Best (new mom) friend's boyfriend tried to seduce me... and I liked it

[jen1447]

Hey all,

 

Me again. OK thanks for your honest thoughts, good to get a reality check. I definitely don't want any Hustler scenario ending up in real pain for anyone, obviously I'm ashamed of myself and of him, else I wouldn't post it here. Ten years of friendship, I don't want to give that up.

 

Can't believe it even happened in the first place. I think damage control is still possible. I do give off desperate vibes, my boyfriend lives on the other side of the world and getting his visa to join me here has been a horrendous, drawn-out process of several years. His papers will hopefully come through in a few months, but with work not allowing us to meet I have been really down and desperate. Just for some context. (Aaand enter hating and judgement.)

 

To summarise: make clear to the guy that this must never happen again, and make sure not be alone with him (and masturbate before meeting...?). I think it's a bit drastic yet to give up on being the godmother or withdrawing entirely. I can still nip this in the bud with limited damages.

 

However, I don't think it would be a good idea to tell my friend what happened. Apart from my fear she'd never talk to me again, which I would totally understand- it's just too damaging to her and I don't see what it would do except for ruin her trust in our/but more importantly their relationship, as well as taint her memories of her first months as a mom. It's going to be hard enough to restore things back to as normal as possible as it is, I don't want to deeply damage her relationship over what was at most a kiss in the neck.

 

Would you tell?

 

I'm with you 100%. Don't for all the reasons you said. It'd be one thing if sth already happened but this can still be fixed. Fix it.

[GorillaTheater]

Would you tell?

 

Normally I'd say yes; that she ought to be in the information loop too, so she can make the decisions she needs to make. But I can't. I can't suggest you do something that's going to blow up this new mom's world.

 

Makes me feel like an *********, though, because I can't help but think that this guy she's involved with is probably out there banging other women, or will, and that's something your bff definitely needs to know.

 

But we'll hope that it was a one-off on his part. Don't tell.

[minime13]

I second the "don't tell your friend" idea. Things were innocent enough (but boundaries were crossed, with both of you) to blow up a marriage and friendship over - even if you did come clean, you still had a part in it, and it would wreck your friendship.

 

If that is his inclination, it will happen again - but there is no obligation you have. That's their relationship.

[pteromom]

However, I don't think it would be a good idea to tell my friend what happened. Apart from my fear she'd never talk to me again, which I would totally understand- it's just too damaging to her and I don't see what it would do except for ruin her trust in our/but more importantly their relationship, as well as taint her memories of her first months as a mom. It's going to be hard enough to restore things back to as normal as possible as it is, I don't want to deeply damage her relationship over what was at most a kiss in the neck.

 

Would you tell?

 

Once years ago, I was spending the night on a friend's couch. In the middle of the night, her fiance slinked over and tried to make a move on me. I told him NO WAY, and the next morning, I told my friend. Because she was my friend. And I didn't want her to make the mistake of marrying a man who would do this to her.

 

The big difference is that I did NOTHING. I didn't let him touch me. I didn't show interest. I just told him no and go away.

 

In your case, telling would mean telling on yourself. So, no, I wouldn't tell. It is too bad you didn't stop him so you could tell her she is with a pig.

 

What I would do is tell him that there is no way anything is happening between the two of you, and ask him not to flirt with you or touch you, period.

 

And if he tries, and you feel your loins stirring, imagine the face of your friend, devastated and betrayed, and her child, now in a broken home, and you, now without your friend.

 

No matter how intense the sex might be, it is NOT worth it. Just NO.

[anika99]

Well if you are not going to tell your friend what happened then you better put some rock solid boundaries in place and vow to yourself that you will never ever cross them. This means not only do you not have anymore physical contact with this sleazeball, you also do not have any emotional connection with him at all. No more bonding over conversations about your similar interests or your depression. You don't have any private conversations with him at all. You only contact your and converse with your best friend. If he tries to contact you privately you do not respond. When you are all together you include your best friend in every conversation. If your best friend has to leave to run an errand you go with her or leave the premises until she comes back. Do not be alone with this sorry excuse of a man EVER! He cannot be trusted to be alone with you and since you liked it when he came onto you, you cannot be trusted to be alone with him.

 

 

Personally I don't understand what can possibly be attractive about a man so sleazy that he would not only try to cheat on his wife but he would try it with his wife's best friend shortly after his wife gave birth to his first child. You can't sink much lower that that and I don't know how it is that you don't find his actions disgusting. Ugh..he is such a loser pig. If you have to have physical affection and can't wait for your boyfriend to arrive then break up with him and go get felt up by a single guy.

[anika99]

This is your best friend's man. This woman thought enough of you to make you her baby's godmother which is a huge deal. Don't betray her in this way. It's time to put up your boundaries. I can't understand for the life of me how a woman can go to bed and leave her man up with her "friend" at night. You are allowing your loneliness and depression to make bad life choices. Tell your friend not to come to visit you because this woman is too blind with trust for you and you don't deserve that level of trust. Stop being alone with this man. Find someone who isn't your friend's man. If you go down this path it may feel good for a while but eventually it will destroy you, their family and breakup your godchild's home.

 

Your holding the wife responsible for this? Implying that she shouldn't have gone to bed? The woman just had a baby for gawds sake! She probably has to get up every 3-4 hours to take care of her infant and is already sleep deprived. She shouldn't be expected to stay up half the night babysitting her husband and best friend and then the other half of the night tending to her baby. When the hell is she supposed to sleep?

 

 

She probably thinks that never in a million years would her husband and her bestfriend ever do anything so low and so mean. In spite of what I read here at LS I think its pretty normal to trust ones husband and ones bestfriend. I know I would certainly never betray my bf.

[Keenly]

YESSSSS!! THIS!!!

 

Your best friend hasn't been taught the most vaulable lesson yet...NEVER leave your man and your friends alone...and sadly for this very reason...you aren't that trustworthy (based on your actions).

 

Let me ask you this...what if it was your best friend and your BF? How would you feel?

 

Some of us are capable of self control.

[MuddyRock]

Um how can you NOT tell her??? She needs to know NOW. Her health is at risk as well as her child's every time he cheats. Of he gets away with it now oh just wait until the child is 2 or 3. That's when the marriage really gets hard. You are only prolonging this and then what when she has multiple kids by him.

For the love of god please tell her.

[whichwayisup]

Hey all,

 

Me again. OK thanks for your honest thoughts, good to get a reality check. I definitely don't want any Hustler scenario ending up in real pain for anyone, obviously I'm ashamed of myself and of him, else I wouldn't post it here. Ten years of friendship, I don't want to give that up.

 

Can't believe it even happened in the first place. I think damage control is still possible. I do give off desperate vibes, my boyfriend lives on the other side of the world and getting his visa to join me here has been a horrendous, drawn-out process of several years. His papers will hopefully come through in a few months, but with work not allowing us to meet I have been really down and desperate. Just for some context. (Aaand enter hating and judgement.)

 

To summarise: make clear to the guy that this must never happen again, and make sure not be alone with him (and masturbate before meeting...?). I think it's a bit drastic yet to give up on being the godmother or withdrawing entirely. I can still nip this in the bud with limited damages.

 

However, I don't think it would be a good idea to tell my friend what happened. Apart from my fear she'd never talk to me again, which I would totally understand- it's just too damaging to her and I don't see what it would do except for ruin her trust in our/but more importantly their relationship, as well as taint her memories of her first months as a mom. It's going to be hard enough to restore things back to as normal as possible as it is, I don't want to deeply damage her relationship over what was at most a kiss in the neck.

 

Would you tell?

 

You being lonely and missing your boyfriend doesn't justify what you let happen. If you are that 'alone' then buy a cat to keep you company.

 

From now on do NOT hang out with him one on one - that is asking for trouble if you are alone with him late at night. If he ever makes a move on you again, tell him to stop it and leave the room. Go home or go to bed (if you are staying with them) to get away from him.

 

With that said, you better hope he doesn't turn it around on you and tell his wife, aka your best friend, that YOU came onto him. Never say never...

 

Your boyfriend is back in a few months, control your sexual feelings. Don't let yourself think of him that way at all anymore. This is your best friends husband. Put boundaries up asap and do not cross the lines. If you can't handle it, then make plans to see her alone. He can be with the baby for a few hours and you two can go out.

[Poppy47]

That's horrible all round!

I would cancel next month's meeting. If you cannot control yourself around your best friends bloke, don't see them. Remember, she is your best friend but you could lose her and your boy friend if you continue.

People have been without sex for a lot longer than you and survived, believe me. It's not worth doing it with the wrong man.

 

Poppy

[goodyblue]

Simple to cure. When he walks up behind you, elbow him in the stomach. Hard.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Never let "feelings" override self respect. For some reason this guy thought you were "that girl". And he felt that strongly enough to risk you outing him. That would infuriate me beyond belief. Show him how wrong he is.

[the_artist_1970]

Your holding the wife responsible for this? Implying that she shouldn't have gone to bed? The woman just had a baby for gawds sake! She probably has to get up every 3-4 hours to take care of her infant and is already sleep deprived. She shouldn't be expected to stay up half the night babysitting her husband and best friend and then the other half of the night tending to her baby. When the hell is she supposed to sleep?

 

 

She probably thinks that never in a million years would her husband and her bestfriend ever do anything so low and so mean. In spite of what I read here at LS I think its pretty normal to trust ones husband and ones bestfriend. I know I would certainly never betray my bf.

 

No, I am not holding the wife responsible for this guys behavior but in my world we create rock solid boundaries where my I don't go to bed and leave my DH up watching television with my man. People need to realize that if they have very healthy boundaries they don't fall prey to situations like this and other things like affairs. I truly believe that as humans we are all capable of crossing lines when we don't have healthy boundaries.

[anika99]

No, I am not holding the wife responsible for this guys behavior but in my world we create rock solid boundaries where my I don't go to bed and leave my DH up watching television with my man. People need to realize that if they have very healthy boundaries they don't fall prey to situations like this and other things like affairs. I truly believe that as humans we are all capable of crossing lines when we don't have healthy boundaries.

 

I agree up to a point. Like I would never invite a female friend to move in with myself and my partner while I work out of town for several days a week. That would be inviting trouble.

 

However there will always be situations that arise where one just has to be able to trust their SO to do the right thing. For some people it's just not possible to ensure that their partner is never ever alone with a member of the opposite sex, ever. If you have such rock solid boundaries then why don't you expect your DH to have boundaries also?. On one hand you talk about the importance of healthy boundaries and on the other you talk about a husband as if they can't be expected to have any boundaries at all.

[Miss Clavel]

since stabbing your best friend in the back hasn't worked, try stabbing her in the heart. that way, you're sure to get her baby and her man.

 

and what a prize he is.

[Miss Clavel]

Never let "feelings" override self respect. For some reason this guy thought you were "that girl". And he felt that strongly enough to risk you outing him. That would infuriate me beyond belief. Show him how wrong he is.

 

no shhit. he thinks she's the kind of person that will f*uck him on the sofa while his "wife" is in another room, 6 feet away.

 

what a prince.

[Miss Clavel]

I second the "don't tell your friend" idea. Things were innocent enough (but boundaries were crossed, with both of you) to blow up a marriage and friendship over - even if you did come clean, you still had a part in it, and it would wreck your friendship.

 

If that is his inclination, it will happen again - but there is no obligation you have. That's their relationship.

 

 

i pray god, if she tells her friend that her friend turns right around and tell her soon to arrive "boyfriend".

 

maybe it's just me, but that would be sweet.

[minime13]

i pray god, if she tells her friend that her friend turns right around and tell her soon to arrive "boyfriend".

 

maybe it's just me, but that would be sweet.

 

People make really stupid mistakes sometimes when in new situations

Sometimes, they just need a dose of common sense.

 

I REALLY hope that is all this is.

[loveandlight]

You will bitterly regret this situation for the rest of your life if you allow it to develop. You have already gone too far.