nickpappa Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 is it illegal to plant a small recording device in my wifes purse to catch her cheating at work Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 is it illegal to plant a small recording device in my wifes purse to catch her cheating at work do you feel morally you are doing the right thing...forget the legality....do you feel guilt.....about doing it...and would she be the type to understand......deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author nickpappa Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 i dont feel good about it, i know something is going on. would just like to know for sure Link to post Share on other sites
DivorcedDad123 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 In most states, at least one of you has to know about the recording. Some states require that both are aware they're being recorded. Even when only one knows about the recording, they have to be part of the conversation. Hire a private detective and you'll not only find out, but the evidence will be permissable in court. With a recording, it'd be a tossup as to if the judge would even allow it. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Do be careful, bc you could inadvertently be committing a felony if you do it in a two party consent state. (Same goes for PIs.) What state do you live in, assuming you live in the US? Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 You need to check the laws in your particular State for a start. Putting it in her handbag/purse isn't a good idea, as she'll probably find it. A better idea is to put a VAR in the car she drives.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 You need to check the laws in your particular State for a start. Putting it in her handbag/purse isn't a good idea, as she'll probably find it. A better idea is to put a VAR in the car she drives.... I agree. Get a var and some Velcro and put it under her seat in the car. If you ever do find out anything never tell her about this. I know for me it would be all I need to walk away. I know some people have to have a ton of evidence. I don't really feel its all that necessary. I hope in your case she is not and you both can work out your problems. Clay Link to post Share on other sites
Author nickpappa Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 I am in NJ. I already got her talking to her friend describing how she screws this guy from her work. That really hurt. Now I wish i didnt know. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 I am in NJ. I already got her talking to her friend describing how she screws this guy from her work. That really hurt. Now I wish i didnt know. Legalities aside, you got the truth that you may not have gotten any other way. I'm sorry man, but I think it's better that you know what the truth is. Now comes the part where you have to figure out what to do with that information. Which, by the way, you should keep in a very safe place. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
DivorcedDad123 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 What's your game plan,since you have the info? Any kids? Are you going forward with divorce or going to try reconciling? How long married? Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 You have your information, not need to ever let her know how you got it. What's important now is what you do next. Some will say keep getting more proof, but really what's the point? Most States are no fault so proving she is a cheater means (dick). Some will say you need evidence to confront her, again that means nothing, you know, she knows and once you confront her she will know that you know. If there is a chance to fix the marriage once you confront her she will come clean. No need to CSI her back into the marriage Whatever you do, do it with a strong conviction, don't allow her to (bull****) of gaslight you. Don't argue facts or allow her to pull the "crazy, controlling" card which seems to be the go to move for waywards. As confronting goes, I've found the best way is caughting them off guard. I met a guy in a support group that woke his wife up a 3am and calmly said "how long have you been f**king blank" she responded with it was only twice, she later, once she was more alert, attempted to claim it wasn't true and she never did sleep with him. Be strong, that's the best way no matter which direction it goes. Sorry for your pain, and good luck moving forward. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
davidromero43 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 I would do it. And knowing is the real hard part. The visual images in your head. The feeling of being emasculated (thinking your not attractive, over weight, second guessing sexual performance, or a loser) might go through your mind. But it really is not real. It is just your self confidence reeling from the cannon blow. Get in the gym and start working on you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SJS Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 i dont feel good about it, i know something is going on. would just like to know for sure I am in NJ. I already got her talking to her friend describing how she screws this guy from her work. That really hurt. Now I wish i didnt know. So what more do you need to know? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
italianjob Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 I am in NJ. I already got her talking to her friend describing how she screws this guy from her work. That really hurt. Now I wish i didnt know. If you already know what's happening why do you need to record her "in the act"? It will just hurt even more... Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 New Jersey is a one-party consent state but you must be one of the parties. Recording Phone Calls, Conversations, Meetings and Hearings 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 New Jersey, while it permits no-fault divorces, does recognize at-fault divorces as well (and adultery can be grounds). Getting proof may be very wise in your case. Resist the temptation to confront your wife. Get thyself to an attorney. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Really, who cares? Getting evidence using this recording will help you get the real, hard-copy documentation you want anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Morro72 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Get an attorney and a PI. The PI will get you evidence you can use in court or in negotiations. If you want the gory details I'm sure she'll fling them at you once she gets served. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Get an attorney and a PI. The PI will get you evidence you can use in court or in negotiations. If you want the gory details I'm sure she'll fling them at you once she gets served. I agree, get an attorney and PI. You already know she is cheating, so you do not need to prove it to her as she knows she is cheating too. You need to make sure the evidence is solid, alerting her to the fact you are on to her by amateur sleuthing may be harmful to you in the long run if you do go down the divorce route. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Well if her purse stays in her bag, car or whatever, it won't do you well. Ever thought about a polygraph? Other than that, I agree with the PI and attorney. They'll help you out. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Just get the attorney, they'll either supply you with the PI or hook you up with one. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Just get the attorney, they'll either supply you with the PI or hook you up with one. Yeah, that's why I just stressed the attorney. They'll know what "evidence" will really count as evidence and what is permissable. And they'll likely have experience with contracting a PI to do it. I hired a PI before I knew it'd be useless. Waste of money. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. New Wife Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 Legal or not legal, the fact you're asking this question means you're down a road there's no coming back from. What if you don't get your proof? Will you breathe a sigh of relief that she's not cheating and go back to a happy, healthy household and a normal marriage? No, of course you won't. Your behavior will escalate until you are able to catch her. Best talk to her and tell her you think she's cheating and decide what to do with your marriage from there. If that's not a talk you want to have, just call a lawyer and tell them you think she's cheating and you may want out as a result. Then ask him what to do. Truthfully I think putting some recording device in her purse is as deceptive and as much a violation as the affair is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 Legal or not legal, the fact you're asking this question means you're down a road there's no coming back from. What if you don't get your proof? Will you breathe a sigh of relief that she's not cheating and go back to a happy, healthy household and a normal marriage? No, of course you won't. Your behavior will escalate until you are able to catch her. Best talk to her and tell her you think she's cheating and decide what to do with your marriage from there. If that's not a talk you want to have, just call a lawyer and tell them you think she's cheating and you may want out as a result. Then ask him what to do. Truthfully I think putting some recording device in her purse is as deceptive and as much a violation as the affair is. Absolutely not! could not disagree more. recording an innocent person is like listening to cement dry, and people,with nothing to hide....hide NOTHING. recording a guilty person? validates my sense of perception: She, he is cheating, so I am not crazy! A MP boffing another is a life-altering deception, filled with daily lies, omissions, trickery and deceit. It often results in PTSD which can last a lifetime if proper treatment is not received. tape me without my knowledge? yeah, I'd be angry. screw the co-worker, the maid, the handyman, the physical trainer, professor, etc. behind my back? That is rage so profound many a BS are rendered inconsolable, paralyzed, unable to function because it is so frightening to feel it. tape away, OP. Do whatever it takes to get YOUR truth. Proceed from confidence, not confusion. Then hire a PI after you speak to the attorney. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 (edited) I am in NJ. I already got her talking to her friend describing how she screws this guy from her work. That really hurt. Now I wish i didnt know. What more do you want to know? Decide whether you want to divorce or stay married? Don't be a doormat please. ETA - Tell her you KNOW she's cheating with a coworker and if she wants to save this marriage, she better come clean with everything NOW. Because if you discover anything else further down the line, you WILL divorce her. She only has this ONE chance to confess fully to this and any other infidelity. Say it and mean it, otherwise don't bother. Edited June 4, 2015 by sandylee1 ETA Link to post Share on other sites
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