Feeling Hopeless.

[Madlib]

Its been almost a year and a half since i moved to Australia to pursue a masters degree. During all this time, i have made no friends at all. I mean i tried by best in keeping informal relationships with people and going above and beyond but no one ever follows up.

 

My daily routine involves going to class, coming back, sleeping, cycling for 20 kms in the morning (40 kms on the weekends). Rinse, wash, repeat. I made a couple of acquaintances last year with a couple of people i was living with.

 

I invite them to my place now and then to watch movies, and i try to be best to host them. I host wonderful dinner parties too with gourmet dishes (since i was previously have experience as a chef). They have a wonderful time, but after that they never seem to follow up. It's like i am always putting my foot forward for people, be it during group meetings for university or having people come over. I am almost never invited for that "drink" after class or that general hangout. In fact, i never been invited by anyone i know to do anything. I always take the initiative and recently i have become so apathetic about it. The only person i consider as a friend is female but i try so hard to make plans with her and its a hit and miss. I took her once for a concert on my expense, amongst other stuff. But even she doesn't follow up on how i am or what i am doing.

 

I feel hopeless and i never seem to have the motivation to do anything. Even study. It's like i am living in a loop where i only hear myself in my head. I am generally a nice person, quite the extravert and can talk about anything. But most of my conversations with people have no effect. I keep analyzing myself to see what my discrepancies are. I always feel that i am making an effort to keep up a "social front" but nothing seems to work. I always keep reminding myself that "things will get better" and i always keep a cheerful and humorous attitude to the people i meet. But deep inside, i feel so empty.

 

I spend my free time doing long distance cycling and often release all my aggression on those long bike rides. Besides that, i have absolutely no one i can rely on. I feel like screaming most of the time to just release the frustration, but i feel absolutely hopeless at the end of the day.

 

Because of this, i even started smoking like a chimney and this adversely affects the only release that i have which is cycling. I often feel my chest burn up and i feel absolutely hopeless of the situation i am in at the moment. I seriously have no idea what to do, i am trying my best. What am i exactly doing wrong?

 

I have recently become so apathetic about everything. I don't talk to my folks back home, my friends from my country don't follow up on me (most of the time i do, just to check up on them and see how they are doing and thats it). I feel like giving up and just keeping everything to myself. I am seriously worried of feeling absolutely numb about everything and i fear i am going to become devoid of any emotion if i keep threading on this course. I am seriously trying my best to manage. But what i am i missing? I really need the help and support otherwise i feel i am going to become apathetic.

Edited June 3, 2015 by Madlib

[brokengirl85]

Hello there and I'm sorry aboutyour situation. This is a forum for people who are coping after a romantic breakup, you should try to re post this on another forum and I hope someone could relate to your situation or give you some advice.

 

I'd stop smoking, seek professional help, and try to think what's going on that people don't seem to enjoy your company. My guess is that you're depressed and people can sense the negativity.

 

Good luck