Author lantern Posted June 7, 2015 Author Share Posted June 7, 2015 I think I have to let him go, it will be better for both of us on the long run. I just don't know how to do it. How do I just break his heart (and mine too)? How am I suppose to live with the guilt of knowing I caused him so much pain and possibly turn him into a man who won't be able to trust other women again? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 I think I have to let him go, it will be better for both of us on the long run. You're right. I just don't know how to do it. How do I just break his heart (and mine too)? How am I suppose to live with the guilt of knowing I caused him so much pain and possibly turn him into a man who won't be able to trust other women again? You're going to hate me for saying this, but I doubt that will happen. He won't be inconsolable for long. His family will bolster his ego, and confirm to him that it would never have worked. You weren't marriage material, you didn't want children, and goodness me, no faith, no religion...! 'We will find a nice, local, Hindu girl for you, and she will make you happy, because she will know what is expected of her....' Culturally-speaking as females are the lesser of the two, he will have been conditioned to grieve, but not excessively. He's lazy and already a momma's boy. You think that means nothing? She will have a few quiet words here, drop a few hints there, insult you everywhere, and before too long, he will see it her way, agree his family was right all along, and understand that family and culture win over feelings and compromise. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lantern Posted June 7, 2015 Author Share Posted June 7, 2015 His family didn't know about me yet. He speaks to his parents quite often and says that they sometimes show him photos of potential brides, but he always turn them down because he doesn't want an arranged marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lantern Posted June 7, 2015 Author Share Posted June 7, 2015 It's true that he's lazy and momma's boy though. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 His family didn't know about me yet. He speaks to his parents quite often and says that they sometimes show him photos of potential brides, but he always turn them down because he doesn't want an arranged marriage. Well trust me, when you break up with him, the comfort and bosom of his family is where he will naturally seek solace and healing. And he will tell them why he is heartbroken, and they will concur that it would never have worked for the reasons I have already mentioned. And they will convince him that "You see? Far better for us to find you the right girl for you! A nice local girl who will know how to make you happy and keep you happy!" And sadly, as his habits and conditioning stand, it will be no major task to bring him round to their way of thinking. It's true that he's lazy and momma's boy though. The that will probably be the major cause of the discontent you would have experienced, had you stayed with him/ His mother would have been a perpetual brick wall between you. In such cultures, family always wins.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author lantern Posted June 7, 2015 Author Share Posted June 7, 2015 I'm pretty sure he won't talk about his heartbreak with his family. I'm not entirely sure how flexible his parents are on arranged marriage, but I think they'd let him choose his own wife, especially because he lives in a foreign country and he's passed the age when men are suppose to get married. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 My main point is that no matter how much you meant to him, cultural influence and family ties were, and always would have been, stronger. You tried your level-best to get him to be more proactive round the house, and you were repeatedly unsuccessful. He wanted to get married to keep his family happy. He seemed convinced he would be able to get you to have children.... There are countless points in your first post alone which clanged alarm bells.... I believe he will, at some point, confess his relationship with you., And I believe he will be more open to their contributions regarding possible spouses, because your breaking up with him will pretty much confirm and validate their feelings on the matter, anyway.... Link to post Share on other sites
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