Take it as a blessing

 

I think people just tell themselves that to feel better. She never did me wrong for me to feel like it was a blessing.

[Itspointless]

Even if years pass I still wouldn't consider friendship ( I haven't consider it for my other ex before her).

Jon, with that example almost a decade had past. It wasn't perfect with her, but she played a important role in that part of my life. She also unconsciously made me avoid women for years, but that is another story.

[Jonp219]

Jon, with that example almost a decade had past. It wasn't perfect with her, but she played a important role in that part of my life. She also unconsciously made me avoid women for years, but that is another story.

 

Ok a decade is enough time lol

 

Mine didn't cheat on me, but I still have to live with the fact that I messed it up like a dummy. I think I would prefer if she cheated on me.

[jen1447]

It's the same as all your answers Jon - time.

 

The thought of never talking to or seeing someone you care about again is scary. The thought of never talking to or seeing someone you don't care about again isn't. Eventually you'll get to the don't care stage.

[Ariess10]

I think people just tell themselves that to feel better. She never did me wrong for me to feel like it was a blessing.

not at all, think about it YOUT BROKE UP FOR A ReASON, either your fault or hers your broke up .. You say she didn't do any wrong to you? But your here typing? i think that's wrong enough

[Jonp219]

It's the same as all your answers Jon - time.

 

The thought of never talking to or seeing someone you care about again is scary. The thought of never talking to or seeing someone you don't care about again isn't. Eventually you'll get to the don't care stage.

 

I feel like that day will never come. Unfortunately, I will always care.

[Jonp219]

not at all, think about it YOUT BROKE UP FOR A ReASON, either your fault or hers your broke up .. You say she didn't do any wrong to you? But your here typing? i think that's wrong enough

 

Of course there was reason, but still. I don't think it helps to be malicious about it when it wasn't even her fault. I think the reasons were fixable, but it took a break up for me to realize it. It's like realizing you could of saved someone from dying but you didn't because you were oblivious to what was going on around you at the time.

[jen1447]

I feel like that day will never come. Unfortunately, I will always care.

 

Actually you won't. The day will come. It may be years down the line, but that day always comes.

[brokengirl85]

I think it's scary to think you'll never heard from them again because you still actually have feelings.

It doesn't bitter to me to think ill never hear again some of my high school classmates or some members of my family just because I don't care at all about them.

You'll slowly came to a point where it really doesn't matter if she's holding a grunge or whatever. Her problem, not yours.

[Jonp219]

I think it's scary to think you'll never heard from them again because you still actually have feelings.

It doesn't bitter to me to think ill never hear again some of my high school classmates or some members of my family just because I don't care at all about them.

You'll slowly came to a point where it really doesn't matter if she's holding a grunge or whatever. Her problem, not yours.

 

Human emotions are so strange. If we eventually forget these people and learn not to care about them, then what drives someone to reconnect with an ex a year, 2 years, or even a decade down the line? Curiosity? Or are there feelings that still linger? My ex before this ex is engaged to a Marine right now and are expected to get married before the years end. Do I have feeling for her still? No. But if she were to break up with her fiance would I date her again? Yeah, I think so. My problem is I never dated anyone that I would deem as a horrible person. The feelings may go away but the regret to try and rewrite your wrongs stay with you forever. It doesn't matter how many women you date after them. Fixing my wrongs in a new relationship doesn't quite do it for me.

 

I blame all the break ups I've ever had on myself. Which is funny because I've never even cheated on a girl before, and you would think those are the reasons, but there not. I guess I'm just not easy to deal with or worth keeping. I guess they don't see me as a potential father to their future children. I don't know what the reasons are, but I wish I would just stop being who I am and fit into the norm a little more.

[Ariess10]

Or maybe they just weren't right for you? Things happen it's life you might go your whole life going from one relationship to the next , who knows but you gotta just let things go sometimes (I know easier said then done) .. My exs are my exs and that's where I plan to keep them in the past..

[Gemini_jo]

It's been 14+ months since I have spoken to her. You have to accept the reality that she will never speak to you again.

[Jonp219]

Or maybe they just weren't right for you? Things happen it's life you might go your whole life going from one relationship to the next , who knows but you gotta just let things go sometimes (I know easier said then done) .. My exs are my exs and that's where I plan to keep them in the past..

 

Eh nah not me. I would get back with either one of them if given the chance. Too many rats with wings in my city, it's rare when you run into that one dove.

[ASV]

Eh nah not me. I would get back with either one of them if given the chance. Too many rats with wings in my city, it's rare when you run into that one dove.

 

I hate to say this to you - believe me, I'm still on the same boat. But maybe they weren't real doves if they made you so much hurt.

 

Jon, move on. Be strong. Keep on working with things you may not embrace with illusion at the moment but eventually you will. Don't waste time. Post here often if you want, but stay focused on your motivations.

[Jonp219]

I hate to say this to you - believe me, I'm still on the same boat. But maybe they weren't real doves if they made you so much hurt.

 

Jon, move on. Be strong. Keep on working with things you may not embrace with illusion at the moment but eventually you will. Don't waste time. Post here often if you want, but stay focused on your motivations.

 

I don't have any motivations. In fact, I might just stay inside all summer and avoid making any human contact.

 

I've read some of the stuff you've written here since you arrived. And correct me if I'm wrong, but you've hooked with a few women since your ex broke up with you, correct?

 

Ok, I haven't done ****. I can't even talk to a girl because I'm scared. I can't even hook up with someone because all it's going to do is remind me of how I use to kiss my ex. Man, I'm ****ed up for real.

[Yummm]

You won't accept the idea of letting go, that's why.

 

I'm only 3.5 weeks post break up of my 'first love', yet as much as it hurts, and my heart is screaming to me saying that I won't find another partner like her, my logic is telling me that I will. It will take time, but eventually I KNOW that I will find someone else, and that will happen once I focus on myself and let go.

 

Everybody says 'acceptance' is the final part of a heartbreak, I'm still waiting to get there, working on myself daily, you should as well. By your posts you seem adamant that you don't want to or aren't willing to consider moving on.

 

You remind me of a friend. He lost the love of his life and he thought that he moved on. Actually he went through 7 women in a year (all beautiful may I say) with the intent on finding 'the one' (he isn't a player). He ended up leaving all of them because he was comparing them to her and never felt anything.

 

Give yourself time to heal and give yourself the mindset that you WILL find someone else who you can love like you did your ex.

[thekarmacist]

as was suggested earlier in this thread, try to take it one day at a time. this is the best way to go. no one know what the future holds.

 

this approach will help you maintain your sanity while you work at moving forward.

 

i've been with mine through all sorts of bs for seven years, and we had some trouble and stopped communicating about three weeks ago. the idea of never speaking to him again makes me physically ill, so i take it day to day.

 

there are some serious things my guy needs to work on now, and unfortunately, i have no control over whether he does that or not. i had to let him go because i had no other choice. i won't wait forever, either. i'm trying to focus on me at the moment, and work on making myself happy and healthy. it's a bit .ch allenging. some days i feel fine and others i feel anxious with the kicked in the stomach feeling about a future that looks black right now. when that feeling becomes overwhelming, i try to change the focus. it does help. i don't know what the future holds; no one does. wehave to learn to be comfortable in an ambiguous situation and push forward.

[aloneinaz]

I don't have any motivations. In fact, I might just stay inside all summer and avoid making any human contact. .

 

And this is going to help you how? You need to get out and mingle with people, even the opposite sex.

 

And correct me if I'm wrong, but you've hooked with a few women since your ex broke up with you, correct? .

 

 

And, this is what you should be doing as well. You're ex moved on from you. What's holding you back from moving on from her? You stated you had a GF before her and you will have a GF after her if you put yourself out there.

 

 

Ok, I haven't done ****. I can't even talk to a girl because I'm scared. I can't even hook up with someone because all it's going to do is remind me of how I use to kiss my ex. Man, I'm ****ed up for real.

 

 

Scared of what, comparing a new girl to someone who didn't want you? Why worry about that? Why not tell yourself this new girl might kiss so much better than your ex. Everyone compares someone new to their last ex. It's normal. In many cases, when we compare, we're like OMG, this new girl is SSOO much better.

 

 

The choice is yours. You can continue to do what your doing (which isn't helping) or you can take the bull by the horns, work on your self esteem and throw yourself back out there to meet someone new. You've done it before and there's no reason you can't do it again.

[na49]

First off, are the accounts that you two still follow really that interesting? Can't you just unfollow them? I would do that if I was in your situation. I got rid of my Instagram app after my ex dumped me because it wasn't worth it. She made my account for me in the first place, so it hurt too much to keep.

 

You know that looking through the likes is counter productive, and the only way to stop is to get some self control. I think you want to see that she's moved on. You are kind of like me, and are waiting for permission from her to move on. You want her to send you some type of signal that says "Okay Jon, I'm never coming back, you can start to move on now!" Just avoiding her social media obviously isn't doing anything for you. You're not looking, but are still looking through the cracks in the walls you've built up. You have to not want to know ANYTHING about her. How would you feel if you did look at her social media? What if you looked and saw she was single? and what if you looked and saw she had a new boyfriend?

 

I know you think that looking would seriously screw you up, but not looking isn't doing you any favors right now. If you saw her with another dude, it'd help you accept she's moved on. If you saw her out on a trip with her friends, it'd help you accept she's moved on. Just a thought. I'm not telling you to look at her social media.

 

As for never talking to them again, I think it's part of being broken up. If you've had other girlfriends, then that should make sense to you. Forever is a pretty long time, and you really have no idea what will happen in the future. No one does.

[Jonp219]

And this is going to help you how? You need to get out and mingle with people, even the opposite sex.

 

 

 

 

And, this is what you should be doing as well. You're ex moved on from you. What's holding you back from moving on from her? You stated you had a GF before her and you will have a GF after her if you put yourself out there.

 

 

 

 

Scared of what, comparing a new girl to someone who didn't want you? Why worry about that? Why not tell yourself this new girl might kiss so much better than your ex. Everyone compares someone new to their last ex. It's normal. In many cases, when we compare, we're like OMG, this new girl is SSOO much better.

 

 

The choice is yours. You can continue to do what your doing (which isn't helping) or you can take the bull by the horns, work on your self esteem and throw yourself back out there to meet someone new. You've done it before and there's no reason you can't do it again.

 

Wrong. I met my ex-ex here, but she wasn't from here she lived 9 hours from me. It was a LDR and we would see each other every 3 months or so. So she really doesn't count in my book anymore .So there goes that whole, "You did it once you can do it again" notion.

 

And I'm not going to lie to myself and say that someone is better than my ex when they're not. BTW I don't do hook ups it's not my thing