The computer is RUINING my LIFE.

[Amalphia]

I havent posted to this web site in a very long time. The last time I posted you guys were able to help me out and I am hoping you can do the same for me again. I have been with my boyfriend now for almost a year and a half. I love him more than the world and he is (for all intensive purposes) a really good boyfriend. Sure he is kinda selfich when it comes to certain things but arent we all.

 

Ok basically I am having a NASTY problem with his computer. I hate that stupid machine. When he and I first got together it really didnt bother me but now I fantasize about throwing my spike heels into the screen. The reason I dislike his computer is becuase of the pron he accesses on it. I cant stand leaving the house because I feel like as soon as I leave he is going to be watching that trash.

 

I used to be nasty with him about it becuase it hurt me so friggin badly, but I quickly realized that I wasnt getting what I wanted and that I was hurting him. He is embarrassed by his porn and he knows and understands that I dont like it. I dont want in any way to make him unhappy but I really dont want to continue to feel suspicious of him when I leave. He has cut down on it and I appreicate that more than I could tell you guys but I really would like to know how to make the negative feelings toward this machine stop so that I can have normal days again.

 

When I feel like Aaron is watching or has been watching porn I feel dirty when Im in bed with him because I know that some of the stuff he wants to do is crap he has seen on that trash. I also dont feel as close to him as I used to (emotionally and sexually). I dont feel attractive anymore, I dont bother with dressing up anymore. I just dont see the point.

[laRubiaBonita]

i seriously doubt the computer is down loading porn itself and your Bf happens to see it! Computers runn on commands. Your BF is commanding that he get porn.

 

 

why not install some sort of access blocker?

[Pocky]

Originally posted by Amalphia

(for all intensive purposes)

 

For all intents and purposes, not intensive purposes. Other than that I can't help - I'm really burnt out on the whole porn topic and I don't think anything else I had to say would be beneficial.

[Amalphia]

Sorry Pocky I thought it was all intensive purposes.

 

Also I really dont want to control him so I dont want to put an access blocker on his computer. It is his after all. I was just kinda hoping someone had some words of wisdom or someway that they coped.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by Amalphia

I feel dirty when Im in bed with him

 

I also dont feel as close to him as I used to.

 

I dont feel attractive anymore

 

I dont bother with dressing up anymore.

 

intere4sting, AMALPHIA, seems to me that some of the problems here may be with you and your attitude towards what the b/f is doing. maybe u should look at readjusting those first.

[laRubiaBonita]

Originally posted by Amalphia

When he and I first got together it really didnt bother me but now ......

 

 

Originally posted by Amalphia

Also I really dont want to control him so I dont want to put an access blocker on his computer. It is his after all.

 

ooohhh, i thought it was partially yours too.

[LucreziaBorgia]

A few months ago this was your situation.

 

If I say anything about it he gets mad and says im controlling him and that he was in a four year hell hole marriage that was all about control and he wont deal with a controlling relationship again.

 

In his marriage his exwife used sex as a weapon and he actually was forced to have sex with her when he absolutely did NOT want to. She would cry and whine and moan and complain that he didnt love her and that if he didnt have sex with her then there was no point in their marriage and that he may as well forget about getting his green card and go back to england.

 

Also another reason that I think he likes porn is b/c his ex would NEVER let him watch it for four years he either didnt watch it or had to hide it.

 

You want him to have sex with you. You want him to throw out the porn. I expect he is having flashbacks to his first horrible, disatrous marriage.

 

It sounds to me like you are in a 'deal with it or leave' type situation. He refuses any input that you give, and refuses any and all efforts or suggestions of counseling, so you have only two options left: learn to live with this scarred individual just as he is now and be unhappy, or leave the relationship and look for a relationship which will give you happiness and satisfaction. You can't change this guy. He doesn't want to be changed, not for you and not for anyone else. Can he change? Sure, but only if he wants to. He doesn't want to, and resents you for even trying.

 

It sounds like you would benefit greatly from some counseling to help you bolster your self esteem so that you can get to the point where you are strong enough to walk out on your own. It sounds like you are with this guy at this point because you feel you have no other options, and are terrified of leaving. Either that or you've become addicted to your own misery and stay in this relationship because it perpetuates it. You have the power to walk out of this and find happiness.

[FolderWife]

Well....I don't have any advice for you. I will be straight with you and this board.

 

I've told my husband that I will not get angry about his porn any more, because he obviously won't stop buying it, so I'll just get over it.

 

At first, everything was fine. But then gradually, I got really sick of our sex life. It's all about him. I accepted that for a while, because I felt like if all of HIS needs weren't met, how could I expect him not to look at porn. Well, all of his bedroom needs were met, sex was all about him and HIS orgasm, and he STILL snuck in porn once a month.

 

So finally I got over it, and accepted his porn usage. Everything was fine. But now, suddenly, he never makes a move on me. It's like he couldn't care LESS if we make love or not. At first, I was ok with it, because I was totally burned out on blow jobs.

 

I'm so SICK of having to fight to get to have sex with my husband I'm so angry that instead of coming to me first, he pops in a DVD, and then when I finally get so starved for sex that I come begging for it, he isn't interested. At first, he was normal. He had me AND porn. But now, as always in the past, he's a porn jacker, and his wife's needs aren't a factor.

 

So what's happening? I'll be honest with you...and myself...I'm nearing an affair.

 

That's right. Monday, the cheater basher is NEARING HAVING AN AFFAIR OF HER OWN!

 

I feel so ugly! I feel so unsexy! I feel so neglected! I feel my husband's love toward me, but he doesn't act interested in having sex with me at ALL! So then this guy give me attention, and I reciprocate (because he's hot) and the next thing I know, we are IMing each other about how lousy our sex lives are.

 

Then it escalated to us admitting how attracted we are to each other.

 

And now, it's to the point that I am Instand Messaging a guy about how much I want to do him!

 

An affair is unfolding in front of my eyes, and even though I SEE it, I don't bother to stop it, because I feel like I've FOUGHT AND FOUGHT AND FOUGHT AND FOUGHT to get my husband to pay attention to me, and it's to no avail! I want sex, and I HAVE TO BEG FOR IT! I have to DEMAND that my husband not masterbate to fantasies of other women. I have to cry my eyes out every time he betrays me for a movie. I have to be heartbroken once every two months because my husband is being mean to me so I won't want sex with him, BECAUSE HE'D RATHER MASTERBATE!

 

I see myself becoming someone that I KNOW I'll hate, and I don't care enough to stop it!

[FolderWife]

In other words, unless you want to live the rest of your life like this, and are willing to find yourself looking at other men because you aren't getting any, GET OUT NOW!!!!!

[Amalphia]

You want him to have sex with you. You want him to throw out the porn. I expect he is having flashbacks to his first horrible, disatrous marriage.

 

It sounds to me like you are in a 'deal with it or leave' type situation. He refuses any input that you give, and refuses any and all efforts or suggestions of counseling, so you have only two options left: learn to live with this scarred individual just as he is now and be unhappy, or leave the relationship and look for a relationship which will give you happiness and satisfaction. You can't change this guy. He doesn't want to be changed, not for you and not for anyone else. Can he change? Sure, but only if he wants to. He doesn't want to, and resents you for even trying.

 

It sounds like you would benefit greatly from some counseling to help you bolster your self esteem so that you can get to the point where you are strong enough to walk out on your own. It sounds like you are with this guy at this point because you feel you have no other options, and are terrified of leaving. Either that or you've become addicted to your own misery and stay in this relationship because it perpetuates it. You have the power to walk out of this and find happiness.

 

 

I wasnt expecting anyone to dig into my past posts but I thank you for doing so. Aaron has changed ALOT since my last postings he has started listening actually talks with me about the relationship. He has done a literal 180 and I love him even more today than I did before. He still is having soem personal issues with the scarring from his exwife but he has become so flippin wonderful since my earlier posts. Aaron did and does want to change and he has changed because he loves me adn because he wants us to be happy. Now I want to be the one to change soem fro him too. I want to make him happy I want to be everything he needs and wants but I dont know how to do it.

[young&idealistic]

Monday,

 

I know this isn't your post, but I had almost exactly the same situation with my ex-boyfriend of many years that I had wanted to marry, and I did cheat. I'm ashamed but I felt like I was at my wit's end by the time I finally cheated. I felt ugly and ignored, and when another guy showed interest it felt like I'd finally seen a way out of my hell hole. There was about 3 months of "foreplay" with the other guy where we saw each other and talked every day about how much we wanted each other before I finally gave in and slept with him.

 

I regret what I did and I wish I had given my relationship with my ex one last chance by telling him what was going on. From the moment the new guy started giving you the attention and the self esteem boost that your husband has been neglecting to give you, the affair was pretty much inevitable. The only chance your marriage has is if you get these feelings you have for the other guy out in the open with your husband. He'll be pissed and scared, but you haven't done anything really bad yet, and it might be exactly the reality kick in the shorts he needs to start learning to meet your emotional needs.

 

Remember that cheating WILL ruin your relationship and if you have any respect for what it used to be, then it's worth giving another shot. Otherwise, get a divorce before starting the new relationship. It's so hard not to be selfish when it's the only thing you can imagine will ever make you happy again but I promise it's not worth it. Besides, affairs are all about build-up anyway. The actual physical stuff is never as good as it seems like it'll be. Just my two cents.

[HoldOn]

Oh Monday, when are you going to leave this guy? I can't remember if you have kids or not, but your situation is sooo sad.

[kittenhead]

Oh porn. It is an endless battle. In the case where the woman does not have sex with her husband b/c he's too busy masterbating to his porn---[sigh]---I'm so sorry. It's a real indicater that something is wrong. having an affair WILL not make you feel better--i promise. you will hate yourself ultimately. just go. if an affair is your only option--then just go--hold onto your self respect.

 

for the lady whose BF is consuming porn. one--he may not feel good in bed about himself. porn is weird--it actually makes men feel less about themselves--like when i look at a fashion magazine--i need to buy new shoes b/c i think they will make me sexier--i buy the shoes--i feel better for the first time i wear them and then i start the process all over again. my BF thinks he's not the "biggest" i've evr had--strange thing to wonder--but still i tell him he is b/c its true--but you see the porn size and it makes most men look small. two--its better that he looks there then if he looks somewhere else. i think its the one thing that makes it possible for men NOT to cheat. its actually a perfect devise to keep them monogamous (if they are still having sex with you). he's not interested in running off with those women or finding another one--he just wants to get off. a guy once told me that if he didn't have porn--he'd end up fantasizing and it would most likely be with an ex-girlfriend. not such a good scenario--but it really put things into perspective. and three-why not try those things with him? fulfill his fantasy.

 

look--its not personal--its sexual. now go check out my post and help me out here-- same section--called strip clubs, bachelor parties and prostitutes.

[moimeme]

[color=blue][font=century gothic]DON'T CHEAT. GET YOURSELF TO A COUNSELLOR.

 

CRIPES.[/font][/color]

[whichwayisup]

When I feel like Aaron is watching or has been watching porn I feel dirty when Im in bed with him because I know that some of the stuff he wants to do is crap he has seen on that trash. I also dont feel as close to him as I used to (emotionally and sexually). I dont feel attractive anymore, I dont bother with dressing up anymore. I just dont see the point.

 

Get out now. He isn't going to change and you can't change him. Either accept the porn or make him decide. You or the porn. Sadly, we both know what he might choose.

 

MONDAY baby!

 

Okay I understand your pain, frustrations and all...You're flirting right now, having some intimate chats with some guy- but don't take it to the next level.

 

TELL YOUR HUSBAND WHAT IS GOING ON right now. IF he acts like he couldn't give a crap, END IT and then go with this guy. Don't give your H the satisifaction of putting the marriage ending cuz of something you did. Please. You've come too far to allow this.

 

Make your husband choose! Either he really starts working on the marriage immediately or you're out the door forever.

 

Lots of hugs to you...

[Amalphia]

Get out now. He isn't going to change and you can't change him. Either accept the porn or make him decide. You or the porn. Sadly, we both know what he might choose.

 

Guys you all keep telling me to leave him. I am not going to leave him. He has changed so much since my last posts and he is a very good man. What I am hoping is that someone here can tell me how to make it easier to accept porn or how to make sure it is gone!!! Please help me.

[HoldOn]

The only (small) chance you have is to go to couples counselling about this issue. You BOTH need to go.

[Amalphia]

Originally posted by HoldOn

The only (small) chance you have is to go to couples counselling about this issue. You BOTH need to go.

 

HoldOn...

Hun please understand that Aaron and I have our problems and we are able to discuss most things openly but this issue has been one that I have been battling with all on my own. I used to gripe with him and get really pissed off but I dont anymore b/c that does no good. I do not in any way to him to feel controlled by me. I want him to be able to be his own person but I need to be able to accept that part of his person (unfortunately) is porn.

 

Please guys, I dont like the porn but I dont have the right to try to change anyone. How do I cope with it or how do I work around it? What would you do? Put yourself in my place.

[Bunnylove]

Well I have a suggestion. This might seem weird if you seen any of my posts. In my last relationship I was jelious and paranoid and hated him looking at other women. I still don't agree with it as his 'looking' and flirtacious behavior led a girl on and as he was feeling 'naughty' at the time he decided to go with it...leading him to cheat AND lie. NONE of these things i agree with but porn is different. The way I see porn is just like a fantasy...it's not really there or happeneing. I DON'T like my partner looking at women in real life...on the street or whatever cause I feel that eveuntaully the girl might reciprocate the feeling and they will go out (which would sometimes happen). But porn is safe!!! He ISN'T WITH them...he is just fantasising. Dont YOU ever fantasise? I think maybe you should have a night alone and look at some porn. DONT think about HIM and what he gets out of it! Try it out for yourself and see if you find anything there that turns you on. My main concirn with your relationship is that (if i'm getting this right) he is negelcting you in bed and finding MORE pleasure alone with his porn. If this is the case, you need to talk to him about your relationship...maybe he isnt getting what he wants in bed? Maybe he has a certain fettish that he is too scared to tell you about. Why not find out by checking the porn he is watching. Why not get INVOLVED with it....I have enjoyed watching porn with my boyfriends....we both get turned on and then go on to make love. Sometimes we have got ideas from porn on different ways, possitions and places to make love. Just remember he was watching porn while he masterbated BEFORE you came along and maybe still find pleasure in that even now. It's just a way to get him off quickly without thinking about what YOU want and need in bed. If he is doing it all the time and not paying too much attesion to you THEN maybe there is a problem. Ask yourself if YOU still enjoy masterbating EVEN now your in a realtionship. I find that some people don't need it anymore when they have sex on tap...but some ENJOY it and will still continue to do it no matter what. I am one of them. I wonder if you do and whether HE would have anything to say about it?

 

On the other hand dear writer....you maybe have moral issues on your views towards porn. Does the actul thought of it disgust you in any way? tell me WHAT it is exactly about him watching porn that disturbs you? Is it that he spends more time masterbating with that then with you? Do you think the girls are more attractive than you? Is it a moral issue? I find it helps it write down all the reasons WHY it bothers you so much. Get to know yourself more. Come back and discuss with us how it goes.

 

I can feel that you love your husband very much and have shown this by letting him free to do this even though it bothers you. But you can't go on neglecting your own feelings...you will lose respect for yourself. My advice to sum up:

 

1) spend some time alone watching porn...see if you find and enjoyment (as he does)

 

2) write down all the things about porn/him watching porn that bother you

 

3) once your CLEAR about what it is that bothers you..TALK to him about it

 

4) also find out about him...WHY he enjoys it ect...by talking he will either open you up to it or compromise on his own accord to make you feel better about the situation

 

Good Luck!!!

[Amalphia]

Maybe he has a certain fettish that he is too scared to tell you about. Why not find out by checking the porn he is watching. Why not get INVOLVED with it....I have enjoyed watching porn with my boyfriends....we both get turned on and then go on to make love. Sometimes we have got ideas from porn on different ways, possitions and places to make love.

 

I used to watch things with him but I felt like he was making love to the women he was watching and not me. He likes to watch porn and touch me at the same time and that makes me feel like the nearest soft surface or maybe even a blowup doll. I felt cheap and I did NOT like it. Also all the porn he likes is lesbian action and I'm not into that.

 

It's just a way to get him off quickly without thinking about what YOU want and need in bed. If he is doing it all the time and not paying too much attesion to you THEN maybe there is a problem. Ask yourself if YOU still enjoy masterbating EVEN now your in a realtionship.

 

I have never enjoyed masterbating. Maybe its because im no good at it or maybe its because I woudl rather be with a man. I really dont know.

 

Does the actul thought of it disgust you in any way? tell me WHAT it is exactly about him watching porn that disturbs you? Is it that he spends more time masterbating with that then with you? Do you think the girls are more attractive than you? Is it a moral issue? I find it helps it write down all the reasons WHY it bothers you so much.

 

Yes I think some of the porn he watches is disgusting and VERY degrading to women. I feel like he wants for me to be like these women. I thinks he wants me to "SLUT IT UP A BIT" or something. He always is watchign lesbians doing this and that and im not into women and I will NOT be doing that stuff with them, so I feel like im not fullfillng him in some way. Yes I definelty think those women are more attractive then me but I also believe he still finds me attractive. And yes also in a way i find it morally upsetting. These girls should not be doing this stuff. Why would anyone do soemthing like that???? I dont understand. They know that men are going to watch and they know that men that are taken are going to watch but they dont care. Why dont they care?

[LadyAnglerinTx]

Porn is a deal breaker for me - period. Men in committed relationships need to learn to keep their women satisfied instead of their peckers.

 

I left my husband because I got sick of his jacking off - it interfered with OUR sex life. He sucked in bed because his pecker couldn't stay hard - he didn't put effort into pleasing me and I refused to tolerate it.

 

I need sex too and I need a man who can keep it up! If he's gotta hide and jack off to porn - dump the loser for a man who's willing to respect you and satisfy you.

 

Too many women bitch about porn on here - why do you women put up with it? There are plenty of decent guys who are dying to have real sex and real intimacy - they'll respect you and treat you better. Dump your worthless limp pecker boyfriends/husbands and find a real man!

 

Not all men are into porn. It's just like saying "All the good men are taken - well, so are alot of the bad ones!".

 

If porn is a deal breaker - dump him, move on to someone who respects your feelings and spends time pleasing you instead of his penis!

[Beth]

Hi everyone -- this thread is going all over the place! Since it so interconnected I'm not going to break it into separate threads right now, but I would ask that you stick to the original poster's question going forward.

 

Amalphia:

 

All along you have been asking what YOU can do for YOURSELF to help you cope with his porn viewing, and not "how can I get him to stop". The only advice I can offer is to do a little research on pornography and really understand why you feel the way you do about it.

 

You feel dirty -- why?

You are suspicious of him -- why?

 

Once you can better understand your feelings about porn then you can try to understand HIS feelings about porn. That may be a good step in dealing with the feelings that you have regarding pornography and then you and Aaron can attempt to come to an understanding and perhaps set some boundaries for the relationship that both of you can accept and leave neither of you feeling guilty or embarrassed.

[Amalphia]

All along you have been asking what YOU can do for YOURSELF to help you cope with his porn viewing, and not "how can I get him to stop". The only advice I can offer is to do a little research on pornography and really understand why you feel the way you do about it.

 

You feel dirty -- why?

You are suspicious of him -- why?

 

Once you can better understand your feelings about porn then you can try to understand HIS feelings about porn. That may be a good step in dealing with the feelings that you have regarding pornography and then you and Aaron can attempt to come to an understanding and perhaps set some boundaries for the relationship that both of you can accept and leave neither of you feeling guilty or embarrassed.

 

Thank you Beth for your input and thanks to the rest of you as well. I guess that since evryone has their own opinion that I am just going to have to see what I can do for myself. I appreciate everyones help and advice and I promise I will do my best to take all of your advice.

 

If there is anyone out there who is dealign with the same or a similiar issue I would apprecite your input. I love Aaron adn I am not going to leave him over some dirty pictures but like I've been saying all along I would like to knw how to deal with them.

[emmabunny]

Honey, I have been with what i thought was the perfect guy for 2 and half years. I am very much in love with him and he has always been fantastic. Then one day i caught him wanking to porn on his pc, while he thought i was asleep (i'd often wear a mask as he would study late) in the bed in the same room, i woke as he was frantically looking for headphones). I am 8 years older than him and never have been frightened or upset by porn before. As i watched him (he didn't know i was awake) my instant reaction was to go over and join in, for a giggle, then i got cross as i felt disrepected and then had so many emotions including finding it very funny....but i waited for my sense to kick in. So I replaced the mask coughed and yawned and he quickly used Alt tab onto a game!!! Anyway I said hey honey if u having trouble with ur head phones i can fix them... no no he said... anyways he started to get angry with me and kept on i should go to sleep. eventually as i was so surprised at his anger. I said ' do u often watch porn while i'm sleeping? Now u have too choices be chilled about it, (i giggled) let me slip under the desk and help... or ...turn it off and bonk me instead' i thought was level headed about it... he went nuts!!! Really angry at me!

 

I guessed at this point either he had some historical issue with it, or was addicted. Only addicts are angry when u question their addiction. We talked about it over the next few months. I said i didn't mind the porn if he kept it to during the day when i wasn't about and it didn't interfer with our sex life or cash flow! I said i was happy to try new stuff. Was happy to watch it with him. Before i was with him i would have pictures of men on my PC - brad pitt, joey from friends the usual stuff... i had automatically stopped when we moved in as i kinda thought it would upset him. Well now my backdrops are back! He ahted them - he had a real go at me about the brad one, said it wasn't the same as porn! HA Ha! Then came the vibrator. I got one as i always wanted one and though well he plays with porn and i always wondered. WOW! that was a great afternoon on ones own. He can into my room and there i was after a bath hiding my reduce hair cream under a towel - i think he was pretty sure it was a vibrator under there as he pulled it off and then was a bit funny...ha ha he also has always grabbed my phone to answer my messages. This is when i asked him how he feels each time.

 

he admitted both the vibtraor, the messages and the pictures on my PC upset him. Makes him feel jealous. I then said now seriously think about how my brain has been struggling to cope with its increased feeling that when ever i go out u r straight on the pc.

I said not to lie about it, if he'd spent part of his day wanking and i say what u do today, be honest say something nice like... 'spent a bit of time comparing women to u today and am convinced after extensive searches u still the most yummy one ever... but will continue looking tomorrow... ' or 'had a hard morning looking up a new way to please u - chocholate sex, tried it on my own...so there's no chocolate left sorry!!' i explained that if he makes it sneaky i will feel isolated but if it is TREATED AS the norm i can accept it, easier.

 

I also said i've never had to deal with the VOLUME he was looking at before, and it was hurting me a bit esp the thought of me coming hme after working and being asleep in the room where he does it. That i thought i could handle, but even after a few months could not bear to wear the mask and ear plugs to bed, or go without bonking - as i feared i was negleted. I explained i knew that i shouldn't look on his PC, but i had a few times, that i knew he wasn't looking at anything odd or wrong and that i hated myself for doing it..and that due to his intial anger it had made me worry and obsess, i started to resent catching him and felt bliss would be not knowing. I told him i was worried to go to bed early case he's be up doing it, that i thought about nothing else and it was driving me nuts...

 

esp when i wonder can a man actually wank and watch porn for hours??????

 

I was actively trying to be cool about it and joked about the download times....and tried to keep it lighthearted ..i wanted him to talk to me about it too, he accussed me of competing with the porn...surely a mans dream... shouldn't of bought that basque, oil and candles..!! at one point i declined sex for nearly a week which is something i never do...just so he'd want me more..and he did!

 

Eventually talk to me a bit more about it..he was understanding and i listened about why he felt it was private. We came to a comprimise that he would save some stuff for us and some for himself. WE had some really nice bonking nights. I know now he loves BJ's, not to be teased and quick ones.... I know i am straight but i have discovered i like watching lesbo porn, i have no idea why..but it gets me going..(after i got over my intial embarrassment of my self!). my reasoning gene says its because i enjoy painting female human form but secretly i believe really i would love two of me giving pleasure to me!

 

I tried to keep my view point level headed it was and is hard. Some hours i am angry with him - normally when he's bonked me once in a week - and i know from his way that he has been over looking... he still is very affectionate and i am happy with that. Hugs kisses and grabs my boobies!

I get very cross after i have worked hard all day, nothing is done (he's a student) and then i have to cook tea, wash up do washing etc... and sometimes u just think i bet he's spent the day wanking.!! who cares if he hasn't its still ****, and he is bound to have... so i clean and get smelly and tired and think now i'm never getting any.

 

Anyone who knows us thinks we shag all the time as he continually touches me all the time, tweaking my nipples and kissing me when we go out. Which breaks my heart. I have always thought in a relationship u can ****, shag, make love, go fast slow and have quickies use toys do it anywhere etc etc!!

 

Yet i love sex with my partner but have definately seen a deteroiation in the frequency of our sex life although quality is still good..... Then i had to discuss it with him. we chatted. he is working hard and so am i...so our sleep patterns are out of sink. So left make effort to see each other??? nope...

so i do more exercise to lose wieght and increase my inside leg strength as he likes the crouching move... anyway its become about him. satisfying him. He hasn't gone down on me since i stopped washing in protest HA HA just kidding... and finally the last straw came last night. I finally had to admit my brain was out of control.

In the last 2/4 months my fantasies are getting worse...1st ex boyfriends, then people i work with, male friends, david tennant (who isn't really my type at all) and then i watched without a paddle with 3 hunks in it and who did i dream about SETH GREEN???????????????????????????????????????/

 

man SETH !!! he's great in the sack. I remembered my dream continuously all day and have kept him close (now a background on my pc) I have never thought him attractive but i can see whats happening. My brain and body are starting to wonder. I have started noticing other guys. I hate this.

 

I love my man. However, like men have needs so do women. I need to feel close to my partner - i love nookie and would happily bonk till really late even if i was knakkered (and i so love getting up tired thinking about my naughty night, makes me feel great all day)

yet i knew in my heart right at the beginning.

 

These sites are visited by women in different stages of the same thing. They love a guy. He starts using internet porn and its easy and quick and needs no effort. I know its healthy in parts... keeps the old mind active and keep the willy practiced. However, I have read them i have looked at women in various stages, the hurt the anger the feelings of worthlessness. then they pick themsleves up, join in even though they aren't really happy... try to change their views, even many who are fine with it continue for a while. UNTIL IT DIRECTLY AFFECTS: their sex life/ their quality of time together, their Pc (viruses) the wallet. they may concentrate on themsleves.

 

Men most of u are fine. Occassional users. its not u we have a huge problem with, its those nice guys who gradually get pulled into site after site for hours. The guys who are seriously getting addicted and don't even noticed, who believe its natural and healthy but their time on it increases..soon they get cross when disturbed at their PC......till its too late that their girlfriend has already been through every emotional state there is, till finally they realise it isn't their fault and they build their self esteme up, and another nice guy chats to them, and spends time with them, makes them laugh... owns a bike and a pc... and wants to cycle to a place and bonk one day and wants to use porn another... balanced!

 

then her natural urges kick in and she goes to the man has a balanced view in an internet world and still has a zest for ALL the good things in life.

 

I am walking that path. not there yet but its coming gradually unless something changes. I am now too tired to make that effort anymore and mostly guys won't notice no effort when there has gone already.

 

xx good luck honey. alwasy worth to try everything before u give up, but u'll know the day when its over. xxx

[emmabunny]

ps when i say i don't make the effort - i mean at hme... when i go out with the girls i certainly do... and at work...