Ex has major issues

[foolinlove79]

I dont think i fully realized how ****ed up my ex is until today.

 

First of all he is lying to people about the bu. He's telling people that he messaged me to go over and talk and cos i knew what it was about i broke up with him instead. What actually happened is he dragged it out for months being diatant and cold and talking to me and treating me like ****. Then emailing me at work to end it. And its the 5th time hes done this and in this way.

 

Not even a month on he's already on dating sites because he wants to meet someone who is crazy about him. Well i loved him and that wasnt enough. Even when he has someone who loves him he is so needy you can never fill the void.

 

He gives stupid reasons for it. Like i dont like his friends. I didnt make an effort with his kids. i wasnt interested in him. Not true at aĺl.

 

I mean he has serious issues. Not once has he ever looked at himself and what he does in the rs.

 

And he tries to get other people to feel sorry for him when hes the one who has been a prick. ****ed up!!!

[foolinlove79]

Oh and he tells people he wont hear from me again cos thats just how i am. Like its a sstrange thing that someone breaks up with you and you dont hear from them. Wtf? Of course he isnt going to hear from me. He broke up with me!!! Nutter

[DexterLS]

I understand.

 

With my ex, who cheated on me btw, she told our mutual friends that I have someone in my life right now and she don't want to interfere when it was the exact opposite.

 

In my case, however, my friends knew exactly what was going on. It doesn't matter though, for me. SHE knows she messed up and she will have to live with that, not me.

[ZiggyZoo]

When my ex-husband would talk sh*t about me, and I'd hear about it, I'd thank him for giving me one more reason to be glad I wasn't with him anymore. Miserable prick.

[aloneinaz]

I dont think i fully realized how ****ed up my ex is until today.

 

First of all he is lying to people about the bu. He's telling people that he messaged me to go over and talk and cos i knew what it was about i broke up with him instead. What actually happened is he dragged it out for months being diatant and cold and talking to me and treating me like ****. Then emailing me at work to end it. And its the 5th time hes done this and in this way.

 

Not even a month on he's already on dating sites because he wants to meet someone who is crazy about him. Well i loved him and that wasnt enough. Even when he has someone who loves him he is so needy you can never fill the void.

 

He gives stupid reasons for it. Like i dont like his friends. I didnt make an effort with his kids. i wasnt interested in him. Not true at aĺl.

 

I mean he has serious issues. Not once has he ever looked at himself and what he does in the rs.

 

And he tries to get other people to feel sorry for him when hes the one who has been a prick. ****ed up!!!

 

 

Did I read that right? You let him break up with you 5 times? Yikes.. With everything you've said about him, why do you care anymore what he's doing? This guy sounds like a train wreck at best who can never be fulfilled with adulation from the opposite sex. Clearly you nor anyone else is going to fix that for him.

 

 

I think you need to be grateful he's not your stress, anger and anxiety producing nightmare to worry about anymore. Sadly, we've all ran into one of these types and luckily, we survived and found better partners.

[foolinlove79]

Did I read that right? You let him break up with you 5 times? Yikes.. With everything you've said about him, why do you care anymore what he's doing? This guy sounds like a train wreck at best who can never be fulfilled with adulation from the opposite sex. Clearly you nor anyone else is going to fix that for him.

 

 

I think you need to be grateful he's not your stress, anger and anxiety producing nightmare to worry about anymore. Sadly, we've all ran into one of these types and luckily, we survived and found better partners.

 

Yep you heard ot right...5 times. He does this and then i dont hear from him for anywhere from a week to four months. Last time four months. I was in a good place and he sends a text one day to say he wants to be friends. Before i knew it we were back together. I think he is a narcissist honestly. Hoping to god i never hear from him again.

[foolinlove79]

I am a month nc and i find myself getting angrier and angrier about my ex and how he treated me. Im not sure if that is a good or bad thing. When i think of the ****ty way he talked to me and treated me at the end. How he thinks he can do better in his mind. I mean he is broke and ****ed financially. He doesnt have much time to spare. He is raising kids on his own. He is no brad pitt. And yet he thinks he can do better then me. I am so pissed off. I hope he meets someone and it sinks like the titanic.

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

Same. Just two and a half weeks of NC here. Very seldom get sad anymore, but am so darn furious most of the time. I find myself wanting to break NC at times just to tell him how much I hate him, but I would only regret it. My ex also acts like he's better than me. He's now partying it up and doing things he never did before like smoking weed, and trying to sleep around. All the while he is engaging in a LDR with some girl he met a week after he dumped me. He hasn't tried to reach out and I think that makes the anger worse, and the same for your situation. It makes us think they didn't give a **** and it infuriates us. I regret the day that our mutual friend asked if he could have my phone number and we started talking. Had I not said yes, my life would be so much better right now.

 

Just keep NC. Silence is golden. A-holes like these never learn. Someday their actions will catch up.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

Anger is normal. It's one of the stages. It will eventually fade away.

[foolinlove79]

Same. Just two and a half weeks of NC here. Very seldom get sad anymore, but am so darn furious most of the time. I find myself wanting to break NC at times just to tell him how much I hate him, but I would only regret it. My ex also acts like he's better than me. He's now partying it up and doing things he never did before like smoking weed, and trying to sleep around. All the while he is engaging in a LDR with some girl he met a week after he dumped me. He hasn't tried to reach out and I think that makes the anger worse, and the same for your situation. It makes us think they didn't give a **** and it infuriates us. I regret the day that our mutual friend asked if he could have my phone number and we started talking. Had I not said yes, my life would be so much better right now.

 

Just keep NC. Silence is golden. A-holes like these never learn. Someday their actions will catch up.

 

My ex was aleeady chatting to someone prior to the bu but it didnt work out for him hahaha. Thats another thing that ****s me about him. He has this image in his head of the perfect person for him and they would be compatible in all these ways and just live happily ever after. But at the same time he is picking women with qualities that he didnt like in me..

[Jimmyjackson]

I spent months in the anger phase, it will just go away with time but will eat you alive first.

 

The fact your anger is focused on how he left you and he's not got a lot going for him is positive I think, remember that when you feel angry and you might find it amusing and release you deserve better.

[Pastmen]

He doesn't deserve your attention anymore. Think about him for the last time. He is a dumbass that he left you and is now trying to get girls that are not as good as you. Well that's his decision and that says something about him as a person. Forget about him and find someone who's better than he is and who will treat you right.

[foolinlove79]

Does anyone else here logically know the bu was probably for the best but is still upset? I know that he will never be happy with me. That i will never be able to meet his expectations. Honestly i dont think anyone can. I know that i would forever be trying and it will never be enough. I know he just tosses me aside whenever he feels like it. That rather then put any effort into the rs he just decides its not worth it. I know hes not good for me...and yet i do miss him still. Its getting easier day by day. I dont understand my confused feelings

[TaraMaiden2]

You're not confused.

You're healing, and going through the stages normally associated with bereavement.

 

 

More seriously....

[AJH1982]

It´s very confusing when you still have feelings for the person that hurt you, but it´s part of the healing process! If he doens`t put the effort and tosses you around whenever he want`s then it`s you that will not be happy with him! With time you will see that those feelings will fade away and you will see think`s with a different perspective. Wish you well.

Edited June 14, 2015 by AJH1982

[foolinlove79]

So on and off again rs. He broke up with me again about a month ago. So im ok then fine. Since then ive had a text to see how i am and one to let me know about something silly.

 

I know its in my power to block. Not reply etc.

 

But i just dont get it. I mean why? Ok so u dont want to be with me fine. So let me move on then. Why do they do it?

[Satu]

Block him.

 

Then you don't need to trouble yourself with 'why.'

[Ariess10]

He's keeping you around just incase .. When someone does this I feel they loose all respect for you.. Don't let someone keep you stringing along .. Block everything and once you start to heal and move on you'll be thankful you did .. I am glad my ex went nc like I did .. Breakups happen because the relationship is broken .. It's just how life goes. Sucks trust me I know how bad it sucks how someone can love you one min and the next you don't talk for months .. It's just how life is .. Doesn't mean there is something wrong with you , just a means that in life's journey you were a stop along the way.. I thought I would be hateful towards my ex , I have some things that I am upset about but all n all I wish her the best because I once loved her ..

[foolinlove79]

He's keeping you around just incase .. When someone does this I feel they loose all respect for you.. Don't let someone keep you stringing along .. Block everything and once you start to heal and move on you'll be thankful you did .. I am glad my ex went nc like I did .. Breakups happen because the relationship is broken .. It's just how life goes. Sucks trust me I know how bad it sucks how someone can love you one min and the next you don't talk for months .. It's just how life is .. Doesn't mean there is something wrong with you , just a means that in life's journey you were a stop along the way.. I thought I would be hateful towards my ex , I have some things that I am upset about but all n all I wish her the best because I once loved her ..

 

It makes me mad kind of. I mean he is dating and cracking on to other people. So leave me be. He is a grass is greener guy. Always thinking he will be happier with someone else. the decent thing to do would be to stop contacting me.

[JewelD]

Because he's used to having you around. Just because he doesn't want to be with you doesn't automatically mean he hates you. But he certainly is being disrespectful and cruel in contacting you.

 

My ex and I were the same way. When he broke it off for what I have decided is the FINAL time, he immediately started talking about being friends, still helping me with bills, calling every night, telling me to wish my mother a happy mother's day, all types of dumb crap you wouldn't expect from a person who just said they didn't want to be with you.

 

But I didn't grasp at these breadcrumbs. Because they were not about me. They were about him. He didn't want to feel guilty or like a bad person and he knew that I was a valuable person in his life.

 

Unless you do something awful to a person or annoy them, they're still going to have feelings for you after a breakup, just not necessarily strong enough to want to be with you.

 

But you are grieving, for him to ignore that and act like he has the right to communicate with you as though everything is cool is just sick and twisted. He's essentially playing with you.

 

If you can't handle seeing these messages without wanting to txt back, you should block him. But I personally haven't blocked my ex's txts or calls. My phone won't allow me to, but even if it did, I think it will quite satisfying to see him attempt to weasel his way back in once he realizes what he's done.

 

It might make you feel good to take back the power and tell him to fk off or just ignore him completely.

[foolinlove79]

When i reply its short and to the point. I reply cos in my mind if i dont he is going to be thinking im so devastated about it. And i dont want to give him that satisfaction. I want him to think im ok and moving on.

 

Ive known for a while now there is something not right emotionally with him. Maybe thats why he does this. I dont know.

[Yummm]

My ex is doing it too.. I'm healing well after almost 2 weeks of full NC and she comes walking past my office window and stares at me... It's bollox, immature and annoying. Ignore it.

[erklat]

Your logic is definitely broken.

 

Reply = I'll take whatever you give.

 

NC = I've grown a pair now and you fnck off.

[JewelD]

When i reply its short and to the point. I reply cos in my mind if i dont he is going to be thinking im so devastated about it. And i dont want to give him that satisfaction. I want him to think im ok and moving on.

 

Ive known for a while now there is something not right emotionally with him. Maybe thats why he does this. I dont know.

 

If you don't reply, he'll think you don't care, which is what you want him to think. If you do reply, he'll think you've just been sitting around waiting for him and probably not think much about what he did to you.

[ravfour4]

Idk.

 

NC means one of two things:

1) I'm a total mess right now and I'm still incredibly in love with you and am falling apart while you move on. I cannot bear to speak to you.

2) I'm done with you. I'm over you. You hurt me and I'm never looking back. I hate you.

 

If you read the threads on here, almost everyone is #1. Do our ex's know that? Maybe, maybe not.

 

Solely responding doesn't automatically make you look like a bitch. It depends on how you reply and how frequently. If every time you're whining or begging or you reply instantly, then yes, obviously you look like a little bitch. If you're initiating contact, bringing up old memories or clinging to hope then yes, that's bad. If you freak out every time they don't respond, yes that's bad.

 

Once you've actually made mental and emotional progress, replying neutrally like you would to any other friend to me can show strength. Your ex is not thinking "haha! What a loser, I hurt him so bad and he still talks to me" they're likely thinking "wow, even after I hurt him he's still respectful, he's a much better person than me" or "I'm so glad we're still friends and that he's strong enough to handle that" - which can be super detrimental to you since you likely have one intention and thats getting back together. Perhaps they're thinking "oh, what I did cant be that bad because he's talking to me", but they'll only think that if you're being super nice and acting like you're still their bf/gf. It only works if you control the pace and tone of the conversation and not them.

 

NC is a tool to help the emotionally destroyed move on and climb out of the abyss. That's it. No one wants to do it, it sometimes is the only way to break free of the emotional cage you're living in.

Edited June 17, 2015 by ravfour4