Is it common for a gf to slap during argument?

[TaraMaiden2]

Sorry ladies, you can't have it both ways.

 

If it is wrong for a man to hit a wopman in any shape or form, then it is also wrong for a woman to hit a man in any shape or form.

 

Period.

 

NO exceptions

 

I don;t see anyone arguing that point...

[stillafool]

I loathe women who think this is okay as much as the men who do it. It is unfair and dirty. OP, drop her immediately! She will not stop hitting you. She is a brut and this is how she communicates. There are so many good girls/women out there who will treat you with respect and not abuse you. You should have called the police on her for hitting you. Please, please get away from this POS as soon as possible. She needs to be with a man who treats her the way she treats him.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Sorry ladies, you can't have it both ways.

 

If it is wrong for a man to hit a woman in any shape or form, then it is also wrong for a woman to hit a man in any shape or form.

 

Period.

 

NO exceptions

 

Took the words right out of my mouth!

 

I second this.

[carhill]

It's not the first nor second time but on any type of argument when she feels she doesn't get her way out of something. Though just last week, she actually backhanded me instead of it usually being a slap, a bit harder.

As mentioned, some people communicate this way. If young, it's usually the result of socialization and role modeling, not necessarily that the person has been socialized in a physically violent environment but rather their natural tendencies for violence have not been adequately addressed and discipline taught.

 

This is really my first relationship, we've been dating for nearly 2 years and well this is the only problem but she doesn't remain angry for the longest. Things go back to normal after about 20 minutes or so and it isn't often, just sometimes.

View it as the first of many relationships in life and accept the lessons it teaches in that vein. You apparently instinctively understand that this is unhealthy. If so, that's good information to move forward with.

 

Regarding her 'short-lasting temper', this isn't uncommon either. I call it an 'anger orgasm'. She blows up, smacks you, brain chemicals are released and the anger moment passes and her behavior returns to prior, almost as if the anger moment never happened. Not uncommon, although I've seen it more in men than women.

 

Though I'm not threatened by her slaps nor her overall, it feels as if I in a relationship where I can't even disagree or I'm trying to not get her to react.

 

I have a good book on practical ideas regarding this, though it is intended for BPD cases. It's called 'Stop walking on eggshells'. In general, you may find it good reading for discerning and dealing with such behaviors in the future.

 

 

Not sure if I'm being treated unfairly or do I play some role in her mood swings by perhaps failing to be more understanding towards her? Is it that I'm not trying my hardest for this relationship to work? I'm I sounding pathetic by writing this?

 

IMO, being the recipient of physical violence is always unfair, and especially so in an intimate relationship. If you play any role, it is being the slapping bag; being accepting of her behaviors apparently without substantial consequences. Learning or seeking to learn from such interactions would never IMO be pathetic, rather showing the will to learn and find healthier ways to interact.

 

Since you're young and this is your first relationship, I'd take the lessons learned and move on. Tip: Be careful of triggers, like current interactions which have resulted in you getting slapped. Every woman is unique and they aren't a hive mind so, just because an interaction with this partner resulted in a slap doesn't mean the next woman is going to do the same thing. If you've ever seen an abused animal recoil from a particular action from a human, even if not threatening in and of itself, you've seen how triggers can become hard-wired. As a human, you can overcome that with intellect.

 

Good luck!

[Radu]

Being almost always stronger and having greater reach, etc., a guy can subdue an out-of-control woman by holding her down or wrapping her up, etc. I wouldn't consider that out of line, particularly in your own home. If that's needed very much tho, there are bigger issues that need addressing.

 

Except that if you leave marks of any kind, you can be arrested for assault if the Police feels like it.

[Michelle ma Belle]

OP have you discussed her slapping you and how it makes you feel?

 

If not, I'd start there. I think it's unanimous that this is unacceptable behavior. Perhaps part of the problem is that you didn't address this the first time she slapped you. Now she feels like she can get away with it any time she doesn't get her way.

 

At this point, you NEED to set some boundaries with her and let her know in no uncertain terms that her slap happy handling of you is OVER.

[jen1447]

Except that if you leave marks of any kind, you can be arrested for assault if the Police feels like it.

 

Better than punching her out tho.

[TaraMaiden2]

Better than punching her out tho.

 

...For whom....?

If the Police get involved, no amount of restraint (on her, or self-) is going to help you get out of the mess....

[loveweary11]

 

Should the OP bail on this relationship without even giving her another chance? He sure as hell should. But telling him to hit her back is bad advice.

 

That's not what I said.

 

He should have never been hit in the first place.

 

Nobody has ever hit me... ever... because they know I'll hit back in the same way they hit me. If his chick knew that, she'd have never hit him.

 

A double standard on violence is utter BS, and I won't stand for it in my relationships.

 

Not that I even have a disagreement more than like once a year in relationships anyway. I always am with like minded girls who are no drama?

 

But if op had made it known he doesn't tolerate violence, he wouldn't have been hit.

[TaraMaiden2]

But if op had made it known he doesn't tolerate violence, he wouldn't have been hit.

 

So it's a pre-requisite that you specify you'd rather not be smacked around?

How many women have had to say that to you?

 

That's just ridiculous.

People shouldn't need telling.

Nobody should HAVE to make it known, it should be a given.

 

If you need to specify you won't tolerate violence, then you've already been hit.

 

The OP should have walked the instant the first blow was struck. But the onus was never on him to indicate he didn't want to be slapped, in the first place...

[loveweary11]

So I'm right then. I'd slap you, you'd knock me into next week.

 

Understood.

 

No, but your comprehension skills seem a little weak.

 

If you slap me, I'll slap you back with the same force and in the same spot.

 

Then, maybe you'll have something to think about before resorting to violence with you next boyfriend (because I'm gone).

[loveweary11]

So it's a pre-requisite that you specify you'd rather not be smacked around?

How many women have had to say that to you?

 

That's just ridiculous.

People shouldn't need telling.

Nobody should HAVE to make it known, it should be a given.

 

If you need to specify you won't tolerate violence, then you've already been hit.

 

The OP should have walked the instant the first blow was struck. But the onus was never on him to indicate he didn't want to be slapped, in the first place...

 

All women joke about giving you a smack very early on. I make my intolerance of physical abuse clear at that point as I've done in this thread. I jokingly tell them I'll hit them back. Ends all thoughts of domestic violence on the spot.

 

I've hit or slapped or pushed exactly zero women.

 

How many guys have you hit? You seem like quite the advocate of hitting people.

[TaraMaiden2]

I have no idea whether you'd smack me back 'with the same force'.

And if we're honest, neither do you.

 

Chances are you would hit me back with the same proportionate force.

Which in your case, would be a far greater one than mine.

[loveweary11]

I have no idea whether you'd smack me back 'with the same force'.

And if we're honest, neither do you.

 

Chances are you would hit me back with the same proportionate force.

Which in your case, would be a far greater one than mine.

 

Pure assumption.

 

If you never hit me, then you won't have to worry about it, now will you?

 

Seriously... how many people have you been violent toward?

 

Seems the fact that I'll stand up for myself when someone attacks me really strikes a chord with you.

[TaraMaiden2]

All women joke about giving you a smack very early on.

 

"all women"...Please don't include me in the level of women you've dated. I've never threatened such a thing to anyone, not even in jest.

 

I make my intolerance of physical abuse clear at that point as I've done in this thread. I jokingly tell them I'll hit them back. Ends all thoughts of domestic violence on the spot.

If you actually are in a position of having to make that known, then perhaps you need to examine the quality of women you're dating.

 

I've hit or slapped or pushed exactly zero women.

Oh well done you. The fact that you admit you'd be willing to, is worrying, however.

 

How many guys have you hit? You seem like quite the advocate of hitting people.

Show me one single post where I have ever advocated hitting anyone. Ever. Under any circumstances.

You are entirely incorrect.

I have actually never laid a finger on any guy, and never would.

[loveweary11]

".

You are entirely incorrect.

I have actually never laid a finger on any guy, and never would.

 

Glad to hear that. Happy to be incorrect on that one.

 

Then what the heck is your problem?

 

If we were hypothetically dating and you are a non violent person who doesn't hit me, this issue never comes up. I only would retun what I'm given.

 

:confused:

[TaraMaiden2]

Glad to hear that. Happy to be incorrect on that one.

 

Then what the heck is your problem?

 

If we were hypothetically dating and you are a non violent person who doesn't hit me, this issue never comes up. I only would retun what I'm given.

 

:confused:

 

THAT'S the problem.

 

Never hit.

Never hit a woman when as a guy, you could have the strength to physically kill her.

You would garner far more admiration if you just put your face close to hers, and said, very calmly "Pack your bags and get out of my house, we're through." Then walked away.

[writergal]

If you are the type of person who advocates violence via slapping, hitting, punching, then you are the type of person who is incapable of having a loving, trusting relationship with another person.

 

OP, if your gf slapped you that's not common and you need to address it with her so she doesn't do it again.

 

Also, do not retaliate by hitting her back because regardless of the amount of force you hit her with, that is labeled as 'domestic violence.'

[Haydn]

Glad to hear that. Happy to be incorrect on that one.

 

Then what the heck is your problem?

 

If we were hypothetically dating and you are a non violent person who doesn't hit me, this issue never comes up. I only would retun what I'm given.

 

:confused:

 

Mate, i hope you never have to test this....

 

You`d end up in a lot of bother.

 

Just walk away.

 

Self defence is one thing but punching a girl or is well out of order.

 

I lived in a violent RS and never once hit back. (My fault for putting up with it)

[jen1447]

...For whom....?

If the Police get involved, no amount of restraint (on her, or self-) is going to help you get out of the mess....

 

Well for everyone really. If I was the woman I'd rather be wrestled or bear-hugged than punched out and left with raccoon eyes, and contrary to what seems to be a popular belief, the police don't automatically arrest the man in a domestic dispute. If you're a guy and you're being attacked by a woman, you can lawfully defend yourself. And showing some restraint by subduing via some means other than punches will work in your favor to demonstrate that you were using only the force necessary to stop the attack. i.e. a lawful and commensurate defense.

[dragon_fly_7]

It's wrong what the OP's gf is doing. As for the poster loveweary11 it makes me wonder why does he even dates women with history of past aggression on other bfs that he has to even warn that he'll hit back instead of one that would never hit because it's wrong.

 

That's already a poor dating selection and it still doesn't take away the fact that not only would those women hit some other guy (excusing violence) but if the only reason for not hitting is because they're retaliate, there is something wrong here.

 

Shouldn't not hitting be a given already because it's wrong in the first place, no matter how weak or kind the person is?

[TaraMaiden2]

Well for everyone really. If I was the woman I'd rather be wrestled or bear-hugged than punched out and left with raccoon eyes, and contrary to what seems to be a popular belief, the police don't automatically arrest the man in a domestic dispute.

I'd love to think that was true, but as per the 'men's violence towards women' thread, the statistics and odds are greatly in her favour. Chances are, unfortunately, that they would BOTH be arrested, whereas if a woman receives a blow, he's the only one who would find himself in handcuffs.

 

If you're a guy and you're being attacked by a woman, you can lawfully defend yourself.

Yes, of course, but the burden of proof is still, sadly, very much on him.

 

And showing some restraint by subduing via some means other than punches will work in your favor to demonstrate that you were using only the force necessary to stop the attack. i.e. a lawful and commensurate defense.

I completely and totally agree, but such restraint requires that the woman promise to calm down once released. And in the heat of the moment, even if she agrees, there's every chance a woman will happily go back on her word, because such a restraining move is humiliating to her, and will only make her more mad.

 

(Have I had experience? Not direct and personal, but yes, I 'know where I'm coming from'....)

[DerekL93]

OP have you discussed her slapping you and how it makes you feel?

 

If not, I'd start there. I think it's unanimous that this is unacceptable behavior. Perhaps part of the problem is that you didn't address this the first time she slapped you. Now she feels like she can get away with it any time she doesn't get her way.

 

At this point, you NEED to set some boundaries with her and let her know in no uncertain terms that her slap happy handling of you is OVER.

I haven't had a chance to talk to her yet. I will when I see her sometime in the following week. We don't live together.

 

I think the fact that she was abused by her drunk mother as a child, never knew her father and had trouble in grade school is probably a way I might have overlook her short outburts. Overall, she isn't a terrible person. If I were to tell a family member or someone else about this, it might be kind of embarrassing and they would probably be in disbelieve. I'm basically the only way that sees when she's upset, no one else has.

 

 

loveweary11, it's not in me. I would feel pretty much so ****ty if I ever did that, as if letting everyone down. I suppose if it was some girl running towards you with a knife that's a different story but if you're not really feel threatened and only upset she slapped you, I don't it's right to just hit back.

[DerekL93]

If you are the type of person who advocates violence via slapping, hitting, punching, then you are the type of person who is incapable of having a loving, trusting relationship with another person.

 

OP, if your gf slapped you that's not common and you need to address it with her so she doesn't do it again.

 

Also, do not retaliate by hitting her back because regardless of the amount of force you hit her with, that is labeled as 'domestic violence.'

Will be talking to her sometimes next time. I actually disagree with loveweary11's views.

[writergal]

Will be talking to her sometimes next time. I actually disagree with loveweary11's views.

 

Good luck with your conversation. I hope it goes well. Knowing her history of abuse growing up sheds a lot of light into her actions with you. Still, she needs to learn a better way to express her anger and frustration. Glad to here that you disagree with the pro-hit views.