Back to the old me (2 month nc)

[brokengirl85]

Yes. Now that the hopes are gone and I no longer have him occupying my mind, I'm back to the person I used to be and I'm not liking it at all.

Insecure, angry, sad, confused, I make big deals about everything... I just don't want to be me again!

 

Also starting to chat with people. Useless. I get uninterested very quick. I think they are all jerks (like my ex) who wants to use me. All the guys are unattractive and the ones I like they don't like me back. Very sad. This make me realize I'm not that attractive and this other guy, who was obviously out of my league, used me for sex and I fell in love with.

 

I'm really stupid. Really stupid.

How to overcome the fact that I don't like my old me? I hate the way I am without him. Is there any solution to this?

[fireflywy]

Yes. Now that the hopes are gone and I no longer have him occupying my mind, I'm back to the person I used to be and I'm not liking it at all.

Insecure, angry, sad, confused, I make big deals about everything... I just don't want to be me again!

 

Also starting to chat with people. Useless. I get uninterested very quick. I think they are all jerks (like my ex) who wants to use me. All the guys are unattractive and the ones I like they don't like me back. Very sad. This make me realize I'm not that attractive and this other guy, who was obviously out of my league, used me for sex and I fell in love with.

 

I'm really stupid. Really stupid.

How to overcome the fact that I don't like my old me? I hate the way I am without him. Is there any solution to this?

 

What do YOU think the answer is? You were different with him not because of HIM but because YOU felt better having him. You drew whatever strength, inspiration, etc whatever and made yourself different. The key word here is YOU did these things. And, with work, you can do them without him if you really apply yourself to doing/being so. Or, lol, you can hate yourself which is a personal hell if you ask me.

[LYNNLH]

Hey dear...I have been following your story on and off so far and empathize with you.

 

My breakup was pretty bad (Jan 2015 and I was totally blind-sided- You can read my story if interested)..

 

After the breakup and a meetup.. I had a hard time coping even though I went strict NC (even though his friends and him tried to reach out a few times). I did everything right to the extent of blocking his friends as well.

 

I was posting quite regularly on this forum until I decided to only browse and not post because it seemed to me that I was rehashing the breakup over and over again.

 

Despite that (and also stopped talking about him to my friends), I wasn't healing. After 2 months of NC and 3 months post BU, I realized I fell back into clinical depression (had history before 10 years ago). I was still crying with heart wrenching pain that did not go away. I decided I need to see the psychiatrist again. I did. I was put on anti depressant end of April and slowly my condition improved and I got depression under control again.

 

That was when I could finally concentrate on living my life. Well I don't want to force religion or anything on anyone..but turning to God helped me tremendously.( I have always been a Christian but not too faithful)

 

I started going to church and prayed a lot. I watched a lot of Minister Joyce Meyer's sermons and read her books and it was her who kick-started my true faith in God and in Lord Jesus.

 

I started to read the bible and study God's words. I learnt that nothing matters when you placed HIM first in your heart. You learn that your days are easier to go through when you know that you don't work and live for men (as in people) but for God. I started to feel so alive and loved. God will never leave nor forsake us. HE will never disappoint us.

 

I will be honest, my self esteem plummeted after the break up and being someone with low self esteem, I have always seek validation on my self worth from men (as in guys). After turning to faith, I only care if I'm worthy to God and HE thinks I'm worthy, so therefore I am!

 

I do not know if this helps. But turning to God really has helped me a lot. When you place your life in HIS hands, you stopped thinking and will start to live more positively. And with a purpose. I serve and obey HIM.

 

I do not want to come across as some religious 'fanatical' born again some people may think I have become (actually I don't care if they do), I do want to share with you how turning to God and Lord Jesus helped me with my struggles after getting hurt tremendously and betrayed by someone I trusted for 7 long years.

 

Hope this helps.

 

P/s : I have also learned to forgive and told him I forgive him recently (a struggle though but I did it out obedience to God and I don't regret it). I didn't want to become a bitter and hold grudges. It will only kill me not him.

 

Also, God is our vindicator. Forgive and let HIM work the rest for you.

 

I also became a better person overall. Like you, I was a bitter and angry person before (and I realized I adapted those characteristics after being in the relationship). I have learned to be more patient, I smile a lot and people commented that I seemed so much happier now. See, this is now around 4 months + post BU. I will be lying if I say I'm over the BU or my ex but I'm happy. I'm single, still am. I'm not ready to go into another relationship. If not for my faith, I'd probably be trying to date and ended up in another disastrous date / R/S or with a jerk because I never learned to love myself. I am learning now. Through God

Edited June 3, 2015 by LYNNLH

[brokengirl85]

Thank you. I'm agnostic, so I do t think start believing in God right now will be helpful for me in any way as I don't have the faith in him. Your message is truly inspiring though and I'm really happy for you.

 

I'm in a dark spot right now, considering I will never be over him. I truly think he was the one so no matter how much effort I'll put in forgetting him, he's always in the back of my mind.

Right now I'm just sad. Thinking that I could see what is he doing online, if he still has his online dating profiles, if he's changed his Facebook status...because, to be honest, it's equally painful than this no contact non sense.

 

Really, I've been no contact-strictly no contact!!- for two months, I've blocked him everywhere, I've deleted my accounts in the dating sites he used to be active. For what??? For nothing!! I'm still feeling miserable after 60 days!! I'm so mad at myself, at him for not loving me like I wanted him to love me, and to the entire world!!

Ugh, struggling very much right now

[Ariess10]

Thank you. I'm agnostic, so I do t think start believing in God right now will be helpful for me in any way as I don't have the faith in him. Your message is truly inspiring though and I'm really happy for you.

 

I'm in a dark spot right now, considering I will never be over him. I truly think he was the one so no matter how much effort I'll put in forgetting him, he's always in the back of my mind.

Right now I'm just sad. Thinking that I could see what is he doing online, if he still has his online dating profiles, if he's changed his Facebook status...because, to be honest, it's equally painful than this no contact non sense.

 

Really, I've been no contact-strictly no contact!!- for two months, I've blocked him everywhere, I've deleted my accounts in the dating sites he used to be active. For what??? For nothing!! I'm still feeling miserable after 60 days!! I'm so mad at myself, at him for not loving me like I wanted him to love me, and to the entire world!!

Ugh, struggling very much right now

and you think by contacting him you'll feel better ? I don't think so, it will make it worse not only that but you'll find out things you don't wanna know .. That's why I did nc , out of sight out of mind is a true blessing what I don't know can't hurt me

[dyna85]

Yes. Now that the hopes are gone and I no longer have him occupying my mind, I'm back to the person I used to be and I'm not liking it at all.

Insecure, angry, sad, confused, I make big deals about everything... I just don't want to be me again!

 

Also starting to chat with people. Useless. I get uninterested very quick. I think they are all jerks (like my ex) who wants to use me. All the guys are unattractive and the ones I like they don't like me back. Very sad. This make me realize I'm not that attractive and this other guy, who was obviously out of my league, used me for sex and I fell in love with.

 

I'm really stupid. Really stupid.

How to overcome the fact that I don't like my old me? I hate the way I am without him. Is there any solution to this?

 

I would try to reframe your mindset about all guys being jerks. I think this is because you're only 2 months into the breakup, so your hurt is still pretty raw. When you get to 5+ months nc like me, I think you may have a different view.

 

You need to stop criticizing yourself, for starters, and start doing things that make you happy. What made you happy before meeting him?

 

This is actually a great thing for you to experience, so you learn not to lose yourself the next time. When you become so wrapped up in the other person, that's like codependency/addiction. I think many people struggle with this, and it's tricky, but necessary, to separate yourself and not view your ex and/or significant other as a higher power than you.

 

You were worthy before your ex and you are still worthy. You just need to refocus your energies on what you can do to really comfort yourself -- healthy things of course. This will help build up your self-esteem.

 

If it makes you feel any better, we're all insecure at times; angry, sad, and confused too. So what?! You're human.

 

Just recognize what's going on here..you're 2 months nc..you are naturally feeling pretty upset about it. The next step is to dust yourself off and start attending to your needs and being more content with yourself, and that includes not criticizing your emotional state.

[aloneinaz]

I like what Dyna said. It's a CHOICE to stay stuck in your negative mind set. You're free right now. What can you do to improve your view of yourself? Are you working out? New hair style?

 

 

Everyone feels used, taken for granted and suffering a bit hit to our self esteem after a break up. EVERYONE. Now, what MANY do is dust themselves off, and work on the areas the know the could improve on so they will be even better in their next relationship.

 

 

Don't be labeling all guys as douche bags due to this experience. There's plenty of people out there that will likely be interested in you in the future.

[dyna85]

I like what Dyna said. It's a CHOICE to stay stuck in your negative mind set. You're free right now. What can you do to improve your view of yourself? Are you working out? New hair style?

 

 

Everyone feels used, taken for granted and suffering a bit hit to our self esteem after a break up. EVERYONE. Now, what MANY do is dust themselves off, and work on the areas the know the could improve on so they will be even better in their next relationship.

 

 

Don't be labeling all guys as douche bags due to this experience. There's plenty of people out there that will likely be interested in you in the future.

 

So agree with aloneinaz. It's definitely quite rough in the early stages. I can't deny that I went way overboard with the moping and not being productive, but I so second the 'go to the gym' and 'get a haircut.' Doing both of these things has helped me. When you start caring for yourself, that's when you'll start to feel better. Also, I think as you move further along in your healing, your heart will become more open and you will not be so angry towards all men and will most likely even see how this ending worked out in your favor.

 

Bad things fall apart so better things can fall together. Don't stress.