818heartbreak Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 I broke up with my LT boyfriend of 9 years about 2 months ago. I moved back home, all the way on the opposite coast of where I was living. The breakup was fairly amicable and the first month after, the phone calls were nice. There were always the I love yous, I miss yous, I can't believe this happened to us...from both of us. Then out of nowhere, contact from him just stops. The last time we spoke, it was horrible. We each said mean and hurtful things. His birthday is this coming week and I don't know what to do. I want to call him, but I don't think I can because I know I'll just break down. Just the thought of hearing his voice is breaking my heart. Everyday I seem to get worse. The depression gets darker. The thoughts of harming myself become clearer and the fantasy is becoming comforting. I already suffer from chronic and severe depression and I'm becoming afraid of the darkness that is s starting to take me under. Link to post Share on other sites
brokengirl85 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Please seek professional help. Your last phrases sound highly disturbing (darkness and everything) If tell you that it does get better, but if you're thinking on harming yourself you need professional help right away Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Your family can help you hon. It's good you moved back. I can tell you that what you're feeling is 'normal,' if that's any comfort, and it does get better. You just have to tough it out. It may be a long road but it helps to know there's an end to the process. Be strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 818heartbreak Posted June 4, 2015 Author Share Posted June 4, 2015 Everyday gets worse. Being with my family is good, but it's not comforting like he was. I'm actually worried about my well being. His birthday is next week and it's ****ing killing me. I want to let the emotional pain out and the only way that I can think of, besides distraction, which isn't working, is physically. Link to post Share on other sites
TrevorDia Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 Everyday gets worse. Being with my family is good, but it's not comforting like he was. I'm actually worried about my well being. His birthday is next week and it's ****ing killing me. I want to let the emotional pain out and the only way that I can think of, besides distraction, which isn't working, is physically. As someone who took "that path" when I was 17, let me just tell you, the only pain that you let out through self-harm, is physical pain. Like, you have no idea how much that hurts. I had about a month of stitches, arm pain, and my arm going dead, I felt no better about the breakup, I just felt a hell of a lot worse because of the physical pain. Oh, and I slipped over on ice, and my arm was in so much pain I couldn't stop myself, smashed my face straight into the ground. One of the lowest points of my life. It gets better too. Emotional pain DOES pass. Physical pain will only make you feel worse. Like, I know how much a broken heart hurts, but if you ever get shot in the kidney with a BB, you will know true pain. Damnnnnnn that hurt. I hope you feel better soon Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 Everyday gets worse. Being with my family is good, but it's not comforting like he was. I'm actually worried about my well being. His birthday is next week and it's ****ing killing me. I want to let the emotional pain out and the only way that I can think of, besides distraction, which isn't working, is physically. Sweetie, You need to go to your family members right away and tell them exactly how low and bad you're feeling. There's plenty of help out there for you to feel better. There's all kinds of nice behavior health facilities that you can check into to get feeling better and stable. Please, if this thoughts persist. Tell a family member. Keep telling yourself you will get better and past this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 818heartbreak Posted June 6, 2015 Author Share Posted June 6, 2015 Sorry for sounding so pathetic. This hurts like nothing else I've ever felt before. I want to rip it out of me. I want to go all Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and visit Lacuna Inc., and just have those memories deleted. I don't even want the happy ones. They hurt worst of all. It hurts more than the reason I finally left hurt me. Like I'm more miserable without him than I was with him. Link to post Share on other sites
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