Is it okay to go to a wedding if I don't like the couple?

[Kitchen]

My "friend" is getting married this summer. I think she's phony and rude, and there have been a couple of incidences where she's made it clear she doesn't care about me as a true friend would.

 

But the thing is we are part of a larger group of friends, many of whom I'm close with and love spending time with. So I'm thinking of going to the wedding, only to spend time with them, because to me that would be a lot of fun.

 

Is it okay to go for this reason?

 

Should I go for diplomatic reasons, given we're in the same large group? Might sound absurd, but we have a group of like 20 people, with many other acquaintances, all part of the same cultural society. With so many people there's bound to be drama and some people who don't get along. It's stressful because even if you don't like a person you're stuck being around them from time to time. So I feel the need to think strategically for my long term best interest.

 

Do I have to invite her when I get married if I go to her wedding? I feel guilty spending a lot of money for someone I don't like, on the gift.

Edited June 4, 2015 by Kitchen

[preraph]

Did you get an invitation in the mail? If not, don't go. She knows you so if she didn't invite you directly, she doesn't intend for you to go. But if she sent an invitation, go if you want to and get a gift and all that. If you really don't like her and you don't want to go, don't go. Make an excuse.

[TaraMaiden2]

If you haven't been invited, you are incorrect to assume you'd be welcome to turn up anyway.

Weddings are actually meticulously planned, to the finest detail.

You turning up, would put a spanner in the works and you definitely would be 'persona non grata'.

 

If you HAVE been invited, nothing says you have to go; and not going, in spite of the company there, would be better than attending. Because it would never be about the 'good time' you might have.

It would all focus on her and her new husband, and the fun would be where they're at.

It's not about having fun with buddies. It's a wedding, not a garden party.

[stillafool]

Meet your friends somewhere else to hang out and have fun. Don't go to her wedding because you don't like her. You would be a hypocrite to go at this point considering how you feel about her. Really, really poor taste to attend. No you don't have to invite her to your wedding, just don't go to hers.

[Kitchen]

So I thought it was implied when I asked the question. YES I am invited.

 

 

If you HAVE been invited, nothing says you have to go; and not going, in spite of the company there, would be better than attending. Because it would never be about the 'good time' you might have.

It would all focus on her and her new husband, and the fun would be where they're at.

It's not about having fun with buddies. It's a wedding, not a garden party.

 

There are going to be hundreds of people there. She (and her fiance) will be catering to everyone, not just the 10-20 of us there. I'm saying, the rest of us would still be together the whole time, drinking, dancing, taking pictures, what not. She on the other hand will only be around a small part of the time.

 

Some of the friends are flying in from out of state so it would be a pity if I don't go, and won't be able to see them. And on top of that, there are only a handful of times we all see each other anyway, local or out of state. So you see, for these reasons I am tempted to go.

 

I am looking at it as paying a fee for several dinners and a lunch, and open bar, midsummer party with friends. Is that not a right way to look at it?

 

My other concern is as I mentioned above, that I will be left out of the group for an event. I feel the need to be a presence so that in the future I am not purposefully or inadvertently left out by anyone, just because they all have fun without me. You see what I'm saying?

 

Meet your friends somewhere else to hang out and have fun. Don't go to her wedding because you don't like her. You would be a hypocrite to go at this point considering how you feel about her. Really, really poor taste to attend. No you don't have to invite her to your wedding, just don't go to hers.

 

Hypocrite, maybe. Really really poor taste? My concern is not about how she feels at all with me attending her wedding. I couldn't care less if she ever finds out that I am going not for her but for others.

 

As stated above, there are only a handful of chances throughout the year for a few of us to all see each other, especially being dressed up, having fun in a nice beach town. It's not so easy or nearly as fun to just try to set up a separate get together.

 

You said I don't have to invite her and I shouldn't go either. But let's say I do go, in that case am I obliged to invite her to mine? What is the custom there? Must you invite everyone who's wedding you attended?

 

P.s. I have no plan on getting married anytime soon, don't even have a significant other. So it wouldn't be for at least another 2-3 years.

 

EDIT: As far as being a hypocrite or really really poor taste, who exactly is getting harmed here? It's not like I am going and won't act civil, or won't be nice. Arguably she's a hypocrite too for inviting me when she doesn't care about me, right?

Edited June 4, 2015 by Kitchen

[writergal]

So I thought it was implied when I asked the question. YES I am invited.

 

 

 

There are going to be hundreds of people there. She (and her fiance) will be catering to everyone, not just the 10-20 of us there. I'm saying, the rest of us would still be together the whole time, drinking, dancing, taking pictures, what not. She on the other hand will only be around a small part of the time.

 

Some of the friends are flying in from out of state so it would be a pity if I don't go, and won't be able to see them. And on top of that, there are only a handful of times we all see each other anyway, local or out of state. So you see, for these reasons I am tempted to go.

 

I am looking at it as paying a fee for several dinners and a lunch, and open bar, midsummer party with friends. Is that not a right way to look at it?

 

My other concern is as I mentioned above, that I will be left out of the group for an event. I feel the need to be a presence so that in the future I am not purposefully or inadvertently left out by anyone, just because they all have fun without me. You see what I'm saying?

 

 

 

Hypocrite, maybe. Really really poor taste? My concern is not about how she feels at all with me attending her wedding. I couldn't care less if she ever finds out that I am going not for her but for others.

 

As stated above, there are only a handful of chances throughout the year for a few of us to all see each other, especially being dressed up, having fun in a nice beach town. It's not so easy or nearly as fun to just try to set up a separate get together.

 

You said I don't have to invite her and I shouldn't go either. But let's say I do go, in that case am I obliged to invite her to mine? What is the custom there? Must you invite everyone who's wedding you attended?

 

P.s. I have no plan on getting married anytime soon, don't even have a significant other. So it wouldn't be for at least another 2-3 years.

 

EDIT: As far as being a hypocrite or really really poor taste, who exactly is getting harmed here? It's not like I am going and won't act civil, or won't be nice. Arguably she's a hypocrite too for inviting me when she doesn't care about me, right?

 

Go to the wedding to hang out with your friends. Is it in poor taste to use the wedding as a means to socially hangout with your out of town friends? Possibly.

 

I suppose if you don't go, your friends will wonder why, especially if you invite them to meet up with you while they are in town for her wedding. Your friends will question why you didn't go, and you'll either have to lie with an excuse "I was sick," or tell them the truth, that you don't really like her.

 

So, I think you risk more socially by not going to the wedding and asking your friends to hang out with you after the wedding, than you do by just going to the wedding.

 

Sure, you don't like her but if you were officially invited then just go. Be cordial to her and her groom, and enjoy the reception with your friends whom you don't get to see often.

[whichwayisup]

My "friend" is getting married this summer. I think she's phony and rude, and there have been a couple of incidences where she's made it clear she doesn't care about me as a true friend would.

DO NOT go to the wedding. That's fake and since you two aren't 'true' friends it would be a big fat lie to go and pretend to care and be happy for her.

 

But the thing is we are part of a larger group of friends, many of whom I'm close with and love spending time with. So I'm thinking of going to the wedding, only to spend time with them, because to me that would be a lot of fun.

 

Is it okay to go for this reason?

 

NO. The wedding is about HER, not about you to hang out with friends. Sorry to be blunt, but it's selfish of you to go for that reason.

 

I'm not sure why she invited you since you two aren't really friends. A mercy invitation? If that is it, then it's insulting either way and fake.

 

 

Do I have to invite her when I get married if I go to her wedding? I feel guilty spending a lot of money for someone I don't like, on the gift.

 

If you go to her wedding, then yes you have to invite her to yours. It would be hypocritical for you to go to her wedding and then not to invite her to yours.

 

Don't go to her wedding. Be true to yourself.

[d0nnivain]

She invited you. Go if you want to. Do not say to anybody what you said to us about her or your motives for going. If you do go, get her an appropriate gift and be gracious.

 

No you don't have to invite her to your wedding but it will look really bad if you are getting married this year & you invite the rest of the group. If that is your intent, don't go to her wedding because they are expensive.

[Tayla]

Be a gentlemen and go. and should you get married down the road,elope.

 

Most guys in their 20's dont care for weddings... so i do understand that part.

[jakrbbt]

Part of the reason for a wedding, is for friends, family and acquaintances to all meet up and enjoy each other's company as they witness your wedding--and by the same token, make your wedding whatever kind of "event" you want it to be. It is not just a way for each individual invitee to show some kind of true-love, friend-allegiance. In other words, your connection to the other guests is, by itself, a legitimate reason for showing up. If you all have a good time and therefore remember the event, then likely you will have fulfilled exactly what the bride and groom wanted you to. Especially if they're inviting hundreds of people.

 

In fact, if you even make one of the guests happier than they'd have been without you there, you are a perfect guest. You don't need to harbor spiritually contrite feelings of forever-love for the bride. She's not marrying you.

 

This isn't an ethical dilemma at all in my opinion. Unless of course, you plan on somehow ruining the wedding, which I doubt!

[Sweeetie]

I think it was a very kind gesture for her to invite you to her special day considering that you two are not on good terms. Perhaps it is her way of saying "Let's make peace for this one day, you have been a part of my life and I want you there"? Each invitation for a wedding is carefully thought out, let alone expensive, and it is often the case that if the bride does not want somebody there they ain't coming! There have been instances where not all of my friendship group got invited to a friend's wedding.

 

If you are skeptical about the intention behind the invitation, why not test the waters and message the bride to ask how everything is going, to see how her conduct towards you is now? If she really does want you there, she will be nice.

[stillafool]

 

 

 

Hypocrite, maybe. Really really poor taste? My concern is not about how she

feels at all with me attending her wedding. I couldn't care less if she ever

finds out that I am going not for her but for others.

 

Well since you feel this way there is no reason to even bring a gift. Just go party with your friends and don't even speak to the bride. Just use her event to enjoy yourself.

 

 

You said I don't have to invite her and I shouldn't go either. But let's say I do

go, in that case am I obliged to invite her to mine? What is the custom there?

Must you invite everyone who's wedding you attended?

 

p.s. I have no plan on getting married anytime soon, don't even have a

significant other. So it wouldn't be for at least another 2-3 years.

 

You don't even know if you are going to have a wedding and by the time you find out (you said in 2-3 years) the friendship will be well over and no you don't have to invite her. You may not even know how to reach her by then.

[Grumpybutfun]

This is absurd...grow up and find something to volunteer for or to donate to.

[angelcake]

You were invited. There is nothing wrong with going. Go and enjoy yourself.

 

However, you should also take a nice gift and also prepare to reciprocate the wedding invitation if you do wind up getting married within the next year or two.