Never speaking to them again?

[Jonp219]

First off, are the accounts that you two still follow really that interesting? Can't you just unfollow them? I would do that if I was in your situation. I got rid of my Instagram app after my ex dumped me because it wasn't worth it. She made my account for me in the first place, so it hurt too much to keep.

 

You know that looking through the likes is counter productive, and the only way to stop is to get some self control. I think you want to see that she's moved on. You are kind of like me, and are waiting for permission from her to move on. You want her to send you some type of signal that says "Okay Jon, I'm never coming back, you can start to move on now!" Just avoiding her social media obviously isn't doing anything for you. You're not looking, but are still looking through the cracks in the walls you've built up. You have to not want to know ANYTHING about her. How would you feel if you did look at her social media? What if you looked and saw she was single? and what if you looked and saw she had a new boyfriend?

 

I know you think that looking would seriously screw you up, but not looking isn't doing you any favors right now. If you saw her with another dude, it'd help you accept she's moved on. If you saw her out on a trip with her friends, it'd help you accept she's moved on. Just a thought. I'm not telling you to look at her social media.

 

As for never talking to them again, I think it's part of being broken up. If you've had other girlfriends, then that should make sense to you. Forever is a pretty long time, and you really have no idea what will happen in the future. No one does.

 

If I knew she moved on I would probably fall into a deeper depression. I would be more clueless, hurt, and shattered. Knowing me, I would wait forever on the sidelines hoping for a miracle. I don't want anyone else only her! And if I can't, well then, I guess I'm assed out for future relationships because I'm not going to date ever again.

 

I don't want to try out anyone else they're all trash by presupposition. Ignorant? Stubborn? Fool? Yeah, I'm all those things. Am I depriving myself of a relationship that might be more fruitful than my previous? You can believe that if you want, I know I'm not because I already had the best I could have. I don't care about my age or the 'chances' I'm going to have. If I am afforded ANY of those chances, without a shadow of a doubt I will decline them all one-by-one.

 

I rarely drink and I don't do drugs, this is how I normally am day after day. I've accepted living in my new hell, I'm just trying to get as uncomfortable as I can possibly be.

[JollyDays]

If I knew she moved on I would probably fall into a deeper depression. I would be more clueless, hurt, and shattered. Knowing me, I would wait forever on the sidelines hoping for a miracle. I don't want anyone else only her! And if I can't, well then, I guess I'm assed out for future relationships because I'm not going to date ever again.

 

I don't want to try out anyone else they're all trash by presupposition. Ignorant? Stubborn? Fool? OYeah, I'm all those things. Am I depriving myself of a relationship that might be more fruitful than my previous? You can believe that if you want, I know I'm not because I already had the best I could have. I don't care about my age or the 'chances' I'm going to have. If I am afforded ANY of those chances, without a shadow of a doubt I will decline them all one-by-one.

 

I rarely drink and I don't do drugs, this is how I normally am day after day. I've accepted living in my new hell, I'm just trying to get as uncomfortable as I can possibly be.

 

 

Then my question to you is WHY ARE YOU ON LS IF YOU DON'T WANT TO MOVE ON? Because I GUARANTEE YOU, I GUARAN****INGTEE YOU she has. She's probably making love to the new dude even as I write this.

 

 

I've been there.

 

 

Kenny Rogers once sang, "You've gotta know when to hold them, know when to fold them".

 

 

IT'S OVER JON.

 

 

Move on man, and find your place in the sun with someone else.

[JollyDays]

And by the way, how can she be the best when she dumped you? It just seems as if you're in the throes of cognitive dissonance and need help for this issue of clinging to her.

 

 

I bet you she's boning someone right now.

[Jonp219]

And by the way, how can she be the best when she dumped you? It just seems as if you're in the throes of cognitive dissonance and need help for this issue of clinging to her.

 

 

I bet you she's boning someone right now.

 

She dumped me for good reasons.

 

Oh I'm scared.

 

I'm still going to wait...*shrugs*

[Jonp219]

Then my question to you is WHY ARE YOU ON LS IF YOU DON'T WANT TO MOVE ON? Because I GUARANTEE YOU, I GUARAN****INGTEE YOU she has. She's probably making love to the new dude even as I write this.

 

 

I've been there.

 

 

Kenny Rogers once sang, "You've gotta know when to hold them, know when to fold them".

 

 

IT'S OVER JON.

 

 

Move on man, and find your place in the sun with someone else.

 

Name someone in here who has 'moved on' lol...

That's what I thought. The thought of moving on is bull**** ozzing out everyones filthy mouths. You haven't moved on from **** either I bet, but probably go around telling everyone else to do the same while you go home and cry in your pillow. Moving on is a subjective term used to describe peoples methods of folding the pain. Moving on doesn't exist, its more like, "covering up", " lying to yourself", and "telling everyone you're good". At the end of the day it's all a crock of ****.

 

I don't bull**** anyone, what you see is what you get. People don't move on from **** they cover it up. I'm never going to find anyone better and that's that. I'm not going to hype myself up for some bull**** that's never going to happen. Just like I shouldn't bet on her coming back, I'm not going to bet on someone better coming along.

 

I know where I am, and here I will remain.

Edited June 3, 2015 by Jonp219

[Simon Phoenix]

Name someone in here who has 'moved on' lol...

That's what I thought. The thought of moving on is bull**** ozzing out everyones filthy mouths. You haven't moved on from **** either I bet, but probably go around telling everyone else to do the same while you go home and cry in your pillow. Moving on is a subjective term used to describe peoples methods of folding the pain. Moving on doesn't exist, its more like, "covering up", " lying to yourself", and "telling everyone you're good". At the end of the day it's all a crock of ****.

 

I don't bull**** anyone, what you see is what you get. People don't move on from **** they cover it up. I'm never going to find anyone better and that's that. I'm not going to hype myself up for some bull**** that's never going to happen. Just like I shouldn't bet on her coming back, I'm not going to bet on someone better coming along.

 

I know where I am, and here I will remain.

 

Plenty of people on this site have moved on dude. I guess I don't get what you are looking for. You refuse to move forward and you almost seem to want to belittle everyone so they feel the same way you do. I guess I don't really understand what your endgame is here. It's one thing to willingly stay stuck in the mud, but I don't get why you continue to try to tear down posters that are trying to help you.

[SycamoreCircle]

I don't agree with pushing someone to heal from something. Do things at your own pace. Ask the questions you need answered, even if they don't have answers. Walk in circles for the time being.

 

Know that eventually you're going to get tired of feeling sorry for yourself. You're going to want more stimulation. That quest for stimulation will bring new opportunities. New opportunities, new letdowns, new revelations, new disappointments. These experiences and lessons all help erode the monument of HER.

 

As Jen said, Time is on your side.

[jen1447]

I think Jon's right in some regards - moving on (IMO) isn't sth you decide to do consciously. You can strive to have a positive mindset, but that doesn't 'move you on.' Only time does that, and it's an involuntary process, just like your body healing a broken bone. With unfamiliarity comes disinterest. It's just inevitable.

 

Jon, I believe that you may never have another relationship, if you wall yourself in, which by some people's estimations isn't a bad defense strategy. But what will happen whether you want it to or not is that eventually day-to-day life will become livable again, at least as concerns your ex. She'll become more of a faded picture than this living, breathing, pulsing thing inside your soul. It's just human nature.

[Itspointless]

But what will happen whether you want it to or not is that eventually day-to-day life will become livable again, at least as concerns your ex. She'll become more of a faded picture than this living, breathing, pulsing thing inside your soul. It's just human nature.

Exactly. As I was trying to say in my first post about that first ex of mine. If I look to photos of her (yes I still have them), I know why I liked her again, but that girl does not exist any-more, Her future-self does not attract me.

 

A wound becomes a scar, sometimes it itches, but most of the time it is just there being a part of you. It is confronting to acknowledge this as it means accepting that it will.

[SycamoreCircle]

Exactly. As I was trying to say in my first post about that first ex of mine. If I look to photos of her (yes I still have them), I know why I liked her again, but that girl does not exist any-more, Her future-self does not attract me.

My ex once told me that she knew after one of our first dates(a date she planned) that I was right for her. What did we do on that date? We wandered around Queens on foot, ate at an all-you-can-eat Indian restaurant, speculated the identities of deceased persons in a Greek cemetery, stepped over flotsam and jetsam on a highway, went to a mansion built on a toxic landfill and gazed longingly at the entrance to Riker's Island. The person she is today would not allow for such aimless adventures. The person she is today is on a mission to make a name for herself in the NYC art world. The person she is today networks and mingles with names at parties.

 

I wish I could have that old person back. I'd love to wander aimlessly around Queens with her. But I can't. She's gone. She changed. She grew out of that. She became something else.

Edited June 3, 2015 by SycamoreCircle

[Jimmyjackson]

Jon, you seem to be stuck in a self imposed rut. You seem to think this ex of yours is perfect, when in actual fact she is not, nobody is. You need to convince yourself that people aren't often who you think they are, you say she did nothing wrong; what if she did? and she just didn't tell you when she broke up with you?

 

My point is, you cannot idolize a girl who has caused you so much hurt, you seem to be hell bent on staying in misery. I've only ever had one relationship and I've moved on for the most part, you had a girlfriend before your ex, so if anything it should be easier for you. You know that you have been through a break up in the past and got through the other side and met someone else; the same will happen again.

 

It is clear that a lot of your issues stem from your own self confidence, if you believe you're a good person and tell yourself that your ex was an idiot for breaking up with you, eventually you'll begin to believe it yourself and you'll grow in confidence.

 

Whether your ex contacts you again or not is irrelevant, I know where you are coming from, you don't want her but you want her to want you, to see her squirm and try reach out to you for your ego. Try not to concern yourself with these type of thoughts though.

 

Also, you say you blocked her Instagram, perhaps she has not been active in liking pages because you blocked her? even if you look through likes on photos you surely won't see her account seems you have her blocked?

 

A final thought, I was watching Mad Men yesterday and I stumbled upon this quote, perhaps it will give you food for thought. If not well then oh well, it did for me.

 

“People tell you who they are, but we ignore it because we want them to be who we want them to be.” - Don Draper

[Ariess10]

Memories are like a magpie. It picks up all the bright and shiny **** and pays no attention to what really matters.

[aloneinaz]

Name someone in here who has 'moved on' lol...

That's what I thought. The thought of moving on is bull**** ozzing out everyones filthy mouths. You haven't moved on from **** either .

 

 

 

Jon,

 

 

I'm not sure what you're on LS for either? This site is about providing support when people are hurt and emotionally wrecked from a past relationship. Usually, the are the dumped. They come here for support TO GET BETTER. You my friend appear to WANT to stay mired in your depression, self pity and sadness.

 

 

I can share that I'm one that has moved on from many past ex's. My last one I had I REALLY loved even though I knew she was not right in the head and probably had Borderline Personality Disorder. She treated me like **** and I allowed it. Why, cause I kept clinging to the thought that she'd return to who I feel in love with before the honeymoon phase ended and she let me see the "real" her. When she ended us because I couldn't do it, I was wrecked. I couldn't eat, sleep or do ANYTHING for 3-4 weeks.

 

 

After a month I got mad. This person said to me "I don't want you in my life anymore". I asked myself WHY I would continue to be wrecked over a person of her character and reminded myself what a POS she really was. I dated 6 weeks later to have some female companionship. Was I over the ex? Hell no but sitting home suffering and thinking about her 24-7 wasn't helping either. I met my now 20 month GF a few month later. She is SSOO much better in almost every way then my ex.

 

 

This site has MANY, MANY success stories of people who've pulled themselves up off the dirt, dusted themselves off and moved on to BETTER relationships. Until you decide to stop putting this person (who kicked you out of her life) on a pedestal, you're going to stay in your "hell"..

 

 

Honestly, I really think you need to reach out to some professional help. If you had a friend or family member posting what you are, you'd read it and go "Dude, really"?

[jen1447]

Jon,

 

 

I'm not sure what you're on LS for either? This site is about providing support when people are hurt and emotionally wrecked from a past relationship. Usually, the are the dumped. They come here for support TO GET BETTER. You my friend appear to WANT to stay mired in your depression, self pity and sadness.

He doesn't - this is just 'cry for help' type stuff. (IMO.) Perfectly understandable to me ....he feels like he's drowning and the most attractive way to deal with that is to deny that drowning is bad.

[Ariess10]

He doesn't - this is just 'cry for help' type stuff. (IMO.) Perfectly understandable to me ....he feels like he's drowning and the most attractive way to deal with that is to deny that drowning is bad.

not only is she smart, pretty as well ?

[jen1447]

Aw, thank you.

[aloneinaz]

Aw, thank you.

 

 

That's not Jen, it's a picture of some attractive woman she got off the internet. The "real" Jen is a smooth 275lbs, 5'2 with a face only a mother could love.. She's not fooling me!!

 

 

lol

[Itspointless]

My ex once told me that she knew after one of our first dates(a date she planned) that I was right for her. What did we do on that date? We wandered around Queens on foot, ate at an all-you-can-eat Indian restaurant, speculated the identities of deceased persons in a Greek cemetery, stepped over flotsam and jetsam on a highway, went to a mansion built on a toxic landfill and gazed longingly at the entrance to Riker's Island. The person she is today would not allow for such aimless adventures. The person she is today is on a mission to make a name for herself in the NYC art world. The person she is today networks and mingles with names at parties.

 

I wish I could have that old person back. I'd love to wander aimlessly around Queens with her. But I can't. She's gone. She changed. She grew out of that. She became something else.

Thanks man, I really liked reading your reply. Having such memories is also a present.

[jen1447]

That's not Jen, it's a picture of some attractive woman she got off the internet. The "real" Jen is a smooth 275lbs, 5'2 with a face only a mother could love.. She's not fooling me!!

 

 

lol

 

You're a meany!

[na49]

Her

-Couldn't keep up with current event/social issue topics. Seemed like she only liked talking about pop culture.

-We could never travel anywhere outside of the country or really far from New York when we went on getaways. She was afraid of what her parents would say.

-When we argued about something small it seemed like she had a hard time letting it go (I had this issue too, I forgot to mention it).

- She started her first job in December, but other than that she has nothing else going for her.

-She never liked discussing her passions with me (for some reason).

-She was sweet but a doormat in my eyes (due to her relationship with her parents).

-Incredibly indecisive

-She couldn't cook for the life of her (This one is a joke, but in Dominican culture it's looked down upon when a girl can't cook).

 

Jon, if she was the best you can do, and was "perfect" how do you explain this list you made in your other thread? These are all things that you listed that didn't work for you. She may actually be perfect, but isn't perfect for you if these things didn't work for you. I think you also mentioned that you never had real conversations. Is that what you expect a relationship to be?

 

Some people who have "moved on" don't come back here because they got all of the help that they needed. I remember a few users I talked to during my first breakup with my ex. Those people are nowhere to be found now. We all discussed our pain, and were all feeling the same things. Now they're probably out there again, enjoying life. So the idea that no one moves on from this website is kind of silly.

[BC1980]

I feel like that day will never come. Unfortunately, I will always care.

 

I said that once too. I used to believe I would always care. I don't know why or how it happens, but you eventually just don't care. It took me about 1.5 years to become completely indifferent. I stuck to NC during that time. I'm still NC, but I don't think of it that way because I don't care anymore. When I think of our memories or think of him, I can't assign any emotion to it, good or bad. But you have to to through the grief and all the emotions that come with it to get to that point. At this point, it doesn't even make me sad that I don't care about him.

 

Someone showed me his wedding pics on FB a few weeks ago, and I felt nothing. I never thought that day would come, but it was like looking at some man that I don't know anymore. And trust me, a year ago, I would never have dared to look at his wedding pics or even think I would feel indifferent.

[DJOkawari]

Name someone in here who has 'moved on' lol...

 

Every single person here who has had more than 1 relationship...lol.

 

I kind of feel like for people who are stuck for a while (such as myself) it seems like moving on devalues the strength of emotions we have/had. Like "if I can get over this, was it really that special?" The answer is probably "no" and hopefully you'll find something that is that "special".

 

Which leads me to the thought that: "if I can get over this intense relationship, I could probably get over any relationship"...and my whole conception of what a romance is, is completely shattered. There is no one whom I couldn't get over, there is no person I couldn't replace, there are always more fish in the sea, etc. The whole idea of I've found "someone special" seems like a farce. The investment of time and myself that I put in seems like a waste.

 

In the end I don't want to believe that, I'd like to remain a dreamer so it is hard for me to just give up on something that I believe was so good or a person whom I believe was so special.

 

On the other hand it doesn't really change the fact that I'm going to move on and my memory and attachment to this relationship is going to fade.

Edited June 3, 2015 by DJOkawari

[Ariess10]

That's not Jen, it's a picture of some attractive woman she got off the internet. The "real" Jen is a smooth 275lbs, 5'2 with a face only a mother could love.. She's not fooling me!!

 

 

lol

 

Well isn't that just a let down ?

[ASV]

I don't have any motivations. In fact, I might just stay inside all summer and avoid making any human contact.

 

I've read some of the stuff you've written here since you arrived. And correct me if I'm wrong, but you've hooked with a few women since your ex broke up with you, correct?

 

Ok, I haven't done ****. I can't even talk to a girl because I'm scared. I can't even hook up with someone because all it's going to do is remind me of how I use to kiss my ex. Man, I'm ****ed up for real.

I know that, too. I kissed a girl in my drunken stupor, and felt like ****. Miserable. Dirty. Had no trouble with ONS and the sorts, but that was before meeting my ex. In fact, I felt the same way when I made out with a different girl and we weren't even officially "together" (we had just met each other for the first time one week ago). So, believe me, when my female friends texted me if I was feeling well once I left their house with the other dudette with whom I made out, I felt that no, I wasn't. And I don't know when, but I'm positive that this feeling will go away. As will yours, but only if you MAN UP and demand you a minimum. Are you sure women want a needy, clingy, weeping man to hold them down? Once again, been there done that - I recognize I'm feeling better but that's all chemicals, in fact I miss her a lot and I have no empyrical proof that I'll do any better. Listen, my B plans are going wrong. One is engaged, the other is a lesbian, the other has probably friendzoned me with no reason. And here I am, struggling with my inner demons and trying to make each day count in order to eclipse the former.

 

I know you CAN. But someone who WANTS will do better than someone who is just ABLE to do it - c'mon dude, don't disappoint us. Take our mutual ramblings on how much we miss our exes as a contractual rule that lets us weep with the only requirement that we'll eventually feel better. You'll do.

 

And yep, Jen looks smokin' gorgeous in that pic.

[Jonp219]

Jon, you seem to be stuck in a self imposed rut. You seem to think this ex of yours is perfect, when in actual fact she is not, nobody is. You need to convince yourself that people aren't often who you think they are, you say she did nothing wrong; what if she did? and she just didn't tell you when she broke up with you?

My point is, you cannot idolize a girl who has caused you so much hurt, you seem to be hell bent on staying in misery. I've only ever had one relationship and I've moved on for the most part, you had a girlfriend before your ex, so if anything it should be easier for you. You know that you have been through a break up in the past and got through the other side and met someone else; the same will happen again.

 

It is clear that a lot of your issues stem from your own self confidence, if you believe you're a good person and tell yourself that your ex was an idiot for breaking up with you, eventually you'll begin to believe it yourself and you'll grow in confidence.

 

Whether your ex contacts you again or not is irrelevant, I know where you are coming from, you don't want her but you want her to want you, to see her squirm and try reach out to you for your ego. Try not to concern yourself with these type of thoughts though.

Also, you say you blocked her Instagram, perhaps she has not been active in liking pages because you blocked her? even if you look through likes on photos you surely won't see her account seems you have her blocked?

 

A final thought, I was watching Mad Men yesterday and I stumbled upon this quote, perhaps it will give you food for thought. If not well then oh well, it did for me.

 

“People tell you who they are, but we ignore it because we want them to be who we want them to be.” - Don Draper

 

I'm not going to tell myself lies just because it'll 'help' she didn't do anything. Listen, just because 2/3 in here were betrayed and cheated on by their ex doesn't mean everyone does that. If she did then I don't know and that's what matters.

 

No, I think you're missing the point. I DO WANT HER!

 

No, because I was still able to see the pics she liked after the break up and she blocked me from day one.