trishke Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Hi. I'm a 24-year-old guy, and I'm trying to get back together with my ex from 5 years ago. You may be wondering how is it that i haven't got over her in 5 years, but she is not that kind of girl you can get over so easily, and I'm a very sentimental guy. I never loved anyone the way i love her. So here's a little background: We went to high school together. We were friends for years in the beginning, but we fell in love. We were together for two months, and those were some of the best days of my life. I was her first boyfriend, and she was (kind of) my first girlfriend. But then she left me, saying I'm a great guy, but "too nice". Other possible reasons (that she didn't say, but i can only assume) could be that there was no sex (i had mild phimosis back in the day so we couldn't; she didn't know so maybe she mistook it for lack of physical attraction), i had low self esteem, or maybe even showed too much affection to her. It crushed me. Soon after, we graduated, and we split ways. My self-esteem had hit rock-bottom, i felt unwanted everywhere i went for long time after. I lost a lot of my friends because of it. I haven't had much successful relationships since. She moved to a university in a nearby city, and had several boyfriends (i think), one for sure lasted more than a year. We haven't talked much ever since, and we avoided each other... Until couple of days ago. On a 5th high school reunion party i got a little drunk... We hugged each other and talked. I was saying i will always love her, that i missed her a lot, and that i haven't been truly happy since we broke up. She said she still has feelings for me, that I'm the best boyfriend she ever had, and maybe we could get back together "but not like this" (i hope because i was drunk). She also said that she has "changed" - probably indicating that 5 years has passed and we haven't had much contact, so she doesn't know if we are still the people we were back then. I cant figure out if she really meant all those things, or she was just trying to comfort me. So please help me, how do i approach this? I don't want to sound pathetic or too sentimental when talking to her, but I'm not very good with hiding my feelings. I want us to at least start being friends again, talk to each other, to see if we have maybe changed too much. Link to post Share on other sites
ZiggyZoo Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Not what you want to hear, but I think she was just being polite and trying to let you down easily. I don't think that she's interested in rekindling things romantically at all. Saying maybe you could get back together, and that she's changed are big indicators here. Typically when people are into you, they make it quite clear and straightforward, but this isn't at all. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenJourney Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Honestly it could go either way. I don't see why she'd say "maybe we can get back together" unless somewhere she thought it was true or that she was interested in exploring the idea. Obviously you've changed -- it's been five years, and five important years (the distance between 19 and 24 is pretty vast), so that doesn't signal some kind of dealbreaker to me. She could just as much have meant "I've matured" as "I don't know if we can be together again." What you should do is talk to her. If this were me, I would tell her it was really great to see her and that I'd like to meet for coffee and reconnect. Assuming she says yes, I wouldn't go right back into a big, deep "can we get back together" conversation, because it's just too fast and you might scare her off. And really, you need to see how she is as much as she needs to see how you are. Maybe you wouldn't even be interested in her at this point anymore. If she brings up wanting to try dating, then by all means talk about it. And it's OK for you to talk about your feelings to a point - you've already basically laid it out for her, so it won't be a surprise (just try not to come on too strong -- watch her reactions. If she seems to be responding well, go ahead - if she seems to be withdrawing, back off a little). But I think it would be completely fine, based on what you've said, to try to reconnect. Spend some time together. See what you've got. Enjoy each other. Try to keep it light, and see where it goes. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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