firefly1 Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I think geeky shy guy (40y) likes me (28y) but hasn't made a move for 2 months I like this 40 year old guy and I think he likes me too (but unsure). I am 28 years old and only ever had one boyfriend in my life for 6 years. He is single, never married, no children and as far as I can tell been single all or most of his life. He says he is a bit geeky, he likes manga and video games. He doesn't have a lot of friends in the city. He went to Harvard and is pretty smart. I am also well educated (I'm a doctor) and if I can say it myself quite attractive (I've been a model before) and get many offers from guys for dates. The other guys who hit on me are nothing like this guy however which totally confuses me!! The other ones are very straightforward about being attracted to me and will touch me and chat me up. We met 2 months ago at a party and since then been seeing each other once every weekend. There was instant chemistry between us and we have been out for dinner and drinks casually and chatted for about 6 hours straight. I have invited him to my flat 3 times. He is super enthusiastic about coming over. He texts me every night and we can text each other about random stuff for an hour before bed. At first I was unsure of his interest level in me because he was so shy to make a move on me. He has not really touched me except awkward pats on the hand when he tries to break the touch barrier. We have not held hands and we have never kissed. It was a bit frustrating for me to wonder if he liked me more than a friend or if he was just lonely and saw me as a texting buddy. There were people who said he could be gay!! I decided to initiate an invite again for him at my flat asking if he felt like hanging out. This time I was pretty much seeing him as a friend only. He was again super enthusiastic about coming over and he brought me some chocolates. He came over and I made him lunch and we watched a Disney movie. We then made some cakes together. He tried to squeeze my cheeks once. I asked if he wanted to stay for dinner and he said yes. I made some dinner for us both. He had to rush off for something at 8pm. This time instead of me giving him a hug he initiated the hug. He gave me quite a tight hug but he didn't kiss me. He looked slightly embarrassed as if he wanted to do something but couldn't get himself to do it. He let go and put on his shoes and gave me another tight hug. He still looked a bit awkward and I was a bit shy too, so we just waved. Haha do you think he is just super shy and does like me a lot? What should we do if we are both too shy to initiate a move? Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I think geeky shy guy (40y) likes me (28y) but hasn't made a move for 2 months I like this 40 year old guy and I think he likes me too (but unsure). I am 28 years old and only ever had one boyfriend in my life for 6 years. He is single, never married, no children and as far as I can tell been single all or most of his life. He says he is a bit geeky, he likes manga and video games. He doesn't have a lot of friends in the city. He went to Harvard and is pretty smart. I am also well educated (I'm a doctor) and if I can say it myself quite attractive (I've been a model before) and get many offers from guys for dates. The other guys who hit on me are nothing like this guy however which totally confuses me!! The other ones are very straightforward about being attracted to me and will touch me and chat me up. We met 2 months ago at a party and since then been seeing each other once every weekend. There was instant chemistry between us and we have been out for dinner and drinks casually and chatted for about 6 hours straight. I have invited him to my flat 3 times. He is super enthusiastic about coming over. He texts me every night and we can text each other about random stuff for an hour before bed. At first I was unsure of his interest level in me because he was so shy to make a move on me. He has not really touched me except awkward pats on the hand when he tries to break the touch barrier. We have not held hands and we have never kissed. It was a bit frustrating for me to wonder if he liked me more than a friend or if he was just lonely and saw me as a texting buddy. There were people who said he could be gay!! I decided to initiate an invite again for him at my flat asking if he felt like hanging out. This time I was pretty much seeing him as a friend only. He was again super enthusiastic about coming over and he brought me some chocolates. He came over and I made him lunch and we watched a Disney movie. We then made some cakes together. He tried to squeeze my cheeks once. I asked if he wanted to stay for dinner and he said yes. I made some dinner for us both. He had to rush off for something at 8pm. This time instead of me giving him a hug he initiated the hug. He gave me quite a tight hug but he didn't kiss me. He looked slightly embarrassed as if he wanted to do something but couldn't get himself to do it. He let go and put on his shoes and gave me another tight hug. He still looked a bit awkward and I was a bit shy too, so we just waved. Haha do you think he is just super shy and does like me a lot? What should we do if we are both too shy to initiate a move? I think it's time to have a casual conversation about what each of you is looking for out of your dating journeys for yourselves. What is his dating history? Has he had many girlfriends? Link to post Share on other sites
Author firefly1 Posted June 2, 2015 Author Share Posted June 2, 2015 I haven't asked him. We haven't broached the topic of whether we are dating or not. We have been out for dinners and drinks and he has come over to my flat three times. And we have danced together. But we have been too shy to say anything to each other about relationships. All I know is that he lived alone for the last 15 years. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I haven't asked him. We haven't broached the topic of whether we are dating or not. We have been out for dinners and drinks and he has come over to my flat three times. And we have danced together. But we have been too shy to say anything to each other about relationships. All I know is that he lived alone for the last 15 years. Ok, you are dealing with a horse of a different color. You need to open a conversation with him. Say something like "I'm enjoying the time we spend together (and cite somethings you like about him). I am looking for a long-term, committed relationship for myself at some point". And, then let him talk. A man who has been alone for so long is usually pretty happy with and used to being alone. He does need and want human contact, etc. but usually isn't able to or doesn't want to invest himself emotionally. It would be helpful to know how many, if any, relationships he's had. Usually a man like this will be hesitant about becoming sexual with a woman because he doesn't want to hurt her. When you have that conversation with him listen carefully. He will likely say something like "I like you a lot and I don't want to hurt you" or "I don't know what I want", etc. Have the conversation sooner than later for sure. If he's just lacks confidence sexually or has ED (which is possible at his age), I'd let that part be for a bit longer. Initiate kissing and hugging and handholding at least so he knows you're receptive if you want to continue with him. But that decision should be based on what he says during the "conversation". Link to post Share on other sites
Author firefly1 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 Do you think he will be hurt if I friend zone him? Would it be leading him on if I just wanna hang out with him on weekends? I like him as a person even if I may not like him as a partner. Does he seem like someone who would get attached quickly or the opposite ? Link to post Share on other sites
yxalitis Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Wait...didn't you start this thread asking how to get this guy to take the next step, and in a few posts have switched around to "I'm not sure" Lucky the guy hadn't hit on you... Link to post Share on other sites
KSCHV Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Sounds like a 40 year old virgin Link to post Share on other sites
Author firefly1 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 Wait...didn't you start this thread asking how to get this guy to take the next step, and in a few posts have switched around to "I'm not sure" Lucky the guy hadn't hit on you... Yes but it's been two months and most people have advised me just to move on. But I like the guy and would like to keep him as a friend. Since nothing has happened so far, shouldn't it be quite easy to keep him in the friend zone? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Only if you're absolutely sure that this is what he would like. To just be in your friend-zone. How do you know what he wants if neither of you will come out and ask - ?! Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 like others have posted i think the only way is to talk it out...and then you know each other is shy and not because of lack of interest on either of you it might be easier then to break that touch barrier to me if a guy si worth it....its worth showing patience and nurturing the relationship...a kind sweet shy guy is worth it......more than two months actually......a diamond in the rough....same goes fro shy women....when two shy people come together the hardest start si the beginning...but once you get to know each other and respect each others space it certainly becomes worth the wait adn the slow start....as far as just sex goes...not really a good idea....with a shy guy.....they normally arent the cut and run type...more a commitment type......thats my advice anyway.....deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author firefly1 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 I'm thinking of hugging him for a bit longer next time. Maybe say to him that he is the sweetest guy I've ever met? Or say thank you for coming over. Or maybe when we watch a movie next time I'll cuddle up to him? Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Yes but it's been two months and most people have advised me just to move on. But I like the guy and would like to keep him as a friend. Since nothing has happened so far, shouldn't it be quite easy to keep him in the friend zone? If he's content with the way things are, he won't tell you to move on. If you want more from him, you need to communicate that to him. Otherwise, you're stringing yourself along without sex. If you're just happy being friends, you should communicate that too. Communicate, don't wonder, assume or settle. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 I'm thinking of hugging him for a bit longer next time. Maybe say to him that he is the sweetest guy I've ever met? Or say thank you for coming over. Or maybe when we watch a movie next time I'll cuddle up to him? I must say firefly. You sound like an extremely attractive woman. Modeling experience and a doctor? With how your white coat fits, I bet male patients have a hard time remaining indifferent during a physical. Plus, I find shy women to be really feminine because they appreciate guys that lead. But with how inexperienced and gun shy this guy sounds, you're going to have to go against your natural instincts and make the first move on him. I mean let's face it. If he was going to pick up on your cues and make a move he would have done it by now. So extra long hugs and couch cuddling will probably fall on his deaf ears romantically. Hopefully after you kiss him, it will bring him out of his shell and let him take over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author firefly1 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 Haha I'm too shy to say something. Maybe I should just give physical signs and make him more comfortable first. It's always slightly awkward when we are together cos he blushes and I sometimes catch him staring at me. I'm trying to act normal. We sit on the couch but we have a small distance between us. Maybe I should get him more comfortable with me touching him first Link to post Share on other sites
Author firefly1 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 I must say firefly. You sound like an extremely attractive woman. Modeling experience and a doctor? With how your white coat fits, I bet male patients have a hard time remaining indifferent during a physical. Plus, I find shy women to be really feminine because they appreciate guys that lead. Haha funny you should say this. Had a male patient today (same age as me) he kept staring at me. At the end I asked him 'you look like you want to say some thing.' He says 'you are the most attractive doctor I have ever seen. Do you want to go for a coffee with me?' Haha i had to turn him down as we can't go out with patients Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Haha I'm too shy to say something. Maybe I should just give physical signs and make him more comfortable first. It's always slightly awkward when we are together cos he blushes and I sometimes catch him staring at me. I'm trying to act normal. We sit on the couch but we have a small distance between us. Maybe I should get him more comfortable with me touching him first Well, you're going to be at a stand off forever if you two are that shy. You get some gumption and make the move to kiss him. Run your fingers through the hair on the back of his head, if he doesn't respond by trying to kiss you, you kiss him. Get it over with. You're not acting normal, you're acting like a kid fumbling around in the backseat of a car Link to post Share on other sites
Author firefly1 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 But with how inexperienced and gun shy this guy sounds, you're going to have to go against your natural instincts and make the first move on him. I mean let's face it. If he was going to pick up on your cues and make a move he would have done it by now. So extra long hugs and couch cuddling will probably fall on his deaf ears romantically. Hopefully after you kiss him, it will bring him out of his shell and let him take over. Should I kiss him on the cheek sideways on the sofa first ?? I am kind of scared to kiss him on the lips lol. I have only ever kissed one guy in my life so I'm not super experienced either!! I can imagine him blushing like crazy. He already blushes a bit and he needs to drink more wine when he is over at mine!! Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Should I kiss him on the cheek sideways on the sofa first ?? I am kind of scared to kiss him on the lips lol. I have only ever kissed one guy in my life so I'm not super experienced either!! I can imagine him blushing like crazy. He already blushes a bit and he needs to drink more wine when he is over at mine!! Sweetie, if you are this shy, you shouldn't be dating Give him a clear signal and opportunity to kiss you first, if he doesn't, just do it for him. I have only ever kissed one guy in my life so I'm not super experienced either -- You have an opportunity to make it two . . . if you can't get past this, it'll always be just one guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 (edited) Haha funny you should say this. Had a male patient today (same age as me) he kept staring at me. At the end I asked him 'you look like you want to say some thing.' He says 'you are the most attractive doctor I have ever seen. Do you want to go for a coffee with me?' Haha i had to turn him down as we can't go out with patients Haha.. Yeah pesky ethics can get in the way of sexual satisfaction. Plus, it must be hard for a guy knowing that he has to get sick to meet you in real life. But that's one reason why being a personal trainer has been brutal. Over the years some truly beautiful women made their interest very clear. However they were gym members and/or clients of mine so I'd never go there. Let me tell you though. Those experiences have helped me to develop will power of iron and women I date find out real quick that I'm not easily manipulated by their sex appeal. Should I kiss him on the cheek sideways on the sofa first ?? I am kind of scared to kiss him on the lips lol. I have only ever kissed one guy in my life so I'm not super experienced either!! I can imagine him blushing like crazy. He already blushes a bit and he needs to drink more wine when he is over at mine!! This is another reason why you'd be an ideal woman for me to date. Not only do you have your life together and a career you're passionate about, but your shy demeanor combined with your lack of experience and the need for a "teacher" is so hot. My advice would be to at least kiss him on the cheek and let it linger a bit. Then whisper in his ear "I wonder what your lips feel like". Hopefully he'll take the hint and kiss you after that. Edited June 3, 2015 by fitnessfan365 Link to post Share on other sites
Perrier Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 You two are dithering. I can't believe he's been to your place this many times and yet no kiss has happened . I thought I was slow. As another poster said, if you're this shy you shouldn't be dating. Either make a move or have him as a friend. 'Cos at the moment that's what you two are. Link to post Share on other sites
Perrier Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 You two are dithering like kiddies. I can't believe he's been to your place this many times and yet no kiss has happened . I thought I was slow. As another poster said, if you're this shy you shouldn't be dating. Either make a move or have him as a friend. 'Cos at the moment that's what you two are. Link to post Share on other sites
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