[Secret] recording

[eric1]

Absolutely not! could not disagree more.

 

recording an innocent person is like listening to cement dry, and people,with nothing to hide....hide NOTHING.

 

recording a guilty person? validates my sense of perception: She, he is cheating, so I am not crazy!

 

A MP boffing another is a life-altering deception, filled with daily lies, omissions, trickery and deceit. It often results in PTSD which can last a lifetime if proper treatment is not received.

 

tape me without my knowledge? yeah, I'd be angry.

 

screw the co-worker, the maid, the handyman, the physical trainer, professor, etc. behind my back? That is rage so profound many a BS are rendered inconsolable, paralyzed, unable to function because it is so frightening to feel it.

 

tape away, OP. Do whatever it takes to get YOUR truth. Proceed from confidence, not confusion.

 

Then hire a PI after you speak to the attorney.

I disagree. He already knows she's ****ing around so don't be some closure-needing codependent and just axe the marriage.

 

If he really wants the recording then get a PI. Recorders will not work in bags for technical reasons and, well, it will probably be found. There are better tools and methods, which a PI is trained to exexute

[Mrs. New Wife]

Absolutely not! could not disagree more.

 

recording an innocent person is like listening to cement dry, and people,with nothing to hide....hide NOTHING.

 

recording a guilty person? validates my sense of perception: She, he is cheating, so I am not crazy!

 

Once you start that ball rolling, there's no stopping it.

 

If you record your spouse and hear nothing, you don't say "Phew, she's innocent. Thank God!" and go back to a happy, healthy, normal marriage. You assume you picked a day to record her that she didn't have the affair. That she left the purse in the car. The recorder was turned off. You keep going and your behavior in working towards the "gotcha" gets crazier and crazier.

 

Let's be honest, a recording device hidden in her purse? That's pretty crazy. That's not normal behavior. He's recorded her already and has the proof, it still wasn't enough and he's escalating to crazier behavior, more intensive recording. That ball is rolling down the hill and it's not stopping.

 

A MP boffing another is a life-altering deception, filled with daily lies, omissions, trickery and deceit. It often results in PTSD which can last a lifetime if proper treatment is not received.

 

tape me without my knowledge? yeah, I'd be angry.

 

And being taped without your knowledge wouldn't be a marriage altering deception filled with daily lies, trickery, and deceit? Give me a break. Stalkers do that stuff. Abusers do that stuff. That's restraining order behavior, actual PTSD-inducing behavior. It's waking up one day to find your spouse is actually your controlling warden, not your spouse. If she's cheating, he's giving proof by the moment that he's unstable and that's why she strayed.

 

screw the co-worker, the maid, the handyman, the physical trainer, professor, etc. behind my back? That is rage so profound many a BS are rendered inconsolable, paralyzed, unable to function because it is so frightening to feel it.

 

And then they get up and move on with their lives. They decide to divorce, they decide to reconcile, and they move on with their life. People get cheated on, then they recover.

 

I'd like to point out, if you find out your spouse is recording you secretly to spy on you, that induces that same level or rage, along with the rest of those feelings, along with questions about personal safety, safety of your family, and the rest of what comes with realizing your spouse is essentially your stalker.

 

Be honest. If your spouse though you were cheating and put a voice recorder on you to catch you in the moment, you wouldn't be all "Aw, bummer. I'm kinda mad." I know I wouldn't. Cheating or not, I'd think my spouse was a mental case and I'd walk out the door, laying the full breakdown of the marriage exactly on my partner's feet.

 

tape away, OP. Do whatever it takes to get YOUR truth. Proceed from confidence, not confusion.

 

Then hire a PI after you speak to the attorney.

 

Sure, tape away. Say goodbye to your marriage, hello to the road of paranoia and self-torture, and prepare yourself for the crapstorm that's headed your way.

 

Get ready to hear your wife talk intimately with somebody else, flirt with somebody else, make love to somebody else... Then look forward to listening to the tape over and over, fueling your anger and bitterness, while you think to yourself "boy, she doesn't sound like that with me..." and "is she enjoying it more with him than me..." and "she's giving him things she never gave me in our marriage..." and "listen to her text me while she's still being intimate with him..." and "listen to what she says about me... She must really hate me..." Good luck bouncing back from that.

 

He recorded her once and describing it to a friend sent him into a spiral. Hearing it first-hand? That should be extra wonderfully joyous for him to hear.

 

Or, you could just do what most people do when they find themselves in this situation. Talk to your spouse and if that gets you nowhere, talk to a counselor, and if that gets you nowhere, talk to a lawyer to see what your options are.

Edited June 4, 2015 by Mrs. New Wife

[jen1447]

Advantages of the lawyer-PI route are that they'll do it competently and lawfully, and to New Wife's point (which I tend to agree with in terms of meaningful violation of privacy and abandonment of trust), they'll actually listen to the results for you and spare you the pain of experiencing the lurid details (if any are found) firsthand. Bscly you'll just get a "yes, it's bad, suspicions confirmed" if that's all you want.

 

It's prudent to have disinterested third parties handle 'serious business' investigations. Just good practice overall.

[autumnnight]

Making the recording, probably not a problem. But be darn careful what you DO with the recording. There are laws about that, and they are catching up every day.

If you already have her confessing to a friend, then you pretty much know. I'd get an attorney and file.

[Lois_Griffin]

Legal or not legal, the fact you're asking this question means you're down a road there's no coming back from.

 

What if you don't get your proof? Will you breathe a sigh of relief that she's not cheating and go back to a happy, healthy household and a normal marriage? No, of course you won't. Your behavior will escalate until you are able to catch her.

 

Best talk to her and tell her you think she's cheating and decide what to do with your marriage from there. If that's not a talk you want to have, just call a lawyer and tell them you think she's cheating and you may want out as a result. Then ask him what to do.

 

Truthfully I think putting some recording device in her purse is as deceptive and as much a violation as the affair is.

Perhaps you MISSED the part where he says he already HEARD his wife telling her friends all about the guy she's screwing.

 

Yeah, a mini recorder is SO much more of an egregious act than his wife screwing around and bragging to all her friends about it.

 

Am I living in an alternate universe or something?

[Just a Guy]

Hi folks, While you good folk are discussing the merits and demerits of recording his wife's indiscretions it seems the OP has long gone into hibernation. Apparently he is one of those guys who does not really have the gumption to see this thing through to it's logical conclusion much like Robbie or Zinger who are also facing similar situations. One can feel sorry for him but that is all. If he does not do something positive for himself no one else can. Just my humble opinion.

[Radu]

is it illegal to plant a small recording device in my wifes purse to catch her cheating at work

 

Depending on your wive's job, it may come to being accused of industrial espionage.